when did your BF toddler self-wean?

[blackcurrants]

DS is 18 months and feeds first thing in the morning and at his bedtime. When he started walking at 13 months he significantly lost interest for a month or two, while his feet never stopped moving, but recently he has seemed keener than ever. It is so easy to feed him that I'm not in a rush to.stop, but qt the same time would like to imagine this gently winding down, oh, this year maybe? his growing enthusiasm is kind of making my heart sink! I want to try for #2 this summer and do not relish the idea of BFing while pregnant. I was sooo sore when pg!

Though DS2, I stopped offering and he stopped asking - he just rubbed the hair on my arm a couple of times a day for the next week or so.

DD1 decided to stop at 2 and a quarter.I was about to have dd1 and she said that the milk was For the baby now,and she was a "big girl".Makes me feel slightly sad now as I wonder if I gave her the wrong impression while trying to explain that the new baby would need lots of feeding time etc.DD2 is still feeding at 4 and adamantly refusing to stop.(only bedtime and waking up time).I don't want to force it at the moment it seems a bit mad when I've fed her for so long to suddenly insist she stops when she's not ready.She also started school recently and is finding it hard and so I think needs to comfort and familiarity of feeding.

Marking my place to read this thread properly tomorrow. I could have written exactly what the OP write .....am guilty of feeding to sleep too and would like to stop bf- ing now if I'm honest A breastfeeding break in between babies would be ideal....

secondcoming I remember you from the pregnancy threads, seems a million years ago now

I'm 'still' bf 16mo ds morning & night but lately am thinking could maybe drop night. I don't feed to sleep. Would prefer to drop morning but can't see that working. Do you really want your ds to self wean? Could you cut back to not during day & wind down from there? I'm not expecting ds to stop on his own before 2 but am interested in posts on here about self weaners before 2. I'm also interested in any stories about gentle ways to drop bf in the gradual way you describe OP.

Hi Secondcoming - We had our babies around the same time, I remember you from these boards back in the newborn haze!

We do dinner, bath, bed, two stories and cuddles and then I BF him till sleepy but not asleep, then I scoop him into the cot and he either goes straight to sleep or howls for less than a minute and then goes to sleep. The one night I wasn't there for bedtime (evil late train) DH got him off to sleep by doing the story then the scoop then a bit of bottom-patting-while-shushing. DS didn't love it but he accepted it.
When I'm there, however, the stories and cuddles get increasingly "Nyonya!"* fixated and eventually by the middle-to-end of the last book he's either lying on me and looking mighty parched, or actively shirt-diving.
Gosh, it does help that he's so cute when he does it :)

*We use the swahili word for the verb 'to suckle'. Long story, but at least it's not something too terrible if he yells it in public! (hasn't so far).

Zen not sure how gentle I've been, tbh - I've had to work full time since DS was a baby, and pumped 3 x a day at work until he was 11 months old, when I had a two month holiday from work (with him) -and after which I stopped pumping and started sending him to daycare with cups of cow's milk. Happily for us he liked a sippy cup and liked cow's milk straightaway. We are lucky! Then I slowly dropped the 'just after work at home' feed, around 5pm, the 'reuniting' feed if you like, basically by distracting him with a book or toy, unless he was really determined. And THEN we were at bedtime and first thing in the morning, where I am happy to remain. The good part about feeding him lying down is that he doesn't try for a feed unless I am lying down. The bad thing about it is that when I am sick, I need someone else to keep him out of the bedroom or he thinks it's an all-day-bloomin-buffet!

Dd self weaned at 4 years and 10 months and only because it ran out!! she did feed less and less over quite a few months, which is I think, why supply reduced so much, but it was a good time :)

Marking my place - will read properly later.

DD (ebf then BLW) is "still" bf at 15 months. I work full time (DH is a SAHD!) so she gets first thing, when I walk in through the door at 6pm ("mnyum, mnyum, mnyum!" - I am "Mum", bf is "Mnyum", i.e. Mum plus sucking noises ) and last thing. She often falls asleep on the breast, but if she doesn't tends to prefer cuddles from DH to actually fall asleep.

The problem, and the times when I get a bit worn out, is that she wakes up at least every 3 hours at night, if not every 2 hours, and ONLY wants a bf to get back to sleep. Nothing else wil do (although, tbh, we really haven't pushed it that far as we hate seeing her upset).

My mum bf all of us until we were 18 months/2 and assures me that we all did this. It was only when we went "cold turkey" and bfs were off the menu all together, that we stopped waking up - it wasn't worth waking for cuddles apparently!

I can deal with sleepless nights (by which I mean waking every couple of hours on a normal night) until she's two, but not sure I can handle more than that, especially what with working (lawyer) full time...... Would love to self wean, but may stop at 2 or thereabouts....... For now, i appreciate she might need the comfort as I am at work all day, but it

Also, HOW do you get your DCs to drink cows milk? DD is fine with a beaker or an open cup and is fine with water, but she will not drink milk. She just spits it out. I am not stressed for now as she likes cheese and yoghurt and bfs all night....

I love doing this way of parenting (attachment-ish, I guess), but it is tiring!

On the plus side, I have my FIRST EVER night out since DD's birth tomorrow!!!!

• but is is tiring...

Oh yes, and thesecondcoming - if DD doesn''t fall asleep at bedtime on the breast, she want to stay on but to bite, not to suck. GRRRRR. Hence DH taking over once she's had her feed.

Excuse my typos - supposedly busy at work.

5y 10mths.

(but it wasn't through the school gates or anything.....just first thing in the morning, last thing at night- then it just didn't happen one night. Was I bereft? Was I fuck. Jumped and hollered for joy.....quietly, like, in case she changed her mind!)

Another one marking my place. DD is 19mths now and still going. Only during the night though, not even to fall asleep. Last night though it was 5 or 6 times, and I honestly can't cope with that. I'm pretty sure there is next to nothing there though - she hardly swallows any more. She stayed overnight with my mother and wasn't even looking for me or a bottle, so I know she doesn't need it. I really don't think she'll self wean any time soon, so we're going to have to force the issue. :(

Trillian -I know the feeling. When I am not there, she doen't give it a second thought. When I am, I think she just likes the comfort. Which is fine, as needing comfort is just as valid a need as needing food in my book, but its still a bit exhausting!

Just saw the thread title in "Most active" and had to come on and say -

Never

x2

dd finally weaned at 4.6 yrs using sticker chart

ds was left with Daddy and Big Sis just after his sixth birthday whilst I went on a (well-earned ?) break with a friend for a few days which finally got him off my boob !

So, neither really "self-weaned" I don't think - however long I left it ! Sorry

As an aside, this (feeling like its totally normal to bf to 2 and beyond) is why I LOVE MN... over christmas, I got asked by my SIL (who has a 4 month old baby), if I was concerned about the potential emotional damage (yes, she used the word damage!) I was doing to DD "still" bf her now she "knows what it is".

To be fair to SIL, I think she has "complex" reactions to me bfing because she tried to bf her little boy, but got mastitis/bleeding nipples within a week or two and stopped. For that reason, I said nothing at all to her comment and just sort of pretended DD had distracted me (which she had by tipping a bowl of food EVERYWHERE), but still... didn't feel great!

But that said, pleeeease tell me I won't be waking up to feed DD every 2 hours through the night in a year's time....

On no, legally blond - after a few years it's mainly first thing in the morning and last thing at night that they're interested in.

Sorry your SIL made rather upsetting ( and crazy !) comments. I think you were very understanding and probably handled it best by saying nothing.

(In what way really does a 2 yr old "know what it is" any differently to a newborn. It's just "booby" or whatever isn't it ?! )

Oooof legallyblond those comments are hard to take aren't they. My brother (usually a lovely young man) told me that DS2 would be psychologically disturbed and 'still BF at 18' (DS was 3 at the time). Slightly easier to deal with as he's my brother but I pointed out that DS2 was actually only 3 and told him that if he did his research and found conclusive evidence that it was harmful I would consider forcing DS2 to stop. He said no more.

oh dear. DS was waking up every 2-3 hours and only settling with a BF. At some point (last Sept, I think) I just said ARGH I CANT DO ANOTHER YEAR OF THIS and stopped going into his room.
DH goes in now, with a sippy cup of water, and shhhpats.
He generally sleeps through now, well, from 7.30pm till 5am. 4.30 on bad days. Anyone knows how to get a toddler to sleep later, TELL ME OH GOD PLEASE TELL ME!
I'd been pretty attachmenty until we decided to Night Wean. I googled the Jay Gordon method and basically did what he said, and DH was on board and did all the work with the screaming, while I lay in bed in another room thinking "he'll be fine, he doesn't want ME he wants to be asleep and he's not alone. He's not alone DH is helping him. He will be FINE. waaaaah!"

It took less than a week, btw. Nightweaning has definitely meant I've kept on BFing longer than otherwise, as sooner or later I would have said "I need to stop BFing because I need an unbroken night's sleep." as it is, I (3-5 times a week!) get that anyway and I still get to BF.

Sounds like you've made great progress since Sept to me blackcurrants - Glad you're getting nearly a full night's sleep now - at his age that has to be better !

( I'd have liked to try something like that I think, but didn't really have DHs help to the same degree. DH was softer than me when it came to any crying from babies ! - and expected me to solve the problem so he could get back to sleep ! )

But on the whole, looking back, I'm glad we pretty much took the attachment parenting approach. DCs seem very grounded and loving these days

legallyblond, one of the strongest reactions I got against BFing at all (and particularly for as long as I have) was from a good friend. I ignored it all, and finally after about 22 months she admitted some of it was that I made her feel insecure about her choice to FF (not because I said anything, just the mere fact of me doing it). I think she tried Bfing with DC1 but had some trouble, and then went to the opposite extreme of not understanding why ANYONE would breastfeed at all, especially longer than a few months.

DitaVonCheese hello! yes, long time no see! Thanks for the link, I might look into whether they've got any sessions about VBAC, I'm still deciding what to do on that front.

blackcurrants I've only read the first few posts but just wanted to comment on your mention of the clingy-ness and your lo being 18m, when my ds was 9/10m among other things I remember my dr mentioning separation anxiety and how common it is at 9 and 18 months and to look out for it. Me being me never forgot this and when it arrived bang on 9 and 18 months I thought "oh, that's what she meant!" it was almost textbook- he snapped in to it and snapped out of it. He's 6 now so I can't remember how long it lasted but i do know that I have had this discussion with many women and so thought it would be worth mentioning as that seems exactly like what you're talking about. HTH
Also, all you long term bfeeders, well done, am so in awe of your commitment, and some of you feeding more than 1 at a time. I was proud of my 13m and 10m stints (though was majorly depressed when dd weaned at 10m with a cold- that was NOT the plan!!!! Good reason for baby no 3 ) but you lot deserve a medal.

Thanks bramblina - it's nice to get some praise and inspire awe ! Good luck with baby3 !

Blackcurrants - this is what we need to do, but we are softies and, more importantly, it would be suoper tricky as DD is still in with us... if all things were equal I think we would have put her into her own room about a month ago, but we are moving in a month or so (whoop) but need to stay with my parents for 4 months until our new house is ready (eeek) and so have to all share a room there. it seems a bit disruptive to move DD into her own room for a few weeks, then move house (to the other side of the country) and have her back in with us....

YankNCock - I think that is exactly why SIL has that reaction, but I am sensitive to that hence my just letting it go.... TBH, I feel like I can becasue I think I am doing the best thing for DD and don't feel insecure about that (most of the time anyway - although SIL also over christmas told me that I have prevented DD from learning how to put herself to sleep, meaning that she will always have sleep problems - SIL is about to embark on crying it out with her DS) so it is easier for me to let it go than for her, if you see what I mean.... Also, meh, horses for courses.....

Just wanted to say that even if your little one hasn't learnt to go to sleep by themselves it in no way means they will "always have sleep problems"
As I said up thread I used to give dd and ds a going to sleep night-time feed throughout toddler years. ( Not saying this was necessarily what i planned or was ideal but it worked in many ways for us )
Anyway I don't think they've ever really had sleep "problems" ( though I suppose they did carry on waking up in the night longer than some babies )
But I don't think it's ever really been a problem for them IYSWIM !
They certainly sleep soundly in their own wee beds these days !