were your first few weeks of bfing anything like you expected them to be? and if not, do you tell other women the truth?

[Kveta]

met a friend for lunch today (hi if you're reading this :o) and we were talking about the early days of bfing, as for her it is very recent, and for me I have them all to come again with DC2 in a few weeks time.

We both said we'd been told by other people (NCT/other bfing mums/HV/Midwives) that it doesn't hurt if you're doing it right. And nobody we knew had had any problems in the first few weeks. Except they did, but didn't tell us.

I had told her before her DD was born that I'd found the 1st 6-8 weeks pretty grim. After her DD was born, and we were chatting, she asked for more details, and I was able to say that I'd been in tears before many feeds, and found the pain of latching on toe-curlingly painful at times. Today she was saying that nobody else she knew admitted that it hurt, unless they were pressed on the matter, and she felt very alone a lot of the time.

I remember feeling much the same, but luckily had a fab post-natal group on here to tell me it was normal (and to tell me when it wasn't!).

So I was just wondering, did you have those hellish first few weeks, where nipples felt assaulted, toes curled with pain at every feed, not even lansinoh stopped the stinging, and you wondered what the hell was so natural about the whole process anyway? And did it all settle down for you at 6-8 weeks post birth? And do you tell anyone else the truth, or just keep parroting the line that 'it doesn't hurt if you're doing it right!' (if you were lucky enough that it didn't, then :o)

I think I would have found it easier in the early days if I'd known more about how much work was involved in those first few weeks of bfing, rather than constantly hearing that I must be doing it wrong if it hurt. Am I alone in feeling that way?

I should add, DS is 2.6 and still bfed, and DC2 is due in a few weeks, so obviously it didn't put me off in the beginning. But I wonder how many people are put off because it doesn't automatically feel comfortable to nurse their child, as they had been led to believe.

With ds it was a nightmare and seeking support was a full time job in itself. So I tell people to look up support before birth.
However I also say that if they're lucky it might be more like SIL's experience which really was breast in mouth and no problems.

Second time round has been so much easier but I do share details of squirting and leaking as it helps to be aware of that potential indignity.

I was in agony with horrible, scabbed, bleeding nipples. I HATED the first few days until I said to DH that it was nipple guards or ff as I could NOT go on. Everyone told me the same count to 10 thing and that the latch must be wrong but when they looked at me they said the latch was fine so, basically, toughen up and get on with it.

Few more days with agony with the nipple guards and then DD and I were right. She didn't need the guards to latch on properly by 9 weeks and then I bf til 8 months. Very proud of myself.

I tell ANYONE who asks and tell them MN is invaluable for bf support.

I also tell everyone about MN for support (especially Tiktok and TruthSweet, who have been amazingly helpful to me over the past few years!)

I do wonder how many women stop bfing because they expected it to be easier/feel more natural than it does. Also how many are surprised by how straightforward it is after hearing horror stories :o I guess it's like pregnancy and birth in that respect! There's a lot more emphasis on birth than on bfing though in ante-natal classes, despite one taking a few hours/days at worst, and normally with full support of people who know what they are on about, and one being done on your own, no pain relief, and can take weeks or months to get figured out.

oh, and congratulations on DS2 jaggythistle! (IIRC, your DS1 is the same age as my DS, I think we 'bumped' into each other on threads in late 2009 with similar questions!!)

I stopped bf at 3 weeks with ds, down to feelings of resentment and frustration. But looking back it's most likely those feelings were because feeding wasn't as i expected.
I don't remember much, but he did keep fidgeting and coming on and off. I know he was doing alright cos he never lost any weight after birth.

Next time Im determined to try harder, but i know that formula isn't evil.
I tell the whole of that story if people ask, they should know good and bad experience.

i know that formula isn't evil.

oh, absolutely agree. DS had formula a few times in the early days, because I couldn't believe a baby could really need to feed 22 hours in a 24 hour period. It gave me a chance to have a shower, I love the stuff for that alone :o he also had it sometimes when I went back to work. Nothing wrong with it. Shame about the dubious marketing practices though!

also, it does seem difficult to be supportive of bfing without being accused of being negative about formula/formula feeding, which is something I've wondered about. How to tell people that bfing isn't always easy in the early days, that if they stick at it it will most likely get better, without saying something negative about the alternatives.

I try to be as honest as possible and try and share how I got through the difficulties without being preachy or bigging myself up as some sort of hero for getting through a dreadful few weeks, because I know the thing that got me through was the support I was lucky enough to have, and not all women have that support.

Having a local bf support group was really fabulous - having a family that were willing to drive me and baby there was even better.

I had trouble getting DS to latch properly at first but a fab midwife helped with that. Other than that I found bfing very easy - I had no pain at all. My nipples must be like old leather because they never showed any strain! I know I was very lucky not to suffer.

Some women must be telling the truth out there, as my friend recently had a baby and made no attempt to bf as everyone she knew who had tried had had an awful time and quit, so her DS was ff from day one.

Personally, I did not find it easy, I had various difficulties but nothing that involved blood! I have been known to tell people though avoid turning it into a horror story, as it wasn't all bad.

My biggest shock was that DS had to learn to feed - I thought it was automatic! Also no-one told me you had to relax for the let down to happen and as I didn't have any let-down sensations it took me ages to realise that was causing problems. :(

Sheer stubbornness and bloody mindedness was the only thing to get me through - I didn't suffer with pain (thank god) but I had awful over supply and feeding was a complete battle for at least 8 weeks - LO would scream, arch his back, pull off, gulp, cough and splutter at every feed and had awful wind from taking in so much air. I used to cry with frustration at not being able to do this 'oh so natural wonderful thing like it is on the advert'. Wish I had known, they should give a more balanced view in ante natal classes, so as people aren't so put off they don't give it a go, but have enough info to know that it isn't plain sailing for the majority and that there are alot more problems associated with breastfeeding than we are told. I didn't realise how emotive the whole thing is - I was literally a wreck and now feel quite passionate about the whole subject!

My biggest shock was that DS had to learn to feed

a lot of people have said this to me! (I used to go to a bfing clinic every week and we would chat about the early days!) it's quite a stark reminder that no matter what books you read, your baby will not have read them, and will thus merrily do their own thing regardless of what you've decided :o

they should give a more balanced view in ante natal classes, so as people aren't so put off they don't give it a go, but have enough info to know that it isn't plain sailing for the majority and that there are alot more problems associated with breastfeeding than we are told.

I remember asking our NCT bfing teacher about problems, and she brushed it off, saying that we could deal with them if they arose. whereas the NCT antenatal teacher took us through a list of potential scenarios of things that could go wrong in birth and how to cope with them. Not sure why the teachers used such different approaches. I was so perplexed by DS cluster feeding for hours and week son end, and if it hadn't been for MN, I'd have caved in much earlier, as despite him looking like a michelin baby, and gaining quite ludicrous amounts of weight, it did not seem right to me that he needed to feed so much!

I didn't have much over supply issues, but a friend did, and was in tears a lot, as she was leaking constantly, and her DD had bad nappies for a while.

tongue tie was NEVER mentioned at any classes.

weird.

I was always told by my MW and HV that "it shouldnt hurt if you are doing it right" so I ended up stopping with DS1 after abut 2 weeks because it was agony. Wish I had known then that of course it bloody hurts at first, you have a baby that is also learning how to feed, latch gets cocked up, nipples crack etc etc and that it does take a while to get used to it.

I always tell people the truth now, because its such a simple thing that is fixed with time and practice, and if people know that actually yes it can hurt even if you are doing it right it might mean they perservere with it (if they want to of course) rather than give up like I did.

I really felt the opposite. I was told about all sorts of problems, that it might hurt a lot ect. In fact i spent a lot of time worrying the latch was wrong as it had been over explained to me and i thought it must be hard.

Where in fact for me it was good from the start. DS latched on about 30 minutes after birth. I had to be shown how to unlatch him and then how to feed lying down a few days later.

I think I was lucky as a grew up surrounded by woman that breastfeed.

I think I was lucky as a grew up surrounded by woman that breastfeed

• yes, I wonder if this makes more of a difference than we realise?

I too expected BF'ing to be sheer hell for at least 6 weeks , but it's seemed ok to me so far. Some bad bits (mastitis, tongue tie) but mainly good and never any pain.

I grew up in a large church community where there was on average a new baby every 3-4 weeks. People were really supportive of BF'ing and weirdly every new mum did manage to BF AFAIK. I was 15 before I saw a baby being bottle fed!

thanks Kveta! DS1 is 2.7 so I guess just a few weeks between them.

Good luck for you with DC2!

I feel quite lucky that it's been more straightforward for me this time, no c-section, no tongue tie etc - it's made a big difference too. (not thinking about the fanjo stitches)

kveta even

I think I was lucky as a grew up surrounded by woman that breastfeed

I did too, but never saw it that I recall, as I was 8 when my mum stopped bfing my brother. However, as all women, except 1, in my family have breastfed their children for at least 6 months, I was more supported than friends of mine who were FFed as babies, and whose mothers/MILs were not aware of normal bfing behaviour.

jaggy DS is 2.7 tomorrow, so think they were both born in the same month! I will not think about stitches with DC2 either

Dd is 2 weeks and she has tongue tie but luckily it hasnt affected feeds and its been really easy. I didnt breastfeed last time partially as everyone said it was awful but now I am doing it I realise its not at all.

I thought if it hurt it means they are not latched on right? Its not meant to hurt according to midwife.

Only 1 friend told me the truth, and I really appreciated it when I was really struggling. She said (laughingly), the first time her son wanted to feed, she would think "oh my darling son, come here, and have all the milk you want', and then it progressed to "oh you want to feed again, come on be quick", and finally to her crying and praying that he wouldn't want another feed in a while!! If anyone asks, I would be honest and say it can be difficult and that I really struggled, but that it's worth it if you can get through the first few weeks!

Feeding DD1 for the first 6 weeks was one of the most painful things I've ever done (only exceeded by a prolapsed disc!). I think we got the latch wrong, broken skin on nipples, and milk took ages to come in after c section. However, I was determined to carry on and through the tears, finally did. Glad I did and carried on for 14 months.

DD2 is now 3 weeks and probably because I know what I'm doing (and it hasn't been long since DD1 finished) it's a doddle.

So very mixed experiences and I do tell people the truth! One friend told me and I'm glad she did.

Honestly didn't have any problems. At the time I was unaware that people struggled so much, guess I was lucky.

I was talking to a HV a few weeks ago and burst into tears over this exact issue (sleep deprived and hormonal).
She only asked a simple question but something hit a nerve. I really struggled for the first month of bf. It was a huge shock that bf didnt feel 'completely natural'. It hurt, it was knackering, it made me miserable, I was starting to resent dd.
Because of all of this I was also irrational and did not want to get help. I didn't want complete strangers seeing my boobs either and was not about to go to a breastfeeding group for help.
I got through it with mn and a 'one feed at a time' approach so far, although dd is only 3 months and currently having another blip!
I think I would have felt less of a failure if I knew that it IS hard at first. I just thought I was falling at the first hurdle.

I think other things can influence it too. DD had jaundice so not only was I a novice feeder but I felt I had to keep her topped up the whole time.
I eventually ended up with a scary raw patch on one nipple which caused a lot of pain and which I think I didn't realise was there for ages because of it being underneath and also not looking at my boobs particularly closely (tiredness etc).
I was also amazed at the mess. I am a champion leaker. That was totally unexpected and meant I always had to take a spare set of tops for me if I was going out as I could easily soak through the most ambitious breast pad.

Secondary to that I think the frequent feeding might have over stimulated my milk too.

With DS I had a totally different experience. I was much more relaxed about him latching, he just used to hoover my nipple in. He didn't have jaundice so I didn't have that worry.
He was a quick and painless feeder.
I didn't leak as much (although still a lot).

So I think the stress of being a first timer didn't help, and that the experience made second time around a lot easier. I fed DD until about 8 months (after the first 12 weeks it was pretty easy) and DS fed until he weaned at about a year.
I am waiting to have DC3 and wondering what the next experience will bring....

I probably wouldn't tell someone that bf is painful but I think you can get such contradictory advice it can make the process of getting comfortable with how YOU do it very difficult!

I was lucky too that I come from a family where BF on cue is seen as normal and where nearly all babies slept in the family bed for the first few months. I was told by my DM, an auntie and a couple of older cousins that if my baby made a peep to offer the breast and to sleep with her to make night feeds easier.

I think seeing so many people breastfeed and be so relaxed about it really helped. I never viewed it as anything other than normal.

I've not read the whole thread but my experience of bf was nothing like I expected.... Everyone told me it hurt lots but it didn't hurt me one bit! (lucky emoticon). Let down was a strange sensation but everything else I found a doddle - no cracked nipples, no mastitis, no 'shortage' of milk. I felt like an earth mother!! However once ds reached tottler hood I was soon stripped of that illusion