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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

breastfeeding AND a lively sex life anyone?

43 replies

Ruthyn · 24/02/2006 20:24

I have been breast feeding for 9 months now, and really enjoying it, and not feeling really that sexy at all. We have had quite a few encounters, and more recently, but I can't say I am that bothered. I feel pretty bad about it, as before DS arrived we had a good sex life and now DH is definately feeling a bit left out (although he loves being a daddy, and does get lots of baby time which he likes).
Is it my hormones, will our sex life return (at a reduced frequency I accept) when I stop breast feeding, I am thinking of stopping sooner than I would have, for my husband, is that really right?

OP posts:
Flossam · 24/02/2006 20:25

Didn't make any difference to me at all! I would regret giving up BF in the hope that it might IME.

JoolsToo · 24/02/2006 20:25

whatever is right for you is right

beansprout · 24/02/2006 20:26

The fact that I said "ha!" out loud when I saw your thread title sort of answers the question I think!!

NotQuiteCockney · 24/02/2006 20:26

I found breastfeeding made my less interested in sex, personally, but I gather that isn't the case for lots of other people. Also, as the number of feeds reduced, the effect was less.

I'd try fixing other things first:

  • are you getting enough sleep?
  • are you eating well, exercising, taking good care of yourself?
  • do you get some time to yourself?
  • do you get some good time with your DH?

And you do have your whole adult life to have a good sex life, while you'll only be breastfeeding for a short time.

RedRidingHood · 24/02/2006 20:27

Do whatever feels best for you - didn't make much difference to me although frequency wise but i think that you should speak to dh though and see what he thinks

MrsSpoon · 24/02/2006 20:29

To be honest I think whichever method of feeding you choose a small child has an effect on your sex life.

3princesses · 24/02/2006 20:29

I always felt with my 3 (bf til about 14 months) that when I'd had someone burrowing into my body all day I didn't really feel like anyone else doing it, thank you very much. Bf can feel sexy, can feel earth mothery, but sometimes just feels like a demand. Bit like sex really.

All will be fine once you stop. But don't stop until you're good and ready, or you'll just resent dh, and that's a whole different story...

FrannyandZooey · 24/02/2006 20:29

I think your baby is very small and needs you, whereas your husband is big enough to look after himself for a bit. Let him feel loved in other ways for a while. Tiredness, your new feelings about yourself since being a mother, and changes in your body can all make you feel less sexual aftter having a baby - not just breastfeeding. As Flossam said, it would be a shame to give up in the hope it would make a difference, only to find you still didn't fancy it.

A friend of mine says to her husband, "Look, we are in this for the long haul, ok?" You have the rest of your lives to be together and be lovers, but right now your attention is focused more on your baby and your own needs as a mother - and that's how it should be.

RedRidingHood · 24/02/2006 20:31

Sleep or lack of it definately makes a difference how you feel - had to change schedule - ie early nights, nap times etc to have the energy!

Racers · 24/02/2006 20:33

It hasn't made much difference to me, but the tiredness etc has. I would worry that stopping for this reason puts too much pressure on the situation to improve. What if it doesn't? I agree that talking to your DH is the best thing for now.

RedZuleika · 25/02/2006 19:20

Beansprout:lol

My first thought on reading the title was 'hollow laughter'...

CarolinaMoon · 25/02/2006 19:33

My ds is 15mo and it's only in the last couple of months that I've felt "back to normal" in any physical sense. I think you need to give yourself more time to get over the whole pg/ childbirth/ new parent/sleep deprivation thing. It isn't just bfing imho.

Your dh should get a grip (sorry, terrible pun not intended ) - if your relationship is ok, your sex life will come back soon, promise.

dinny · 25/02/2006 19:36

Ruthyn, ds is nearly 18 months and bfs a lot still and literally within the last month or two my sex drive has returned. Hooray!

And thinking about it, it probably coincides with ds sleeping a bit better too.

JennyLee · 25/02/2006 20:01

i was a shamelss hussy the sex drive never left

nulnulcat · 25/02/2006 20:14

shameless hussy as well had new partner by time dd was 6 weeks old and we was at it like rabbits didnt split up with dd father until 8 1/2 months pregnant and had very healthy sex life all the way through pregnancy

JennyLee · 25/02/2006 21:19

lol excellent!!! not just me then

nulnulcat · 25/02/2006 21:31

there must be more shameless hussys out there!!

NotQuiteCockney · 25/02/2006 21:33

Several of my rl friends don't find bf affects their sex life.

I know because in the very last stages of pregnancy with DS2 I was a shameless hussy, largely because I knew I wasn't going to really be that interested for a while, soon. And I explained this to my friends (I don't know why) and they were deeply puzzled.

teacups · 25/02/2006 21:42

am deeply envious of all those still having lots of nookie bear whilst bf... alas I went off sex at about 5 months pg. It went on until dd about 8 months if i am honest. Still fancied DH like mad, just felt that my body was too knackered and not up for it. I found sex too painful until then, as I think my hormones were playing havoc (euch, dryness - sorry if TMI!!)

Don't worry, your sex drive will come back.

SPARKLER1 · 25/02/2006 21:48

My dds are older now 6 and 4 - and you'll be glad to know (following the recent breastfeeding programme) I have now stopped.
I remember this vividly. It is very hard to feel sexy when BF except for the fact that your breasts feel so much firmer and larger than normal. LOL!
If we ever got intimate, the few times that I remember, I could never take off my nursing bra and pads as my milk was flowing very freely. Would have drowned DH if I had!
You should do what you feel is right as regards to your continuing BF. Your dh on the other hand will survive - I'm sure he would prefer you taking care of your son rather than worrying about your sex life.

nulnulcat · 25/02/2006 21:53

easy answer to the leaky boob problem i found was feed baby then have a shag!! no leaking problems!

SPARKLER1 · 25/02/2006 21:54

kinda dulls the moment thought doesn't it??

harpsichordcarrier · 25/02/2006 21:55

well.... I have been bf constantly now for 3 years almost, through a second pregnancy and now tandem feeding. I would say that the only time my interest in sex dipped was just after the birth of dd1. I would put that down to a combination of culture shock and lack of sleep. Once things were bakc on a more even keel - around 6-8 weeks - my sex drive returned and hasn't gone away again...
soo for me I don't think it is hormonal/related to bf. I think having a new baby is likely to be the main cause.

FrannyandZooey · 25/02/2006 21:56

Yes but you are just a dirty hoor HC.

FrannyandZooey · 25/02/2006 21:56

Oops, forgot to add this: