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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

Natty comebacks to Dear mother ( and others) about BF on Demand...

35 replies

thegauntlet · 07/05/2012 13:59

Anyone got any ideas. I am feeling slightly fragile and find it difficult to defend my position on feeding on demand.

DD2 is 6 weeks and thriving.. the whole time I bf DD1 ( to 9 months) my mum kept hinting that she would do better being on a schedule as 'all her babies slept through and fed 4 hourly' . Now after another commend from my grandma about being disorganised i am wondering if anyone has any good one-liners i can defend myself with (and boost my confidence with!)

I have said 'well it is current advice to feed on demand, it is different from when you were feeding' but that is snapped at ' well you all seemed ok- why would advice be different, babies are the same..'

OP posts:

SeventhEverything · 07/05/2012 14:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GodisaDJ · 07/05/2012 14:14

"next time you have a baby mum, be sure to follow your own advice, for my baby, I'll follow my natural instincts and feed on demand"...

But if your mum is anything like some members of my family, i'd bottle saying it out loud

Although I finally had the bollocks to tell one member that I would not be giving my dd formula after she told asked me to give her a bottle at 11pm to help her sleep through at 3 weeks!?

The other option is to very honestly sit mum/grandma down and explain that you will be doing things your way and whilst you appreciate their 'advice' it is upsetting you that they refuse to listen to what you have researched and what is now recommended.

MrsKitty · 07/05/2012 14:20

Q. "She surely doesn't need feeding again? "
A. "Yes, she does, thanks. "

TruthSweet · 07/05/2012 14:21

You could try telling them you'll feed on a schedule when baby can tell the time.....

Mombojombo · 07/05/2012 14:42

If she asks for a cup of tea, tell her she can have it in 4 hours. When she takes a sip, remove the mug then give it back another 4 hours later... Maybe...

tiktok · 07/05/2012 14:45

Don't call it demand feeding.....call it 'cue feeding' or 'responsive feeding'. That might help :)

Babies don't 'demand' - they have genuine needs which need responding to.

NeedlesCuties · 07/05/2012 15:04

You have my sympathies. I bf my DS on demand until he was 11 months. Encountered all sorts of comments, but I just nodded and smiled and told them DS was happy so I wasn't worried.

My MW helped my sanity by telling me that babies are like any newborn mammal and need lots of food as their bellies are tiny.

Someone on another part of MN linked to this article and I really loved it feeding on demand

I was explaining all this to a pregnant family member. She told me she couldn't possibly think of feeding on demand as she had "shopping and chores to get done." My face was like

scrumdiddlydoo · 07/05/2012 15:29

I have had the classic 'you were only fed every 4 hours' comments. I responded by saying that I counted how many times I ate or drank something in a day - 12 times. Why should it be any different for a baby?

hazchem · 07/05/2012 15:31

I use this line with my father in law.

"It works for us as a family"

You can use it for almost any situation. BLW, breastfeed or not wanting to go to the westend at 11pm with a 8 month old baby.

Oh and congratulations! Be kind to yourself.

fridayfreedom · 07/05/2012 15:33

If I remember rightly, the feeding every four hours came about after research based on how often calves feed!!!! so very little to do with how often a baby feeds really......

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 07/05/2012 15:35

"that was then and this is now" is my standard reply to any of my Mother's "in my day" comments.

jaggythistle · 07/05/2012 16:34

agree with restricting their snacks and drinks to every 4 hours and seeing how they like it. oh ok, or just point out that of course a tiny baby won't wait longer than them.

my MIL is always worried about me not getting anything done too.

I've tried to explain that feeding on cue is just how it works but she just waffles about how it must be 'tying' to bf on demand (where would i be going exactly with a 2 week old?) and worrying about how much milk he's getting.

this is dc2 so i was hoping not to have to repeat all this!

EauRouge · 07/05/2012 16:44

Yes, if you're in a cheeky mood you could give her a taste of her own medicine- "really mum, another cuppa? It hasn't been 4 hours yet. I don't think you can really be thirsty. You must just be bored, would you like me to read The Politics of Breastfeeding to you?"

TheFallenMadonna · 07/05/2012 16:49

My MIL breastfed three children four hourly, and still has all her refreshments to a very strict timetable. Seriously. If you arrive outside of set meal times, you don't get fed or watered. So that argument wouldn't work at all...

I just ignored her really.

I did wish they did feed just four hourly though TBH!

Booboostoo · 07/05/2012 16:51

I had similar disparaging comments from my mum so I suggested next time she went to the doctor's with a problem she insist they diagnose and treat her with technology and knowledge from 39 years ago exclusively!

CheerfulYank · 07/05/2012 17:05

When I worked at a nursery I remember a little boy whose mother was very insistent that he only have a bottle four hourly. He could have water in between, or maybe a cracker.

I hated it. :(

eeden · 07/05/2012 17:16

Something like: Why are you suggesting that I don't follow the current national advice?

Babies might not change, but advice does.

Booboostoo · 07/05/2012 19:03

My mum has managed to say BOTH that I am creating a rod for my own back by demand feeding AND that I am taking the easy way out! In addition apparently the baby is using my breast as a dummy [confusee]

Great article NeedlesCuties! She describes a lot of what I feel!

openerofjars · 07/05/2012 19:22

I once used the line, "It doesnt get in the way of anything; nobody batted an eye when I fed him in the middle of IKEA".

Sleepstarved · 07/05/2012 19:26

The 'back in my day' is such a bag of shit thing to say. They just don't want to hear they did it wrong.
Knowledge moves on. We know now not to put lead in make-up, that smoking is bad for you but 'back in the day' it was considered good for you.
My mum was worried that she hadn't known half the stuff we do now and how it affected us kids - she was told to drink Guinness when pregnant with me to keep her iron levels up!
Tell them that babies may not have changed but knowledge has and if you get the 'it never did you any harm' response you can ask her 'how do you know that'?

HermioneE · 07/05/2012 19:31

Tell her you have a new schedule and it's really complicated. And then every time you feed the baby, check your watch first and nod.

GurlwiththeFrothyCurl · 07/05/2012 20:03

It's interesting that this still comes up these days. I had the same arguments with MIL 22 years ago when I was bf DS1 on demand. She kept asking me how his 2.00 feed went and I kept saying "What 2.00 feed?" So the advice to follow your baby's cues was around at least 25 years ago, I think. Hardly new stuff!

GodisaDJ · 07/05/2012 20:43

I like Hermione's suggestion

YoullLaughAboutItOneDay · 07/05/2012 21:10

If you feel like being a bit confrontational you could say "I'm really glad it worked for us, but babies aren't all the same and four hourly feeding didn't work for most babies. That's why so many women had problems breastfeeding, thought they didn't have enough milk and all those things. Isn't it great that research has figured out what was going wrong" And a big grin.

showtunesgirl · 07/05/2012 22:03

It's such a shame people have views like this and aren't prepared to listen to newer advice.

My DD great-grandmother who is 101 breastfed my MIL to a schedule and when I said that the advice these days is to feed on demand, she said that that sounded like a much more sensible idea and was bound to make a baby happier. :)

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