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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

If your boss kept hinting that you ought to stop breastfeeding....

30 replies

boobstastic · 11/01/2006 20:19

what would your response be?

I have changed my name but many will guess who I am when I give background

After being off sick due to sheer exhaustion as ds2 is up all night, I am back at work and have asked for redcuced working hours....

Anyway, my boss is trying to be 'supportive', but has suggested some scandalous things, one of which is 'weaning the boy off the breast'.

He mentioned it in a formal meeting yesterday in front of his deputy and today informally.

He thinks he is being supportive

I know what I would like to say, but remember he is my boss and I want him to reduce my hours

Any suggestions?

aposolgies for my unimaginative name change

OP posts:
daisy1999 · 11/01/2006 20:23

I can't believe he would feel it is place to suggest such a thing.

MerlinsBeard · 11/01/2006 20:23

squirt him in the eye with your milk?

sorry nothing practicle but wanted to make u smile

beansprout · 11/01/2006 20:23

If your ds is unwell you would be up in the night anyway, it's hardly because you are feeding. He is so out of order!!!!

beansprout · 11/01/2006 20:25

A discussion about your preferred way of feeding your son is irrelevant to your working hours so I would keep the two things separate. He needs to assess the business case for your request which should not be informed by his half baked opinions on things that are not his business.

Original poster
boobstastic · 11/01/2006 20:25

I know!!!!!

We get on well and he honestly believes he is being supportive

(he also suggested a visit to the docs to get ds2 some 'medication')

ahem

If i didnt laugh I wold cry

OP posts:
FrannyandZooey · 11/01/2006 20:31

Aw no, he serriously thinks he is being helpful and reasonable, doesn't he? Isn't there some sort of legislation which protects your right as a worker to breastfeed? If you could quote the relevant part at him along the lines of "I know it's a nuisance that I need to reduce my hours, but as statute 23 says, blah blah blah", he might get the message.

Otherwise I think I would speak to him privately and say that while you appreciate his concern, you do not wish to change anything in your home situation and would prefer future discussion to stick to your professional life.

Miaou · 11/01/2006 20:33

Offer to put your ds on bottles and let your boss feed him during the night instead? After all, bottle-fed babies always sleep through the night, don't they....

GGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRrr on your behalf. I think you are being quite nice about him in the circumstances.

irishbird · 11/01/2006 20:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

beansprout · 11/01/2006 20:40

I think a lot of people assume that once your child reaches a certain age (anything from a few months IME) that feeding is just a PITA and you are only doing it because your baby/child won't "let" you stop.

I don't really talk about ds with my boss. I just err on the side of keeping my private life private and then I don't have to worry about any odd opinions he may form based on what I have told him.

Original poster
boobstastic · 11/01/2006 20:43

I didnt even bring it up. He knows I breastfeed as I express at work.

I am getting really fed up at the moment as all comments to me abotu breast feeding an older baby have negative connatations. Feel like it is looked on as a weakness and I am 'giving in to him'. It is really getting on my nerves.

Apparently he knows what sleep deprivation is as his daughter didnt sleep for 5 years. yeah right. and his wife didnt work at all either.

grrr grr rgrgrgr

OP posts:
Original poster
boobstastic · 11/01/2006 20:45

irishbird - thanks so much for that link! It is printing out as we speak

OP posts:
fuzzywuzzy · 11/01/2006 20:45

If he seriously thinks he's being helpful, tell him nicely to mind his own business.

I imagine he thinks you should feed him steak and chips and then give him a bottle of calpol for afters???

Does he have children of his own, how old is your baby???

beansprout · 11/01/2006 20:49

Sorry, didn't appreciate that you are expressing (I'm not, so I just made the wrong assumption).

Great link Irishbird - wish I was in Italy, could do with those extra breaks!!!

Original poster
boobstastic · 11/01/2006 20:51

no worries beansprout...i didnt mention it

I wish I lived in Italy too

OP posts:
PrincessPeaHead · 11/01/2006 21:04

boobtastic,
why don't you tell him straight out? Tell him "I know you are trying to be supportive, and I appreciate that, but can I just say that your comments about how I feed my child etc have to stop. THe HR department really doesn't want to hear that you HAVE views on my breastfeeding, let alone that you have shared them with me and in a departmental meeting, believe me."

That way you are being clear and sending him a firm message that this isn't on, but not being overtly aggressive about it.

Roobie · 11/01/2006 21:23

Yes, agree - have a word with him along the lines that it is actually you that is concerned for his welfare in that you don't want him to get into trouble for going on about your bf'ing in the wrong context.

Original poster
boobstastic · 12/01/2006 08:45

Thanks for that PPh and roobie - I thought about this again while lying in bed feeding ds2 at 4 this morning and tried to construct something along those lines but my brain is mush

He also said, in our meeting, that if I would like to provide any additional information for the people whi make the decisions to consider (many of you will now no exactly who I am) then I could give him an additional sheet to supplement my initial letter.

I am thinking something along the lines of

  • Feeding: explaining that 'weaning the boy off the breast' (I won't phrase it like that lol) is not an option since he has eczema and possible asthma and explain the guidelines etc. PLus it will not necessarily solve the sleep problem and it's subsequent impact on my health as he is reluctant to take a bottle in the day and won't entertain one in the night)
  • POssible solutions to encourage them to see that it is a doable option (it has been suggested to me that IF it is possible, then it won't be possible until September - guess who I am yet???)
  • The extent to which I have tried to solve the sleep problem (and therefore its impact on my health)

I am also seeing an occupational therapist on Wednesday next week at my request and am unsre what to expect

OP posts:
acnebride · 12/01/2006 09:14

btastic, i understand the urge to explain your reasons for your choices, but I personally think that including all this in a letter to him/your work validates him making suggestions about how you feed your child in a meeting - which i thought was bang out of order. It is simply not their business how you feed your child; it is their business how you perform at work, and how to treat you as an employee IMO.

When you say an occupational therapist, do you mean an occupational health doctor etc? that's great if so? discuss all the details with them and get them to make a recommendation on your hours.

Only IMo - I'm not a lawyer or HR professional.

Original poster
boobstastic · 12/01/2006 09:18

i know acnebride....I am torn in the middle of this....

I do want to give them something to say how reduced hours would be manageable though. I will say something to my boss if he mentions it again.

Yes -it is an occupational health doctor. I am hoping the doc will be impartial and I can be honest and open. But I am a bit anxious that he/she will be very much of the side of 'work' so feel quite guarded about what I say

OP posts:
oliveoil · 12/01/2006 09:25

well dd2 is sometimes up all night and she is 16 months and been 'weaned off the boob' since she was 5 months.

NEWSFLASH: Sometimes babies wake in the night!

I don't think your sleeping/feeding/whatever arrangements have anything to do with your working life, full stop.

If you want reduced hours, you want reduced hours, I don't see how you changing things at home is going to change their decison either way.

Bit confused here as to why he thinks he can meddle.

dexter · 12/01/2006 09:34

just wanted to add a note of support. good luck. agree with everyone, he should not have suggested it and certainly not in a meeting in front of others.

But this is the nub of being a working mum - you are off sometimes because of what happens at home - you express at work because of who is at home! To a certain extent you bring home to work with you and it's inevitable that this causes problems that just don't come into it for men.

Pah.

Original poster
boobstastic · 12/01/2006 09:35

Thanks everyone
I really do appreciate your support.

Will let you know how it goes

OP posts:
Enid · 12/01/2006 09:39

completely agree with PPH

that is what I would do exactly. Have just done similar thing (but in regards to my pg rather than breastfeeding) to my boss who is an arse.

Enid · 12/01/2006 09:40

oh god don't mention feeding in your letter, please

acnebride · 12/01/2006 09:40

Personally I would be very open with the occupational health doctor - in my experience and the experience of my friends they are incredibly useful and display stone-like confidentiality. In my own case (pre-kids) I ended up having some counselling which was phenomenally useful, the best I have ever had and the most practical because the counsellor worked in the same place and understood the issues. Another friend ended up having to work part-time because of post-viral fatigue and it was on the recommendation of the occupational health doctor that she got this arrangement which has saved her job. All the docotr should tell your boss is 'she is fit for full time work' 'i recommend pt hours for this length of time' or whatever. i don't know if there is legal pressure on them to implement this but if they didn't and you ended up seriously ill or whatever I should think you would have a case for constructive dismissal.

my view is that all this 'can't be done til september' stuff is just because they haven't taken it seriously - the occy health opinion should focus their minds a bit.