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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

I read something really horrible in "Making Babies"...

48 replies

Pruni · 18/03/2006 07:29

(by Anne Enright, Irish writer)...where she casually mentions the disturbing statistical gap between how long a boy is breastfed and how long a girl is. Apparently lots of studies show(ed?) that boys are b/f much longer. Is this true? I find it really weird.

OP posts:

koolkat · 18/03/2006 22:25

moondog - that's an excellent suggestion. I am in touch with the Parkinson's Society and they have a nurse who visits her. I think perhaps they could mention in passing that no one knows why Parkinsons occurs, they have so far found no link to lack of bf. Sometimes when I say something to her she finds it difficult to accept (stubborn old goat, I take after her !!) So if an outsider mentioned it she may find it easier to accept.

moondog · 18/03/2006 22:39

I'm thinking of someone from the Association for B/feeding mothers in particular.

Here is a poem from their most recent magazine

Support is unconditional
It is listening
Not judging,not telling your own story

Support is not offering advice
It is offering a hankerchief
a touch,a hug,caring

We are here to help women
discover what they are feeling
Not to make the feelings go away

We are here to help a woman identify her options
Not to tell her which options to choose

We are here to discuss steps with a woman
Not to take the steps for her

We are here to help a woman discover her own strength
Not to resuce her and leave her still vulnerable

We are here to help a woman discover she can help herself
Not to take that responsibility away from her

We are here to help a woman learn to choose
Not to make it unnecessary for her to make difficult choices

Now I'm a cynical old goat,but I was very touched by this.Their helpline is manned by volunteers and I know they deal with all sorts.
Maybe you could give them a ring?

Counsellor helpline is 0870 401 7711

Website is www.abm.me.uk

I really feel for your mother.

chipmonkey · 18/03/2006 22:45

I only have boys but from talking to people who have both, a lot of them say that girls are more independant naturally than boys, boys are more clingy to their mums. Ds3 is 13months (corrected) and shows no signs whatsoever of self-weaning and attaches himself to me as soon as I walk in the door. My Mum bf my brother till he was 3 under sufferance, she wanted to give up a lot earlier but my brother was having none of it!

FrannyandZooey · 18/03/2006 22:48

I think it's because we think of our breasts as mostly for sexual purposes, and so subconsciously think of breastfeeding as sexual. So in a twisted way we as heterosexual women feel more comfortable breastfeeding boys rather than girls.

Odd. But possibly true.

snowleopard · 18/03/2006 22:52

I'm surprised actually as I'd have guessed that girls got BF for longer - don't know why, perhaps because boys are bigger and seem older sooner... (I have no experience of comparing, I only have a DS who has gone off BF of his own accord, to my dismay!)

But I'm not surprised that girls are treated worse in general. Just think how many of us here have problems with our mothers and/or MILs. Many older women think they can be horrifically rude and hurtful to younger women in ways they would never, ever treat any man.

I think it may be that women generally have lower self-esteem and feel competitive with other women, including their daughters at some subconscious level.

I have a horrible confession - a friend's baby DD has a very high-pitched whine that has a certain "intonation" - to me it has a kind of complaining, indignant tone. I find myself really struggling not to think of it as deliberately manipulative. I'm not sure I would feel the same if it was a boy. I have a gut reaction to it that is along the lines of "Oh stop being so attention-seeking" - of course I would never say that and I suppress and question this in myself, but I wonder what is going on. Many people have said to me "boys are more simple/less demanding/you know where you stand" - i.e. girls are more cunning, manipulative and deceitful? Maybe that's just the result of our culture identifying those things as female traits...

snowleopard · 18/03/2006 22:54

FranneyandZooey, that's interesting, I'd have thought the opposite - that because of the subconscious sexual thing it would feel weirder BF an older boy than an older girl...

moondog · 18/03/2006 22:54

Gosh,those are interesting (and valid imho) points SL.

Original poster

Pruni · 18/03/2006 23:06

Just to clarify, Anne Enright doesn't give any more info than that, so I would have no idea what she's based it on. And since she is Irish and it's in the chapter about b/f attitudes in ireland as she was growing up, I'd guess it's a pretty culture-specific comment.
I only have one gender of child so can't compare but I felt this was so sad.
I like to think it wouldn't have occurred to me to do less for one child than another, esp on basis of gender, but who knows, eh?

OP posts:

chipmonkey · 18/03/2006 23:19

Pruni, I've never read Anne Enright. How old would she be?

moondog · 18/03/2006 23:20

Does she use the word 'disturbing' or is that your addition,Pruni??

Caligula · 18/03/2006 23:21

Maybe there's a subconcious knowledge that boys are weaker than girls (far more likely to die in their first year) and so need breastmilk more?

I also think it has a lot to do with position in family. I persevered with bf through loads of difficulties with my first child (DS) as I had time and support, but not with second (DD) - the thought of going through that hell again was too much. Ignorance is bliss in some ways - I'm pretty sure that if I'd known what was ahead, I would have given up after about 3 days with Child number 1, and as I did know what might be ahead with child number 2, I gave myself permission to give up after 2 weeks.

Original poster

Pruni · 18/03/2006 23:24

Good question MD - the book is in the loo atm (only time to read uninterrupted) so will check, but I think it's her word.

I reckon she's in her forties. She talks about having her first baby at 37 or so.

OP posts:

chipmonkey · 18/03/2006 23:32

I'm Irish and I think women of my granny's generation definitely favoured boys more. Having 3 boys myself, I can definitely say thats not true now.

koolkat · 19/03/2006 21:28

moondog - Thanks !

I will mention the helpline to her.

I have just come back from visiting my mum with DH and DS, walked along (mum in wheelchair being pushed by DH) one of the most beautiful beaches in fantastic sunny weather and we are all feeling much happier today

Original poster

Pruni · 19/03/2006 23:11

OK have checked, she said "shocking".

OP posts:

moondog · 20/03/2006 16:13

Ah...'shocking' conveys a different sense of outrage than that conjured by 'disturbing' I think.

koolkat · 20/03/2006 16:25

I googled and this was the only thing I could find.

Someone has done reserach on it, but I can't get hold of the full text. This is a summary of it, it seems to conclude the exact opposite of what I had thought (that boys are bf for longer), but then it's only based on a few countries, not globally:

"In a letter to BIRTH, public health researchers note that in Australia and several other countries, boys are more likely than girls to be weaned before 6 months of age. Although this does not seem to be true of all cultures, they are concerned about the reasons for boys being weaned early where this phenomenon does occur. They theorize that parents may mistakenly believe that male infants need more nutrition than can be provided by breast milk alone. (Scott, JA; Binns, CW. Breastfeeding: are boys missing out? Birth 26:4 (Dec. 1999)"

bluejelly · 20/03/2006 16:39

To be honest this doesn't surprise me if the research was based on a country like India. Millions of health baby girls are aborted every year because boys are favoured. If girls are so unwanted, it's not really surprising that they are bf less, is it?

koolkat · 20/03/2006 17:01

bluejelly - that's my impression too esp. of countries where boys are favoured.

Interestingly though according to the research I have just posted the opposite may be true in the industrialised world.

Blandmum · 20/03/2006 17:09

My understanding is that these statistics are from world wide statistics on Breast feeding. World wide boys are bf for longer. In developing countries this means that boys are less likely to die from water bourn infections. In mant developing countries boys are valued more highly than girls and this is reflected in the lenght of time they are bf

koolkat · 20/03/2006 17:17

MB - do you know where you have seen the research ? I have been looking for it on the internet, but can't find anything.

Blandmum · 20/03/2006 17:31

I have had a quick shufti and I can't find anything substantive.

I know that this is something that I have read in the past, blowed if I can find it now!

Data that I can find indicate that there is no difference in weaning age in canada and glasgow, and that food distribution in India and Bangladesh is not Gender biased.

I wopuld look further but I have a job apication to look over, and them couse work to mark. This may be just anecdotal.

koolkat · 20/03/2006 17:34

MB - thanks ! I will look further when I have more time.

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