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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Breasts for sex or baby?

32 replies

MamaMaiasaura · 21/06/2012 19:50

I was just thinking about my friends dp who was asking her how long she was going to nurse their 4 day old son . It led me to think about how many men (and women) see breasts as sexual. This made me wonder whether this sexualisation is the reason bfing can make some feel uncomfortable and that bfing and natural term weaning and bfing in public causes arguments.

I don't know if I am wording this well, but it would be a bit odd or unusual to see a baby bottle or a dummy as sexual. But because the sexual connotations are attached to what is essential the real/original dummy and bottle it causes some to find bfing anything more than a tiny baby weird.

I think that it is because people feel uncomfortable with the sexual feelings around breasts and that the sexuality of the trump the actual purpose of them which is to nurse out offspring.

This isn't a bf/ff debate. It's just I was pondering on why there can be negativity towards bfing

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MamaMaiasaura · 21/06/2012 22:04

fuzzy Grin phew

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MamaMaiasaura · 21/06/2012 22:05

bertie ds2 was a twiddler, it was like he was trying to up and down the speed of milk flow... That or tune the radio Grin

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Springforward · 21/06/2012 22:10

Not an issue here as DH was a legs man before I had DS, though he is more interested in my boobs now than he ever was before I BF'd, maybe something evolutionary going on there!

Spiritedwolf · 22/06/2012 09:40

I don't know how I'll feel when I'm actually feeding and I totally understand that at the level of society there is an uncomfortableness about breasts being used to feed babies when they are so sexually objectified. Which could cause some women and men to feel that breasts are more about sex than feeding babies. Which would make them feel uncomfortable about breastfeeding, particuarly older babies/toddlers.

But... my intellectual feeling about it (I realise that I may have a more instinctive response once I'm feeding) is that it doesn't need to be either or, its all about context.

example 1: Hands and Fingers. When in an intimate situation, hands and fingers can be extremely fun and erotic because touch is sensual but I also occassionally use my hands to wash dishes amongst other mundane activities and I fully intend to use them to hold and stroke my baby.

example 2: Lips and Mouth. Again, these sensual areas of the body can be enjoyed in a sexual way whilst kissing and playing with one's sexual partner. But they are also used in speaking and eating and I'll want to kiss my baby.

example 3: Vagina. Obviously can be enjoyed in penetrative sex, but also associated with periods, smear tests and giving birth.

So I definately think I agree with the multi-taskers though appreciate that maybe I'll also feel differently about it once I'm feeding. I suppose that if you begin to associate your breasts with feeding a baby then when your partner touches them sexually it might remind you of the unsexy touch of feeding babies, so might become a turn off.

I agree that a lot of the uncomfortableness about breastfeeding in society though is down to hangups with women's bodies in general and breasts in particular being sexually objectified. I can't imagine anyone taking offense to a baby/toddler bottlefeeding expressed human breastmilk as opposed to formula milk made from cow's milk or soya milk. Its not about what the baby is eating, its about a woman daring to use her breasts to feed. Likewise, the horror at a baby nursing for comfort on its mother's breasts, this is seen as a bad habit, by those who wouldn't think twice about giving a baby an artificial teat to suck for comfort.

There's two things. One is about breasts being seen as primarily sexual objects. The other about the lack of exposure to breastfeeding in society so women seeing breasts as something private and the idea of a baby nursing for comfort is seen as too much of an imposition on their personal space, autonomy and time? (I totally understand that a woman shouldn't feel that she 'has' to feed or nurse her baby with her breasts if it feels uncomfortable, but its working out as a society where that uncomfortableness comes from). Whereas giving a dummy is handy (she doesn't have to remain attached, so baby can sooth itself in the car and other situations where nursing is difficult/impossible) and there's less pressure because dad/gran/sibling can take care of the baby, its not all down to them?

MoaningMinnieWhingesAgain · 22/06/2012 09:54

Multitaskers here. DH has always been keen on boobs, I like that he likes them IYKWIM.
But when I was BF I struggled with them being dual purpose, they would leak when I was getting turned on and I HATED that, it made me feel horrible and embarassed and I don't know why. Once the leaking had stopped I was quite happy for them to be messed with again. DH did find it a bit tricky at times and occasionally said he was looking forward to ' getting them back' which pissed me off because they were never his, but I always shared them Wink I fed til 2 though so he just stopped grumbling in the end when he realised I had to put the baby first just for a while.

MamaMaiasaura · 22/06/2012 10:02

spiritedwolf that's a good post

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BigBoPeep · 22/06/2012 10:55

doesn't bother me much - Husband's always preferred bum to boobs and my boobs do nothing for me sensation-wise during sex..for me they're more decoration than anything else, and I do like dressing them up in a nice bra and having them look nice (def. for myself as husband doesn't much like lingerie either!). No problem that they're milky, except for the size...looking forward to them going down a bit...oh and the leaking is crazy, they do have to be under wraps. Don't mind them being touched by baby and hubby.

the 'much' bit comes in when BF'ing in front of people I know, esp male. My borther in law, stepdad and grandad are all cringe-ahoy people if I have to get a boob out. The sexual aspect IS there and I have to look my bro-in-law in the eye for the rest of my life after i've done feeding, and I just THINK he'll be thinking 'I know what her waps look like' whenever I do if he sees!! Grin (he might not thats just how I feel...)

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