I want to bottle feed. I think. I feel very sad.

[OnlyWantsOne]

Dd3 is now 16 days old.

I've not slept all night as her and I both have colds.

Her latch has gone from being agony to being bearable to now feeling like I'm having my nipples hacked off with glass. I spent much of the night feeding & sobbing while DP held me.

I've had help from my MW with the latch but I'm now discharged and the HV weighed her yesterday and she's not quite up to birth weight - she was 8.10 when born and was 8.9 yesterday so she wants me to go to clinic on Tuesday to have her weight checked again.

DP goes back to work on Monday - I have no idea how the hell im meant to cope with dd1 & 2 whilst feeding dd3 all te time and feeling this exhausted.

I feel like a huge selfish failure. I fed dd2 until she was 19 months - she's only 20 months now

I just want some one else to be responcible too and tell me it's ok. I feel totally consumed that I can't even go for a shower or read my older girls a bedtime story without the baby as she obv wants to cluster feed all evening.

I too felt like a huge selfish failure.

My mother said to me

"this is only one thing of the many things you are going to do as a mother. You are going to listen to her read after school, teach her to cross the road, take her to castles, get her swimming lessons and hundreds of other things. This is just one thing. It's not the only thing"

It really helped me as I just couldn't do it. It felt like everything at the time. But it's not. My dd is 8 now and I am a brilliant mother. Mostly.

I'm so sorry. You're not a huge selfish failure in the slightest. The early days were so hard for me and I only had the baby to think about. Who else can come and help out? If you decide to bottle feed that would be fine, as long as you feel ok about it. Please speak to, better yet see, someone qualified - bfc or similar.

Phone nct helpline or laleche. They may be able to see you. If you have pain there is something wrong and if latch is wrong then no wonder she is feeding all the time as won't be getting enough. Once latch sorted you could use a sling around the house .

However as said, if you bottle feed it is not the end of the world. Don't worry.

Oh bless you, you feel crap with a cold, have sore nipples and are exhausted. First thing to think about is do you you really want to breast feed longer? Obviously as you fed your other two for a long time I am assuming that you want to overcome these current issues. Is there any other breast feeding support in your area?

Secondly, if you DO decide to go down the bottle feeding route then that is fine....your baby won't know or care, she will just be happy that she has regular food. You have to balance this with the whole kerfuffle of making up feeds, sterilising etc.

You ar not a "huge selfish failure" you are a Mum who is trying to do the best for everyone while feeling unwell and exhausted. Colds are horrible and it might be the reason your DD is making you sore if she is all bunged up too.

What about expressing your milk for a while and giving it from a bottle so that DD is still getting breastmilk. It isn't ideal but is a halfway meet between breast and bottl feeding. I am guessing though that this would not deal with the cluster feeding in the evening.

And finally congratulations to you on the birth if your DD. x

You need some proper breastfeeding support, ring one of the helplines. They are all open at weekends, they will be able to help with latch and talk through with you whether stopping is the right thing for you. Has she been check for tongue tie at all?

The early Weeks are so hard I'd seconded roping in any extra help you can. Doesn't matter how you feed your baby this time is going to be hard work.

I can't express easily - it took over an hour of hand expressing to get 2oz :(

I will phone the bfn help line

It's all just reminded me of sitting in the cold feeding dd2 all bloody night often and being so drained and genuonely I feel like why put myself through all this like some martyr? How will I cope with very full on dd2 When I've been up all night or am glued to sofa feeding during The day? I want to enjoy my children but right now I feel suffocated

I couldn't either. I lived 50m from the hospital. I had lots of breast feeding support and I could go on the huuuuge 'milking machine' when ever I wanted. And I still couldn't get the hang of it. It was spoiling my enjoyment of my baby as it was all I could focus on.

I just needed someone to tell me it was ok to stop, which my mother did.

Hi I am in a similar situation - DD3 is 17 days old today.

Are you sure you have a cold and not mastitis? I have just recovered from mastitis and had acheyness and flu-like symptoms, all of which really affected my feeding making it more painful than usual. Your DD3 may also be going through a growth spurt (mine is and suddenly feeding constantly) so you may find the cluster feeding will slow down soon.

Expressing might help? Or wearing breast shells in between feeds so you can air your boobs?

I sympathise hugely, I really hope it works out for you. DD1 and 2 are both getting lots of cbeebies time, otherwise I feed in the lounge where their toys are so I can play/supervise/read to them whilst I feed. I've also done an Internet shop including lots of fruit and snacks and easy to heat food so that I can feed us all quickly and easily in the day. Showers etc have to wait till DH is back from work.

I also second savoycabbage's mum's excellent advice. Please don't feel like a failure. And please feel free to PM me if you would like chat some more - I felt exactly the same as you a few days ago and I'm sure I will again in the next few days too!

I think it's DEFINATELY a cold. Baby has it too. And a cough.

I can't feed laying down as my boobs suffocate the poor kid

Redandyellow how do u cope doing school run ?

I've got to take dd1 to gymnastics in a bit - unlike 1st baby, after a bad night you can't stay in your pjs all day and eat cake.

:( :(

Having three small children, one of them a newborn, is an enormous task. Women were never meant to do this all on their own - but this is the norm in 21st century. Sadly.

This enormous task is the same, whether formula or breastfeeding.

I am not sure how, beyond the very short term, formula would be easier and less draining than breastfeeding....especially as even the idea of formula feeding makes you feel sad.The overwhelming feeling of responsibilty seems a lot to bear for you - and you are not totally responsible for the care of your children as you have a partner to share. Feeding is only a small part of this care - and it becomes less time consuming as you go on, as you already know as an experienced breastfeeder :)

Yes, talk things through with someone who will listen, and who will help you work out your options and help you feed without pain. But the big discussion is, 'will formula make life easier and better?'

Formula is not an easier option for all....far from it. There are threads on MN all the time from mothers worried about aspects of formula feeding, some of them with really quite overwhelming worries.

Lots of people do a bed time bottle of formula don't they? How drastically would that effect my supply?

You definitely need real life help. You know what good feeding and latch feels like and you know this isn't it.

You are the only one who can make the decision in the end and you have to do what is right for you. Take it one feed at a time. The odd bottle of formula will do no harm at all. It would csuse supply issues if you were giving formula all night but the odd one will be fine. And frankly if giving the odd bottle gets you through this and enables you to continue feeding then it is a good thing and not something to be scared or ashamed of doing.

FWIW though I was petrified when dh started work again after ds2 was born. I had ds1 to get to school and pick up and dd to get to nursery at 8.30am and pick up at 11.30. The school run is a little over a mile walk each way. BUT it was ok. Yes it was a pain sometimes and yes sometimes were were late or very rushed indeed but it helped to space feeds and naps for the baby and he became very settled (mostly) in the day.

I had a brilliant HV, who told me in no uncertain terms that the best thing for babies is a happy mum. I was telling her that I felt awful that I wasn't enjoying breastfeeding one little bit. HTH and that you work out what's best for all of you x

Totally agree with parttime. I spent months struggling with DS. I was knackered, miserable and guilty. DD was on formula from about day 2. She's nearly three and very well. Do what is best for you both.

I breastfed my first three until they were 6 months. I really really struggled with my fourth baby, but persevered as I felt duty bound to. I had 4 under 6yrs, the last 3 were under 2.5 and I was soooo exhausted and ratty with everyone. Suffered from PND and other health problems and basically just ran myself into the ground. So, at about 4.5 months, I 'gave in' and gave my youngest formula. It helped with the tiredness, meant DH could do night feeds, and a weight seemed to be lifted from me. My only regret is I didn't do it sooner. I am a huge supporter and promoter of breastfeeding, but I felt the price that my other children were paying for the youngest to be BF was too high. Get help and carry on for sure if you decide that's what you want, but don't punish yourself if you decide to FF.

Rather than being a ground out NO to formula like I was with the older two, I've told DP that tonorrow im off to get some ready made formula cartons and a bottle. So at 2am when I feel like smashing my head in with a hammer I can, if I want ....give her some formula. Im going to get him to give her a bottle of formula tOnorrow night so I can bath the older two and put them to bed, uninterrupted by the baby.

Dd1 feels very left out by the two smaller ones at the moment.
Plus I'm getting LOADS of pressure from work and I just feel I'm
At the end of my tether.

Will take feeding this baby one day at a time.

There's no aim to get to a month / 6 months / a year etc
I

3 is tougher for sure. It does get easier! No idea if formula is the solution. Getting help at bedtime is definitely needed. I prefer to get DP (should say preferred, he has now left us!!!) to sort out the older 2 so I can peacefully sit feeding DD3. The school run was tricky at first, but not once did dd3 ever need a feed during it - we were walking 30 mins each way, but sometimes stopped into shops near school and had to feed her.
Luckily we're now at a closer school - just 6 mins! and have a pretty good routine.
I hope you can get lots of help. My DD3 is now 4 months old and bedtimes are still tricky but not impossible and MUCH easier than at 16 days.

I breastfed ds for 3 weeks, it was the most awful miserable 3 weeks of my life, dd was just 2 and i had no time or energy for her, ds wouldnt sleep unless on the boob when he wasnt on the boob he was screaming, for 3 weeks I hadnt slept and felt like I was slipping into depression, I started to introduce a bottle just for one feed a day to see if it made a difference after about 3 days he was having formula all his feeds, it made him happier and me happier, I regret the first 3 weeks of suffering.

Oh my god harecare he left you?!

On the plus side it means I get to spend time with JUST dd3 this weekend!
Remind DD1 how lucky she was as a baby to have you all to herself. She may feel neglected now, but she wasn't as a baby and now she's such a clever big girl you're really pleased she can help you with her baby sister.

School runs are a military operation in my house at the moment. DH sleeps in spare bedroom so he can take over stuff when I am tired. No sense in both of us going without sleep.

DD1 & 2 wake up naturally around 7am and so DH is up too.
He gives them a shower and dresses them.
Then he showers.
Girls come to me (lying in bed) to get their hair tied.
DH is dressed and takes DD3 from me if she's not settling. If she is settled I leave her alone in the middle of my king size bed and go for a shower. This can be a killer if I have had a sleepless night.

DH gives the older two breakfast whilst I get dressed and change baby.
DH drops the girls off if he can if not I get a cab (csection so I'm not driving yet).

DD3 has occasionally been hungry during school run but there is nothing I can do! Just try not to listen to get crying till I can get home and feed her.

Is your DH able to help out in the morning?

harecare I don't know your story but very sorry to hear your DH has left you. That must be difficult with three little ones. I hope you are doing ok.

Early days are always the toughest, and as much as its easy to think that a bottle might make life easier, I think more of it comes down to a new baby than anything else. You need to call the postnatal ward, or midwifery team, and get someone to come out and see you ASAP for your latch.

If OH is going back to work, is there anyone else who will be around to help you?

If you decide to formula feed I recommend the ready made cartons and bottles that can be sterilised in the microwave. No faff at all.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.