Does anyone ever retrospectively regret breastfeeding?

[Margerykemp]

I BF my DC1 for over 2 years. I was part of a pro-BF local campaign that made the news. I considered becoming a BF counsellor. So basically V much in the pro BF camp.

Had DC2. EBF for 6 weeks, stopped completly after 4 months mostly due to reflux. Beat myself up about 'failing'.

Several years have passed since, and sparked by a recent chat with DP about how depressed I was after DC2 I started to think that maybe those months of my life wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't been so determined to BF. I hated myself at the time for failing to be the kind of Mum I wanted to be. And then there is the physical toll of BF on top of that. Eg I could have slept in the other room and let DP do bottles and get a full night's sleep which would probably have made me feel better if I hadn't been making myself do night BFs.

I'd never really thought about any of this before and I know my old self would have hated this attitude. Wonder if anyone else has had the same experience?

In one way yes as the first 12 weeks have been hell but now it seems so easy. My regret is that DH hated those weeks so much he now doesn't want number three which I do :(

I also thought id managed to give a bottle a day to get a break but have cocked it up as DH tried to give the bottle today for the first time and the little madam won't take it from him, kind of defeats the object!

Alfalmum - I wouldn't beat yourself up about it we tried with DD from four Weeks, didn't make any differences she still didn't take it.

"I do wonder if some people struggle with the expectations they don't realise how all consuming looking after a baby can be. I've also seen mums who have formula feed really struggle with it and don't think its just about how the baby is fed."

I expect that depends on your baby tbh. DD was not really a crier, was generally quite settled and contented - she just wanted milk at least 2 hourly for the first 10/11 months. If I had been able to leave her for a while to go to the local shop or go for a coffee with friends etc I think it would have made a big difference. I also found it very stressful that time was marching on and she wouldn't take any solids - I was very worried about how I would return to work when she was basically 100% dependent on me. On the other end of the spectrum, a good friend of mine had 2 babies who only fed about every 4 hours, slept through from early on and enthusiastically ate solids from 5 months - so her experience was very different. She could go out after they were in bed in the evening, could go to an exercise class on a Saturday morning and leave the baby with his dad safe in the knowledge he wouldn't need feeding for a couple of hours etc. Her view of how 'tying' exclusive bf is will, no doubt, be very different from mine. I don't think it's as simple as saying I was naive about what to expect.

I'd didn't say anyone was naive about what to expect. Just that we are given a picture about what to expect without having had any hands on experience, and that reality often isn't the same.

I was prepared for it to be the hardest thing I had ever done, but it was still a lot harder then I expected.

DD was also a 2 hourly feeder I still didn't feel tired as I didn't want to leave her. Although we where lucky she took to solids relatively well and from 8 months I could leave her during the day if I wanted.

DS was more content and went longer between feeds but I felt more tied with him as by then I'd gotten used to going out and leaving DD.

Plus the method of feeding is often blamed but I think its more to do with the babies personally. As I've had friends with babies who have bottle fed but have struggled to leave them even with hands on dads as they are so unsettled or won't take a bottle from anyone but mum.

I had massive problems feeding my dd because she had tongue tie, and we struggled to get the right support. I struggled on, as I really wanted to bf, but by 11 weeks I just couldn't take it any more, and it was only after I stopped that I realised just how miserable it had been making me. My only regret now is that I put myself through it for that long.