Other mums horrified I am still breastfeeding 18 month old ds

[Knackeredmother]

just returned from a rare night out for a friends birthday. Lots of other mums there. Some with babies around 4-6 month old some with older and grown up children. Got onto the subject of feeding and mentioned I am still breast feeding 18 month old ds.
They were horrified. Got comments such as'its wrong' ' he's got teeth now' 'it's just for your comfort not his'.
Now I wouldn't dream of commenting on how they feed their child and was a bit taken aback. I am an educated woman and could normally come back with a rational argument but the 2 glasses of champagne put paid to all rational thought!
Has anyone else encountered this? out of at least 10 mums I was the only one who had breastfed for more than 2 weeks and felt a bit crap about it all.
I wonder if the best thing is to not ever mention it in future but on the other hand think why should I?

OP and Truth, :(

OP, You may be interested to read WHO's Infant and young child feeding: Model Chapter for textbooks for medical students and allied health professionals. According to the blurb it 'describes essential knowledge and basic skills that every health professional who works with mothers and young children should master'. Plenty of research references in it. :)

I've had a couple of not-quite-negative comments about my 18 m.o. Every time I see my parents they ask (again) how long I'm planning to feed for (to which the answer is: until one of us wants to stop).

Other friends have said 'you've done really well to get this far - when are you planning to stop?'. I find it a bit of an odd comment, as after about 4 months, carrying on was always going to be easier than stopping so I don't think it's any great achievement to have got this far. To be fair, I think many people only have experience of the tough early days of bf, or dislike being unable to leave their young babies for long periods, and apply similar assumptions to feeding older children.

I'd agree with EauRouge - I'd be asking people to justify their assertions and give me hard evidence for them. Bf is biologically normal - if they're telling you otherwise, the onus is on them to say why you should stop, not on you to say why you should continue. "Oh, I must have missed the study which came to those conclusions. Can you make a note of the authors / journal / date so I can look it up later, please?" would be my tactic.

And 'forcing' a child to bf just makes me laugh. On occasion I've tried to persuade DS to bf when he's been tantrumming or upset or hurt, and I know it would do him good and calm him down. You should hear the screaming as he lets me know that, "NO! he DOESN'T want it now"!

knackered that your colleagues are so ignorant. Arm yourself to the hilt (with info, of course) and good luck for tomorrow. Both books eaurouge mentions are great. While bf older children is about children over two alot of it applies to children under that age, and to many people "older children" seems to mean over six months. Alot of the judgeyness concern they hold for bf past 6m is addressed as arguments pro extended bf that can easily be applied earlier. Ie if it doesn't cause clingyness at three, it won't at one iyswim. Though sadly there are few proper studies into bf at this age, so alot of it is anecdotal, or sort of anthropological.

Truthsweet . Xxx

It is terribly sad how little medical students and doctors are taught about bf. It is really on their own heads to find out, which let's face it, most won't . I know, I'm medically trained. The little information they do get is often via formula companies and frequently it isn't obvious that it is essentially advertising. and

Anyway, please do let us know how you got on today OP and good for you for standing up for yourself, I know how difficult it can be.

My friend breast fed until her ds2 was 2.

My DC1 is only 5 months and already people have started.
One 'friend' even looked surprised when I fed beyond 3 months.
I've had the 'its just wrong when they can ask for it' and all the teeth comments (DD cut her first teeth at 13 weeks)
I really want to carry on feeding her until she is at least a year and have told my DH as much (he knows better than to say anything negative even if he thinks it).
I feel so sad that I need excuses to carry on feeding her.

Truthsweet, [full of admiration]

I tandem fed mine and am still feeding DS who is 3.

Do not pay any heed because other women feel obliged to stop at a certain age because received wisdom is....

As a free thinking woman it's great you think for yourself and decide what's right for you. But you have to understand the majority of the population will disagree with you and that's okay because they haven't had the same experience you have. And women are encouraged to feel guilty whatever their choices. Some of them will be feeling rueful they quit nursing so early, and it makes them defensive of their choice. If you can empathise with them and remember they are only saying bad things because they feel bad about their choices, it helps.

But don't feel bad. 18 months old really is a baby. :)

Well done you . I bf DD until she self weaned at 12 months, but would have happily gone longer. Your "friends" are clearly jealous that you are still bfing and they couldn't get past 2 weeks of it. Get yourself some new friends, mo one should be commenting like that, it's none of their business!! Ohhh it really angers me, people like this!

I am feeding ds who is 20 months. I am in the closet. Only dh, my mother and my sister know. I don't think any of them really approve, though dh wouldn't dream of saying anything after telling me when ds was about 15 months that I was "ploughing a lonely furrow" and it leading to TOTAL meltdown on my part. He admitted he was being a prat and culturally dictated to, and now is very supportive again.

yah me too. Tell them to eff
off! What horrifies me is when i see a mum feeding a Greggs pasty to a barely formed toddler! But i dont tell them its wrong or stop! You are doing the best for your l.o.

I still bf DD1 who's 4 in a couple of weeks.
she stopped briefly when I had DD2 in feb but came back to it again. she regularly asks for 'mummums' and I regularly tell her not now, but once a day I let her have some, it's there, it's free and it's good for her - why not? If I had an endless free supply of carrots and she was begging me for them I wouldn't say no!

amongst my nct group we all fed till 12m, and most of us fed till 2, which is unusual. it was lovely to feel comfortable with each other talking about it but we all kept it under wraps with others, not so much because we thought people would be negative, just didn't want to be labelled as crazy hippy endlessly bfing people.

only one friend knows I still bf DD1 now, it's just not something that comes up!

Truthsweet - I could cry, reading how appallingly you have been let down.
I've had the comments from people who just seem to say something for the sake of it but actually have no knowledge - but can't believe the health 'professionals' let you down so badly.
Always amazes me how people generally feel they are allowed to question how I am nurturing my children. Mostly those that didn't BF or did for very short time. Doesn't bother me anymore. DD1 BF until she weaned at 21 months; DD2 almost 21 months and still keen for the odd feed other than bedtime. I have a friend who also BFs 21 monther and it's just normal. We never discuss it, aren't lifestylee or evangelical about it - it's just normal.

No need to quote WHO, just tell them to feck off with their impertinent personal comments.

I hope I can go as long as you have. Still feeding an eight month old - I had all this rubbish with my NCT group. I just ignore it - they are the ones who struggle with bottles and screaming babies. It has made weaning so much easier and my DD is so healthy. Its so good for me. I feed her now before I see these mums so that I do not get any comments.

Spent most of the day BFing my 13 month old like a newborn. I think a double tooth is coming through, poor mite, and BFing is the only thing that comforts him. The ONLY thing.

Obviously I'm only doing it for my own sake, though. I'd be bloody deafened if I wasn't "still" BFing . Selfish cow I am.

But seriously, why on earth would I want to take that away from him even if it were the ONLY reason left to BF, whereas of course there are many, many health reasons to continue.

18 months is a lovely age to be BFing. They're just getting to the stage of really being able to ask in words or signs and to be able to show how much they love it by more than just obviously loving it. Stroking, cuddling, little happy words. Gods why WOULDN'T you want to do that, if you were in a position to be able to?

(popping rose tinted glasses over nipple games and feet in the face, obviously )

I BF wherever I happen to be when DS asks, or I feel he needs it. No -ve comments, ever, but I would try to take the rude comments from your "friends" as an opportunity to educate. While at the same time wanting to scream.

Im still BFing DD, she's 20months. I wish I lived in a world were it was completely accepted and I didnt feel self conscious, judged and misunderstood. Living in the world that we do makes me question my choices and at times consider stopping to ease the discomfort that I feel about being one of the few that continue. If I didnt feel like such an outsider then I wouldnt question continuing until DD self weaned. I get the impression that people in the UK think Bfing is just for the newborn, ie less than 3 months and any effort at improving rates of BFing show pictures of very young babies... the public needs to feel more comfortable with older babies and toddlers being BF. We a raising a nation who is genuinly 'yucked out' re breastfeeding, people genuinly think it is un natural and unnecessary! Im not optimistic that things will improve.

is it bad that I want to carry on bf DS (11mo) when he's a toddler just to annoy the naysayers? Otherwise I'm thinking about stopping soon after he turns 1

OP how did your thing with all the doctors go? Were you able to say anything?

marzipananimal Not at all

organiccarrotcake - I love the feet in the face. We play 'get the toes in mummy's mouth' when she has some milk, and I pretend to eat them. Then she giggles and bites (ouch ) We love it.

DS sticks his toes in my mouth too! Although I do tend to object if he has been running around in the garden.....

marzipanimal, not at all, I feel a little bit like that too.

I tried to BF my older 3 DC but it didn't work out and I didn't do it for long. I never really knew that much about BF with hindsight and I admit to thinking extended BF was a bit strange and felt uncomfortable about it, but couldn't really explain why with any valid reason. I find most people who are 'against' it don't have any valid reason either tbh.

Now I know much more about BF and started out hoping to get to a year so I could switch straight to cows milk without using formula. Now I am hoping my DD will be able to self wean and have to admit I will be sad if it's before she's two. I've already made it abundantly clear to my family I plan to BF until at least two and they know better than to question that.

I breastfed DD to 23 months and am very glad I continued so long, not only did it help through the worst of the teething, but she had very bad 'flu at 22 months and the only thing she kept down for nearly a week was breastmilk.

I went from one bedtime feed to her feeding like a newborn again, but it was worth it as it kept her hydrated and nourished through the vomiting and diarrhoea better than any rehydration solution the hospital could offer.

I just get jealous when I hear of people feeding to a longer age.

I think it's wonderful you continue bfeeding. It's what your baby wants and needs why the hell shouldn't you!

I was at a coffee morning the other day where a normally lovely Woman there said she thought BF a child after they have teeth was as bad as hitting and abusing your child

I was so disgusted with this but it seemed to be the general feeling of my friends.

I could only BF DD for 4 weeks but would have fed for as long as DD wanted had I had the support and information which I did not.

"I was at a coffee morning the other day where a normally lovely Woman there said she thought BF a child after they have teeth was as bad as hitting and abusing your child"

Bloody hell I think I would have handed over my mobile and invited her to phone social services if she thought it was so bad.

HV visiting my sister's little one made a comment that she was sorry for women who's babies were born with teeth because BF must hurt...

Unfortunately my 11 month old decided to toddle off out the door or I would have enlightened her that unless he's being mischievous you can't feel the teeth (and being mischievous with gums is just as bad)

Nothing wrong with BFing an 18 month old. Enjoy it. Mine has dropped yet another feed in the last week, started sleeping through a bit, and I'm feeling quite sad (ridiculous.. I should enjoy the rest) that he might be weaning himself.

It's none of their business, and I'm lucky enough that I can let my DS go on feeding as long as he likes as I work from home, and don't have to make him give up on my account.