Convince me breast is best. PLease?!

[missyyaya]

I am pregnant and really want to breastfeed, but need to hear some stuff to get me through the early stages if it is tough.

Here is the thing. I hear it, breast is best, but I have limited experience of it given that I was not breastfed, neither was anyone in my immediate family- 3 brothers 1 sister.

We are all happy, healthy non-overweight individuals with high levels of education and good jobs, not one of us has hayfever, asthma, allergies etc...

DH was breastfed, he is is happy, healthy non-overweigh etc etc. I haven't gone around doing a survey, but he is basically the only 'good' example of it I know of.

His mum got breast cancer and passed away in her 50's. (My own mum also had cancer and passed away but it was lung cancer).

DH's sister was also breastfed, she has always been very overweight since a child with a 40+ BMI but otherwise healthy, didn't do well at school/college.

I only know of two of my cousins who were breastfed (now 20's), they are intelligent, but also short, pale and are both asthmatic, one has bad ezcema and hayfever...

Three of DH's cousins I know of were also breastfed (teens & 20's), not great school results, always pale and anaemic looking, one of them is extremely overweight, they all have terrible skin...

DH's sister has one ds who was breastfed for 2 years. It didn't help her lose weight as she still has 40+ BMI and her son, who is now 3, is really chubby (and he constantly has a tummy bug, though is otherwise healthy).

I know of one other woman who breastfed all 4 of her children who died of ovarian cancer. This stands out in my memory as I remember her mother telling me how she had breastfed and it didn't protect her so 'she didn't believe in it'.

I keep trying to balance all this out and the only thing I can come up with is that myself and my brother were both particularly bothered by ear infections in childhood - perhaps we would have avoided this if we had been breastfed.

I know this all sounds hopelessly one sided, but this is my point - In my life there are no 'wow, they were breastfed, I'm breastfeeding' examples. Can someone please give me more positive examples of intelligent happy, healthy breastfed individuals. How many of our olympic medal winners were breastfed, I wonder? Or am I completely missing the point?

I completely get the bonding aspect, the emotional aspect for mum and baby. I would say that those who were breastfed are close with their mum, but beyond that, can someone convince me in terms of their own experience that it is actually best in terms of having a healthy, happy, intelligent, non-overweight child?

I breast fed my ds for 3 years and will plan to bfeed this baby too. For me it just feels right and natural.

Ear infections are caused by smoking, dummies, formula feeding (or not bf) and damp. I only know of one child in our group of ebf babies who has them and he was the only one who has a dummy.

My main reason for bfing is that it is free and convinent.

One thing I would say is too many people give up breastfeeding too quickly. It took me 8 weeks to fully get the hang of it and for it to stop hurting, and breastfed DS for 6 months in the end. I persevered because I read somewhere that breastfed babies tend to have higher IQs and even when I was crying with DS on the breast coz it hurt so much I'd look down and think, 'No, I can't deny you those extra couple of IQ points'. I've since read that there is no conclusive evidence that breastfeeding raises IQ but there is conclusive evidence that breastfed babies have less tummy upsets than bottle-fed babies. And I got to a point where it was easy, so I don't regret doing it at all.

TBH, I don't know how people don't breastfeed.Their boobs must feel like they're going to explode! Coz whether you like it or not OP there is going to be milk in there.

So I would say try it, and then try it some more. Expect it to be tough. Give up if you reach the end of your tether, but try to prepare yourself so that you have a long tether, IYSWIM! (I kept a tin of formula in the cupboard in case I cracked).

Sorry, I breastfed DS for six months in the end.

P.S. Nipple shields saved my sanity. But I made a point of doing one feed a day without them so that DS didn't get totally used to them and then refuse to feed without them.

Why it is best for you - never run out of milk, can always stop your baby crying (well, nearly always), less cleaning up of equipment and FEWER TUMMY UPSETS SO FEWER HORRIFIC NAPPIES, cheaper, even when you are locked out of your house you can feed the baby (personal experience)

Why it is best for baby - don't have to waste energy crying, fewer stomach upsets/bouts of diarrhea, general health benefits, more comfort.

Honestly - it is hard for the first weeks, maybe for eight weeks, but once it clicks it is so much easier. It is the perfect baby soother and as all babies cry it is the best and easiest cure anyone has ever invented.

And it doesn't ruin your boobs. Being pregnant ruins your boobs so that ship has sailed (if it is going to, not all get ruined, mine are not much worse than before!)

"TBH, I don't know how people don't breastfeed.Their boobs must feel like they're going to explode!"

Alexander - you are right, the bit before the milk dries up is horrible. It felt like punishment, the first time. Second time, not so bad, I think because I was at peace with my decision.

How long people give it depends on so many individual factors - how motivated they are to begin with, mental and physical state after the birth, birth circumstances, type and manner of support ....

You should do what you feel comfortable with. If you don't want to breastfeed, then don't do it as you won't enjoy it if you already feel like this is not right for you. There is nothing wrong with formula feeding if that's the right thing for you! I'm in the opposite situation - I am planning to breastfeed but my sisters in law and mum in law did not and therefore are not encouraging me to telling me all the negative things they find in BF. I'll still do it as this is what I'm comfortable with.

Even if it were possible for someone to actually prove to me that BF is not as good FF, I would STILL chose BF. I have found it to be a great parenting tool as it helps to calm and soothe a fractious baby.

I have also loved the convenience of it pre-weaning (though it's pretty damn convenient now too!) as if I wanted to go out, I just took the change bag, pram and baby as "have milk, will travel".

Ime, mums who struggle, struggle early on. I remember feeling glad I got dd1 to 6 weeks but also feeling daunted there was so long to go because it can be really exhausting. BUT when we got past 3 months it got much, much easier and when you get to milestones you feel a bit stronger about carrying on. Between 3 and 6 months was the best period with dd when she was a baby because the feeds space out and the colic and constant puking stop. You really can dash out the door with a handful of nappies and be set for the day. I hated starting weaning after this period of ease

My son badly burnt his fingers when he was about 15months old. I was still breast feeding him, and when we went to the hospital for dressing changes I'd feed him at the same time. All the nurses commented on how easy he was to do the dressings on, and once he even fell asleep!

Obviously no one breast feeds their child just in case they have a future injury, but feeding him then really provided a lot of comfort to him, which is a great benefit I think.

milkmatters.org.uk/over-101-reasons-to-breastfeed/

I expect you know these. It seems to me (who was mixed fed due to poor NHS guidelines when I was born which wrecked my mothers milk supply) who is a -happy, healthy nonoverweight individual with high levels of education and good job, I don't have not one of us has hayfever, asthma, allergies etc... to nearly quote you
that breastfeeding to me is just the correct thing to do. I didn't need persuading or reasons or to rationalise it. It just is best for baby to have species specific infant nutrition.
The other benefits to me were a bonus (and they are many as listed above)
My husband who was ff has IBS, hayfever, overweight etc btw, but clearly one example does not make a rule.

As an intelligent woman you know it makes sense to do it, you want to so go in with that attitude and make it happen, it is statistically very unlikely that you will medically not be able to.

I had to very unwillingly ff top up for 4 days due to jaundice and baby not latching well but every time he had to feed (every two hours that is) I tried and expressed to syringe feed and had help from about 10 different HCA and midwives and by the fifth day he was bf on demand and exclusively, I fought against the ff at all times.

I have a different veiwpoint again. My DD has allergies, this is obviously due to a genetic factor. There was no way to stop her having allergies. Looking back they presented from petty much birth, if not sooner.

Had I FFd DD, her problems would have been 100x worse.when we finally worked out what was wrong with her, a few dietry adjustments on my part and she transformed overnight. We went to the GP with our findings and were given a tin of free formula, turned out she was allergic to that too. So we would have gad to trial and error a safe feed for DD, or I could self-monitor and she would rarely become ill.

funny how the pro-bottle lobby in my family shut up at that point! She's never had d&v sleeps better than lots of my friends babies, walked early, speaks in full, understandable to strangers, sentences. Knows her colours, can count (not repeat by rote), is starting to roleplay, beginning to produce more recognisable pictures, she's way ahead of most milestones. I don't attribute that to BFing that's just her, but if it weren't for BFing she'd have had a lot more pain.

She's not a clingy child, she's very secure in herself, very independent, none of the things I was 'warned' would happen. The first six weeks were truly awful, but even in the family, having seen me whip out a boob, while another screaming baby waits for the kettle to cool down, my cousins have decided to at least try if there's a next time from them!

Absolutely what purple said. I had to bottlefeed DS (formula and EBM) due to tongue tie, but am BFing DD. It's a breeze in comparison to farting around with bottles. Especially in the middle of the night!

Just give it a try - I sometimes wonder if mothers are put off by the thought of EBF until 6 months. Seems like an enormous length of time. But 3 days so as to get the colostrum? That's not so bad.

Here's another advantage: breastmilk poo barely smells. Formula poo REEKS.

Hi all, have just read all the responses - thanks to everyone. Tbh having read some other threads on bf I was worried folk might get a bit cross with me, but it is so lovely (and encouraging) to hear more emphasis on simple things like convenience and comfort or 'it's just nice', or 'I'd breastfeed even without the health benefits'.

Before now I've felt that some of the adverts/literature etc that I am seeing everywhere just now because it is on my mind kind of batter you over the head with subtle messages of 'you will harm your baby if you don't' - which has made me feel a bit defensive about it rather than encouraged (and is probably what led me to kind of tot up the sum of my personal experience of bf as I listed). Since reading the responses I've went back and looked at some breastfeeding promotional websites and somehow suddenly they don't seem quite so argumentative! :)

I think my thoughts have been coloured by a couple of friends who have had babies and felt very pressured to breastfeed by pushy midwives, especially in hospital, and got really upset/felt like complete failures when it was difficult (and nothing was said by mw to make them feel any different about that). DH's family are very pro-breast feeding (am very scared of his (somewhat formidable) sister's/aunt's reactions if I don't!). My family I think are easy going though I sense everyone would be more comfortable if I didn't. So I have those conflicting factors to contend with before I even start.

However, I do absolutely want to give it a proper try and this has given me lots of thoughts to hold onto if it is tough. :)

and come back on MN if you have tough days. My early bf days were really dificult for lots of reasons but in the grand scheme of things it is only a few weeks but such important ones. bf is all fine now and i'm so proud of myself for sticking with it.

i think that if bf was considered a continuation of pregnancy, then more people might keep at it...you still have to look after yourself and consider what you drink, meds you take etc...as you do when pg.

most of my friends bf for the first week or so and then switched to ff because they were dying for a night out/start drinking again/go out without the baby etc...i can totally understand it, but if you think of the newborn days as more of a continued commitment to "growing" your baby, it can be easier to manage mentally i think.

i bf my 3 kids. dc1 for 12 weeks, dc2 for 6 months and dc3 for going on 2 years...although i didn't have any physical problems it wasn't always mentally easy by any means..there were days when i felt trapped by bf. some days i felt like i could take no more, and during those times i used to go feed by feed, thinking "i'll just do the next feed and see how i go" then the bad time would pass and i'd feel ok again.

now i look back at my kids who are older (12,8,6) and have a huge sense of pride in the fact that i made and fed those babies.

i really enjoyed feeding for the best part.

its a really good excuse to sit on your arse some days..."i've done nothing at all but feed the baby!" "i can't do the washing up because i'm feeding the baby!!"

good luck with whatever decision you make. try it and see.

You're confusing anecdotal evidence with statistical evidence.

I can't give you examples of fabulous individuals however I am currently BF DC3 and I am the first person in either side of our families to do do.

What I can say is DS1 & 2 have never had tummy bugs or ear infections but they have both had tonsillitis.

Even better though when DD1 wakes up during night I lift her from Moses basket cuddle in, feed and put her back down - no leaving bed required

All my DH family have been formula fed here's their ailments:
X2 diabetes
All obese
Kids all get asthma before aged 1
DH has ulcerative colitis
Dgrnadad has crohns
Somebody else stomach ulcer
All have exasma
All kids have major cheats infections and on loads of antibiotics before 6m
Last 2 kids were in Hosp with respiratory problems before they were 3m

My 3bf inherited same genes. None have ever been Ill. One had antibiotics at ages 1 for impetigo. Inherited same half genes as family above X

OP one thing that has struck me about your last response, is the amount of importance you are placing on what the family, on both sides, want or expect you to do. If I can give only one piece of advice it is this: stop caring what any of them think when it comes to your baby That way madness lies, and many AIBU threads! You will never be able to please everyone, so don't try. Your baby.

Co sleeping with baby in a side car crib at the same level as you means no getting out of bed at night also when you learn to feed lying down well it's like you never even have to wake up, find a ff mum who can say that!