Moan about other people's reaction when...

[gourd]

...they find out I'm [shock, horror] STILL breastfeeding my baby - she's only 14 months old for goodness sake! Anyone would think she was 5 the way people look a me and tut or say "You're STILL feeding her"?!! in an incredulous voice. This is from other women, who have (now grown-up) children. She only has one feed first thing in the morning and one feed last thing at night anyway, has done since she was 9 months when she stopped breastfeeding during the day. When invited out by colleagues at work I will mention her bedtime and feed routine as an excuse not to go - It is one of the reasons, but to be honest even if I wasn't still b/f-ing my daughter to sleep I'd not want to miss being with her before she goes to bed on week nights.

I do want to continue breastfeeding until she decides she's had enough. She has very little milk really. It takes less than ten minutes each time. I think it's more of a comfort for her these days, especially if she has a cold or is teething and I don't want to take that way from her. It is a convenient way of getting her to sleep - she doesn't fall asleep on the breast very often any more but settles immediately in her cot afterwards, so it's part of her bedtime routine and it works for us. I also know if helps her immune system as I pass on my antibodies to her when I am fighting off a cold. Apart from all of that, I actually enjoy breastfeeding - It feels nice, I feel a really close special bond with my little one when I'm feeding her, especially when she looks up at me whilst she's feeding and tries to smile with my boob in her mouth (very funny, milk dribbling, but then tends to bite me so I stop laughing quite quickly!!), but the fact that it feels nice is something that I know isn't really mentioned at all by anyone so its definitely not a reason I'd give to a colleague! When she stops wanting to breastfeed at all, I know I'll be quite tearful as it means my little girl is growing up and another stage of her life has been reached already. It may not be far way as some nights she has only suckled for a few minutes before wanting to be put in her cot, but I want her stopping to be her decision, not mine.

I can't really go into all this with colleagues of course and they clearly have absolutely no idea of any of the reasons why I might choose to continue to breastfeed after a year, but a little sensitivity would be nice! I suppose I'm just a bit irritated that I am made to feel there is a need to justify my choice in this to anyone. I don't feel it is a choice really, in that my baby wants to do it (has never wanted a bottle though we did try with expressed milk) and so we have always done it, so why would I stop at this point when it's now second nature to me? Breastfeeding infants after a year ought to be "normal" but I know it isn't, not where we live anyway, it's very, very rare, so I know this is why any mention of it, especially after a year or actually even after only 6 months elicits an incredulous response, but I still find this really annoying!!!

Ah, rant over.... feel better now...

WHO does recommend infants should receive complementary foods with continued breastfeeding up to 2 years of age or beyond" after 6 months. The problem is bf rate is abysmally low in the UK already. And like you a lot of babies stop doing it during the day sometime between 6 and 12mo. So it makes it a even rarer sight.

Good on you for doing what's best for you DD.

Aww nice rant!! And of course you do not need to justify it!! I have to admit though, that before I managed to bf (still doing it) I was poorly informed about the benefits etc and I thought feeding after 6 mths was odd! But now we are 5 months in, I can't imagine stopping!! I never thought I'd run into months of bf, and even I get asked when I'll be stopping! I smile and say "haven't decided yet", or " baby wants milk, so baby gets milk"
I now understand that until you've done bf and got to the really easy stage, many people just don't get it!! Smile at their ignorance and keep on going

Milk is still an important part of her diet at this age not just for nutrian but it's still full of antibodies your supporting her immature immune system. Which is fab, epically if she's at nursery or any other childcare where she is mixing with a lot of other children.

I think a lot of people just aren't used to the idea as most people stop so early in the UK. The world average for weaning is somewhere around 4 1/2years so we're the odd one's out really.

Well done to you for keeping going.

Aw, it sounds like you have a lovely BF relationship with your DD :) It's sad that you are having to defend it. Do you know anyone else IRL that is BF an older baby/toddler? I started going to LLL groups when DD1 was about 18 mo and it was such a relief to sit in a room with other mums BF toddlers. We're still going strong at 3 years now.

There are some lovely books about BF toddlers, like this one and this one.

Ooh thanks for links EauRouge - no, actually I don't know anyone else with a baby except my sister and hers is only 10 months old. She gives her LO cow's milk top ups as well as some breastfeeds. I think she wanted to stop bf-ing at 6 months initially but has carried on with it. Her baby wont take a bottle either but my sister does give her milk in a cup as well as shes not a big eater yet. We were lucky with ours she loves her food and has always eaten really well. I went back to work at 10 months so really it was good that my daughter wasn't feeding during the day by then and was eating huge amounts. It made it a lot easier - I've never had to express or provide any other milk. I may have felt differently if she was still demanding breastfeeds every 2-3 hours!

Do you think maybe the response you are getting is partly being stimulated by the way you are presenting it? If you refer to still breastfeeding as an excuse to get out of a social gathering you don't want to attend, you are sort of implying that it's a constraining, negative thing to breastfeed 'oh what a pain, I can't come, I'm breastfeeding' type thing.

Breastfeeding for this long isn't common amongst those who have grown up children. I'm in my thirties and was weaned straight onto cows milk at 8 months. My mum was considered to be a fairly 'extended' breastfeeder! So combining the fact that it is a new thing for them (probably) and that their first encounter with it is as a negative, perhaps that's part of the reason they respond as they do?

I suppose what I'm trying to say is that, if you want a positive response, I'd try to avoid using it as an excuse. I was in your position with DD1 and I used to just say "When I haven't been with her all day, I really like to be the one to put her to bed" and if pushed that it was only one nice just say something like "I know, I'm sorry, but it's really important to me". Then reserve mentioning the breastfeeding aspect to other times when it came up and I could present it as a positive.

night, not nice. Bloody autocorrect.

My sister BF her eldest two for four months. When DD came along I fed her for 13 months and as we approached her first birthday my family were more and more

Now my sister has another, BF for 18 months now and no-one's batted an eyelid.

One of my friends was very when I came round to lunch to find DD was still BF at 8 months. She said all of her friends fed for "the full six months" - as though that was a limit. But she fed for longer than that herself in the end.

What I'm trying to say is people may be surprised or even slightly condemnatory - but you are trailingblazing. Don't ever think you're not. Other babies will be breastfed, and breastfed for longer, because of your example

I never quite understand why people think you should stop at 6mo. Do they expect us to just move onto formula at 6mo? I'm quite lazy and I find the prospect of cleaning bottles and making feeds a needless hassle. I can understand the 12mo limit more. But even then, you can't just stop the day your LO turn 1yo can you? It'll probably be very traumatic if he's still having 2-3 bf a day.

You don't have to justify it to anybody ever. Especially not us!

Sometimes it is easier just to be selective about who you share it with!

Mine's nearly 2.5 and still has a lot of milk, very useful when she's been teething or not well and is hardly eating/drinking (anything else) at all.

How lovely! My daughter's the same age, but I don't get negative comments from anyone who hasn't had issues with it since day one. I think people know I don't care what yhey think! I hope these comments don't embarrass you into stopping.

Not sure there's anything in the OP's post to suggest that the people who are expressing incredulity are the same people with whom she uses breastfeeding as a reason not to go out of a night. Though yes, if I were at all worried about what other people thought of my choices in how I feed my babies (I'm not), I wouldn't say 'oh no, I can't come out, I'm breastfeeding' and then complain about how people are asking me if I'm still feeding.

Of course, OP, the accepted MN response to 'Are you STILL feeding that child?!' is to smile beatifically and say 'Yes! Lovely, isn't it?'

I meant negative comments regarding the age at which you are choosing to 'still' breastfeed your child. Some people I know thought it was too long when my daughter was 2 months old. Others thought it was too long when he was 2 minutes old, but they're just stupid! I've heard a few friends saying they think they'll stop feeding when their child starts walking which I find really weird to be honest. I think it's possible they actually want to stop so they can start trying for another baby but don't want to say it outright.

my baby is only 10 weeks but i have no intention of stopping BF before 2 years unless she wants to, or unless there is a medical reason (ie another HG pregnancy unable to breastfeed on anti-emetics)

I have no intention of stopping at 2 years either, and anyone who dares question my right to do whats best for my babys health (and my own health), will be told by me the WHO guidelines

(my baby happoly takes a bottle, and her bedtime routine is for daddy to do it and give her a daily bottle of expressed milk so Im not tied to the house)

Dd is 16 months and just stopped feeding of her own accord. In one friend's words "finally".

I knew I was doing the best thing for her so wasn't fussed to be honest. Am sad now she's decided to stop now though.

I think you should feel really proud of yourself. My DD is only 4 1/2 months old, but I absolutely love feeding her (and it does feel nice!) and intend to continue as long as she wants. I've been thinking quite a lot recently how it's such a shame that the majority of conversations I've had about breastfeeding have ended up with me almost apologising for being 'lucky' enough to breastfeed my child, or biting my tongue to comments advising me that if I were to just give her a formula feed before bed then she would sleep for longer at a time.

I'm not going to apologise or bite my tongue any more. From now on I'm going to say 'I love breastfeeding my daughter. It had its challenges during the first couple of months, but I believe that the benefits are worth it.' Either that or 'Bugger off you nosy people' (or something snappier).

(secondary rant after OP's original rant over)

Funny- I also find myself playing down that I'm still bf!! People ask "why?!". Erm- baby needs milk?!! Then I try to find excuses as to why- like " cos it's become easy, and I'm too lazy to give bottles...". Ok, I've just heard myself!!! Note to me/ Wise Up!!!! I'm still feeding him cos he still needs milk!

I get these reactions as I'm bfing twins and every time I talk to my Granny she tells me I've done well but maybe it's time to stop. They are 12 weeks old. Tbh it's been a bit of a struggle at times but is getting better. I do give a bottle to them at night when dh is able to help and that works for me but am glad I've kept going. I probably won't go much passed 6 months but that's because I'm selfish and want my body back so think you are fab for carrying on. They're probably just jealous or feeling guilty they didn't bf as long as you.

Aww I shouldn't have read your OP, I BFed my DS until he turned 2 a couple of months ago, and even though I know it was the right time to stop I really really miss it :( particularly as I won't be having any more babies.

I only ever got face from my mum actually - nobody else batted an eye when I mentioned it.

whats wrong with
"No thanks I dont fancy it, I just love being at home for the bed time routine" and reply to Second time lucky:
Yes I could just say I'd like to spend time with my child. But for some reason people with no children think that is a bad reason and just dont accept it. They cant undestand that I dont want to be at work any longer than absolutelty necessary, I havent got money or time to waste on being out with people I dont really know that well or have much in common with except that we share an office, especially when I cant afford to spend any time or money on my friends and family, and that I actually cant wait to get home to see my family. If they think I HAVE to be home to feed my child they seem to be a lot more understanding even if their eyebrows raise a bit that I'm still bf-ing her. It's a difficult one. Eventually I wont be breastfeeding anymore but I'm still not going to want to be out late on a work night away from my child and not seeing her at all that day. I don't know why but honestly people just wont have it that you might actually want to spend time with the child that you wanted for ten long years, carefully planned, had a horrible pregancy with and finally arrived to much, much joy. I don't work with anyone else with young chiildren and I actually don't know any other working mums at all. My sister is at home with her kids aged 6 years and 1 year and cant wait to get rid of both of them onto my parents two or three times a week and for overnight stays once a week, so even she doesn't get it!

hey gourd
what a lovely, well put AND completely necessary rant!
I can totally empathise.
I have a 14mo DS with a similar feeding schedule.
I love it,he loves it.
I took a while to settle into it,just like a pp has already mentioned but I'm so chuffed that we've got this far :)
I combat the raised eyebrows with 'because its good for him' or 'it's lovely isn't it'
By mentioning it to your work colleagues your highlighting that feeding beyond the 6mo seemingly socially acceptable mark still goes on. So well done you!!

I am still feeding at 1 year and not one person has been negative. I hope they don't start being so :(