Bit of support please to keep me going!

[Beccarollo]

Ive done it again........Ive mucked up a bit and got myself in a tissy.

harvey doesnt feed anywhere near as contentedly as before and seems to prefer bottle (although this is probably all in my head) - since this growth spurt hit ive not managed to keep up the breastfeeding 100% and have ended up giving alot of bottles (started off on monday after Megans accident and has carried on since) which means my body wont now be producing enough milk for his new needs - I changed my mind about how I feel about it every single day - ranging from acute sadness at possibly stopping to deciding to switch to bottle feeding and everything in between.

Im also getting lots of well meaning "help" from HV for one (I did ignore her and know she was talking shite but its still had an effect) She suggested switching to hungry baby formula milk and weaning and alot of friends and family are saying "definitely get him on the bottles now look at the size of him etc etc"

I dont know what it is but i dont have faith in my own milk! i always think its not going to be enough and compare it unfavourable to formula even though I know its wrong

when i breast feed him now he trys to suck it like a teat - is there a way back from nipple confusion?!!?

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh I dont know - it all seems so tangled and emotive in my head and I dont know what to do - I suppose I want to be told that Harvey doesnt prefer a bottle, that I can provide enough for him and that Im doing a good job!!!

keep going becca!!!!
i had the exact same quandry as you but much earlier on....wish i had kept going for longer than i did
i eventually stopped breastfeeding totally without realising..giving both bottle and breast and graduualy it just became more and more bottle
one day i suddenly realised that i had stopped breast feeding and it made me sad
Of course, you should do what you think is right for you and your ds but from the sound of your post, you seem to want to continue
dont listen to your Hv - i swear she played a bigger part in my quandry than i realised at the time
good luck! and keep up the good work

OK OK OK.... first of all quality of milk is a MYTH!
The only way to increase quantity is to BF more... or express in between feeds.... basically STIMULATE your breasts.... even if you only express 1 or 2 oz. The other thing is BF is very much a hormone related function.... hence the skin to skin or at his age the level of cuddles the 2 of you can share (maybe in quiet as he might prefer to be distracted).

Offer him the breast..... and if REALLY this fails.... then you can express and bottle feed.... but yes he may find the nipples less interesting than the bottle ... gentle perseverence is worth a try!
Good luck.

Tiktok????

Becca, as you know we now have 3 DS's and all have been bottle fed. I have tried each time to breastfeed but just cannot do it. I have a design fault in my nips!

With DS1+2 I just accepted it and got on the the bottle but this time I'm really upset that I couldn't do it and believe me I tried and tried. I hated making bottle within a few months with DS1+2 and I'm sure I'll feel the same this time. I sometimes feel embarrassed to feed with a bottle which I know is mad but I soooooooo wish I could have breastfed him especially as this will almost certainly be the last chance I get to try.......and probably fail

Don't give up yet, ignore the people who are saying how big he is and enjoy it. You sorted it out once before so I'm sure you can both so it again.

Is milk quality REALLY a myth - I worry as Im aneamic and my diet isnt the best although i do try! Also must drink more water!

Women who are seriously malnourished and starving still manage to breastfeed. I think its all in your own mind. I think that babies should be breastfed for as long as mums can stand it really. So its up to you. Harvey will thrive on formula too, but will you be happy if you carry on bf?

I want to rewind back to the first few weeks, it all went so well 100% breastfeeding and he loved it - I just feel I have messed up to point of no return and introduced him to the bottle that he seems to like - I must admit it feels very weird when Im sitting giving him a bottle with two boobs full of milk strapped to my front!!

Thanks Emma for the message, made me realise Im lucky to be able to have the choice and it would be selfish of me to give up without a good reason

I really wonder why I feel like this about it - it feels like such a dilemma when really I should just get on with it!

I do get countless remarks from people so I suppose that is taking its toll - even my Mum today who breastfed all 3 of us for at least 9 months said maybe you should put him on the bottle if he is starving

becca - keep going
this sounds identical to what i went through
you are doing a fab job

"Women who are seriously malnourished and starving still manage to breastfeed" - I know this is true, but with my ds (who was slow to put on weight) I noticed a real difference after a midwife advised me to make sure every time I sat down to feed I had a biscuit and a drink of water at the same time, and made sure I had a big lunch each day. I'm a small eater normally and it really made a big difference. Maybe I'm just a freak, but the midwife had said it had helped with a couple of mums including herself

That said, beccarollo, if your ds is putting on a decent weight, then I wouldn't worry about it - you're obviously producing top notch stuff

I went through a stage when I thought I didn't have enough milk with ds2- we were having a very stressful time- in fact ds2 had an infection which was why he wasn't putting on any weight.

Anyway I was told to give him top up bottles but I was worried about reducing my milk supply, so what I did was feed him first on both breasts and then give him a bottle so he could take as much of that as he liked. That way he got breast, my supply was stimulated but I didn't worry about him being underfed.

Once the infection was sorted I was able to reduce bottles until I was back to just breast. He was 6 weeks old then, he's now 23 months and still bfed.

Try to look at it in a more positive way. You ARE doing a great job as his mum, and you HAVE given him the very best start. It doesn't matter when you stop breastfeeding - you will always have a tinge of sadness that that special time is over. I have breastfed 4 and my nipples still ache to feed any newborn I hear cry!
If, due to circumstances, Harvey is now content and thriving on the bottle, then try to be happy for him. You have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about. If he does prefer the bottle then it's easy to see why ...
It's easier to suck on a bottle, the milk flows without so much work on his side, he doesn't have to wait for the 'letdown', he can be nosey and see more of what's going on around him (can't do that when he's got his nose squashed in to mummy's boob). It doesn't mean he would rather have a bottle for a mum than you!!!
If you are desperate to get him back on the breast full time then it can probably still be achieved if you had a good supply system going before. But it will need lots of nipple stimulation and extra expressing, and you will have to be prepared for your little man to be a bit annoyed until your supply catches up with him again.
Health visitors do sometimes confuse things.
And you don't need to justify yourself to friends and family. Have faith, you are a great mum.

Becca - you seem to be feeling very guilty about the problems you are having with b/f. I went through a similar experience although I only lasted 3 weeks. I had to switch to bottles as I had mastitis and the antibiotics I was taking did not agree with ds. He reacted terribly. I was absolutely devastated and felt a complete failure. It didn't help that I was completely exhausted due to constant feeding either and it was a combination of the mastitis and exhaustion that caused me to change to bottles. I felt a huge amount of pressure to b/f even before I had the baby and felt sure I'd be able to do it. In the end I couldn't but it was a really big decision for me to give up (I also had friends who had been really successful which made me feel even worse). Once I had made the decision I felt loads better, as though a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. You are obviously doing your best here so don't be too hard on yourself, please.

I think Georgina makes a good point. I found it almost impossible to just sit and feed ds2 as ds1 had such a bad time after his birth- he was usually fed on the move- me running round the house with him hanging from the boob- not a good way to do it.

My HV recommended malt extract. Not sure it helped- but it was quite tasty.

You have done a good job so far and he is obviously thriving on bfeeding. Surely the issue is he isn't starving, after all he is putting on weight and quite happy to gorge himself to the point of throwing up. I can't help but think that the chopping and changing isn't helping his sickiness and ultimately bfeeding is likely to be the best tolerated. Can you at least get into a routine so that certain feeds are bottle and then otherwise feed him on demand. That way you could be rest assured that he was getting his fill.

You can continue to mix feed (I did both of mine form around 5/6 months), you probably could still with persistence and time reestablish bfeeding or you could go totally to bottles, ultimately it is whatever suits you, your circumstances and, above all, ds best. The occasional bottle/cup to replace a bfeed if you are going out, expressed or otherwise needn't disrupt the whole thing. If you are in the least bit unsure that bottles are the way to go then keep going and keep your options open.

good luck

DP just came in, when he walked in I said " I dont want lose breastfeeding, Im going to do what I can to get it back properly" he replies "Just put him on the bottle your life will be much easier and he will sleep better"

WTF Why am I up against this attitude! He has been brill sleeper since day 1 and if anything is worse sleeper since I introduced bottles (although I think thats more attributed to the growth spurt)

My friends often say are you still doing THAT - as if it was some fad I got into and refuse to give up!

Just ranting - sorree!!

Thank you for ALL of the replies, when Im on MN I KNOW that I want to BF and why and feel positive then in some situations I start to doubt it

keep going! if you really want to exclusively b/feed then do so.
stop the bottles and feed him all day. you will be surprised how much you have tomorrow. keep going for a couple of days and hey presto!
he wont be able to have a bottle so will learn quickly how to feed from the breast again. if you need one to one support to do this get intouch with a b/f supporter at the breastfeeding network 0870 900 8787 or try nct ot lll and they will help you 100%.

If cold turkey is too hard for you to contemplate (with megan) then drop one bottle at a time.

I helped a friend (who had v. bad h/v advise and stopped feeding for 2 weeks) relactate!
she had to feed from boob before giving any bottles , then express. after a week she was able to drop quite a few bottles and then had to do the cold turkey. her dd fed like mad for days but was then b/f exclusively! Her dh was great and helped out as much as poss with her older ds. It can be done at least you are still doing some b/f.
You have done soooo well to get this far. You don't have to stop unless you want to.

ignore your h/v he doesn't need weaning. you know whats best for him not her!

(sorry if I sound harsh. had couple of glasses of vino ) don't take me the wrong way, I just want you to know that you can do it if you want to. if you are happy as you are then you wouldn't have posted.

Could your dh really be meaning that HIS life will be so much easier and He will sleep so much better.
If you really want to do it then just do it, and the more stimulation you give your nipples at night the better. It boosts the supply to feed at night (boosts the bags under your eyes too, but that is a minor problem). Have some supper before you go to bed and wake
Harvey up gently and let him nuzzle and suck throughout the night.
It WILL work for you if you relax and believe in yourself.
Good luck,
Norma.

sorry missed your last post.
explain to him ho inportant it is to you!
tell him you want to b/feed and you need his support.
My friend I talked about was on verge of break down because she diddn't want to give up. She let her dh know how bd it was and he supported her. She spent some time with me so I could help with ds during the day. do you have a friend with only one child? or could dd go to a friend so you can feed all day?

There is plenty of research about milk quality, and all of it is reassuring. Mothers on weight reducing diets had babies who thrived as much as babies of mothers not on weight-reducing diets. Mothers in the developing world where food was in short supply were given special energy biscuits and it made not a jot of difference to their babies' growth or health. The constituents of milk of mothers on marginal diets (developing world again) were compared to those of the milk of mothers in (I think) Sweden and there was no significant difference.

Now, individual experience may appear to differ. If you think that malt extract, or whatever, is worth trying, then your perception may well alter. There is no reason to think this is anything but in the mind, but the mind is a powerful organ....witness the way lack of confidence affects every aspect of bf.

I find it frustrating that when babies are small, it's thought breastfeeding isn't going well, and bottles are suggested. If babies are big, then it's assumed bf can't possinbly be adequate, and bottles (in Beccarollo's case of hungrier baby formula) are suggested.

This is preposterous.

Of course you can provide what he needs.

But the more formula you give him, the harder you are making it for your body to maintain that.

You know in your head that your own milk has to be better than another mammal's.

Now you have to accept it in your heart, too

Thank You for the replies

I REALLY want to breastfeed properly again, I feel proud that I do it and dont want to lose it because of silly confidence problems and other peoples attitudes to it.

I hope you all arent sick of me going on and having various problems with it!

Can I ask for help on how best to go about getting it back on track properly - should I cold turkey the bottles? Drop them gradually?

What do I do when he is seemingly uninterested in feeding. What I tend to to is BF him both sides then he fusses as if he is still hungry - its at this point I usually give bottle- what shoudl I be doing? Just keep putting him back on and on even if he isnt feeding and just fussing?

I hope he will have me back!

Well I am still here, but REALLY should be in bed. Dh is away for the weekend, so I am indulging myself. (Ooh that sounds rude doesn't it!!)
I would be tempted to suggest you go 'cold turkey', but really only you know what the milk situation is with your own production.
'Cold turkey' won't hurt Harvey and it will probably be the quickest way of doing things.
Otherwise, just to make absolutely sure he doesn't get dehydrated, you could just offer him water in a bottle AFTER he has had a good go at you.
In between times try to express a little if you can. There is no need to feel that you have to give the expressed milk back to him in a bottle, as that will just defeat the object. The aim is to fool your breasts into upping the supply.

i have heared mears and tiktok say a baby will take a bottle even when not hungry as it is diferent.
cold turkey is quickest but can be constant feeding fest. if you have support around you i would go for that. If not do it more gradual. If he is fussing then is probably not hungry. as long as you offer it, he will take it if he is hungry.

Good luck. I hope you don't feel bullied.
just have faith in your self and you are right to feel proud! thats what boobs are for!!

Really must go to bed!

You are doing great. It is hard to have faith in yourself when those close to you don't. Part of my bloodymindedness about bfing is to prove to other people that they are wrong. Other people (like my mum who travelled across the world to help out when I was ill so I could continue to feed and my dh, who fields any criticism admirably) have been marvellous and that support is the other thing you need. You have loads of support here. Good luck!

How many bottles are you giving him? By the time ds2's infection had been cleared I was giving bottles after every feed. I slowly dropped them one by one- starting with the night one as that was a major pain in the arse! Eventually we got there. My main aim was to be able to breastfeed for an extended period- I wasn't too worried about the fact I was mix feeding so I didn't worry about it takig a while. I did have the advantage that he preferred breast though so I guess that could make a difference to the way you do it.

Oh Becca hugs to you, ignore dp, mum everyone telling you to stop you ARE DOING WONDERFULLY and the best job in the world.
Honestly why do people say these things, my mil told me I should put dd2 on formula now AAAaaarggggggghhhhh
I've heard it said here before that if you can take a day in bed with him loads of skin to skin and feed as much as poss even just let him nuzzle a while it will stimulate your milk and encourage him more also. Come to think of it a day in bed sounds great doesn't it
Keep going girl you're a great Mum and having come so far no reason to stop now.

Beccarollo
Just wanted to offer my support as well. As my DS took over a month to regain birth weight I was also under alot of pressure to switch to bottles. What I ended up doing was offering top-up of formula after I had breastfed, for 2 feeds in the day. Once DS started putting weight on I dropped one of the bottles, but he always got a 2oz top-up at the last night feed (which was actually a good thing as he never then had any difficulty feeding from a bottle).
Maybe a gradual switch back to breastfeeding might be easier on both of you, and instead of offering him the bottle first, offer it after breastfeeding on both sides first (just for the feeds you currently completely bottle feed). Then when you see him taking less of a top-up you will have the confidence to drop the bottle altogether.

Also want to say that I know how difficult it is dealing with other peoples comments. My DH was very keen for me to switch to bottle too, again for "my benefit". But when I explained that I thought stopping breastfeeding would be such an emotional blow to me, he came round to supporting me, and that made all the difference in the world. Keep trying to get your DH to understand what it means to you. Good luck.