I want to bottle feed. I think. I feel very sad.

[OnlyWantsOne]

Dd3 is now 16 days old.

I've not slept all night as her and I both have colds.

Her latch has gone from being agony to being bearable to now feeling like I'm having my nipples hacked off with glass. I spent much of the night feeding & sobbing while DP held me.

I've had help from my MW with the latch but I'm now discharged and the HV weighed her yesterday and she's not quite up to birth weight - she was 8.10 when born and was 8.9 yesterday so she wants me to go to clinic on Tuesday to have her weight checked again.

DP goes back to work on Monday - I have no idea how the hell im meant to cope with dd1 & 2 whilst feeding dd3 all te time and feeling this exhausted.

I feel like a huge selfish failure. I fed dd2 until she was 19 months - she's only 20 months now

I just want some one else to be responcible too and tell me it's ok. I feel totally consumed that I can't even go for a shower or read my older girls a bedtime story without the baby as she obv wants to cluster feed all evening.

I bottle fed DS on medical advise. Of all people, it was my NCT teacher who said "There are many ways to nurture a baby; feeding is just one". I then bf my second baby for two weeks and hated it. MW told me no point in continuing if it was making me miserable. - she'd rather I was happy.

Can your DH take some holiday or could you get friends or family round to help you cope with older DDs so you can concentrate on resting and feeding baby?

Or could you get a mothers help or local student in to help until you are feeling better?

Hi - just saying hello and that you are not alone - my dc3 is 22 days old and I have been mix feeding since day 2. Knew that was what I wanted to do at some point and the hospital asked me to start early. Have you considered mixing ? It appears to be a good compromise for us so far as you can then manage the cluster feeds a bit more.

I agree with all the others - do what you have to do to get through !

Love the idea of the " having 3 including newborn how the hell are we going to cope support group " - dd 1 starts school next week - agggh!

Dear onlywantsone,

My heart goes out to you, I know exactly how you feel. I fed my first 3 DC by breast for between 12 months and 2 years each. My 4th however I ended up putting on the bottle - I can only describe the pain as trying to feed as someone crushed razor blades in my breast!

In contrast to her siblings birth, DC4 was a rather dramatic ECS with GA and my immune system was shot. My lovely DH and local Doc held me as I cried as I latched her on, knowing I knew exactly what I was doing re latch etc..... For heavens sake I had BF for close to 6 years of my life! I tried antibiotics etc But nothing helped.... The relief as I gave her a bottle...... I expressed painfully for a few weeks, but eventually I did what I felt was best for our family and I bottle fed her.not a decisions took lightly, but anyone who saw my breasts and the pain I was so obviously in could only support my decision.

I would like to add she is a very happy healthy kid now, it has not effected our relationship - and once I made that decision I really enjoyed her babyhood.

You might have thrush, that feels like feeding through broken glass. Get thee to a GP and if they think it is thrush, make sure the baby gets treatment too or it will pass back and forth between you.

Taking one day at a time is a good strategy. I did it like that and then aimed for the first set of jabs, then the second and so on. My DS is mixed fed but to me that is a huge success, I would never have dreamed I could get to 4 months.
Best of luck x

When I was feeding and it was that painful I had dome sort of bacterial infection that the doctor gave me antibiotics for which cleared it up, I had a good doctor though, she had breastfed 3 kids so was really helpful...some of the make doctors I saw were hopeless.

Make= male!

I also craved a medical person telling me it is ok to bottle feed, after many days of problems in getting my DD to latch on, to no avail after every trick in the book tried by all of the maternity ward midwives and feeding assistants. My DD just didn't want to know. At that sensitive time, the decision to bottle feed emotionally made me feel broken. I felt like such a failure at not being able to provide her with what is best. too much emphasis has be placed on breast feeding which can make people feel dreadful when for whatever reason things can get too much and it not work out. The cheery advice I was given by the Maternity Sister is that it doesn't matter how your child is fed, they just need feeding by a happy, sane Mummy - and that you will never get this special time again with your little one, so make it happy and not full of regret or guilt. Enjoy those newborn cuddles, all the best xx

Oh onlywantsone I really feel for you and I went through similar with mine, without the additional stress of looking after older children. The thing is, it is so important that you think about your own mental health in all of this and if breastfeeding ends up sending you towards PND then it might be time consider changing how you feed in one way or another. When I was having BFing nightmares for the first 2 weeks of my baby's life, I felt like the bond between us had been torn to pieces. I sobbed and sobbed every day, almost all day. I would hide in the bathroom when he was hungry because I couldn't bear it. When I finally moved to formula I felt immediately like somebody had cleared a fog from my mind and my midwife was totally supportive - even by BFN peer-supporter was very supportive about the move. Of course I still had to battle the guilt but I started to realise that I was becoming a better Mum in other ways. Important ways.

When I started talking to others about my struggles feeding, 2 very pro-BF friends admitted to me that they wished they had moved to formula earlier than they did. One had had to express all her feeds and ended up resenting her baby and ended up with PND. The other ended up with severe PND and thinks her bond with her child has seriously damaged. Now I not telling you to stop BFing or you'll damage the bond - I think that when BFing works it is an incredibly strong and beautiful bonding tool - but just to remember that although breast is indeed best, it's not the be-all and end-all.

Final word I promise! Have you checked for tongue-tie? This was our major problem.

OP do you want to Continue bf or do you think you should continue to bf? It's two different ideas and you need to decide which or applies. I ad the same experience as claimed and can't tell you how positive it was for my mental health got swap to formula. Beware of the myth that formula fed babies give you a better nights sleep though. I am finding my second baby a whole different kettle of fish compared to my first DC.