Horrible La Leche experience - advice needed quickly!

[laa]

I've just spoken to A La Leche counsellor because I have to leave my DD who is 7 and a half mos. for 3 whole days next wk (building work being done on house)and she can't be here. My mum lives 2 hrs away and I'm not worried about leaving her with mum, but the La Leche woman said that on her return, DD would be very angry with me for abandoning her (at least the implication was that I was abandoning her) and possibly/probably refuse to breastfeed to show her anger. I felt that given I'd explained our separation is unavoidable that that was a terribly judgemental and insensitive thing to say to me. She just kept asking if I was sure I couldn't give her a few feeds.
I was really upset because I will obviously really miss DD and breastfeeding but this work just has to be done. Has anyone else had to leave their 7mo old for a few days or not breastfed for a few days. Also would an electirc pump be better at expressing my milk - a friend has a Medela one to lend me - has anyone used one before? Also, ifind it realy hard to get out any milk with an Avent hand pump. I just don't want my milk supply to dry up so that I can't feed her ever again. Also just wanted to shout a bit about La Leche woman because I was so upset and now angry.

Laa, I can't give any practical advice, but i do think that the Counsellor was extremely insensitive to you, and I'm not surprised you feet upset.
IME babies are creatures of habit, and may well get out of the habit of taking milk from the breast quite quickly, as don't they get milk from a bottle more quickly for less effort? (but as I said, I have no direct experience. My DS stopped BF at 14 months, and was out of the habit in 2 days...didn't even know what a nipple was for within 48 hrs), but to say that you DD will refuse because of anger sounds like projection of a (her)very judgemental position.
Hope someone can give more direct advice.

Stupid bloody woman. Sounds like a complete bovine cow who doesn't understand that sometimes you can't spend your day with your child attached to your bosom (I'm breastfeeding, by the way!)

You've got to do this, and I'd doubt she'll refuse to breastfeed when she gets back. I'm sure other people have better advice than me on that one.

I personally use an Avent in preference to the Medela but I'm quite unusual that way I think.

Babies can't possibly think like this - it's impossible for them as they don't have a 'theory of the mind' ie they have no concept whatsoever that you will feel X if they do Y - no more than my chair does!! So she can't possibly reason, "Hmm...well, I'm angry with mum. Mum will be very upset if she can't breastfeed me, so I'll refuse to punish her." It just doesn't work like that for babies. I don't have experience of leaving a seven month old but suspect she will be fine, esp if she has spent a lot of time with just your mum. And don't worry about not getting a lot of milk out when you are feeding - it's different if you haven't fed a baby, you'll find more milk comes out then. However, if you are really worried about keeping up the breastfeeding/supply and are concerned about missing your daughter, is it not possible for you to stay with your mum and your dd for at least one overnight stay while your house is being wrecked. After all, if it's impossible for a baby to be there, it won't be very pleasant for you either!

What a silly, cruel and insensitive old bat!
Bet she gets kicks saying the same to mothers who have to go into hospital for emergency treatment.
Ignore her and give your baby a big cuddle before she goes. She will be just fine and you should worry more about making sure you don't get too engorged.

BTW, I am pretty sure she will breastfeed when she gets back too.

laa - I left my dd last month when she was 5.5 mos for four days (you should have seen MIL's face when I handed over all the EBM!) and she had no problems latching on when I got back and didn't seem to have missed me at all. I do have an electric pump, by Ameda, and it's brilliant but it was about £70 although worth it for me as I did a lot of expressing for both ds and dd. I never got on with the hand pumps myself, but I know lots of people who swear by them. HTH and that your building work goes smoothly.

Hi Laa,
I left my then 8-month-old ds2 for eight days (to go jaunting off to a friend's wedding and a few other treats with ds1 in tow). By that time, ds2 was down to two breast feeds a day, so he got a mixture of defrosted breast milk and formula in my absence. I didn't express much during those eight days, but when reunited, breast milk came back relatively easily. So from my experience, on the milk supply front, I would think that you shouldn't have any troubles with a three-day seperation. Although you'll need to express a bit (even if you don't keep the milk) just to relieve the build-up. As for pumps, I've always liked the Avent hand pump, so don't know about electric ones, but I'm sure some other mumsnetters can advise you on that.
As for the judgemental bit about "abandoning" your DD, DON'T WORRY. It will be fine, and I don't think you need to justify your actions. My ds2 was a bit put out when we were reunited. He clung to his dad and wouldn't come to me for a few hours, but we were apart for eight days, which is much longer than three and we met up in England (we all live in Malaysia most of the time) directly after ds2's first long haul flight, so there were lots of other strange things going on for ds2. And needless to say, ds2 was absolutely none the worse for the seperation. Hope that helps.

I left ds when he was 6 months old for 9 days to go skiing (dh and I needed some time together). I left LOADS of expressed milk and expressed while I was away (filling the chalet freezer with sachets!). I had NO problems with ds when I go back - ds latched on straight away (or rather, when he woke up, as he was asleep when we got to Mum & Dad's).

Like Motherinferior, I prefered the Avent to the electric pumps (plus it meant I could pump en route!): but if you're not having much success with the Avent, give the Medela a go. What do you have to lose?

As a funny aside, I was away during the foot & mouth crisis, when no dairy products were allowed into the country. I was just waiting for someone to challenge us at the docks in Dover about our freezer bag of frozen milk sachets, itching to say I could personally vouch for every ounce! Needless to say, we weren't stopped!

snap, I had to leave DS when he was 6 months for a week (work travel). I expressed when I was engorged while I was away, DS had formula and when we were reunited I had no problem getting my supply back and ds had no problem feeding from me. Sounds like the counsellor is projecting her own feelings onto you DD. Don't worry about her and do whatever you have to.
btw - I never found the Avent Hand pump any good apart from giving me cramps in my hand, have no experience of the Medela one, but ended up hand expressing whenever I had to.

I wasn't breast feeding, but dp & I went away for few nights in the summer, because it would be nice to. DS didn't notice we were gone. Sure, he was happy to see us back, but anger for abandoning him? Puh-lease! That woman has some problems of her own, and shouldn't be allowed to be a counsellor.

laa, she sounds a complete bitch. you've had some great advice here, put the LL cow out of your mind!

I don't think this LLL person's approach is to be commended - it is quite wrong to make you feel judged, Laa. It would be very reasonable, I think, for her to raise a discussion of your options, though, and to alert you to the possibility that your baby might need coaxing to feed on your return (then again she might not!). I note that people here think this is a preposterous idea - but babies faced with a suddenly strange situation they can't understand (a change of carer and a change of house, and mum not to be seen, and no breastfeeds) certainly do evince their feelings in their behaviour, and this might well include a refusal to feed....not because of 'punishing' but out of confusion and bewilderment. Or do you all think 7 month olds are not capable of feeling cross? Or that they don't notice when mummy isn't there? Or that a change of surrounding is not something they notice either? Come off it. At seven months, babies notice a great deal! How they react will depend on temperament. How quickly they adapt, ditto.

The names people are calling this person here are out of order. This LLL counsellor will be a volunteer, working from her own home in her own time, and probably doing her best to support women who are breastfeeding. She sounds as if she may have got it rather wrong - I am an NCT counsellor, and I would not like any of my colleagues to have struck the wrong note like this. But if they had they would not have deserved to have been called a complete bitch or a cow.

Have a heart, people.

I had a rather bad experience with an LLL councilor once. I was in a real state as I'd postponed going back to work again and again and had finally gone back just 2 days a week and had got my daughter (then 9 months) down to just 3 feeds a day. I was worried she wouldn't drink from a bottle, would miss me, my milk would dwindle, etc. etc. and the councilor made me feel awful. In the end I said to her 'this isn't helping at all' and hung up. I appreciate totally what tiktok says and have on many occasions called breast feeding councilors for a variety of reasons. But I do have to say there can sometimes be something 'punishing' about them. I think as a new mom, and maybe especially a breastfeeding mom (extra responsibility on you alone) you already feel anxious and guilty about all sorts of things. I'm convinced your daughter will be fine.

Complete rubbish. I left my dd at 8 months for 3 days (work travel) I was doing 2bf's a day at teh time. Her dad fed her ebm, and she was fine. I couldn't express when I was away (tried Mears method of hand expressing but only got a trickle) so did get engorged. The night I got back I woke dd up to give me some relief and she guzzled happily despite having had a bottle of EBM only 1 hour before.
Good luck. And DON'T feel guilty

Well put Tiktok!

feel thoroughly ticked off.
was only trying to be supportive to laa, give me a teensy weensy bit of leeway here please!

wanders off crestfallen

oh, and I wouldn't actually have called her a bitch or a cow to her face obviously. I hope you took that into account before you pronounced so stentoriously, maam.

laa, where are you? Has your house fallen on you? Are you staying at your mum's with no internet?
Think Tiktok is prob feeling a bit sensitive - there is some slagging off of breastfeeding counsellors on this site sometimes (not as much as HV's though!!) and she does really try to help. Don't think this particular LLL woman was helping at all really. Yes, it is reasonable to suggest alternatives, but stupid to lay on guilt with a fantasy scenario.

laa, I didn't leave DD until she was about 11 months old, but I did go back to work after only 4 months, and used an electric pump every day at work. I was never able to get a drop from the Avent hand pump, but was able to express quite a bit with the Medela electric pump. You'll be amazed. I would borrow your friend's pump and try it out one evening before next week - just so you can see how easy it is. You will feel better prepared when you have to leave your DD then. Definitely express during those few days, as you will want to keep up your supply. Don't listen to the La Leche woman - of course it is not an ideal situation from the perspective of breastfeeding, but I doubt DD will ever remember that you left her for a few days.

I get you hrh

Coddy? Are you getting Mears??

Hi Laa, on a practical note I have just bought a dual electric Medela pump and IT'S GREAT. Having used the avent one for 4 months (she's 6 months now) I can highly recommend the medela, I can get double out in less than 10 minutes.

I bet your dd will be really happy to see you back, after a day at nursey my dd is all smiley and giddy - it'll make you feel all loved

Haven't read the whole thread, but I agree that this woman was insensitive.

As far as the breast-pump thing goes - I expressed milk for my ds for 10 months as he couldn't bf. I started with a hand pump which didn't work for me and then was loaned an electric one by the local maternity unit. It worked much better for a while, but then I started to lose my milk. The electric pump just didn't seem to work, so I switched to hand pumping. There is quite a knack to it and it takes practice, but for me, it worked better than anything else - I managed to increase my milk and continue feeding for several months afterwards. It is a very personal thing, though, so I would suggest experimenting before you have to go, if that is possible.

Good luck.

No " I got you, her royal Highness" I meant