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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Other mums horrified I am still breastfeeding 18 month old ds

77 replies

Knackeredmother · 03/08/2011 00:10

just returned from a rare night out for a friends birthday. Lots of other mums there. Some with babies around 4-6 month old some with older and grown up children. Got onto the subject of feeding and mentioned I am still breast feeding 18 month old ds.
They were horrified. Got comments such as'its wrong' ' he's got teeth now' 'it's just for your comfort not his'.
Now I wouldn't dream of commenting on how they feed their child and was a bit taken aback. I am an educated woman and could normally come back with a rational argument but the 2 glasses of champagne put paid to all rational thought!
Has anyone else encountered this? out of at least 10 mums I was the only one who had breastfed for more than 2 weeks and felt a bit crap about it all.
I wonder if the best thing is to not ever mention it in future but on the other hand think why should I?

OP posts:
Original poster
Knackeredmother · 03/08/2011 11:11

Truthsweet, thats really really sad.
Well done for continuing to bf your children after that horrible experience.
Do your friends say anything now?

OP posts:
auntmargaret · 03/08/2011 11:18

Why would you feel crap when you are the mum who is doing the best thing she can for her child? Well done you! I bf DD1 til 2.2 years, will do the same for DD2 if she wants though I think she will self wean much earlier. (DD2 takes a bottle if required, DD1 point blank refused) If you and your baby are happy, who cares what these "friends" think? In situations like this, I always wonder what their agenda is. Maybe they feel guilty that they didn`t bf? Maybe they turn that guilt in trying to make others who successfully bf feel bad about it? Who cares? How you feed your DC is absolutely none of their business.

Miggsie · 03/08/2011 11:22

I fed DD till she was about 2.5 and then she lost interest and weaned herself off. Main reasonI carried on so long was she wouldn't drink formula or cows milk!!!! I did limit it to one in morning and one at night in the end.
No one was bad mannered enough to make comments to me about it.

flaminglip · 03/08/2011 11:43

oh boy. 21 years ago I BFed my first baby til he was 2. Even as an 18-20 year old, I don't think I got the stick that people dish out to BFers these days.

Now I'm BF-ing my 6 month old and thankfully give even less of a flying fuck about other peoples opinions on the raising of my child.

TruthSweet · 03/08/2011 13:17

I barely see the one who emailed me (DH refuses to have anything to do with her) but one of the others who was grossed out by the idea of it bf to 18m+ when she had her baby so perhaps she changed her mind a bit!

I was the first to have children out of our 'group' and I think pg/bfing just icked them out somewhat in general. The attitude seemed to be 'there are alternatives so why would you want to bf? What's wrong with you?' which was particularly sad for me as DD1 had the alternatives for 8 weeks before I managed to crack bfing and stopped giving formula and expressing 12+ times a day and they couldn't understand or empathise with why I was so pleased to able to bf.

Clueless79 · 03/08/2011 14:00

I'm in admiration of all mums who keep going until it feels right for them and their baby/ies to move on. It's not easy at times but I'm so proud to be breastfeeding my boy and to see that all his growth and development is down to good nutrition from me.

I was just wondering this week why it's ok for people to routinely ask 'are you still breastfeeding then?'. Usually followed with 'oh it must be hard' or 'well done' but with a bit of a dubious look. No one would ever ask someone 'so are you still bottle feeding?' My ds is only 3 months - why wouldn't I still be bfing?? I like the suggestion to substitute the word 'failed'. From now on I think I'll reply, 'no, I haven't failed yet!'

I don't understand why it would be expected that I would be moving on from feeding my human baby with the human milk tailor made for him to a synthetic substitute?

ArthurPewty · 03/08/2011 14:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EauRouge · 03/08/2011 15:19

Truthsweet, I don't normally condone violence but I would dearly love to give your 'friend' a good slap. You're amazing for going through all that and still BF

I think if anyone criticised me for 'still' feeding DD1 I would just listen, nod and then ask them to produce some evidence to support their theories. If they kept arguing then I would bombard them with everything I've read over the last couple of years (which is A LOT). OP, if you need any links to studies or book recommendations then you're in the right place Grin

It is very sad. I know extended breastfeeding is not for everyone and that's fair enough but when someone is telling you to stop then I would question what issues they had with it. It's always the same things-

"They're too big when they can ask for it" (Says who?)
"But they've got teeth!" (Yes! Milk teeth! Duh!)
"It's just for your benefit" (I get lots of benefits, so does my DD- would you like me to list them? Better make yourself comfy, it takes a while)
"It's just for comfort" (Why is comfort bad? Don't you hug your child?)

Just keep asking why because when it comes down to it, every argument they have is basically 'ew', which is no kind of argument at all.

narmada · 03/08/2011 15:27

Gosh, truthsweet, amazing. Well done you. I nearly ended up in a M and B unit too, sadly didn't manage to keep feeding DS2 but hey ho, made peace with myself about that now.

OP, good grief, some people are so narrow-minded. Practise your f* off right now look, and give it some! even though I'm FF Ds, I'll still defend anyone's right to BF as long as it suits the parties concerned. Cow's milk is after all meant for calves, not humans.

I was once told by a consultant breast specialist that feeding beyond 9 months was only for my emotional benefit. FFS.

Original poster
Knackeredmother · 03/08/2011 18:48

Thanks for all the replies. I do honestly think I'm fighting a losing battle. Today at work I found out I need to attend a 2 day residential course. I said it may be easier to come home at night with breastfeeding ds and was very nicely asked if I was going to stop soon.
I replied I will stop when he is ready, who recommends 2 years minimum etc.
I was met with 'it is only necessary for 6 months then it's for comfort' and bf after 18 months leads to a clingy dependent child.
The best bit? I am a doctor, these comments were made by other doctors. We are working in OBSTETRICS!
Tomorrow we have induction lectures and the breastfeeding lecture is 10 whole minutes. That will be the sum total of our official teaching as doctors. I don't recall it ever being covered at medical school.
Any links to evidence/studies in support of extended breastfeeding would be gratefully received. I intend to raise this issue tomorrow with the 50 or so obstetrician colleagues I will be attending with!

OP posts:
lady24 · 03/08/2011 19:07

Listen if it works for you and your happy about it then just keep it up and you can say this straight up when people comment to you about it. Say "I am doing what I feel is right and if you don't agree with it then don't but I don't really care whether or not you agree with me cuz this has absolutely nothing to do with you..." something like that. Personally I BF for 12 months and got it from family and ppl. but I didnt bat an eyelash. Everyone is entitled to do whatever they can. Good for you that you still got the energy and patience for that. WOW!

exoticfruits · 03/08/2011 19:08

Why take any notice if you are happy?

ArthurPewty · 03/08/2011 19:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Knackeredmother · 03/08/2011 19:12

Exotic, I don't know really.
I guess it just riles me that something that is clearly beneficial for mother and baby is looked upon so negatively and the sense of injustice that I feel I have to hide it due to a seemingly majority held opinion that it's wrong.

OP posts:
exoticfruits · 03/08/2011 19:15

People are never going to agree, so you just need to do your own thing.

EauRouge · 03/08/2011 19:17

The Politics of Breastfeeding is a brilliant book, don't know if you would be able to get any of your colleagues to read it. I would drop an email to the relevant person at your PCT and tell them that WHO recommendations are being ignored.

Breastfeeding Older Children is really good as well although I think it's mainly about children over 2.

There are some links here that might help.

Original poster
Knackeredmother · 03/08/2011 19:23

Thanks eaurouge, that's really helpful.

OP posts:
twinklegreen · 03/08/2011 19:27

Have a look at this thread pesephone linked to various research studies that may help :)

twinklegreen · 03/08/2011 19:30

And 'Politics of BF' is a brilliant book, I agree Grin!

BaronessBomburst · 03/08/2011 19:32

Keen to join this thread but just cooking dinner...... DS is nearly 18 months and DH seems to be withdrawing his support. Sad

discrete · 03/08/2011 19:40

It's depressing but I'm really not that surprised. FWIW, I've found doctors are even worse than the general population about it. I've been told that bfing until two was 'bad, particularly for boys' -yep, by an obs/gyn. I just had to be relieved that her speciality doesn't cover 2yo boys under any guise, or it would have been truly alarming.

Original poster
Knackeredmother · 03/08/2011 19:54

I have just remembered a pediatrician telling me I was psychologically damaging dd when I was breastfeeding her at

  1. I must have blocked that out until now!
OP posts:
ArthurPewty · 03/08/2011 19:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WoTmania · 03/08/2011 19:59

Ah, all these kind of people make me glad I surrounded myself with LLL types so I don't feel like a freak and I've seen that children who were BF to school age and beyond can turn out into healthy, well-adjusted adults

TruthSweet · 03/08/2011 20:33

I realise this will make me sound like a nutter but...

when I had DD2 a senior cons. psychiatrist told me shouldn't bf DD2 as the meds I was on weren't safe to bf on (I was put on them as they were safe!), I was forcing DD1 to bf (she was 22m) and implied I was getting my jollies out of it.

Once again I couldn't bf with out feeling sick/gagging and my OCD went bananas.

I got so bad after that my bfing suport group's HV told me I either went to the Crisis team at the hospital or she would have to report me to SS as I was having so many Intrusive Thoughts I was pretty much detaching from RL. Not a good place to be. Anyway I went to the Crisis team and spoke to the Dr on call and explained why I was in such a state and he very gently told me that DD1 should be having some solids now as well as bfing. He couldn't believe it when I explained she on solids since 6m as well as bfing and asked what was the psyche's problem was!

Sadly I have many, many tales from the medical profession about bfing, including iatrogenic mastitis!

I'm so glad OP is not like this. Fancy coming to SE to my local hospital and kicking Dr butt? (Metaphorically speaking of course!)