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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Does anyone ever retrospectively regret breastfeeding?

30 replies

Margerykemp · 29/08/2012 20:47

I BF my DC1 for over 2 years. I was part of a pro-BF local campaign that made the news. I considered becoming a BF counsellor. So basically V much in the pro BF camp.

Had DC2. EBF for 6 weeks, stopped completly after 4 months mostly due to reflux. Beat myself up about 'failing'.

Several years have passed since, and sparked by a recent chat with DP about how depressed I was after DC2 I started to think that maybe those months of my life wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't been so determined to BF. I hated myself at the time for failing to be the kind of Mum I wanted to be. And then there is the physical toll of BF on top of that. Eg I could have slept in the other room and let DP do bottles and get a full night's sleep which would probably have made me feel better if I hadn't been making myself do night BFs.

I'd never really thought about any of this before and I know my old self would have hated this attitude. Wonder if anyone else has had the same experience?

OP posts:
PurpleAndPoppyWearer · 29/08/2012 20:53

I don't regret it.

My regret with DC1 is not mix-feeding. I've mix-fed DC2 from week two, just one bottle of formula a day (he is now 1yo so it's cow juice) and it's been such a relief to think that a) if he hasn't got enough from me, he can "top up" and b) to be able to hand him over to someone else and get the occasional break.

I love breastfeeding otherwise, in spite of some problems (nipple issues, blocked ducts, mastitis).

I'd love a full night's sleep though.

nananaps · 29/08/2012 21:00

In a way yes.
I had PND and i put off going to the Drs for 2.5 years because i just thought i was exhausted, just needed sleep.
However, looking back, the root of it all was the relentless 1-2 hourly feeding for nearly 4 months.
I actually bf till ds was 7 months.

I definitely think that bf was the main cause of many of my issues.
I was a slave to the routine, consequently this did elad to an overhang even after weening. I was so strict and adamant about the routine, which started with bf, that i alienated all forms of support.

I cannot even begin to express to you how utterly utterly bone drenchingly exhausted i was 24 hours a day.
Clinging to the kitchen work surface because i felt dizzy and sick with exhaustion.
Sobbing at 4am becasue for the first time in months, my baby slept for 4 hours, but i was woken by engorged painful leaking breasts that could only be relieved by pumping them. So desperately gutted that i too could be having a whole 4 hours sleep.

BUT my boy is so healthy, never ever ill, gorgeous strong teeth, i think, all down to my bf setting him up for life, so from that pov, absolutely best thing i could do for him.
Huge toll on my mental & physical health.

I am expecting number 2, am torn completely.

Wolfiefan · 29/08/2012 21:07

I tried desperately to feed DS for 4 months. I ended up switching to formula as he just wasn't putting weight on. My supply was rubbish. I felt guilty and a complete failure.
DD. tried it for a couple of days. Things seemed to be going much the same way so I switched to formula. Much less stressed. Much more relaxed, happier and felt happier. No regrets.

emsyj · 29/08/2012 21:10

I don't regret bf DD as such, but I do wish I had been more organised about expressing and making sure she had a bottle every day so that I could have more freedom and flexibility. I am now expecting DC2 and will (hopefully) be bf again - it's so much easier than faffing around with bottles (DD was a quick feeder and so I never spent hours with her latched on or had any pain/soreness) and it's free of course, but I do want DC2 to be willing to have a bottle so that I can go out occasionally. I found it very suffocating that I couldn't leave DD or get a break.

Mintyy · 29/08/2012 21:12

Nana - I think you should consider formula feeding if breastfeeding your dc1 was the kind of torture you describe.

Op - I think quite a lot of people do regret "flogging a dead horse" with bf and it is all driven by feelings of guilt that they should do it all costs.

I know a few mums who had miserable early months compounded by enormous difficulties with bf.

toddlerwrangler · 29/08/2012 21:12

Me. I regret it very, very much and it made thd PND horrific to the point I was nearly hospitalised.

If I only could have picked up that bottle of formula without feeling like a monster and a failure. My baby would never have had to look into my eyes sobbing as I fed him :( . I will regret that every day for the rest of my life.

RandomMess · 29/08/2012 21:17

I had a rough time with the first dc that I fed, and it always hurt etc.

No I don't regret it at all, I completely bottle fed my first so I had the advantage that I knew how to look after a baby it was just the feeding that was knew.

What I think really stinks is the lack of support, we have lost a whole entire generation of breast feeders - we have no-one to help us to hand, no one to help us when we're shattered, no to advise how to get them into a day and night routine, little things like don't feed them to sleep every time etc etc

I wonder how many Mums are like me, they've never changed a nappy or anything until they have their first child!

nananaps · 29/08/2012 21:22

i want to bf number 2 tho.
Plan to do what another poster does, a bottle at night so dh can feed. im going to express too, i didnt have enough milk with ds.
Only managed 20-30mls at most after half an hour.
Think i know a bit more now....hopefully!

emsyj · 29/08/2012 21:27

The amount you get from expressing is not a good indicator of how much milk you have - the way a pump extracts milk is markedly different from how a baby extracts milk. I was an overproducer in the early days and the milk just fell out when I expressed, but when my supply settled down it got harder and I could only get a good amount first thing in the morning. This time, I am giving myself permission to use formula for a daily bottle because I simply cannot do what I did with DD again, it was exhausting and miserable.

gettingdesperatenow · 29/08/2012 21:27

Hmm, not sure. I breastfed DC1 for 12 months, never had any formula.

Currently ebf DC2 who is five months. Not loving it this time. Feeling very restricted and tied to the baby. No time to express as DC1 is around. Has impacted greatly on my relationship with DC1. Looking forwards to starting solids and probably mix feeding from then in order to return to work as I simply do not have the time to express with two children.

DS2 was hospitalised at five days due to too much weight loss. I was so desperate to go home I begged the maternity nurses to let me start mix feeding him, and they refused and kept us in for days, manhandling my boobs like I was a dairy cow. tbh I think that
experience left a bad taste about the whole thing.

PurpleAndPoppyWearer · 29/08/2012 21:35

emsyj your experience sounds very close to mine. One bottle of formula a day makes a huge difference, being able to go and have a bath whilst your OH feeds the baby in the evening and deals with bedtime, perfect. But you keep the convenience of breastfeeding for night feeds and out and about.

emsyj · 29/08/2012 21:50

That's good to hear Purple - I know a couple of people who happily used a single daily bottle to help them have a break, I am really hoping it works for me. I'm worried about the guilt aspect but really, needs must and I know in my head and my heart that the state I was in with DD isn't something I can do again. I'm planning ahead for it now so that I am mentally ready for doing it, I think it will be hard at first but I want to enjoy this baby (didn't really enjoy DD for the whole first year Sad) and I'm prepared to do what I need to do to make sure that happens.

Gilberte · 29/08/2012 22:01

I've done it continually for over 4 years. It was very hard and painful at first, got difficult again during pregnancy, has been emotionally and physically draining at times, irritating at others but mostly I've loved it.

But I regret that no one warned me how hard it would be to give up, how difficult it would be to wean a toddler and how sometimes all you are to your children is a pair of breasts.

queenofthepirates · 29/08/2012 22:07

I EBF for 6 months then continued feeding for 14 months in total before DD self weaned. I loved it and don't regret it. I had no issues though, my poor friend did. An overbearing partner who insisted breast was best meant she BF until her nipple almost dropped off;she was in agony.

Now I know it's not a simple issue but in a nutshell, I was EBF by my mum for 3 months and I'm fit and healthy. My brother was never BF because he wouldn't suckle. He now has a PhD in physics and is likewise, very healthy. He was also (force) fed rusks because Farleys had a promotion and my parents needed the tokens off the packets.

Yer just never know....

EyeoftheStorm · 29/08/2012 22:13

DC3 was premature and couldn't get the hang of bf at all. I had bf my older two and enjoyed it. I was determined to do it for him but when I think back it was hugely stressful.

Stressful trying to feed in hospital, getting conflicting advice and basically being told he couldn't leave until he was feeding from bottle or breast. At home I expressed and tried to get bf going. Finally managed it and was proud of myself.

But when I think back it was like I was fixated on it - expressing through the night when I could have been sleeping so I had more energy for hospital visits and my older DCs. So even though I got what I wanted and went on to bf for a year, I think it added to all the stress and trauma of his birth.

I have mixed feelings to say the least.

iknowwho · 29/08/2012 22:14

I never gave it another thought once I made the decision to stop tbh.

DS1 at about 9 months and DS2 at about 7 months.

SrirachaGirl · 29/08/2012 22:20

I regret BFing my third. I wanted to give him at least a year like my others but it was just too much and I was horribly overwhelmed, exhausted, begrudging about it and I don't feel like I was the best Mom during that time. It doesn't seem to have affected him in any way but I feel guilty that he wasn't "babied" as much as my other two were. I should have let go of the control-freakiness about it all.

AlfalfaMum · 29/08/2012 22:20

No, at times it was hard (mastitis, teething..) but if anything I wish I had breastfed DD1 & DD2 for longer.

Trazzletoes · 29/08/2012 22:24

No. Haven't regretted it for a second (though I've also given DCs a bottle a day - start at 4 weeks people! 6 weeks is too late! bitter experience)

Trazzletoes · 29/08/2012 22:25

And I say I've never regretted it despite DD biting my nip REALLY hard this morning. Damn teething. Still sore. Bitter.

Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 29/08/2012 22:25

Kind of. I regret not admitting defeat and leaving my poor dd grizzly and unsettled for three whole weeks. I regret spending so many hours being anti social and missing out on doing so Many things cos desperate not to give up completely I expressed painfully and miserably for weeks after. really wished I'd just given myself a break and allowed myself to realize that ultimately if u was happy she was happy and that there was a world outside the house.

GoodHeavensNo · 29/08/2012 22:28

No I don't regret it at all. I found it easy but that was totally due to DD who liked sleep and was generally an easy baby. I wish I had breastfed for longer :)

MigGril · 29/08/2012 22:32

Had quit a difficult time with DD she was a constant feeder a bottle refuser and had reflux, oh and didn't sleep. But I breastfed her for almost 3 years and don't regret it one bit, I didn't feel suffocated like some people seem to and I didn't want to leaver her either. I did start to once she was on solids at about 8 months.

DS on the other hand I felt a bit more tied even though he was a much more settled baby. But I still enjoyed feeding him and still am at 21 months.

I do wonder if some people struggle with the expectations they don't realise how all consuming looking after a baby can be. I've also seen mums who have formula feed really struggle with it and don't think its just about how the baby is fed.

AlfalfaMum · 29/08/2012 22:45

Trazzletoes I wish you had told me that 5.5 years ago. D'you know when I finally got DD3 to take a bottle? Never, that's when.

midori1999 · 29/08/2012 22:58

Well I don't regret it and can't see that I will. But then, I have seen the other side, I didn't manage to BF my first three DC for very long at all and although I feel no guilt at all about it and never had, I feel quite sad that I never had with them what I have with my 14 month old DD now.

BF was really hard in the beginning with DD. Lots of tears from me, 11 bouts of mastitis and a few other problems. I just feed from one side now, but I wonder how on earth I managed with my first 3 DC without BFing them. It makes life so much easier, in spite of all the problems.