Stopping b.f'ing 18mo is heart wrenching!!:( Support needed please..

[mammainlove]

DD is nearly 18m.o, I'm 3 months pregnant with DC2. She took to weaning to just nap and bed times really well. Recently it's started to really hurt when I feed her, I don't know if this is because my boobs are more sensitive when I'm pregnant, or that she's having to suck harder because there's less milk, either way it's made me dread feeding her and grit my teeth when I do, then making her stop after a couple of minutes (also I'm worried about her biting as she has done sometimes). Tonight I made her stop after about half a minute as I was just so scared and in pain.

On one hand it feels right to stop now, but on the other I feel deeply sad and guilty to see her suffer and deprive her of what I believe is the best thing for her!(nutritionally and psychologically) I have adored and felt so proud to be able to feed her for the past 18 months, I feel soo sad to bring this amazing chapter of our lives to an end. She is my world, I'm so in love with her and like every mum, only want the best. I dread stopping completely and refusing to feed her, she loves it so much and I'm scared she's going to be really upset.

You've done great to get this far, I'm sure many women struggle with this when the time comes. I got to DD being 2.5yrs old (which really surprised me) but I just had to stop - my tactic was never to say 'no' but to say 'later' and I would still feed occasionally, and it just got less and less. Changing routines a bit about when she got fed helped and little things like wearing high cut tops so there are no boobie reminders on show! I was relieved to stop but also profoundly sad and I missed it terribly. DD obviously missed it too and would talk about it sometimes, but didn't get too upset which was good as I think we would have both ended up in bits!
I'd just wind it down gradually and never think to yourself that this is the 'last feed'.

If you are worried about her not managing nutritionally, thats what formula is for. Unfortunately (and much disappointingly) i wasnt able to breast feed as when my little boy was born i had no milk to feed him with. I tried constantly for about 6 weeks, trying to express and to get him to feed but was unable to. He is now 18months old and healthy in every way. He now only has 2 cups of follow on milk a day and juice or water for drinks in between. He is healthy lively and active and has me and my mum (who i am temporarily living with) running round in circles. x

Thank you mammas. DD used to be intolerant to cows milk. I think she's outgrown that now as she has bits of dairy now and again, but I don't think I want to give her cows milk yet for a few reasons, she's been having soya milk and yogurts which doesnt have as much calcium..this is another thing that worries me..

How is her diet otherwise? Green veg can be a good source of calcium, almonds and wholemeal bread too (apparently - just googled calcium rich foods)

Thank you. I think her diet is ok. I make sure she has green and other veg, carbs and proteins every day, fruit too. Fish once a week, no meat. I didn't know wholemeal bread has calcium in, that's good.

Sounds good. Maybe have a word with your GP/HV if you're worried.

I am sure there are threads on tandem feeding on here. I think it is normal for flow to reduce then pick up again if you wanted to keep feeding both DCs x
Nanny do a good goats milk formula if cows does not suit her or you could try just fresh goats milk.

It's only natural to feel sad at the end of this "chapter". It shows that you have been successful, and that you did a great job. Your daughter is not "suffering" by not having a breastfeed. You might have to be tactical in what you say and do at the times when she would normally have a feed, perhaps distract her with a book if it's at bedtime, or a sippy cup and some toys during the day.

You are expecting another baby, who you will probably breastfeed, it is the natural order of life that your DD stops breastfeeding. 18months is a fantastic achievement, and your daughter has benefited so much. But you know what? They never turn round and thank you for it when they're 18 years old That's what I told myself when I finally stopped breastfeeding DS and he seemed totally UNnbothered by it whilst I had the occasional little cry!!

Thank you xx Singingsands, ur ace:)

Please can someone advise me on how to get dd to nap without feeding her, she just refuses! the only other way is in the car (unfortunately I don't drive) or in sling (i can't carry anymore) She needs a nap or she gets very tired and miserable late afternoon, also I need naps! Tried lying down in dark room, she just gets hyper and bounces on bed or bites. I'm so upset about this..

You don't have to wean if you don't want to - if it doesn't feel like the right time then you can just arry on nursing and see what happens. She may well decide that dry nursing (nursing with no milk)/nursing with less milk isn't for her or she may carry on until the baby is born and stop then or keep bfing.

It doesn't have to be a decision made now you can wait it out and see what comes.

Painful nursing is ommon in the 1st trimester but usually eases off in the 2nd trimester.

Adventures in Tandem Nursing by Hilary Flowers is a good book on bfing /pg and kellymom.com has a huge section on the same.

Congratulations on the new baby

Thank you. I think I need to stop soon, a good break before baby #2 arrives. I could do with some more energy too. I doubt dd will want to stop anytime soon, if ever.

Hi mamainlove
I'm not sure what I can offer in the way of help but wanted to post as our experiences seem really similar.
I am now 21 weeks pregnant and I have DD aged 19 months.

When I first got pregnant, she was feeding four times a day - once at 5 or 6am (then thankfully back to sleep), mid morning at 10am, 2pm before nap and then bedtime. The 10am feed dropped itself really as we were out and about at toddler groups etc and I offered her a snack instead.

Although my doctors and midwife were very supportive of me continuing to feed DD I was conscious that I had a hard time when in labour with her (she was prem and I was in hospital in total for almost a fortnight), and I wanted to reduce feeds so that she wouldn't miss me too much if I had to be away for a similar time with this baby.

So I dropped the 2pm feed. Which was a bit of a nightmare as it was how she got to sleep for her nap. But I just pushed her in her pushchair and we got to the stage where I could push her for ten mins or so, then come home and park her in a room with the door shut and leave her to sleep for up to two hours. Could you try this?

She somehow started sleeping through longer and gradually dropped the 5/6am feed and I started giving her a cup of milk first thing in the morning (she also gets a cup of milk mid afternoon).

We held onto the bedtime feed for a long time. It was often painful. I think my milk went when I was about 15,16 weeks pregnant and she seemed happy to dry nurse but would often make lots of scratching, tweaking gestures at me which I think are related to the baby trying to increase the milk flow. I took the decision to stick with our bedtime feed until she wanted to drop it, even if that meant tandem feeding with next baby. Other people can settle her without a breastfeed at night, it was just that when it was me she wanted to feed. But, the past three nights she hasn't wanted a feed and has just cuddled into me and gone to sleep. So I think my lack of supply has finally encouraged her to wean.

I think (purely anecdotally from things I have heard from other people), that older babies are more likely to wean when the supply goes than younger ones, so my own (very uninformed and personal!) opinion is that your DD would be quite likely to wean herself at some point in your pregnancy anyway.

Sorry this is an epic post. But I just wanted to share that you are not alone, a lot of people are in this position. If you can bear to keep up the feeds and gradually reduce it, it might be that you can get down to just the bedtime feed like I did, and then your DD will drop that herself once there isn't any milk...

I know its tough though. I feel so sad that my BFing relationship with DD seems to be over, but she had such a tough start and I am really proud that I managed to feed her this long. Try to hold on to that, what a great job you have done to feed thusfar.

That was a beautiful post KD0706. It's so difficult to know when is the right time or the right way but it sounds like you have managed to hit just the right balance.

mammainlove - I hope you get a similar ending

Thank you K, really nice to read your post. Tonight I only let her feed for just 30secs again. As usual she was upset, crying, then she started crying for a nursery rhyme, then a banana.. I think she was just overtired and upset. It didn't take her long to drop off with me cuddling her anyway.

Im still struggling with this, feel so guilty and sad. I find the naptime feeds easier as she's not so hyper and she falls asleep feeding, whereas night time feeds really hurt and I hate it so much. She also hates being in her buggy, especially when she's tired. Still,,i might try this again..

I'm pretty sure I'm making the right decision to stop now, though not certain. Aghhhh, confused and sad..

It is so hard isn't it.

Well, rather than drop bedtime feed last why not drop the nap time one last.

Is there anybody else who could put her to bed for a few nights to get her used to a new routine of just cuddles and no feed at bedtime?

You know what, I was just thinking that about nap times. I actually stil love nap time feeding a lot of the time, even though she's getting tired later now (?) thus causing later bed times,hmmm.. My partner sometimes tries putting her to bed with succession after a good feed but recently she cries so much if I leave the room, like I'm abandoning her :( Can't bare it.x

You sound so similar to me. DD has been settled to bed on four occasions in her entire life by somebody other than me. And on all those occasions I was well out of the way, ie had been gone for a couple of hours and the other person (DH/DM) did her entire bedtime routine and DD knew I wasn't around.

Is it at all practical for you to make yourself scarce like that for a few nights? I can't remember what I was reading recently about weaning but it said that often mum does have to be completely out of the house for the baby/toddler to let somebody else settle them.

Have you thought about having a look on kelly mom for weaning tips? That seems to be a very popular, well researched website.

Ah ok, yes that makes sense. I think I am just (too?) scared of her feeling like I don't care about her, like I've just left her.. I should try that though as it will probably be good for her abd her daddy too. Thanks for being so supportive

Ha, I meant it would be nice to keep in touch with u K, and if anyone else has advice or similar experience to this, please post xx

It is lovely to 'chat' to people who are going through similar things. I was on the BFing while pregnant thread but that kind of died a death, plus I guess I don't really belong there anymore...

Tonight was the fourth night in a row with no feed so I think it's likely that is DD weaned. I thought I'd be really upset about it but actually it's been such a long time coming.

Well done :) tonight was the first time dd wasn't fed to sleep. She only really asked for it a couple of times which was a relief, although she took an hour to drop off, full of crazy energy, biting (playfully but really hurting), jumping, rolling about etc. I read to her quietly for half an hour before bed, so I don't know why she is so hyper.. I might feed her if she wakes up in the night and asks, and again at nap time tomorrow, but I feel relieved not to feed her before bed.

How are things mamma ?
Did DD wake in the night for a feed, and how did she settle tonight?

Another bedtime for us with no feed. That's five nights in a row. I am fairly certain that's my DD weaned.

Little madam did end up in bed with me this morning. I was women at 5.30 to a noise that honestly sounded just like an angry cat. It took me a few minutes to work out that it was DD making the noise. The angry cat noise turned into crying so I brought her in with me. There was nothing wrong with her, she had just decided it was morning and wanted attention.

Funny that a couple of months ago I would have fed her back to sleep (or tried to!) but that just never entered my mind.

That should be I was woken by the angry cat noise, not women by it...

Hi, she took half an hour to settle last night, she asked for milk a few times and cried a bit but not too much (i still felt terrible though) she eventually fell asleep on me and slept through. This morning she didn't ask for milk, just wanted to get up. It's weird, I actually get a bit offended when she doesnt ask! I want to keep the supply up so I want to feed her at nap times and in the night or morning, so I offered it her this morning, and yesterday nap time as she'd slept in Grannys car. I think I'm confusing her! Im confused still too. I made my mind up to stop b.fing at this time a while ago, but keep reading about tandom feeding, and how it's best to wait til they decide to wean, but I also want a break, and hate feeding before bed time..

Do you know how often I need to feed to keep up the supply? Is once a day ok on one side, other side the next day?

Well done again on making it to 5 nights, ur both doing so well.