Exclusive Breast Feeding Is Exhausting!

[PigsWiggle]

Hi this my first post and I would be really grateful for any replies!

I have a five month old little girl. I am really lucky that I've never had any problems breast feeding her so I've never been to any breast feeding support groups. I get great social support from my NCT group with all the other aspects of being a new mum but I'm the only one out of our group who is exclusively breast feeding - and this is my problem!

Today in our NCT group it felt like all the other mums were talking about nights out they have had with their husbands, about days out shopping with just their friends, weekends away at spas, going to the gym and their relatives looking after baby so they can catch up on sleep etc. And I'm green with envy!!

Because I'm EBF and my DD refuses to take expressed milk from a bottle I can't be away from her for longer than two hours. I feel like all my other mum friends are having a very different experience to me as they can leave their little ones and get some rest or "me time" if they need to, but for the past 5 months I've had to do every night feed and get up every morning without exception and today the exhausation has just finally caught up with me!!

I feel like it is too late to go to a breast feeding support group now as I imagine it really is for mums with newborn babies rather than 5 month olds. I know there must be lots of other EBF mums in the same boat so I just wondered how you cope and can you give reassurance that it gets easier - when?!

Basically, it gets a lot easier once your little one starts eating solids.

oh see if yo have a local LLL group. i would be surprised if your baby wasn't one of the youngest there

it IS hard work when you're exclusively breastfeeding, but IMO it's worth it. and when you look back on it, it's such a small period of time.

I EBF'd my first and am doing the same with my second (5 weeks). I know what you mean of course! But do you have anyone (DP, mum, MIL?) who could take your DD and 'string her out' for a bit more than two hours? My mum did this for me - allowing me to be on my own for 3.5 hours or so - fab! If I was with DS I'd inevitably feed him more frequently, but with me not there, he could last longer - certainly by 5 months.

Of course, all babies are different AND it needs to be a supportive babysitter who you know won't mind if they howl a little. If you don't have this, then solids help! I did baby led weaning, and as my DS would take BM or formula for a bottle he had to go without BM between 9 and 5 when I went back to work at 7.5 months! He did fine on porridge, weetabix, yog etc (as well as other things of course!)

It is exhausting and I've turned down so many nights out in the last few months. The only thing is I know how fast the time will go. This is dc 3, although the only one ebf, the others were mf and FF. Knowing that it will be over in the blink of an eye makes it easier although I do feel I'm wishing his babyhood away sometimes.

I know how you feel. My DS is 8mo and i had my first baby free outing last week! I'm sure it is very different experience to mums who FF, but it does get easier when they are on solids. And you're doin the best for both you and the baby! Also after refusing a bottle, my DS all of a sudden decided he didn't mind having one and will now take ebf in a bottle (try nuk rubber teats if you haven't yet, think they're closest to nipples). It does get easier, you've done the hard bit already, now its about being able to enjoy pain free bf, and being able to catch some sleep while bf lying down (also works as a great excuse for not being able to tidy up/make dinner btw)..

It is hard but as others have said, it isn't for long. Once they start taking reasonable amounts of solids you can go shopping for an afternoon knowing that thye can have a solid snack or go out for dinner once you've put them for bed.

It isn't too late at all to go to a bf group. You don't have to have any problems to go along to them, they are pretty mcuh all just like other baby groups, a place to sit and chat where nobody cares if you look a mess and nobody minds if your baby pulls off mid feed and you squirt everywhere. Sometimes it is just nice to be among other bf mothers.

Mind you, getting up every morning? Sod that. Poke man. Make man get baby. Feed baby in bed. Send man and baby downstairs for 2 hours. Replace man with gran/friend if necessary.

I didn't start going to a BF group until my DD1 was 18 months and I wouldn't be surprised if your friends are exaggerating a little- having a child is knackering, no matter how you feed them.

On average, BF babies are ill less so that's more time that you don't have to spend walking a snotty baby around in the night because they can't sleep and they're feeling crappy.

You don't have to do any washing up or sterilising, that's more time that you can spend lounging on the sofa.

You don't have to lug bottles around when you go out so days out are easier (and you have more choice of bags!). Babies are really portable at 5 mo.

Hope that makes you feel a bit better :) Defo look up your local LLL group, you'll get lots of support there from other BF mums.

Firstly, know how you feel. My DD is 5.5 months and apart from a bedtime bottle that my DH gives her, I've BF all other feeds.

Its relentless and exhausting and I long for a full nights sleep and more than 5 minutes to myself. My lovely DH took DD to a baby group yesterday morning to give me a break. By the time I'd had a slightly longer than usual shower (lucky me!) and got organised for next feed (we've started weaning now) and thrown a wash on, they were back

I'm not going to try giving you advice on the bottle feeding because I've been very lucky in that front and DD has always taken a bottle fine, however, leaving her for more than a few hours with enough milk would take way too much pre planning (not one of those women who can pump gallons) and to be truthful, I wouldnt want to leave her for too long anyway she's too little and I'd miss her. Certainly not for a whole weekend. I bet if it came to it, you'd feel the same??? Even if I wanted to, other than DH, there isn't anyone around who could/would frequently look after her for hours on end.

Most of my NCT friends BF and they are in the same boat as us, so basically what I'm saying in a v long winded way is you're not alone!

It won't be long now till your DD is on solids and will hopefully be able to drink from a cup and you can share some of the feeding with your partner if you want to.

I went to a BF support group in the early days and there were plenty of women there with older babies by the way. Just try one out. Whats the worst that can happen? If you get there and don't feel comfortable you can just leave and go straight home again.

I recently started going to a BF support group when my baby was 4 1/2 months old. Mainly because I wanted to meet other Mums who 'got it' and had just moved to the area. It's brilliant and mainly a social thing with non obvious support, but there's a HV there if you need to talk to her.

Last week a few new mums came, babies ranging from 4 weeks to 3 months, so I don't think it's that unusual to go later on.

I am EBFing my 5mo DD too, so I can't say when it'll get easier, but i cope with chocolate, cake and coffee ;-)

Other ways include DH taking her first thing in the morning so I can get some extra sleep, co-sleeping occasionally, feeding lying down in the day (relaxing even if I don't sleep), sending DH out with her for an hour or so, a good book and lots of DVDs. We never really got started with expressing and bottles, but I thought I might start to see if DD will take expressed milk from a cup now.

It is far more exhausting than I was expecting, but there's only another month before we start on solids, and soon after that I expect she'll start dropping some feeds.

It's not too late at 5 months to go to a bfing support group. At my local one (not LLL just an NHS one) mums with toddlers go heck even mums with pre-schoolers go (that would be me on both counts!) as well as mums with newborns and mums with babies.

It can sometimes be tempting to be a bit 'grass is greener' (human nature after all to want what we don't have) and see only the good side of formula feeding but you may find your friends are envying you for your bfing relationship with your DD.

They may be thinking back to the days they could pop out the house with just a nappy and a pack of wipes not a flask with freshly boiled water, a sterilised bottle, pre-measured container of formula powder (and a back up carton of ready to feed formula and disposable bottle in case they get held up while out).

They might miss the snuggly night feeds all tucked up in bed next to baby and the long lie ins on a weekend in bed with baby and OH where you don't have to get up in the cold to make up the baby's bottle, or having a great excuse not to hand baby off to relatives/friends as 'she needs a feed' when you want to hold baby that bit longer.

They might not like the worrying about that feed where they took half as much as normal - does it mean they are sickening for something or does it mean they will want feeding in an hour just after the milk needs to be thrown away and a new one will have to be made? As a bf baby takes what it needs with no timing or measuring required - you just trust baby to eat all they wanted without having the measurements in front of you every time you feed baby to compare to.

They might miss the 'sleep now' switch that comes with bfing at night (both for you and baby) or the 3 times as much Slow Wave Sleep a bfing mum gets compared to a formula feeding mum (186 mins a night vs 63 mins - on average) which is the 'restorative' stage of sleep.

Or they might not miss any of it at all. I can't put words in your friends' mouths but you seem to be posting about the 'negatives' of bfing rather than seeing any of the positives sides of bfing.

It is difficult to be the 'outlier' when everybody else has stopped and is 'moving on' to another stage with out you - it can feel like it would be so much better if you went with everyone else as it looks so much better on the other side. Perhaps by going to a bfing support group you might meet mums on the other side of starting solids and you might see how different it is to parent a bf and solids baby from an ebf one. Hang in there it does get easier.

When DD was about 5 months, I felt exactly the same as you OP, all my friends were going out and had babies that were "sleeping through". It honestly felt like their lives had not really changed. DD is now 11 months and although we are still BF'ing I could quite easily leave her for a few hours as she eats like a trooper and drinks water from her cup, but. . . . . .I really don't want to miss a minute with her. I guess what I am trying to say is that this stage is just that - a stage, and it passes (IMO) far too quickly.

Yep same here - 5 month DD and feel I can't go to my works Christmas do as she won't take a bottle or cup etc... only been away from her for 1 -2 hours at a time max... and then for medical appointments!

I cope by cosleeping and trying to get DP to take her for half an hour every evening (that's all she can cope with in the evening - very much a Mummy's girl) and for an hour every couple of weekends.....

I'm still breastfeeding my son at almost 9 months. I went to my first breastfeeding group two weeks ago. it was lovely! I felt supported and positive.

And then last night... I went out. just to a meeting but i left the house at 7:30 with my LO crawling about and totally awake. I came home a few hours later LO fast asleep. My DP had changed him given him cold water in a bottle (his first bottle) and then rock him to sleep.

It is hard work and some days are harder then others but I love the calming reassurance i can give my LO with a feed. In the last few weeks I've also rediscovered wine :)

OP - I'm with you! LO is 3mo and, much as I adore him and 'enjoy' BFing, I do feel it is relentless and I'm exhausted!

TruthSweet, I'm interested in you saying They might miss the 'sleep now' switch that comes with bfing at night (both for you and baby) or the 3 times as much Slow Wave Sleep a bfing mum gets compared to a formula feeding mum (186 mins a night vs 63 mins - on average) which is the 'restorative' stage of sleep. Is that true? I keep whinging to DP that I'm not getting enough sleep. Maybe I need to change my tune and tell anyone who'll listen how much 'restorative' sleep I am getting

LittleWavyLines - I've told DP that he needs to sit outside our Christmas party venue with LO in his car seat and call me each time he needs a feed. I'll nip out, feed him and then go back to the food and gossip. He's unconvinced, but I'll get there; I need a night out!!!

Just read that out to my DP - he laughed! ... I then got a "not on your nelly" look - so good luck with that!

ATruth - It's from here (the slow wave sleep thing) and the 'sleep now' switch is from the oxytocin that is released when you bf (I made up the name 'sleep now' switch - but that is what it feels like at times!). It's the same hormone that makes you feel snuggly and sleepy after sex.

Ah yes, I've had the "not on your nelly" look several times LittleWavey Then I mutter "golf" under my breath and get a resigned sigh

Thanks TruthSweet. I definitely get the 'sleep now' reflex, but I don't seem to be getting the slow wave thing. I just feel knackered All Of The Time!

I might start muttering "sailing".....

Thank you all so much for your replies, advice and support.

I can see that I had become quite negative and "grass is greener", and had forgot all the positive sides to BF. I had only listened in envy to my friends' nights out but had conveniently forgotten about all their worries about their baby's colds and constipation etc... And I know that if I did have a way to measure the amount she drank I would also worry myself silly if she "didn't drink enough", like they do.

I have looked up LLL and they do run a group near me, I didn't know about them before so I'm defo going to go now.

I am going to try and BF lying down again to make feeding more relaxing and enjoyable - but in the past I have found that the arm of the side I'm lying on gets in the way IYSWIM!!

I did read your replies to my husband and suggested he help out more - he just laughed!! I think me EBF has made him a tad lazy but I'm really going to encourage more involvement now - the poor lad won't know what hit him!!

Your replies helped me put things back into perspective again. As a lot of you said it really is just for such a short time that they are EBF. Next month we will start BLW and then I'll be back on here wishing I could have the hassle free EBF days back!!

I have never been on a chat room before but now I am a total convert! All day I've felt totally exhausted and moody and your support has really cheered me up - I'm sat here with a big smile now. Thank you

I'm EBF. My partner does most of the nappies when he's around; he does most of the cleaning; and he cooks every evening meal. I don't know how I've managed to bag such a goodun ;)

PigsWiggle - Send your DH round here and he will get help on the plenty of ways to get involved (most of which can mean you get a lie in/long bubble bath/time to yourself......)

If your arm gets in the way you can either try sticking it under the pillow (upper arm paralell to the pillow, forearm under pillow) or curve it round over baby's head so your hand rests on their back (or legs depending on how long baby is/your arms are!).

Have fun with the BLW, it can be mess but it's so much easier than puree-ing pounds of brocolli and freezing ice cube tray after ice cube tray.....

ATruth - then think how you'd feel with out it!

G1nger that's just what you need, isn't it :)

How old is your baby?