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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Breasts for sex or baby?

32 replies

MamaMaiasaura · 21/06/2012 19:50

I was just thinking about my friends dp who was asking her how long she was going to nurse their 4 day old son . It led me to think about how many men (and women) see breasts as sexual. This made me wonder whether this sexualisation is the reason bfing can make some feel uncomfortable and that bfing and natural term weaning and bfing in public causes arguments.

I don't know if I am wording this well, but it would be a bit odd or unusual to see a baby bottle or a dummy as sexual. But because the sexual connotations are attached to what is essential the real/original dummy and bottle it causes some to find bfing anything more than a tiny baby weird.

I think that it is because people feel uncomfortable with the sexual feelings around breasts and that the sexuality of the trump the actual purpose of them which is to nurse out offspring.

This isn't a bf/ff debate. It's just I was pondering on why there can be negativity towards bfing

OP posts:
PoppyWearer · 21/06/2012 19:53

I think it's a big reason why.

I think it's less of an issue if you're older, secure in your relationship, or have been in your relationship longer.

hairytale · 21/06/2012 19:54

Breasts are for feeding babies.

Men biologically and primally find them attractive because they are baby-feeders. There is a sub conscious attraction because humans are programmed to seek out mates for the purpose of reproducing.

Original poster
MamaMaiasaura · 21/06/2012 19:54

Our not out Blush

OP posts:
Original poster
MamaMaiasaura · 21/06/2012 19:56

hairytale that makes sense.

OP posts:
GhostOfAWasp · 21/06/2012 19:57

I have to say, when I was breastfeeding, I couldn't let DH near them in that way, it felt weird when it was the DCs sole source of food. Plus I was probably that "touched out" that I just wanted to be left the hell alone! Smile

Original poster
MamaMaiasaura · 21/06/2012 19:57

poppy yes (I'm old and fuddyduddy and been with dh since Triassic)

OP posts:
Original poster
MamaMaiasaura · 21/06/2012 19:59

ghost dh doesn't go near mine and I wouldn't want him too.. Plenty of other places he can go Wink. And for me they are for baby till she's stopped. Ds2 natural term weaned so dh not had boob contact for years. But to be honest since having ds1 my breasts have never felt sexual, and it's more irritating when fumbled with

OP posts:
PoppyWearer · 21/06/2012 20:00

Same here Mama.

Yup, me too Ghost.

GhostOfAWasp · 21/06/2012 20:02

Didn't help that they had to be kept firmly under wraps either - I could hit walls on the other side of the room without even trying. Wink

fuzzpig · 21/06/2012 20:06

For me breasts are for babies, though I can't deny I do like a nice bra and pre-DCs I was very proud of my ample cleavage (not so much now they are just too big, I still get nice bras though)

There was no dilemma about BFing for me, though I know others who have felt put off BFing because their breasts were for sex/their partners. So not just that I really wanted to BF anyway, there was no other feeling in the way IYSWIM.

What may have influenced my feelings though, is that I don't think I have any sensation in them really. I know lots of (most?) people can get aroused by their nipples being stimulated? Not me though... don't feel anything except annoyance Blush

fuzzpig · 21/06/2012 20:12

Also I'd like to think it wouldn't have influenced me anyway, but I am lucky that DH while he loves my breasts he wasn't at all bothered by them being 'out of bounds' or jealous of the babies or anything like what I've heard of some partners.

He's more of an ass and thighs man :o

G1nger · 21/06/2012 20:17

I also don't like my partner to go near mine while I'm BFing

ThePathanKhansWitch · 21/06/2012 20:20

What Ghost says up ^ there.

fuzzpig · 21/06/2012 20:40

I miss BFing terribly TBH. I guess partly because I do feel so strongly that it is what they are for. I don't feel like they're 'mine' again (though it was nice to get back in underwired bras!), they're just there. With nothing to do.

Hope I get over it soon (it's been 10 months since I stopped feeding DS, on his 2nd birthday) because I don't think we can have another baby for several years if at all. I don't like the thought of feeling like this for years to come :( obviously I don't just want another baby so I can BF (otherwise I might as well get paid as a wetnurse instead :o) but when I feel broody that's the thought that actually really hurts, because it's instinctive I guess.

otchayaniye · 21/06/2012 20:58

i think a small part of the antipathy towards breastfeeding isn't about ambiguity surrounding breasts as sources of nutrition or sexual attraction but rather it is down to breastfeeding as an overt, unambiguous symbol of nurture. and i think our culture is very mixed up about this. seeing someone breastfeed brings up many feelings, some of these are feelings of regret, misgivings and jealousy.

otchayaniye · 21/06/2012 21:00

but on a practical note, after years of feeding and tandeming and feeding for every nap etc etc i don't want them touched, especially lightly. urgh!

NoComet · 21/06/2012 21:00

My DH never had any trouble sharing, which was just as well. He had to share for a very very long timeGrin

ErikNorseman · 21/06/2012 21:06

I don't think it's either/or. I found my own breasts non sexual while I was breastfeeding but otherwise, they are an erogenous zone. I don't accept that breasts 'have been sexualised' - they are a sexual organ, they have more than one function. I'm aware that some women don't find their breasts sexual at all but many do.

mumblecrumble · 21/06/2012 21:06

I never really attahced by breasts from me --> My baby fed from me (not just my boobs) and DH liked to touch my boobs that are part of me...

I never felt a need to divide them up betwen spouse and kids, they just were.

not much sense - apologies: very tired :)

mumblecrumble · 21/06/2012 21:08

God. that was my worst post ever.

bumbums · 21/06/2012 21:08

I don't like my boobs touched now as they are like stretched empty sacs. Not attractive in any way. Those kids better have benifitted massively from my milk! Wink

TupperwareTwat · 21/06/2012 21:23

Mine are for both - but not at the same time!

Original poster
MamaMaiasaura · 21/06/2012 21:44

fuzzypig I know what you mean. Dd is prob our last and I know that I'll miss bfing her. I've heard that grandmothers have lactated in response to grandchild being born which is incredible. Pre dc I put up with them being fondled as they were quite attractive but dh (thank god) isnt a boob man really ether.

Am so very glad everyone understood what I meant as was paranoid I'd get flamed and taken as being critical of what choices people make. Which I am not.

OP posts:
BertieBotts · 21/06/2012 21:50

Both! Mine can multi-task Grin

It's really odd actually. If DS is feeding I feel extremely irritated and can't stand the feeling if he touches the other nipple, or if he's not latched properly (licking... urgh URGH!) But if I'm (obviously!) not feeding and am in a sexual situation it's completely different and I quite enjoy it (Blush for TMI).

I suppose it's not odd at all as my body's response is based on arousal, or lack of. I've never been aroused while feeding DS and I don't really want to test that theory!

fuzzpig · 21/06/2012 21:56

no you phrased it very uncontroversially :o