Convince me breast is best. PLease?!

[missyyaya]

I am pregnant and really want to breastfeed, but need to hear some stuff to get me through the early stages if it is tough.

Here is the thing. I hear it, breast is best, but I have limited experience of it given that I was not breastfed, neither was anyone in my immediate family- 3 brothers 1 sister.

We are all happy, healthy non-overweight individuals with high levels of education and good jobs, not one of us has hayfever, asthma, allergies etc...

DH was breastfed, he is is happy, healthy non-overweigh etc etc. I haven't gone around doing a survey, but he is basically the only 'good' example of it I know of.

His mum got breast cancer and passed away in her 50's. (My own mum also had cancer and passed away but it was lung cancer).

DH's sister was also breastfed, she has always been very overweight since a child with a 40+ BMI but otherwise healthy, didn't do well at school/college.

I only know of two of my cousins who were breastfed (now 20's), they are intelligent, but also short, pale and are both asthmatic, one has bad ezcema and hayfever...

Three of DH's cousins I know of were also breastfed (teens & 20's), not great school results, always pale and anaemic looking, one of them is extremely overweight, they all have terrible skin...

DH's sister has one ds who was breastfed for 2 years. It didn't help her lose weight as she still has 40+ BMI and her son, who is now 3, is really chubby (and he constantly has a tummy bug, though is otherwise healthy).

I know of one other woman who breastfed all 4 of her children who died of ovarian cancer. This stands out in my memory as I remember her mother telling me how she had breastfed and it didn't protect her so 'she didn't believe in it'.

I keep trying to balance all this out and the only thing I can come up with is that myself and my brother were both particularly bothered by ear infections in childhood - perhaps we would have avoided this if we had been breastfed.

I know this all sounds hopelessly one sided, but this is my point - In my life there are no 'wow, they were breastfed, I'm breastfeeding' examples. Can someone please give me more positive examples of intelligent happy, healthy breastfed individuals. How many of our olympic medal winners were breastfed, I wonder? Or am I completely missing the point?

I completely get the bonding aspect, the emotional aspect for mum and baby. I would say that those who were breastfed are close with their mum, but beyond that, can someone convince me in terms of their own experience that it is actually best in terms of having a healthy, happy, intelligent, non-overweight child?

Of course it is biologically better to have the milk of your own species rather than a product derived from the milk of a different species (disclaimer I am not a militant lactivist type that thinks ff'ers are poisoning babies).

Thinking of examples from people you know is just anecdotal. That's like saying my grandad smoked 40 a day and he lived till 80. Doesn't mean that smoking is better because my non-smoking grandma died at 72. Studies done at population level which include huge numbers of people do prove that there are some health risks associated with formula feeding.

I was breastfed for 3 months as a baby and I am overweight. I can hardly blame my mother for the fact that I have eaten too much cake as an adult!

Yes, you are missing the point. Breast is not "best" it is simply the biologically normal thing for human babies to receive human milk. We are mammals after all. Formula is a great invention and has probably saved the lives of many babies, but at the end of the day, it is still modified cows milk and you are feeding a baby human.

www.notmilk.com/101.html

yes, you are missing the point! One woman's family or friends circle will not give you the statistical power of research, and one individual baby who is clever/not clever, fat/thin, healthy/unhealthy does not reflect the risk factors which only show up in large studies.

Infant feeding shows up in large studies as making a difference to health, both to the mother and the baby, both short and long term.

You're gonna need to be grown up and intelligent yourself about this and get away from the personal experience and personal knowledge - all that might feel as if it is important but it isn't, not really. It's a naive and unhelpful way of making choices and decisions (though of course a lot of us indulge in it!). You are going to need to read the research and see what it means to you. Happily in the age of the internet academic research is available to all.

Breastfeeding is the normal, physiological way to feed baby humans. When it goes well, it is a lovely thing to do for your baby that only you can do. The health stuff is in addition to that.

HTH :)

I don't think it's possible to say, on an individual level, that a child who is breastfed will grow up to be healthier or whatever than one who is formula fed, or that a mother who breastfeeds is less likely to get cancer than if she had used formula. There may be statistical differences if you look at large numbers, but on a person-by-person basis it's impossible to say. Genetic and other lifestyle factors play a much bigger role imo.

And, speculating wildly, who's to say that your overweight, asthmatic relatives wouldn't have been even more overweight and had other additional health problems if they'd been formula fed? Or that a mother who dies of ovarian cancer might have died 10 years sooner (or lived 10 years longer) had she not breastfed? There's no way of knowing.

If you "really want to breastfeed" then that's reason enough. And if it doesn't work out or you find it too hard, then you find whatever works for you. Whether that's struggling through the tough times, switching to formula, expressing, or a combination of all of those. As long as your baby gets fed, that's the main thing.

You can't tell by looking at all the people you pass in the street if they were BF or FF, and you can't go by a few anecdotes.

You're overthinking it IMO. You don't have to commit yourself yet. Just give it a try when your baby is born.

I read The Food of Love when I was pregnant and referred to it a lot after DS was born. I found it very informative and reassuring.

Very sensible points made above.

I would also add its free, less stuff to prepare / carry about, night feeds only require hoiking up your top. For older children it is a great calming, comforting parenting tool that you will always have up your sleeve, unlike a comfort object which is all too easy to forget.

I think that if you don't fancy it (and I think it sounds like you don't - forgive me if I'm wrong), none of the good reasons we all know about will convince you ahead of time.

I agree with what KatandKit says. Try and see it as the default feeding method, and try it. And make sure that you know exactly where to go for support and help if it becomes difficult. Maybe just try to take it a step at a time. Decide you are going to try it and arm yourself with information.

And then, if you have done that, you know there is an alternative.

I think the bonus factor beyond nutritional value is the comfort factor. With BF if the baby seems upset, unwell, unsettled, wakes in the night - it becomes quite easy to settle them with a quick feed. It just becomes automatic and I personally didn't have to worry that they'd just had a bottle so couldn't have another one, as they were just being popped on for a bit of comfort etc...

Everyone knows it is best but can everyone do it and does everyone want to - no they don't. Be honest with yourself.

After struggling with child 1 and giving up (even with support and advice) embarrassingly sliding out my bottle of formula at the meeting of my antenatal group with our four week old babies, with child 2 I was determined I would manage it, enjoy it even. Reality struck on day 3, now with an much older, SEN child and my innate dislike for the idea it was never going to happen.

I cried, handed child 2 to husband to be fed and then finally admitted to myself it wasn't what I wanted to. That felt really good and telling someone else that felt even better.

It is not the end of the world if you don't/can't/try it and hate it.

I agree you should know the science, understand the benefits and be prepared to do it so you can give it a go. It might work out for you.

Bottles are a lot of faff. You get used to it, but they are

Forget all of the health benefits. I'm not sure I believe in them.

For me the two big reasons to bf are:

1. Convenience. I'm lazy. No need to sterilise anything or get up in the night to make up bottles. Mother Nature has provided. And at the perfect temperature too. Voila, crying baby pacified in seconds.

2. It's free.

Try it.

Once you and your baby get your head around it, it is extremely convenient. You can go anywhere, do anything without having to worry about taking bottles, formula, etc. You can feed your baby anywhere they need a feed, at any time, without waiting. Regardless of any health benefits, that sold it for me.

PS Neither my Mum, Sister or SIL BF. For me, I couldn't have imagined choosing to do anything else. It just feels so right.

I would agree with Alder. It didn't feel right for me. But try it.

When it's not going well then it's hard and difficult to think of anything else.

When it's working out then it's just so convenient and easy. My personal experience was that the hard bit ended and then I had the easy bit for as long as I wanted, so it was worth it in the long run.

By the time ds was 3 months old, I could (if I wanted to) leave the house with my normal hand bag, a couple of nappies, travel wipes and a nappy sack shoved in there, ds in a sling. Job done. Just a lot less faff.

For night feeds I could roll over, get ds out the moses basket, latch him on, have a doze and then back into the moses basket as soon as we were done, so I think I got a lot more sleep, again in the long run.

And I had a complete mare with bf'ding at first. It just was totally worth it to me that I persevered. It's not the same for everyone and everyone has different priorities.

Do whatever you feel comfortable with...bottle is just as good as breast...better in that anyone can help with feeding!

Well yeah, they can help. But (as a demon expresser for the first 8 weeks) my experience is that helping with feeds is a lovely novelty but that you will end up doing the vast majority.

And for every lovely dh doing half the night shifts, there's two who need to be up at 6am for work and just can't because they need to be safe to drive. All my ff friends did at least 5 out of every 7 nights (there were a couple truly useless "d"h's in that lot though).

Sandra that's just not true.
The reason I'd give hasn't been said yet (I think) - it can feel lovely! Not in any pervy way, it just releases some kind of hormone that makes me feel all kind of relaxed and woozy. And it's lovely looking at your baby's face when you're feeding him.
Obviously it does not suit everyone, but it's very strange to decide against it based on the evidence you cite. Actually it's very strange to know whether your relatives were bf or not!

OP - have a look at the thread above this one. Women sharing their experiences of not having problems with BF

It's free. Nuff said, as far as our family goes. But I wasn't bf neither were my sisters.

It is your choice. Totally. Even your DH can't decide for you. But I would recommend at least giving it a go - for 3 months if possible, the first few weeks put too many people off cos they are hard work sometimes, once you hit 3 or 4 months the lazy factor kicks in for most women I know, no faffing about with bottles.

I don't totally believe the health benefits. I think a child's future has more to do with social and economic factors that how they are born or how you feed them. But that's just my personal opinion!

(Fwiw, I bf DS for 8 weeks, gave up far too easily, ff and felt guilty the whole time he still used bottles. Bf DD for over 9 months, planning to bf DC3 in4 weeks. Still feel guilty now for not trying harder with DS.)

Haven't read all the posts but my own experience of breast feeding has been very positive. Daughter 2 is six months and I have had no problems at all, latch perfect and no issues with reflux. She just had her six month assessment and hv said she was very advanced, crawling, pulling herself up to a steady sitting position and sleeping through all night.

I lost three stone of baby weight in twelve weeks, and tummy almost flat. I have saved a fortune in formula and haven't had to gaff with sterilisers etc and daughter straight on to a cup now. I honestly can not imagine why anyone would choose to formula feed unless they physically couldn't bottle feed.

I breastfed dd1 largely because of the health benefits and assumed I would switch to formula at some point after 6 months (I didn't).

I bf the next two dds partly for the health benefits but mainly because it's nice For me it's easy, bonding, cheap, burns calories, means no 'equipment' needed, makes night feed much easier etc etc. And it genuinely feels natural and the 'default' for me now.

If new research proved there were in fact no health benefits whatsoever I would still choose to bf for all the other reasons.

Yes - if there were no health benefits at all I'd also choose bf thinking about it.

I too would choose breastfeeding - health effects aside. I have no way of knowing which if any of my kids has 'benefitted' from breastmilk or by how much, anyway. It's academic. But I do know that the experience of breastfeeding is something that is important and enjoyable to me and to them, and that kinda trumps all the health research in a way :)

Op, you do need to be grown up about this and stop casting about wildly for reasons not to do it. If you take the decision to do it, then commit to it as much as possible for the short period of your life that you will be breastfeeding. That means seeking out as much info as poss.

If you decide not to do it, that's fine! Nobody else will care. In a few years' time the subject of infant feeding will be a distant memory.
Me and DP were breastfed and truly are never sick- no antibiotics past childhood. DD hasn't been sick once at the age of 7mo.
But actually I think anecdotes are just that and aren't helpful in this decision.

It is now thought that there are too many antibiotics being given to children these days and that these mess with gut flora and metabolism settings.

If your baby gets sick and you're breastfeeding, medical professionals will likely now tell you to just feed through the illness. If you're formula feeding, you don't have that tool in your kit so antibiotics might have to become involved. Then again, plenty of ff babies are never sick, and plenty of breastfed ones are. Lots of this is chance and genetics.

No-one really fancies the idea of breastfeeding before they've done it. But the baby has to be fed one way another, and this does seem to be the best way. And it's free.

It's free!

I hope this doesn't sound mean! I wish you best of luck.

oh yes the hormones - they are great!

Come back, OP...what do you think? :)