Is my 10 week breast-fed child sad? Crying before feeding/in sleep

[GrannysLittlePickle]

Possibly the wrong board but I'm really worried my DD is unhappy or doesn't like me or something...

I pick up on her cues to feed before she starts crying, then as soon as I have her on my lap and am pulling up my top she starts crying! She will then feed but often pulls off - have I done something wrong to traumatise her about feeding? I reoffer the breast when she pulls off but don't hold her on if she is definitely refusing. If she is having her evening hell-time yell I will put it in her open yelling mouth as sometimes she decides that actually, yes, she is hungry, and it sorts the yelling. Is this forcing her to feed?

She also pulls a really sad face and cries in her sleep.

I am worrying that I didn't give her enough cuddles or milk early on and she has bad memories/feelings - we didn't cosleep until after the first week and I had real problems establishing breastfeeding. I also sometimes resent her waking me in the night when I'm really tired and so am possibly not as loving/gentle with her as I could be - she wakes every 2 to 1 1/2 hours.

During the day I offer her the breast about every hour as that is how often she seems to want it - more in the evenings... When we are out/distracted it can be less. Is this too often? Is she getting fed up with me just shoving a boob in her face all the time?

I just keep thinking I'm not being as good a mum as I should be....

My DD has mild TT. But she was feeding fine and I wasnt sore. NHS wouldnt fix it and I dont want to pay. we are still here bf at nearly 6mo.

lilham did your DD click all the time when feeding?

No, just rarely.

Hmmm mine clicks constantly.... every feed, all feed...

It does sound like things are starting to get better for you. Thinking about it 10 weeks was a bit of a turning point with my DD as well.

I'm not big on baby books, I tried a couple when DD was a baby and binned them in disgust. There was one useful thing though, the baby whisperer book had a description of different baby cries and what they meant, if they were tired or hungry etc. That really helped me. I think, even with DS2 (my third child so you'd think I'd know better by now) I fell into the trap of feeding when he cried when actually sometimes he was crying because he was tired not hungry. He can have a good old yell when he needs to go to sleep and now I've got him settled into a bit of a routine it's easier for me to spot that's what he's crying for and I've worked out a few ways to try and help him get to sleep. It can be so hard though a) to realise that it's not hunger and be confident with that and b) to find a way of getting them to settle to sleep. Something that you can experiment with a bit anyway, both DS1 and DS2 liked/like having a muslin over their face to fall asleep (strange babies), DD was much harder.

Definitely try not to jump in when she makes noises before she cries. Crying is the way babies communicate with you it doesn't mean they are sad or distressed (unless they are red in the face full on screaming of course). I don't mean ignore crying, but it's not something you need to kill yourself to avoid it happening iyswim. I think that's something that comes easier with subsequent babies because they inevitably have to be left to cry sometimes as you're dealing with an emergency with an older sibling. After a while you realise that they won't combust and they won't hold it against you.

I don't know anything about tongue ties but I've heard about the clicking being a tongue tie thing before so it sounds like it's worth following that up. If there is something like that going on and you can do something about it you'll find it makes a huge difference to how easy life is.

Good luck with the sleep. I remember reading that what you need is an uninterrupted 4 hour stretch, that's better than having 2 * 3 hr stretches. I'm falling just either side of that 4 hours at the moment with DS2 and the difference a good bit of sleep makes to how you feel about everything is huge!

Update: Spoke to a wonderful lady on the LLL helpline and have minutely adjusted the latch (which I thought it was too late to do at 11 weeks! She objects sometimes to the change though) which has reduced, but not totally eliminated the latch, she now sometimes refuses to feed though - I think she's being stubborn at the change so shall persevere - is that right?

Even better - the last few nights we have had a 4 hour or 5 hour stretch of sleep! It is then hourly feeds after, but still feel better for it... I don't feel so low or anxious, so I think a lot of it was lack of sleep..

Thanks for the support!

Hi I know it's been a long time but am going through this now with my 4 month old and wondered when things got better for you?