Upset

[astreetcarnamedknackered]

I cant discuss this in real life.

I'm upset that my DSIL has decided to stop bf my one week old niece. This is no judgment re ff/bf. I just need to know if others feel similarly upset re nieces/ nephews/grandchildren.

No the OP seems to be saying she is sad and wishes her sil had stuck at it, and it seems she has been talking about SIL behind her back with her db. She sounds extremely judgemental, and bordering on interfering. She really has no place to be speaking to her brother about his wife in that way.
Like I said the OP is not unreasonable to feel sad if the SIL wanted to breastfeed. She is unreasonable though if SIL made that choice herself and did not want to BF, she is unreasonable to speak about her to her brother about it, and to say she was not committed enough, should have stuck at it, and if her and dh have been discussing her choices together in a negative way behind her back then she is also being unreasonable. I wonder how Op woudl like it if she found out her husband had been slagging her off with SIL about her parenting choices.

She had a lot of help with feeding Tt picked up on in days and snipped on seventh day. That was the day she decided no more. I suppose I conclude that she gave it a shot but was not particularly committed. Again, no judgment but part of me wishes she could have stuck with it, had support from her mum (ff'd her three and finds it ew), and been less bloody minded about accepting help (my brother's words not mine). As my DH said you can lead a horse to water...

And again the above paragraph makes the Op sound extremely judgemental, and not a very nice person.

Kelly, regardless of your opinion on this matter do you not think that everyone for right or wrong has the right to discuss their feelings in an appropriate place? I thought that OP made it clear that she wasn't planning on saying anything about her feelings to DB or SIL. She came on here asking if anyone had felt similar. Your answer is obviously no, fair enough, why do you feel the need to keep going on about how weird you find this? Can't you just accept that you find this strange but OP is looking for support and other women have posted who have felt the same. My point is you don't need to keep pushing your point?

I understand you OP x

I'd feel sad too. I know that life with and EBF baby is vastly easier long term than faffing around with bottles.
So I would be sad that DSIL may not have had the help and support she needed to give BF a proper chance.

The OP is coming across as 'judgmental' and 'not a nice person', eh?

Lovely.

In great contrast to you, kelly ?

Wow. Kelly. You really do protest too much and assume way too much.

My brother and sisl asked me to come and help- at sisl instigation at four days old. I spotted tt. I sat with sisl and told her she is amazing and wow what a beautiful child she grew. I also said if you want help with bf call me any time of day an night. But emphasised not to feel under pressure from anyone, incl my brother, or grandparents, or anyone to do anything she didn't want to do. She is the mummy and so she is queen. She must do what she knows is best for her and her baby.

My bro called ME on way to hospital to say decision had been made. I was nothing but supportive. He was entitled as loving new father to confide in a loving sister about how felt at that moment. No slagging off. Thank you.

Re my DH. I can tell him how my day went an how my niece is doing thanks.

Judgmental, Kelly might be calling a stranger not a very nice person, odd, weird etc. Thank you very much.

ayear,
I replied to people's replies to me, it was not just randomly.

Astreet,
The paragraph i quoted from you came across very differently than your last post - i still think your db was out of line talking about his wife being bloody minded about accepting advice.

I also only said it was odd or weird for you to feel upset if sil had made the choice to ff, and was not upset about it. I made a point of saying that if she was upset then it was reasonable to be upset with her.

I would also say I felt sad for what, five minutes. And as I wouldn't dream of discussing it with anyone in rl i posted here. Unfortunately, technology has its disadvantages in that no one can get the whole picture and so judgments about an OP are easily to make. That is why I asked only if others had felt similar. I wasn't posting in AIBU as scarlet said earlier. I'm not putting my lifestory out there for critique. I'm grateful to those posters who have posted to say they have felt similar. It's not something I really wish to dwell on, still less worry that i am some kind of mean cowbag from hell.

OP, you were making a judgment re: bf/ff, obviously.

I'm glad you wouldn't mention your sadness to your sil as not only is it not your place, but would be a passive aggressive thing to do to a new mum.

Since we are on topic, the Breast is Best Campaign is such a failure to mothers. It successfully pushes the feeling that FF is somehow nasty deep into the national psyche but without the same strength of practical support to mothers to establish bf. So there are so many women out there feeling like big fat failures.

I know of some mums in RL who have to pretend they couldnt breastfeed and embellish problems to avoid being judged for choosing to formula feed.

Sorry that you feel a bit attacked, but if I was your sil and knew of your 'sadness' I'd want to give you a chinese burn for being condescending.

Chocolate: so now I'm deserving of physical violence? Wow.

I think I need to sign off before someone puts a fatwa on me.

Tictok and others thank you for your posts. I'm going to go now and jump off a cliff lest I subject my mean horrid self on other unsuspecting victims.

It seems toungue in cheek didn't get across. I was going to say if I was your sil I'd want to slap you about the head with a wet trout but thought it too obvious.

Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Its a good debate topic. Needs to be argued over and over as strength of feeling is so strong.

Have some very nice chocolate on me and enjoy your lovely niece

Op don't feel about how thread has gone. Perfectly reasonable thread and normal feelings.

Kelly - cant be arsed to discuss this with you as you are irrational and rather odd so if you don't like what's been shared here kindly fuck off

You seriously need to get a life.

My mum and her best friend both cried when I gave up bf-ing my ds on day 8. My friend told me it was fine to FF and that it was all the fault of the "breastfeeding Nazi's" that I felt guilty about giving up. I had always assumed that I would BF, anticipated and for-armed myself about problems (thanks MN!) but when it came down to it, I wasn't in the right mental frame of mind to go out to a bf clinic and get the help my mw was encouraging me to get. I thought we were beyond help and I just couldn't do it. I called my mum in tears, seeking her approval to FF. Unlike my friend, she never gave it. She never told me to give up, she never told me to keep going, she just said I would do what was best for me and DS. 18 hours later I was in a better frame of mind and got myself to a clinic. 10 months later I am still bf-ing and glad every single day that I kept going. It was my mum and her best friends saddness for my ds that kept me going. I had to do what was best for him, because for me, what was best for him was best for me. That may seem like pressure to some, but I found my friends reaction to give in and FF more upsetting (she had bfed herself) and undermining.

MN is just the right place to come and express your sadness when it might not be appropriate to do so in RL, its what its here for.

Astreetcar I think I have been where your sister in law is now. I was all ready to go with breastfeeding thinking it would be the best thing ever, but apart from the first few lovely feeds in hospital, I hated every minute of breastfeeding. I tried with nipple shields and expressing when my nipples were really bleeding in the middle of the night but in the end I made my decision to stop quite abruptly. I too was not in the right frame of mind to go to a BF clinic and have someone manhandling my boobs to get the latch right. I just did not want to get my boobs out one more time, it was just too painful. I just wanted to get on with enjoying my new son, not be a miserable wreck 24/7! I only breastfeed for 2 and half weeks but it felt like a lifetime!

I think you sound like a really lovely person, but I think you are absolutely right not to mention how you feel in real life, I am sure even if she doesnt show it, SIL will be feeling guilty inside. I was lucky in that everyone was really supportive of my decision to give up (DH really wanted me to give him a bottle as everyone was just getting upset, my mum was supportive and it was her approval I was looking for really, and my health visitor looked quite relieved when I told her!). If anyone had told me that they were 'sad' that my son would no longer be getting breastmilk I would have been gutted.

I think the best thing for you to do now is move on, enjoy your lovely new niece and be happy that she is being well nourished and will still get to enjoy feeding cuddles with her mummy!