Please help! I'm heartbroken today though it's my own fault. Very long

[Needsomewine]

apologies as I've had a few threads here in the last couple of weeks.

I have a 5 week old dd2. She was 2 weeks early, jaundiced, tongue tied but snipped on day 4. So bf was a challenge to start with but once my milk came in she started to get the hang of things. She is VERY sleepy so I had to wake her for feeds and tried to increase the frequency of feeds with mixed success. I stil had to top her up but she was off all top ups by about 2.5 wks. She has been slow to gain weight. She was born at 6lb 3oz and was only 7lb 3oz five weeks later. She only gained 8oz in the last 2 weeks. Cue huge anxiety by me when she was weighed on Tuesday and some feeds were given by bottle as I was too upset to feed her. I tried to express while dh fed her but wasn't very relaxed and didn't get much. With dd1 I got good amounts with expressing.

I am now convinced that because dd isn't a voracious feeder by any means , that my supply has dwindled down gradually and now with all my anxiety and missed feeds there's nothing left hardly. I saw an excellent paediatrician yesterday who reassured me and told me that dd perhaps still needed help until she got stronger. She was also trying to help me as I have dd and lots of other things going on, so she suggested to only feed dd for 20 mins, then offer a top up, then to express if I could. Great plan I thought.

Trouble is I just don't have any milk left- if it was a day earlier I perhaps could have saved the situation before my anxiety took over:( :(. dd has only fed successfully twice since in the last 24 hrs. Both of these times are when I didn't express the feed before so there was 6 hours worth of milk there. I totally realise that whilst she and I had a lovely feed:) :( that that's no way to build up milk- by leaving it for 6 hours.

I am trying to remain positive of being able to feed her but how will I ever het my supply back now. Dd just fussed and pulls off immediately when she doesn't get any milk after a couple of sucks. I have done 2 things- ordered a hospital grade pump which is coming tomorrow and asked dh to go and buy some motilium. Does anyone have any experience in this. I have just expressed after dd got nothing from me and I only got just over 1oz.

Fiddly, not diddly!!!!

Thanks juggling, I loved it when she fed well from me yesterday :) :(

Not having such a good day today as worried about latch etc. Going to try SNS next feed, yes. Feeling nervous though so that doesn't help. Dh is going to help me with it.

Couldn't read and not post - different circumstances but Ds1 bf well and frankly I expressed like a cow! Dd however was admitted to hospital after she stopped feeding (a throat infection was the official story and I won't bore you with my own views!) Anyway she had to be fed through a tube with formula. I was gutted and lost faith, couldn't seem to feed and was utterly unable to express anything so I understand how emotion plays a huge role here.
A RL bf counsellor will help best but for what its worth what I did was alternate feeds. Bf once then bottle of formula next, then BF next etc etc. I'm sure some will think this a bad idea but for me it worked. And mainly I think because I relaxed, in my mind I stopped worrying about weight gain, feed schedules etc because I knew she had the bottles and even though I know this isn't the case when I fed I felt full. Anyway it worked for us and Dd fed like this for months well into the time we started weaning.
All I can say is do what feels right for you (even my way may not be right for you!) stop the guilt and don't stress about what's right or wrong, it's your baby and your choice so only that counts.

Good luck with the SNS Needsomewine, it's not too bad once you get the hang of it and gives the baby a good incentive to keep sucking and get more milk. I used one really successfully to get my supply back after my DS was failure to thrive. I used it for a few months and am still bfing nearly two years on.

I think tiktok has said this before, but try not to judge the success of every feed as good or bad. Try and look at the wider picture rather than getting anxious every time things don't go quite as you'd hoped. It's hard I know but sometimes it's important to take a step back from the mountain so that you can see it in its entirety.

She's growing isn't she...just a bit slower than you'd like.

You have exactly described the situation I had with my dd.

I was constantly doubting myself and was so so sure she wan't getting enough. i did feeds every 3 hours too, more often if dd wanted. I just went by what my HV told me to do. I hated it, I hated feeding her and I hated feeling so much pressure. I would express after every feed too. Gradually dd got better at latching on and I became more confident and sure of my supply. I think it took us until dd was about 2.5 months for me to actually feel like me feeding her was working and I wasn't hating every second of it. She is now 18 months and feeding

I'm sorry I don't have any practical advice, I just wanted to tell you that it does get better and easier even if it you just feel like giving up.

Have just used the SNS and it all went well for a first time I guess. I am going to see a bf counsellor in a couple of hours. I just feel like I'm in a living hell at the moment but am still desperate to make things work.

I am convinced my latch is terrible now, unless I get very lucky. I guess this is because I was using bottles or maybe it was never good in the first place hence the slow weight gain. Anyway, she's definitelybgot worse since I've confused her. How hard is it to correct latch????? I don't think I've said before but I am using nipple shields due to dd's tiny mouth- an added complication! But I am a big fan of them and I used them with great success long term with dd1.

Glad you have had a good experience today, needsomewine.

No, you never mentioned nipple shields, I dont think.

They can be helpful but they have major drawbacks, some of which you may have experienced.

Maybe the bf counsellor will be able to assess whether the use of shields has had an impact.

Thanks tiktok, dd fed well while i was there which was good :). The bf counsellor was very reassuring and I'm feeling quite positive at the moment...how long will that last?

She said the latch wasn't perfect but that doesn't really matter. It is due to dd's small mouth and my not small nipples! She's obviously not a fan of nipples shields but agreed they are necessary is this case. I don't think there are many down sides to them other than it's harder to feed in public with them, if that ever happens!! They certainly didn't impact supply with dd1.

My plan for the next few days remains the same I think, but hopefully I can carry it out with a bit more confidence. Hopefully I can use the SNS to do some of the top-ups rather than bottles. She also suggested dh could finger feed with the SNS which is doable I think. One thing is definite though, dd is not ready to exclusively direct bf yet. Maybe we will get there eventually but I just need to take it a day at a time still. I think it's important for dd and her mouth to grow a bit, then perhaps things would be easier??

Great news that you feel reassured and positive Needsomewine.

Hope things go well over the next couple of days, I'm sure things will get easier for you both soon.

Don't know if the BF counsellor suggested it for your trickier side, but have you tried a 'rugby ball' style positioning? With DS, he fed really well one side and less well the other. On the worst side, I fed him holding him under my arm, resting on a cushion, like a rugby player holds the ball while running (hoping this makes sense!)

I found that I could see better when he had his mouth wide open to establish a good latch, and I think when it was a bit sore it meant that his mouth was on a different part of my nipple, giving a little relief.

Also, look for the wiggling near her ears, rather than too much jaw movement.

You're doing so well, hope you're being looked after too x

She did indeed ballstoit but I never got the hang of it with dd1 so haven't really tried this time. I may give it a go though. The tricky side has actually been ok today but have had a nice quiet day which helps.

Have found the SNS fiddly on my own so not attempted that today but dd has been feeding pretty well and been busy expressing too. :)

:)

Sounds like she - and you - are going from strength to strength with this - Well done - sounds like you could be over the trickiest bit ?

Ah, OP here!! Just wanted to come here and complete the story as always get frustrated when I search on archive and the story isn't complete:).

It turns out my instinct was pretty spot on re: my supply. So, dd had gradually driven down my supply because her suck wasn't up to it. In our situation the advice to feed, feed, feed instead of express could have killed bf totally for me. Truly, every baby is different and this is not the answer for everyone.

We are now 11 weeks down the line and I managed to rescue the situation by tons of expressing, taking domperidone and slowly supply has gone back up and dd has breast milk alone, no frmula. So I'm exclusively expressing and happier for it, yes it's hard work (still doing a night express) but not as hard as direct bf, then top up, the express. Dd is doing brilliantly, so much more settled and piling on weight as well as getting my milk. EE is often said to be the worst of both worlds but I kind of find it the opposite. however I'm not sure how long I will be able to continue fr

Thank you to all who helped me and like I said, I just wanted to complete the thread

Thanks so much for updating NeedSomewine am so pleased to hear that you've found a way through this that is right for you.

So good that DD is thriving and you sound happy with things now- result all round I reckon.