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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Help me make this feeding decision please

46 replies

stressedofnorthlondon · 15/02/2012 16:35

About whether to introduce an evening bottle of formula.

I'll start by saying that I don't expect it to make DS sleep through the night, or really sleep any better at all!

DS2 is 4 months old and has been ebf since birth. He's doing really well, fab weight gain. He's doing the usual four month wake-every-hour thing at the moment, and we still can't get him to sleep in the bedroom till at least 10pm, sometimes much later. He was really sucky in the evenings, but now not so much. He clearly just doesn't like going to bed!

We have a two year old too so have our hands full in the evening getting him to bed (he's going through a funny phase at the moment, I;m sure due to his brothers arrival). I have a very hands on and supportive DH who puts DS1 to bed.

Then there's me. I've recently started on AD's, and am waiting for further assessment and hopefully input from the MH team as I've been feeling low, anxious, tearful etc, all the signs of PND. It's not really bad, in that it could be a lot worse, and I;m certainly not at a crisis point. But I'm definitely far from 100%. I have lots of days when I feel absolutely fine, but then a few where I really don't.

So, introducing the bottle; With DS1, he was supplemented from birth with EBM (and a little bit of formula before we were d/c from hospital) as he was jaundiced, didn't feed well etc. BF was v hard at first and I had to have days when it was too painful to feed so I'd express and DH would feed him all day. Once his feeding improved he continued to have an ebm bottle at bed time, and a little more on the rare occasions he was babysat till he was 6mo. Once he got to 6months, I replaced any bottles (so bedtime, babysitting) with formula, but carried on feeding till he self weaned at 19mo.

I intended to express for a bedtime bottle with DS2 also, but have been putting it off. I half heartedly got my manual pump out last week and got 40ml in 20 mins. My electric pump is in the streriliser but I just don't have the motivation to use it! I don't think I've got the time or the energy to express enough for a bottle every evening, then extra for when I eventually have a night out.

I have a night out at the end of march that I really really want to go to (it's a very special occasion) and cannot take DS with me so I need an alternative way to feed him by then. DH is really keen for me to either express or let him have a bottle or formula as he thinks this will help him settle in the evening (as I said, I', not convinced). But he also thinks I need to the opportunity to have some time out too which this would give me.

When he was first born I was determined that he wouldn't have any formula till he was 6mo. I don't think formula is bad at all, it was just a personal goal I set myself. But I didn't account for how tired I'd be, or that I'd start to feel down.

I'm worried also that it'll affect my supply but will it at this quite late stage?

Arrggh, why can't I just do it, one bottle isn't going to make any difference, is it?

Help!

OP posts:
himynameisfred · 15/02/2012 16:52

hello,
supplimenting will affect your milk supply, yes.

How do you think a formula feed will help you get sleep?

If you need tim eout, you could go to bed and get your rest, have a nice bath, lay in bed with magazines, rest etc, all while dear husband takes care of the baby.
Bringing baby up to you for a 10 minute feed at 9pm, to keep your milk supply going and to protect baby's delicate digestive system from formula, isn't going to stop you sleeping, is it? really?

It really annoys me how much pressure there is from men for the baby to 'just have a bottle to give you a break'
If a baby is brought to you and you have full breasts ready for your baby, it will be a nice releif for you to feed them if anything, surely?

I let my friend give baby a bottle while I rested once and had 3 days of flulike symptoms with mastitis, that bottle was certainly not a help.

himynameisfred · 15/02/2012 16:56

If youre talking about a bottle feed for one night off, I think that would be fine, just make sure you express it all out when you get home, to prevent mastitis.

I thought you were talking about introducing an evening bottle every day

Original poster
stressedofnorthlondon · 15/02/2012 16:57

Sorry, but I thought I made it clear that I didn't think that giving a bottle would make any difference to sleep, mine or DS's. Sleep is not the issue if you read the post. Anything I need to clarify?

One bottle and you got mastitis???? I think that just sounds like you were really unlucky. Despite being comcerned about the effects, I really don't think it's going to be that extreme, but I'm sorry that was you experience Him.

OP posts:
Original poster
stressedofnorthlondon · 15/02/2012 16:58

Yes I am talking about one bottle each evening, btw.

OP posts:
himynameisfred · 15/02/2012 17:03

Does your partner know that your nighttime breastmilk contains hormones that will work as a sort of sedations for your baby, where-as formula does not?

What do you think the pros would be of introducing a night bottle?
You must think there are pros to be considering it.

StealthPolarBear · 15/02/2012 17:07

At 4m I'm not sure one bottle a day will affect your supply. However, your baby will be over 5 months when you have your night out, if waiting until.6m is what you want to do, why not wait until a week before then? Is he still cluster feeding of or just not going to bed? If he's just not going to bed, is he crying pe content but just not sleepy?
Otoh if you feel an evening bottle of formula might help then try it, but I get the impression you don't really want to, in which case there are no doubt other solutions to your problems.

NewYearsRevolution · 15/02/2012 17:07

Is he still having feeds in the night presumably? From what I understand, the biggest issue with introducing a formula bottle last thing is that it can result in a very long gap between feeds - say last breastfeed at 5pm and then first breastfeed at 6am. If you are talking about adding in a bottle but then will be feeding directly through the night, that's less of a problem isn't it?

I'm not an expert by the way. I'm sure there are some around.

Would it help with the exhaustion too if you could think, right, DH can help with bed and then if I want to I can sleep until (say) 11pm and then take over for the night shift? Or are there other benefits you are thinking the bottle might give?

StealthPolarBear · 15/02/2012 17:08

Ooh that sounded smug nd patronizing sorry! On phone

himynameisfred · 15/02/2012 17:16

I'm absolutely an expert, by the way.

most probably sounds smug lol

TruthSweet · 15/02/2012 17:23

So what do you hope a bottle a day will do? If not to improve sleep? If you don't need to give a bottle regularly, what will be the benefit to you to do so? Or is it practice so baby will be happy to take one on your night out?

You don't have to answer the questions on here but they might help you sort out why you are reluctant to introduce formula/stop ebf, if you know the reasons for yourself you can weigh up if they mean as much as ebf does to you/baby and decide where to go from there.

KittieCat · 15/02/2012 17:24

Reading your posts I think you know what you want to do, and that is the only right course of action for you and your DS. I'm exceptionally pro ebf and I expressed first thing to give my DS a bottle of expressed milk in the evening.

Yes, it was a pita sometimes but I did it and wanted to. If you can't bear to do it, then cut yourself some slack and give formula.

We suffered the nasty sleep regression but it was a phase and, sure enough, it passed.

Be kind to yourself and do what works for you. Also, remember you can change your mind if you try something and it doesn't work.

StealthPolarBear · 15/02/2012 17:28

Fred, was that in relation to my post or are you claiming to be an expert? If you're an expert I think you need to tell the op in what capacity.

himynameisfred · 15/02/2012 17:52

In response to someone else saying they're no expert,
I would say I AM :p

with a combined 5 yrs breastfeeding 3 children, and reading articles..

crikeybadger · 15/02/2012 18:00

Errm, that doesn't make you an expert in my book fred. Smile

Original poster
stressedofnorthlondon · 15/02/2012 18:04

Thanks for all the replies. There are a few reasons why I want DS to be able to take a bottle I suppose. One of course is so I can leave him when I need to, the first time being at the end of march. I want to make sure we've got him accepting a feed from someone else cracked by that point.

But the time out for me that DH is talking about is also maybe going to an exercise class, or just round to see a friend for a short while. Like I said, I don't expect sleep to be really affected by it. For me I suppose it just takes some of the pressure off. Sure, DH can help (and does help) with other stuff but at the moment all the responsibility for DS's feeding is with me. I love breastfeeding and intend to do it till he self-weans just as I did with DS1. But I also need to know I can have some time off too, so he will absolutely be having a FF once a day when he reaches 6mo, if not before. I bow down to those of you who continue to be their childs exclusive source of food for longer than that, you are better people than me! DH islovely, and wants me to do what is right for me.

Basically it's to take the pressure off. Expressing will just add in a new pressure. But I also have the guilt about the virgin gut etc and worry that a bottle a day will ruin him... With the way I feel mentally at the moment, knowing that one feed is not my responsibility could help me feel like I've got some breathing space. But I don't want that replaced by feeling guilty that I'm no longer ebf.

Does that make things any clearer?

(Prob can't post again till later now as the evening routine is about to start, oh joy!)

OP posts:
junowiththegladrags · 15/02/2012 18:06

Absolutely do it if it's going to give you a break you need. Don't twist yourself into knots about it.

himynameisfred · 15/02/2012 18:06

crikeybadger

what does make someone an expert then?? :D

StealthPolarBear · 15/02/2012 18:10

Evidence based expertise and hands on (or off!) Experience of supporting women that can apply to many women.
I have BF for 5 years. I have tandem fed, fed a toddler and pre schooler. I have become a peer supporter. That is my experience. The advice I give is based on that. I'm well read on the subject but no expert.

himynameisfred · 15/02/2012 18:13

A 4 month old should be able to go 4 hours without a fee, while you go to an excersize class or see a friend.

I'm taking into account the problems that introducing formula could cause at this stage. Formula isn't ideal for such small tummies.
I would only do it if needed.

himynameisfred · 15/02/2012 18:14

I would definately say you're an expert StealthPolarBear.

crikeybadger · 15/02/2012 18:15

Well someone with training in the relevant field for a start- say, a breastfeeding counsellor?

I've had 3 kids too, read alot and have breastfed for four years and counting, but I certainly wouldn't describe myself as an expert.

Stressedout- that makes it clearer- you just need a break. FWIW, one bottle a day at four months is not likely to lead to a reduction in your milk supply. Obviously, we can't say that for sure, but at this age your milk supply is not so fragile.

crikeybadger · 15/02/2012 18:17

OH good point, Stealth, I'm a peer supporter too, but still wouldn't describe myself as an expert. Perhaps we're underselling ourselves though. Smile

Midge25 · 15/02/2012 18:22

My view would be that giving yourself a break is as valuable to your ds as ebf-ing, in that he needs you (as in, rested, in a good place emotionally, etc etc). Breast feeding can be very demanding in lots of different ways: I can understand you wanting to continue til he's 6 months but it's ok to change your plans too. X

himynameisfred · 15/02/2012 18:22

reducing breastfeeding at any stage, would decrease milk supply. Are you thinking by comparason to how it'd affect supply during the first few weeks?

You are underselling yourselves :p

cutegorilla · 15/02/2012 18:33

Formula might not be ideal for small tummies but it is fine! The only immediate effect on any of my 3 babies of a bottle of formula has been a happy baby. One FF a day is nothing like exclusive FF. The protective effects of BM will still be there from all the other feeds. I don't think, as you say, a FF will make much difference in sleep or how settled the baby is (though it's possible it might) but I do think it could be beneficial for you psychologically. It takes the pressure off you a bit. While I appreciate some people just love BF, for others of us it can get a bit overwhelming being 100% relied upon to feed the baby. For me, knowing the baby can have a bottle stops me feeling anxious every time I leave him. I don't have to worry about getting back in time for the next feed.

I'd say do it, as long as on balance it would make you feel better. If you feel it would relieve a burden. Don't do it if you think you will feel bad about doing it before 6m. The only benefit is if it helps you, so if you'll feel bad then it is pointless. You feeling better is important though. You have 2 little ones that need you to be well.

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