Extended bf when was the last time you fed outside and how did you feel about it?

[Singleandproud]

My DD is 2 I haven't fed her outside for probably 8 months or more simply because she was happy waiting till we got home. I never had any trouble feeding her out when she was younger I was quite happy to do it.

Today in Clarks she made a run for the door, I shouted out for her to stop and as I caught up with her to grab her my nail caught her face and scratched it a little. Anyway she went into complete hysterics and couldn't be soothed with any sort of distractions and was sobbing really badly I think I scared her when I shouted more then anything. I asked the sales assistant if there was somewhere I could feed her and she was brilliant took me in the back, grabbed a stool for me and left me to it.

I was quite surprised by my own reaction that I didn't really want to feed her in public due to knowing its unusual to feed a toddler.

So when was the last time you fed out and were you happy doing it or did you feel self concious?

Ds 2 is 18mths and I NIP. I was a bit hesitant for a while, as it is not a bfing area here - over 3 mths and you are in the minority by a looong way! However, I don't give a toss now about others disapproving. No one has yet raised an eyebrow or said anything, other than the in laws, but that's a whole thread of its own.

PMSL at cairnterrier's story. Hello boobah?!

I don't know anyone whose fed past a year. My ds is one and I have no intention of stopping but am already too embarrassed to feed except when around friends I know won't mind :(

Sometimes you do find that friends come out if they see you feeding discreetly i nthe school playground behind a tree or such

they say 'Ooh I still feed mine too, but no one knows'

That's really helpful when that happens.

DS is 3.4 and I've just started weaning him (which I was dreading, but apparently given the choice of 2 books and BF, or 3 books and no BF he'd prefer to have the 3 books - a couple of times after he'd had the 3 books he asked for milk too, but accepted he'd chosen already), but the last time I BF in public was last month at an airport (it was late, he was tired). I hadn't BF in public for a while, I think the last time was a the zoo?, mainly because he was down to only BFing before nap and bedtime so we didn't need to, but if he wanted to then I did.

Ironically I felt more self-conscious when he was smaller (maybe 6 months?) as he was a very big, long baby and looked much older and I was worried people would think I was BFing a toddler (after watching the show with the very precocious 7 and 8 year olds who named their mum's boobs and drew pictures of them etc)... whereas by the time DS actually was a toddler I guess I'd decided we were in it for the long haul and it didn't really bother me anymore. I'm lucky in that we live in London where its perhaps more liberal, but I've never had more than a double-take from anyone and I find if you meet people's gaze and smile then people realise you aren't self-concious and won't be intimidated by their judgements.

DD1 named mine when she was about 18 mo; "mummy booby" and "daddy booby", for reasons that I cannot fathom. DH gets funny looks sometimes when DD1 declares "I want some daddy booby"

Glad I'm not the only one who feels like that then.

Funny how you get negative comments from family and not strangers.

There is no LLL in my area, there is a baby cafe but I never went when DD was little as had no problems feeding her and they discourage you going once babies can walk as the room isn't very big and not really catered towards toddlers. Out of all the groups I go to, and all the friends I've met I was the only one who breastfed albeit one who has now stopped now her DS is 2. I can count on one hand the amount of times Ive seen other mums bf their babys out in the last 2 years. Its such a shame.

Wow I hadn't realised how much difference region could make. There are a quite a lot of mums who breastfeed around here, I didn't feel uncomfortable feeding in cafes or at playgroup if I was with other people, not at all at friends houses, although was perhaps a bit self concious if on my own. I did have a woman tell me i was brave for feeding in starbucks in cambridge (i must have looked so startled she felt the need to go on about it for blooming ages ) The weirdest thing was that DD3 was only about a year old then! Hardly extended feeding IMO. My mum and in-laws are surprised that i'm still feeding my 18 month old, I suspect they're a bit relieved we're not doing it during the day any more.

You know what's best for your little one, trust your instincts and carry on as long as suits you both. It really doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. Might want to practice your hard stare to deter comments from your family though

mine is 21 months; fed her at church yesterday

sorry - pressed return too soon.

We live in a relatively BFing friendly area (Eastbourne). I have never had any issues at all feeding in public. Bfing is quite common here now although I have never seen anyone feeding a baby as old as mine except for my slingmeet. I'm a pretty militant BFer anyway so have no issues with feeding a toddler in public - the more people see it the more they might think about it themselves.

Unfortunately DD never wants to feed when we are out and about ;D

18 months was the point I thought I'm not going to feed DD in public anymore (not because of how I feel about but didn't want to deal with other folks reactions ). Anyway mostly didn't, except near the end when she was nearly two was liked a starved wolf, clawing at me for boob

I fed my 14mo in public a couple of weeks ago, but it was the first time in months. He normally just feeds at naptime and bedtime so it's not an issue but we were in the doctors waiting room and he was tired and grumpy and starting to kick off. I either had to feed him or take him home so I fed him. I did feel a bit self conscious but no one batted an eyelid.
I a way I feel more self conscious feeding around friends who did bf, but stopped when their DC were younger than DS. A couple have made comments that they can't imagine feeding a baby that age which I'm sure they don't mean nastily but it can feel like a veiled criticism

I fed my 11 mo at playgroup and there were two other women breastfeeding but their babies were 6 weeks and 3 months, a few women did look at me a bit funnily but DS had fallen over and it was quickest way of quieting him and cheering him up.

Marzipananimal - I know exactly what you mean about friends who stopped bfing earlier. It's like they can't imagine doing it longer, because they didn't. For some maybe they had conflicting feelings about stopping and feel the need to be 'right' retrospectively.

I much prefer friends' honest, incredulous 'Are you still breastfeeding?! Are you going to keep going until he's, like, five??' to those that imply there's some sort of time limit (that they're certain about, even though they've made it up. It's usually the age their child stopped at plus a few months) - the most subtle so far I got last week (my son is 2.10) - 'Oh, don't worry, I think there's nothing wrong with breastfeeding well into toddlerhood'.

I agree with marzipan that it's often harder with people who did bf but stopped than it is with people who never did. Some of those who never did (IME) think you're odd anyway for having done it, so 'still' doing it at toddler age is only a bit more odd. But continuing after they (and most people they know) have stopped can often feel like more of an issue.

MavisG - you've hit the nail on the head with people picking an age which is the age they stopped plus a few months!!

I'm often afraid that people will feel that my breastfeeding in front of them is somehow a criticism of their choice (or lack of choice in some cases) to stop earlier, or not to BF at all.

I feel like they are afraid I am thinking 'YOU didn't breastfeed, for this long, did you?' when of course I'm actually not at all, more like 'how the feck did you stop because I am desperate to!'

I hope they don't think me one of the more radical militant types who think everyone who doesn't breastfeed long term is failing their child - if there are actually people who think that, which typing it I doubt!

Sometimes people seem to feel the need to defend, or mention anyway, their decision to stop, when really to me it's a non issue. All kids/situations/breasts/mothers are different and I don't give a stuff if people don't want to bf/for long.

Even the kid (sorry, she was about 21) who looked at me and went 'Eurgh! I couldn't ever do that' with an air of utter disgust
I didn't mind as it was just how she was, and had grown up with folk who thought the same I guess. I feel lucky that my parents were pro breastfeeding because it meant I just assumed I'd be able to and want to do it. Which helped massively.

The last time I remember feeding DD2 (who fed till she was in juniors) in public, Rather than at a friends she was 18 months old because she was fussing at DD1s going to school meeting.
I might have feed her at the swimming pool after that, but she just got too tall.
You needed 2 chairs, a bed or a sofa to feed her.

OhDearNigel - I am in Peacehaven, would you like to get coffee sometime? We go to Seaford and Eastbourne sometimes. Let me know - no worries if not.

I fed DS in the waiting room at the mental health hospital today. Anyone who wasn't convinced I was mad already probably is now Most people didn't notice, but think the receptionists eyes would have fallen out if they had gone any wider

I love breastfeeding. Sometimes it drives me a bit bonkers - the switching sides every two minutes, the nipple fiddling, the want to have access to them AT ALL TIMES - but then I am sure that he would drive me round the twist with something else if it wasn't this, because he is two. I love the snuggles, love the fact he looks bemused if he sees a baby with a bottle, love the way he kisses and cuddles my boobs to say thank you, love the way he breastfeeds his teddies / doll / crane , love the fact that by plonking him on at stupid oclock 6am he will go back to sleep... Even love the looks on peoples faces when they hear I am still nursing Though saying that, exPs mum shouts it from the rooftops, she couldn't be more supportive if she tried, bless her.

I have had a few "joking" comments about Little Britian from friends of the family. Have give up looking outraged and just reply I intend to feed him till his wedding day. Seems to bemuse them sufficiently.

sorry to hijack, but can I just get a bit of advice on this? How do you harden yourself to other people's comments? My DS is 8 months but I plan to bf him for as long as he wants/ we both want, but everyone I know thinks breastfeeding beyond around 12 months is weird/disgusting/abusive. I have friends and family of all ages, backgrounds and dispositions but it seems they all feel this way. Even the ones I thought would be positive/neutral about it. It's not that I've brought the subject up with people, but the topic comes up and they're all like 'bitty', etc etc. So anyway my point is that I try not to let it get to me but I feel sad and a bit isolated really.

Hi Fudgeling, that's sad that you don't have much support :( Things can be tricky when you feel alone. There are a few things you can do- firstly you can seek out support. A lot of people BF past a year but sometimes you have to go looking! A local BF group like LLL would be a good place to start, some areas have natural parenting groups where you tend to get a lot of extended BF.

Arming yourself with facts can be helpful too. The WHO recommends BF for at least 2 years and this is a global recommendation, not just for third world countries like some people think. How you choose to use the facts can vary, you could be friendly or sarcastic as you like

I think a lot of the criticism is down to ignorance. I've found my family very supportive about me BF DD1 who is 3 and also tandem feeding with DD2 (9mo) but I'm pretty sure if someone else had done it before me then they would have considered them a weirdo. You might find that they change your mind once they see the good that it does you and your DS.

Hi EauRouge,

thanks for replying. I have used the WHO info with a couple of people recently, both of whom came back with the 'that's really only for 3rd world countries' line. I then don't want to seem argumentative or fall out with them so I just smile and nod. But actually I feel angry that I am giving the impression I agree, and that I can't tell them how I really feel about it withot them thinking I'm weird.

I looked at LLL but they meet on a day I'm at work. I'm not sure a natural parenting group would be quite right for me as I'm pro-vaccination and don't believe in alternative medicine. It would be really good to meet up with some like-minded people though. What's wrong with everyone? Why do they care so much about how other people feed their children?

I hope you are right and that people will get used to it after a while!

Thanks again.

My DDs are vaccinated and I'm pro-conventional medicine too but I felt very welcomed at the natural parenting group I went to. People varied in their degrees of lentil-weaving but it's up to you if you don't think it would be your thing.

You could email your local LLL leader and ask about coffee mornings or other meet ups, I'm sure she would be willing to put you in touch with other local mums.

I know what you mean about not seeming argumentative. How about asking them why they feel the way they do, in a curious way rather than defensive like? It may be that they haven't really thought about it. You could ask them as well why they care, it's a very valid question

thefudgeling - I'm a very pro-vacc/evidenced based medicine type - that's why I bf until my children, and yes I do mean children, choose not to bf any more and I do go to LLL meetings when I get the chance (I just haven't had a chance since I was pg with DD3 blaming it on not being able to cope with 3 children on a bus for an hour each way....)

DD2 is going to be 4 on Friday and DD3 is 2 so I am not kidding on that front!

Have a look around for sling meet/LLL/bfing groups or try websites like Iwantmymum or Analytical Armadillo/Dispelling Breastfeeding Myths facebook pages and seeing if anyone is in your area. If you are in the SE I might be close to you, you never know!

I agree on the variations in type of lentil weaving in natural parenting group. I'm pro-conventional medicine too, but I'm also part of a natural parenting group. Our group deliberately doesn't cover vaccination type stuff in the 'natural parenting things' as it's a more controversial issue than things like bf, co-sleeping etc. We all do 'natural parenting' to different degrees.

I like the line "the WHO recommendations for Europe are to bf until at least 2 years", which knocks the 'developing countries' argument on the head straight away.

Another line which I'm saving up but haven't had chance to use yet is, "That's an interesting point of view. What makes you think that?" It shows you don't agree but isn't antagonistic, and allows you to talk around the subject if they're prepared to listen (or lets them shut down the conversation if they're not prepared).

Actually, that's pretty much what Eau said, isn't it?

I'm in the SE too. :)