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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

I read something really horrible in "Making Babies"...

48 replies

Pruni · 18/03/2006 07:29

(by Anne Enright, Irish writer)...where she casually mentions the disturbing statistical gap between how long a boy is breastfed and how long a girl is. Apparently lots of studies show(ed?) that boys are b/f much longer. Is this true? I find it really weird.

OP posts:
niceglasses · 18/03/2006 07:41

I remember that in her book. I have no idea if she is right or what she bases it on. I can't remember if she expands on it at all. Doesn't work out in my case as my daugher still bf at 20mths, the lads only got about 6mnths. But purely by the by.....youre right, can only guess at disturbing reasons for it. Good bk, made me laugh a lot.

Original poster
Pruni · 18/03/2006 07:45

It is excellent isn't it?

OP posts:
niceglasses · 18/03/2006 07:47

I really disliked the Racheal Cusk one a few yrs ago which put me off motherhood stuff, but this one had a lot more humour which you need I think. Thought the stuff about bfeeding was brill esp the line about your body being able to do something totally new and so useful so late in life!!!!

koolkat · 18/03/2006 21:40

Why does she say it is "disturbing" ?

I very much doubt there are reliable statistics on this.

The WHO and UNICEF have problems collating reliable statistics on bf babies, I would think it would be almost impossible to do a global study on this that is genuinely reliable.

If it is based on 1 or 2 countries, I would think one would have to look into CULTURAL reasons why this may be the case.

The most obvious resaon that comes to mind, is that in most societies, males are favoured over females, which might explain the length of time they are bf. They are more prized, sadly.

Bozza · 18/03/2006 21:42

DS bf for 6 months
DD bf for 10.5 months

if we are doing anecdotal evidence

Twiglett · 18/03/2006 21:44

DS 4 months
DD 10.5 months

bugger all to do with their gender .. far more to do with my ability to overcome my personal issue with extending bf beyond 6 months

Twiglett · 18/03/2006 21:44

Bozza and me .. mn twins Grin

emkana · 18/03/2006 21:45

I'm totally with koolkat on this.

What "disturbing" reasons are we talking about here anyway? If it is really true then it would be interesting to find out what the reason is, but I doubt that it's anything truly disturbing.

moondog · 18/03/2006 21:46

Twig..what issue was that may I ask?? Smile

Heathcliffscathy · 18/03/2006 21:50

there is evidence that girl babies are breastfed for a shorter length of time, left to cry for longer, held less, and generally given less affection. there are lots of psychological reasons for this, the main one being the unconscious projections of mothers onto their daughters: they expect them to be more self sufficient in the same way that they were expected to be...often expecting them to become carers very early on.

it is disturbing and sad imo.

Bozza · 18/03/2006 21:52

twiglett true because the kids are the same age as well. Grin I was far more hippy, earth mother type with DD than DS. Blame the disturbing influence of musment.. it's people like that moondog. Wink

moondog · 18/03/2006 21:53

lol

Bozza · 18/03/2006 21:53

see I've even started typing like cod - that would be the influence of mumsnet

emkana · 18/03/2006 21:54

sophable - I hadn't looked at it that way. If that is the case then that is very sad.

I had thought though that there would be a tendency to be "tougher" with little boys, in order to "make them into real men" from an early age IYSWIM... but that's not based on evidence at all, just my feeling.

Twiglett · 18/03/2006 21:55

MD .. oo I had a long ol' thread when I was preggers on how the concept of breatfeeding a baby past 6 months sickened me .. (unfortunately it was before I had to have my posts deleted so if I do find it, it will make limited sense)

the thread was really long and useful as I just aired loads of mixed-up /pent-up feelings about it just being icky / yucky and DD and I made it to 10.5 months (6 months exlusive bf) with no issues at all .. just stopped when she bit me

I still have the internal revulsion to extended bf in some sense .. its just the goalposts have moved and I'm far better at hiding it from the outside world (aka mumsnet bf threads Smile)

Bozza · 18/03/2006 21:56

But maybe there is a position in the family aspect too? I am fairly certain that DD will be my last baby and I was quite reluctant to stop bf her because it was the end of breastfeeding for me. Also having had DS I realised how convenient breast feeding was and I was much more up for whipping them out and feeding her anywhere than I was with DS.

niceglasses · 18/03/2006 21:59

I think the position in the family has a lot to do with it to. I have 2 boys and when I had my little girl ( very probably, possibly okay, will be) my last, I thought I would be so much tougher on her because she is a girl and I have to teach her how life is hard......in fact she is ruined, completely and utterly ruined and is still having one bf a day and is 20mnths fgs!

notasheep · 18/03/2006 22:06

dd 9 months
ds 9 months

So does that mean i am not a statistic?

moondog · 18/03/2006 22:07

Oh that is intersting Twig.
Wonder what made you adjust your position on this??

I fed my dd for 30 mths but my ds lost interst after 11 mths. He is 21 mths now and b/feeding seems so long ago. Sad really as I wont be having any more and want to keep him a baby for as long as possible.

koolkat · 18/03/2006 22:07

sophable - that is interesting although I have read that the opposite is true.

Apparently both parents tend to be more "rough" with boys, even newborn ones, because they are seen as less fragile, etc.

Boys have a much higher death rate than girls and that is a global fact. I have a cousin who is a paedetrician and she says it is well-known that far more boys die in the first year of life than girls, (natural causes, non-violent deaths). No one knows why.

I will give you my own anecdote. My mother has a male twin. He was much smaller than her at birth. My grandmother bf my uncle, but not my mother. She believed that she only had enough milk for one child, not two, and chose my uncle as the one who needed to be bf. My mother got nothing but cow's milk and formula. I believe this to have been totally cultural, as the country they were born in values boys over girls.

Sad, but true.

moondog · 18/03/2006 22:10

How does your mother feel about that kk?
Is your g/mother still alive?

BettySpaghetti · 18/03/2006 22:13

DD 4 months
DS 10 months

DS was longer as he was my second so I was more experienced at breastfeeding and he seemed to take to it easier. Also there was probably an element of "he will be my last baby so make the most of it"

goosey · 18/03/2006 22:15

I think family position and whether or not the mother has to go back to work outside the home must have a huge effect. The theory of expressing is one thing. Practically it's another thing entirely - especially when you are working 12hr shifts.
My first child - a daughter - was breast fed until she was just gone 2yrs old. She was addicted. My next three children - all boys - lost interest naturally at approx 6mths each.

koolkat · 18/03/2006 22:16

Moondog:

My mother finds it very very upsetting and has spoken to me about it often since my son was born. DS is now 21 months and still bf. I think she sees the bond I have with DS and it upsets her that her own mother may not have had the same bond with her because her brother was more favoured.

No g/m died many yaers ago, She was a tiny, petite, beautiful woman, who managed to bear 10 babies in her lifetime (the 1st a boy died after a few months - not sure what illness he had).

I am always very sad for my mother beacuse she has been suffering from Parkinsons since she was 52 and is certain it has something to do with the fact that she never got any bm. I have tried to assure her that there is no link between Parkinson's and lack of bm, but it still worries her.

moondog · 18/03/2006 22:20

kk,how upsetting for her.
Would she be open to the idea of talking it through with someone involved in b/feeding do you think??

Goosey,I think you're dead right.
Even in my senior white collar female dominated NHS job (where I can dictate my working pattern) the idea of expressing would have done me in,so hats off to those who manage it.