Very unsettled BF newborn. Please help.

[beginnings]

I don't honestly know whether she's normal and I'm just having hormone overdrive or whether there is something more I can do for her. Should point out that she's seen the GP twice (two different doctors) and both have said she's healthy. She's currently nine days old, is EBF and lost only 6% of her birth weight at Day Five.

Our issue is that she is just SO unsettled. She fed 10 times yesterday including two periods of cluster feeding. The longest she fed for was about 20 mins and the shortest (as part of the cluster feed) was about 3. She averages around 12-15. She feeds ok, it doesn't hurt me, is peeing and pooing (explosively) lots so there's definitely something going in! One of the GPs told me to feed her as upright as possible and I am. She also told me to keep her upright for 30 mins after feeding, and I am. She tends to burp a couple of times and may or may not fart/poo. All sounds good, right?

Problem is that after all of that, she is just so unsettled. She squirms and cries an wriggles like its really uncomfortable and this just goes on and on. Often no more wind comes up. Yesterday she was up from 1030 until we put her in the pram at 1445. Isn't that to long for a baby of this age? Once we got home she only fed for a few mins before the squirming started again. Often when she first wakes up she'll do a big burp (sometimes with sick), or a poo. Does this mean that she's been uncomfortably holding wind all that time? The GP has given us Gaviscon to see if that makes a difference. He's said we should try that for a week or too and if it doesnt work, try something else i.e Infacol.

I've also tried massaging her belly but that doesn't seem to help.

This is epic, sorry, but can anyone give more advice on making her more comfortable. I'm not so much looking for a routine, just a way of making my little girl comfortable.

Hiya!!!

Congratulations!! Well, I though I would give my little piece of advice, my PFB DD who is now 10mo cried ALL THE TIME, for the first week I could t settle her. I has midwives round every day, they just kept giving me advice on settling her rather than looking for an actual problem.

I, obviously, wanted to believe they were right, while being a wreck with nerves, trying to hold it all together, while knowing something wasn't right.

Basically, after 10 days she had lost a lot of weight and wasn't getting enough milk.
It's awful, but she ended up on a drip for 2/3 days with dehydration

She's totally fine now, I know how overwhelming it is and just thought I'd let you know in case it's something like that? I mix fed her for a few days but then all my milk went away...no biggy! She was much happier when she was actually getting fed

Hope it helps, and go with your instincts

Have you read 'What Mothers Do (especially when it looks like nothing)'. It a book about becoming a mum and some of the emotional and practical changes in our lives - rather than a parenting tomb declaring the best/only way to parent.

Anyway, she has chapters on different skills that new mums learn, and one of them is about learning how their baby likes to be soothed and comforted. She doesn't tell you how to do it (unfortunately!) but makes the point that babies are individuals and find different things soothing. She reckons that learning how to comfort your newborn is a skill or set of skills that you are learning together.

I thought it was reassuring that its something that all mothers need to learn with each new baby (because each one is different), and that its a learning curve, that we'll get better at it. She felt it was a skill that was worth appreciating in mothers/parents/caregivers, and often it isn't (people ask if the baby is 'good' or 'quiet' but rarely ask if the mother has learnt to soothe the baby).

I'm not an expert (my little one doesn't cry and fuss yet - or at least I don't see any fussing, because he or she is still in the womb! :) ) but it sounds as though you are getting the breastfeeding thing worked out and you'll be working on this soothing thing now :) Obviously if you are concerned about her feeding or health then get expert help, but it sounds like you are doing fine.

Sometimes, babies will cry and fuss because of some hidden thing that we can't do anything about (say a headache), and after you have met all the needs you can by feeding, etc, all you can do is be present with them so they aren't crying alone. That in itself is a comfort, even if they don't settle immediately, and you can't fix the discomfort for them, at least they are being heard and held.

I've got all this to look forward to!

Charlton - OP's baby is almost certainly getting sufficient to eat, just fine....only lost 6 per cent of birthweight. Nappies show all the signs of coming out of a well-fed baby.

Her baby isn't cying all the time - yours was.

I know you were trying to help, but the one thing the OP was not worrying about was whether her baby was getting sufficient milk....and there's not a shred of evidence in her posts that this is an issue :(

beginnings - you have described exactly how my baby was for the first few weeks. It made me feel rubbish - she would scream and squirm and it was really distressing. I couldn't (still can't) work out if she was hungry or over-tired, so fed her anyway (she was under weight), but she'd scream in pain with wind. It felt like I was poisoning my own child. Horrible. Meanwhile my friends babies were sleeping soundly in their own room/cot while mine had to be held all the time (and still does at 6 weeks).

Frankly, it's put me off ever having another child. But it has got better. Infacol helped the wind and she seemed to suddenly have a development leap at about 3-4 weeks and her guts matured. She still has lots of wind, but she seems to manage it better now.

The thing that helped me stay sane was my DH taking her for an hour in the night so that i could sleep. I figured she wasn't going to starve during that time! Can your DH do this too?

I also cut out cows milk in case the reflux symptoms were related to the protein. Again, reflux has subsided, but I no idea if this is due to reduced cows milk, keeping her upright or her maturing. It did at least feel like I was doing something to help her.

tiktok

Not one person suggested this to me at the time and my DD seemed fine.
I wish someone had, just trying to help.

I understand, Charlton, and you had really poor care :(

Nothing of your experience was like the OP's. That's all I meant....and she may worry unnecessarily.

Thanks Charlton for sharing your story but given what's coming out, I really do think there's enough going in.

I'll also dig out the sling we've inherited And *spiritedwolf I'll look for that book.

Tiktok thank you. I'm really listening and as a result DD has spent a lot more of today on me and has been a lot more settled. It's only now she's a bit off andshes wriggling uncomfortably as opposed to crying. I think she has wind in her bowel more than tummy. Does that make sense? Are you a midwife or just a vastly sensible Mum?

God, I echo what Spiderlight said about getting a wrap, or even just a pouch sling. They were a lifesaver with my two, especially my PFB. She was mega unsettled for the first 6 months or so, so much so that the childminder, health visitor and I still have to brace ourselves when we look back at that time.

There was nothing wrong with her, she's just a really lovely and sensitive girl who had trouble adjusting to the almost constant changes that happen when you're a newborn. (You can understand when you think about it. Imagine waking up tomorrow with "super hearing" or an entirely new sense that you don't have today--You'd be freaked out too!)

While she's getting herself adjusted to it all, you can help by making her environment as much like your familiar womb as possible. White noise or womb sounds are great and if you carry baby in a sling while you do your regular chores then she's being rocked in the same familiar way that she's used to. Also, one of the first things baby hones in on is the smell of you, breastmilk, etc. She'll like to be near the boobs even when she's not feeding and when you change your shirt you can lay the used one under her in the moses basket --weird, but it helps.

Sometimes water & baths can be calming, so maybe try that too. Good luck, & enjoy your new little one.

Glad things are improving, beginnings. I am a breastfeeding counsellor with NCT, not a midwife.

I think we are far to focussed on wind in this culture. I have no idea, and nor can anyone else even begin to guess, if wind in the tummy or wind in the bowel makes a difference either way to a baby - everyone of us, big or small, has air in both places :) Mostly, the human body deals with this just fine. With regard to babies, people assume any crying is due to wind, and maybe some of the time it is....but a lot of the time, I bet, it isn't :)

Six months!!

Bracing myself for that but I'll have to deal with that if it happens. She's very unsettled this evening but seems just to be really hungry. Someone pass the Lansinoh :)

You've made me feel much better today ladies, thank you.

Another thing I have learned is that babies seem to pick up on our own anxiety and it's very hard not to be anxious as a new mum. In the last few months, we have had two new babies in our wider family. It has been interesting to see if I still had "the touch" after all these years. And I have. It's partly because I can detach from the crying as I am not the mum. I can calm someone else's baby down easier than I could my own newborns, quite often.

I remember that gut churning feeling you have when your own baby cries. And the guilt that you are doing something wrong. But you aren't. You are both learning a new relationship and it will come with time. In a very short while you will be able to look back and smile at some of the things that seem so serious now.

In our early days, one evening DH went out and I was in with a screaming DS1. DH came home to find us both crying our eyes out. I was dismayed that I couldn't cope with a tiny baby. DH took him into another room and calmed him in minutes. Then did the same with me. I was so upset at the time, thinking that I was a rubbish Mum.

Now, I smile about that incident. After 22 years as a parent, there have been loads of rubbish times, but far more brilliant ones.

And our two DSs seem to have turned out OK. Good luck in your parenting journey OP.

Sounds like lots of good advice already on this thread. I came on as it sounded quite like my DT's. Sadly mine are 5.5 weeks and I can't tell you hoe jealous I am of three- four hourly feeding overnight! Sorry to jump in but can I ask some advice tiktok? Heard your name mentioned on other threads re bf and i am struggling with ny ebf dts.

Hope all continues as well as it sounds so far beginnings . You sound like a lovely mum with a perfectly normal little girl to me.

tiktok I hope NCT have you doing master classes for your colleagues!

I know what you mean about wanting to be near the boobs - mine likes to sleep with her head practically buried in mine, and it's a great game to slide away from her in the bed, and watch her pparently asleep, and wriggling after me to clamp herself back against me, limpet style

oh yes the book spiritedwolf has suggested is great! i have it and still read bits of it from time to time, its a lovely book :)

your baby sounds normal, just like my 5 were, she just wants her mummy and thats totally normal.

if you are going to get a sling have a look at the wrap slings like a moby or a close carrier, they are great. it does get easier i promise, i wouldnt have done it 5 times otherwise xxx :)

Congrats on your new arrival! You've had great advice on this thread I think, but I'd just like to add two things. Firstly, have you got a bf group near you? So, so recommend going along to meet up with other bfing mums, if only to compare notes on what's normal. Second, look after yourself, you sound tired and worried, and you deserve some attention too. Is DH/ DP caring for you, while you care for babe?

Congratulations. I can still remember how overwhelming the first few weeks were. With my first I really didn't get how much a newborn wants to be held, carried and close to their mum (and dad), so got really hung up on trying to settle DD in her moses basket, or bouncy chair- and also underestimated her need to feed and feed in the evenings. With my second, DH and I just took turns to sit around with DS laid on our chests when we were in the house, which seemed to keep him happy. And I resigned myself to the hours of 6pm to 10pm sat on my bum in front of the telly feeding DS. I guess what I am trying to say is just relaxing helped a lot. Also might be worth reading a book which I found a godsend - Happiest Baby on the Block by Harvey Karp, which has some great ideas for calming and soothing babies.

One, we did with DS what you did with your DS and it worked for us - on the advice of a bf midwife DH even did skin to skin on his chest so I could go get a shower, otherwise he was cuddling and / or feeding for, ooh, at least three months. I loved it, and he was happy. I unashamedly fed him to sleep, and let him nap on me. Only DMIL commented, because she was worried he couldn't feed efficiently, but she relaxed when she watched him thrive.

Just watching and learning here - in hospital with 2 day n.b. Xxx

Congratulations on your dd!!

I just wanted to chip in with a bit of support. My dd1 screamed constantly for five months solid and i was at my wits end. (i know you havent got one this bad!) But I had dd2 13 weeks ago and she's completely different but i think a lot of that is down to me and what i learned the first time.

My dd1 would be screaming or twisting writhing about and i'd be saying well she cant be hungry i fed her an hour ago. I'd panic when she'd poo'd in her sleep and change her by torchlight so she wasnt sleeping in it.

Before you have a baby you're told to just go through the list, are they hungry, nappy?, tired, bored? Etc etc and a couple of things you've said like her being 4 hourly in her feeds and you may wake her to change makes me think you're worrying about what she 'should' be doing.

I slather cream on my dd2 and never wake her. I panic thinking she must be starving esp in hospital when she'd be asleep for about six hours. But babies need sleep to grow as well as milk. If she's hungry or uncomfy she'll wake and let you know!

With the squirming etc it could well be that she's tired. My dd will grunt and whine and so i'll offer a boob. But often she thrashes about squirms and pushes away. Invariably these are the times she'll fall asleep with rocking, skin to skin etc. i spend my whole days with my dd practically clamped to my bare boobs either sleeping or feeding.

You'll probably be posting again in three months saying 'my baby wont let me put her down'.

It sounds like you're doing an amazing job. Congrats again.

My DD was like this. It came as a shock, because my first three babies were not and were much less 'needy'. DD was pretty much held/carried/slinged for around the first three months of her life. She wouldn't be put down at all in the day without crying, even in her pram when out and about, the only place she would go down was the car seat when driving. I can remember posting about it on here in fact.

I found that holding/feeding her did stop most of the crying (found that out pretty fast myself!) and Infacol did seem to help. We still had an hour or so of crying and bobbing on and off the breast most evenings, but it was fine as long as someone held her.

After around 3 months she gradually got more secure about being put down/sitting in her bouncy chair/on a playmat etc and now she is almost 11 months old, all that seems like years ago.

It won't be long and your tiny little baby will seem all grown up, so don't worry, just enjoy your baby.

Thanks for all your advice and help....here's today's challenge which has got me thinking about the reflux again.....

She has been quite unsettled today and has spent a LOT of time at the breast. She slept for about an hour after which she woke, did four farty poos and was sick - a thick creamy sick.. One of the poos happened as I was changing her. It was forceful and was a lot of golden yellow, clear liquid (like adult bile) accompanied by the mustardy goo. Her anus is red raw - I've put sudocrem on it. Would bepanthen be better? And is it normal for poo to be like that?? She has just fed again and still seems uncomfortable.

that poo sounds normal and the force at which it comes out is quite amazing isnt it! i always used sudocream for mine and gave them bare bum time, just lay them on a towel for a little bit each day, even when tiny, they loved kicking their legs etc without a nappy on :)

when you say she seems uncomfortable how do you mean? it is normal for her to want to be held, swaddling may work fora bit, but slings are great. she may well fuss when tired, some babies find it hard to sleep sometimes, just remember everything is new to her, from the feel of air on her skin, nappies and clothes etc, so she finds the one constant in all that comforting and thats you! i like others spent hours just holding my babies when little they all liked to beupright on my chest, so a sling like a moby wrap was great for that as then i could get things done. you only have the one tho so you can enjoy keeping your feet up and resting! get a supply of food, snacks, drinks and tv remote all in arms length, magazines, books etc a well and make yourself cosy in bed or on the sofa, before you know it these days will be long gone, but for now enjoy them :)

also if you do think she has wind, as tiktok says it may not be that but massage her tummy, always clockwise, she may like that and you can also 'pedal' her legs for her like she is riding a bike that can also help and mine woudl produce some spectacular farts when i did that!

does she like movement, one of mine didnt like me to sit donw, i had to stand up and jig/sway lots!! that was rather annoying tbh, even when sat on the sofa i would have to jig him about, but i think that was partly becaue during his pregnancy i was ALWAY on the go, chasing round after a toddler etc so he was used to movement and liked it, a baby swing meant i could have a shower! and again he lived in the sling and as he got older he was more content to sit, tho then he learnt to crawl at 6mths and has been on the go ever since :)