Shattered and stopping BF today.

[mcsquared]

I think I need some hand holding as feel awful. :-(

My son is 9 weeks, feeds well, gaining weight and generally happy apart from some mild reflux/wind.

But I'm just broken when he cluster feeds. I don't have time in my day to eat or get a drink and barely leave the bedroom. I'm constantly hungry and get headaches, feel light headed so even if I find time I lack the energy to eat. I feel guilty leaving him crying as he wants to feed constantly. This morning I stumbled and fell while carrying DS because I was so tired and decided that this is it and have asked my husband to pick up some formula on his way home from work.

I'm also fed up of just feeling like a cow. I feel like he only wants me for feeding and he never smiles or even makes eye contact with me. I'm fed up of my boobs being on display to members of DH's family who waltz in as they please. I'm fed up of not being a functional person because I'm so tired.

I'm such a shit mother right now because I feel so miserable all the time. Formula will help me get my energy back and will probably be more nutritious than my milk made ofa slice of toast. But I still feel awful about giving up BF.

Hey everyone. Things are a lot brighter since my first post! I'm eating loads now that I'm not worrying about nutritional value so much and my husband is cooking me big dinners I can have for lunch the next day too. Flapjacks are amazing for energy boosts! Going to the breastfeeding group was great just to meet women who struggled in the beginning too and getting out of the house more in general is great. I also feel like I can use the rest of the house now that DH's siblings are back at uni and parents at work. Even silly things like being able to sing and talk to DS without inhibition!

The formula remains untouched for now!

Viel we're mainly here because of financial reasons as well as DH looking out for his dad due to health issues. We've decided to rent given how tough it's been but it's now a case of finding somewhere appropriate!

It's interesting what you say about each family having their own culture. DH couldn't quite understand why I wanted to swap his sister's wardrobe with mine when we took her old room at first. To me, it was obvious my things belong in my room! But he's used to his mum storing her things in his room so I guess that's just how they live!

How do I go about getting in touch with a lactation consultant? Is there a fee involved in seeing one?

I forgot to say, he smiles at me now!!

Well done mcsqared, you have obviously turned the corner and things certainly do sound better. I have been thinking of you a lot as I could tell you weren't really wanting to open that formula just yet! I can't help about getting in touch with a lactation consultant but I'm sure there will be someone out there who can help you. Glad he is giving you smiles now, how reassuring is that? Keep your chin up, it's early days and you have done sooooo well.

Hey ,
Not sure if you have done anything yet but here are my thoughts....

I ebf until one month at which point 2 things changed our feeding habits :-

1. I needed a break and to be able to leave the house when i wanted/needed to.

2. I literally could not keep up with my DD demand for breast milk.

So i started to express a bottle a day and gave her this one feed in the day to give me some relief ! I let DH give her the bottle first ( as i was worried she may not take it from me ). Then i gave her the expressed bottle and all was fine . She was still waking several times during the night for feeds so we decided to try and introduce formula feeds at night ( you can get ready prepared bottles if you are worried about waking people in the night). This certainly helped, she was more settled after feeds (i.e going straight back to sleep rather than keep feeding) and now at 8 weeks she has slept through the night several times.

I am not saying this is what you should do merely sharing my experience . I would say do NOT feel guilty and only take useful advice IGNORE anyone that makes you feel bad for making your own decisions .

Hope you are ok
xxxx

Hi Mcsquared, so glad to see things are better for you now, you should be really proud for sticking with breastfeeding. I too have been thinking of you as you sounded so similar to how I've felt at times since DD was born. I'm glad you're feeling better and getting to eat more, it makes such a difference!

I'm not really sure about a lactation consultant, all I know is one time when I rang my HV she spoke to one who was there with her to answer a couple of my questions...maybe ask your HV?

Good luck xxx