Extended breastfeeding....when is it weird

[domesticungoddess]

I'm still BF my 15 month old but people are starting to make negative comments. I feed her every monring and night and during the day when she wants it. I am starting to feel like I have to keep it a secrete. I've even had people at work (I'm a Doctor) as when I'm going to stop and that I must stop. My DH is very supportive about it....he jokes about it to me a bit but in a harmless way.

Is there any groups for this ??

I don't understand why you MUST stop and why it's anyone else's business.

If your LO is happy and you're happy there's no problem!

About two months according to my DM, and any time at all for my SIL!

I get negative comments (had one this week at work and a comment that ds had me over a barrel!). Ds is 19 mo so a lot of people consider bfing unnecessary if not downright weird. At the moment I just say he likes it, it's good for him and I will let him self wean, I occasionally quite WHO advice and watch their eyes cross with boredom. I can see a point where I stop being so polite though, so if anyone has some pithy responses I can use I would be most grateful!

Well I'm bfing DD2 & DD3 who are 4.2y & 2.3y - no 'still' about it .

It's not extended either as that implies you are somehow managing to make baby bf for longer than they would normally - it's either just breastfeeding (or nursing if you prefer but that may be confusing if you are a Dr), or natural term breastfeeding (if you go with self weaning).

I'd love to have a Dr that bf at all, let alone into the toddler years. Be proud (and quote WHO guidance if you feel the need!).

I think you need to get to a La Leche League meeting. There are plenty of people who feed toddlers and beyond.

I fed my son to 2 and half and dd to 22 months. In both cases I gave up when I felt ready and it was relatively stress free.

What is considered weird depends on the culture that you live in. There are some really thick mums in my area who think its disgusting to feed a newborn. However in many parts of the world children are fed until four years old.

I went to the La Leche League conference 8 years ago and it really challenged me on my ideas of what is weird. Somtimes weird can be wonderful.

I met a lovely lady who was breastfeeding an 18 month old baby who was the same age as my son. While we were chatting she then picked up her newborn and started to feed him. If tandem feeding was not weird enough, her four and half year old then came over and had a feed. I have to admit I was a bit shocked, but then I realised her children were happy and healthy. There is no reason why we have to all make the same parenting decisions.

If your a doctor and work in a GP practices (or any contact with new mums) then can you please try to re-educate your peers that would be really helpfull.

I fed DD untill she was 2year 11months and DS who's 14months is still going strong and I intend to let him self wean.

I must admit to not having ever though I'd BF a toddler, but there was no way DD was going to stop at 12months. I have since change my outlook quit a lot and realised that it is our socioty that see BF toddlers as odd, it's actually a perfectly naterial thing to do.

Op, I am also a Gp (registrar) and feeding my 2.2 year old. There is shocking prejudice amongst doctors and I have started to keep this a secret. I have even known a poor lady be reported to social services for feeding her toddler as the GP felt she was keeping her a baby. I did speak up about that but was in the minority.
I am regularly told I must stop by colleagues (from about 10 months onwards). It's shocking and you have my sympathies.

Yes definitely second the advice to find a local LLL group, I've met some great friends through mine :)

DS is 3.3 and it doesn't feel weird yet, although I don't tend to feed him in public and most friends/family don't think to ask so they don't know. If they asked directly I would be honest but I don't refer to it on facebook etc - seems easier to avoid arguments.

15 months is quite hard because they're not old enough to understand waiting until you get home, but they are big enough that some people will find it weird when you bf in public.

Hmm, bit worrying that people at work are saying you must stop since WHO recommendations are to BF for 2 years and beyond! And that is a global recommendation, not just for third world countries as some people think.

I agree that an LLL meeting would be a good place to meet other mums of older BF babies. I started going when DD1 was about 20 mo and there were a lot of other babies around the same age.

There are plenty of groups you can sign them up to. There are a couple of 12 step programmes. One in particular is superb. It's the cease being a twonk and keep your beak out' method. Or the 'stop being so damn nosy about somebody else's breasts you great stonking perv' help group. I'd hand them a leaflet tbh.

Oh are those not the sort of groups you mean?

You'd think the hcps at work would be vaguely familiar with the WHO and their recommendation to feed for 2+ years wouldn't you?

A very calm 'you seem extremely interested in my breasts' works v well.

Forgot to say too - I don't think it ever gets weird, because it's not like one day they're one and the next day they're four years old. It's always just feeding them until, day, 12 months, plus one day. And another. And another. And another. Until they are four years old but to you, they've changed so gradually it hasn't made any difference in the slightest.

Their needs change as they get older, too. They become much less dependent on it, which is nice.

As a useless aside, I did encounter mixed reactions from hcps when I allowed dd to naturally wean (at 3.4 in the end). I had an infection when she was about 2 and a half and needed antibiotics. I had to see our soon to retire, really quite old and old fashioned, tweed-wearing, no nonsense family doctor. And when I tentatively squeaked about needing bfing friendly antibiotics I was prepared for a lecture. The lecture it turned out was along the lines of 'blooming brilliant, well done you for keeping at it. It's absolutely the best thing for a growing child and you so rarely see it these days'. It taught me a valuable lesson. Would that other GPs were similarly positive.

I does get weird at a point tbh. At the point where you also start bfing your dog.

say 12 months

OP, I don't think BF a toddler is weird. I fed DS till he was 16mo and would have carried on except I was ttc and a window became available when he wasn't bothered at that time about stopping, slept much better and so it all seemed like a good time.

I knew it was the right time to stop because he wasn't upset about it. He checked that it was "all gone" a couple of times but there were no tears. Previously, a two second delay in getting a BF sent him nuts.

If it had not been the right time, for both of us, I wouldn't have stopped. He cared so much about breastfeeding as a young toddler that I felt it was an enormous emotional support through starting nursery etc. So I think it is not "keeping your child a baby" but giving them support they need to feel confident and be more independent from their mum (in a positive way) as they grow up.

Gosh I hope social services were completely uninterested to be told a mother was still BFing her toddler, knackered mother - that's shocking that any HCP would think that was cause for concern.

I was told by a member of staff at our Children's Centre that I couldn't be doing it (continuing to offer occasional BFs (on demand I might say !) for DSs benefit.
( OK he was probably about 4 at the time, so challenging some people's expectations)

Oh so you really think I was doing it for my own reasons ! Arghhh !
And if I found BFing my babies and children a pleasant, warm, and bonding experience is that so terrible !

IMO it doesnt become "wierd" until a child is of school age (primary school, not pre school)

Also i couldnt care less if people want to BF their 5 year olds, i may think its a bit odd but its none of my buisness.

Given WHO says breast feed until at least 2 years i wouldnt consider it at all wierd to BF a 2 or 3 year old

My two were both stil breast-feeding at the time they started school.

I don't see really why that milestone should make a huge difference. They were both well able to make it through the school day without mentioning it to anyone !

Actually I think that can be quite an emotional time of transition, so having the occasional, familiar comfort of a night time or early morning BF can be a good thing !

I think it's like trying to get dd out of nappies before ds was born - a bad idea to try and make too many changes at the same time. If they're not ready to move on or take the next steps in growing up then why hurry them.

Mine are 10 and 12 now, and by that age you cannot tell what age any of them did any of their developmental milestones, or how long they were breast-fed for !
Though I like to think BFing in general can give a certain emotional security that may endure throughout life.

OP, you should get this to drink your tea out of at work.

Ha ha ha the mug is great and I've heard nearly all of them.

My DD still wants to be BF and I enjoy it.

I am not yet BF the cat or my DH....

It's only weird if the child doesn't want to do it but is being made to feel like they have to.

Which must be exceptionally rare!

I agree with the bfing animals comment! .

I did meet one woman who was an extended bfer where I found it weird. She was VERY negative towards her child in terms of how she interacted with her pretty much all the time, all sarcasm and nasty comments and telling her to shut up and sit down etc, and she seemed to use bfing as a means to GET her to shut up when she wanted to talk and was a bit rough with her.

This woman talked the talk about attachment parenting, but there was nothing particularly reciprocal about the bfing relationship... she was at a group I went to and I never saw her 3 year old ask for the breast, I saw the mother demand she have it when she didn't want to deal with something else she was doing e.g. the toddler would be in a dispute with another over toys and she would just literally hoik her up and put her on the breast to diffuse the situation, slamming her head into her boob!

The parenting was the issue, here, of course.. but it presented a very negative image of extended bfing because the breast was being used as a silencing tactic, just as a dummy might be. It was very incongruent!

I stopped bfeeding DD over Christmas, she is 17 months and it was half down to her starting to loose interest, and half down to me taking the opportunity to wean her.

A week later, she came down with a chest infection, and now, nearly a month after Christmas, she is still suffering. It has been her first visit to the GP, first dose of antibiotics and the first time she has ever been unwell for more than 48 hours. I didn't catch it, so I must be immune to that one.

Anyway, the upshot of that long winded tale is every day I feel dreadfully guilty that I weaned her so 'early,' I really wish I'd continued until she completely weaned herself - she probably wouldn't have caught this chest infection if I was still bfeeding, and if she had she'd have got over it in a couple of days. So don't give up until you and your LO are both completely ready!

Wow, she sounds like a very angry Mum/ person working - and I know most of us have our moments - but, I can't imagine BFing during a dispute over a toy moment. Odd timing !