Help I don't want to breast feed any more

[OnlyWantsOne]

I have no one in real life to talk to. I'm a bfn supporter

Dd2 is nearly 7 months (I think)

Solids are coming along but she doesn't eat much and im exhausted.

We have never had what I think is an effective latch with lots of clicking etc and tbh she's just using me as a dummy most of the time

I feel trapped, undervalued and fucking miserable. Im meant go be going out for the day and DP just said he will "give her formula" easy as that. Iv slogged my guts out for 7 months and now he says that it's like I've just been in some stupid lah lah land breast feeding - like it was easy

It's been hell. Bad latch terrible pain, nipple shields, confusion, reflux

I've had enough. But I feel guilty for even thinking about stopping. Iv come to see formula as evil unnatural.

I co sleep and she's attached to me 24/7

I've never left her for longer than 30mins

I'm tired

oh and with regard to the sleeping.... we used the no-cry sleep solution with ds2 at around 9 months and it worked well. it's no quick fix but it certainly helped us over time

Initially I rocked to sleep and then put in their cots, if they stirred/cried when putting down, I would pat and shush, if they kept crying, I would pick up, rock again and keep going until they went down & slept. However because I have 2, it does involve a bit of crying out of nevessity, I would go from one baby to the other, until they fall asleep. I've been doing it for ages and it's finally coming together. Bedtimes were fixed first, and now naps. I often walked them in the pram for naps previously as it was easier then trying to settle then.m

I wonder if your DP is suffering from the belief that because DD is BF he can't do anything. Sadly a lot of dads seem to have this impression, Perhaps a calm discussion on how you feel, and what he can do to help, walks, nappies, help arround the house,settling to sleep without boob etc could help? Maybe he is just failing to realise how much he can actually do that would help you.

Sorry on my phone. Walking when I was tired anyway initially was tough, but I felt a lot better for the fresh air.

Agree that you need to ask DP to do specific things to help. It will get better.

DP does do rocking to sleep some evenings but she just wakes up 20 minutes later

I think he feels that me breast feeding is just a choice ive made, like what pram to buy etc,

god even if she does have tounge tie i dont think i could go through with it being cut :(

tbh. if it is a tongue tie it's better to get it snipped sooner rather than later

in some cases it can cause speech issues, and for an older child it would involve a general anaesthetic

when ds2 had his snipped he didn't even wake up!!!

:( i cant even open her mouth when shes asleep!!

Feel like im in the same situation, cant get baby to take a bottle or even sleep in his cot, ive put him on solids but he uses the breast as comfort and I have just had enough as much as I love him I could do with a couple of hours to myself sometimes!

OWO I read Gina she who must not be named and got myself obsessed with feed/nap times and it was a load of bollocks

I then read Weissbluth and felt a bit better, as my girls once awake, will 100% not go back to sleep, I kept reading they should have 2 hours at lunch they used to do 45 mins tops for a nap in the day but were slightly better at night. In the last 2 weeks they have starting stretching their morning nap from 45 mins up to 2 hours (not due to me, apparently an age thing) < but doing a happy dance emoticon>, lunch nap is 1 hour tops and if they wake up from their lunch nap before 3.30pm (which varies) I take them for a 20 min walk at 4pm just to have a nap top up so to speak, then 6pm bath, massage, story, bed 7pm, shush, pat, sing take that etc.
Genuinely I am about about 4-8 weeks ahead of you and it really makes a difference, I had a couple of terrible weeks just into weaning becuase it just felt like so much more work on top of breastfeeding (which I've been very lucky with, you deserve a medal!) I was miserable. It gets better, definitely.

Keep your Dr's appointment and check out what Truthsweet said about TT, and have a chat about PND it could make a huge difference to have some support from your GP.

In regards to BF, try a bottle of formula, just drop 1 feed a day, it isn't poison, maybe the mid morning one? I don't think you should give up, but giving yourself the option that she'll take a bottle will make you feel less trapped. I mix fed for the first 2 weeks because the girls were under 6lbs and didn't have a strong suck reflex, I did what was right for them and myself. 7 months is an amazing achivement, I don't know the percentages still BF at 7 months and am sure it is less than 10% of women.

Come and post on the postnatal thread (mine were early but I stayed on their due date thread!)

Thank youfor all your support I will pop in on PN thread.

I don't know why I feel so so anti formula. DD is having cows milk on food etc intact earlier I gave her cows milk in a cup just to keep her happy for 2 more mins while dd1 finished dinner

I fed her porridge for dinner and am now doing evening routine 6.15 up to bed room for wash / bath quiet play story feed sleep she woke up hut I shhhhhhh'd her and fed her again and put her Back in her cot

I'm in bed, dp still isn't home

OP, you sound exhausted :( I second (and third) the suggestions to see your GP about PND, and also to try to have a good chat with the husband who needs to understand you need more support. He may think you made the decision to BF, etc, but you didn't make the decision to have a high needs baby who depends on you so much that it's exhausting you. They just arrive :)

truthsweet's suggestion of high arch palate sounds on the button to me, too. You may be interested in Milk Matters' TT-by-email virtual session (milkmatters.org.uk/international-service-tongue-tie-talk/). If there is a TT, I always recommend www.ann-dobson.co.uk who is an IBCLC who specialises in TT (needs extra training) and who will snip TTs of older babies.

I've also been told that high arch palates can be improved with cranial osteopathy - if the palate shape is caused by cranial compression (eg from birth), but I don't have enough experience to know how often this is helpful.

DD was a hard labour, god never thought that was connected. 14 hour OP labour

Went from 3 cm to 10 and delivered in 7 minutes - she was just stuck OP before

Gosh, you poor thing, that must have been tough. Yes, that can all be related. Do you have a good paediatric cranial osteopath nearby?

You really do need one who specialises in babies.

Sorry, meant to say, whatever is going on that kind of delivery could lead to cranial compression which would cause her ongoing discomfort, and if released she may feel much better about life. It may or may not help the palate... you may have more than one thing going on.

Having a high needs baby is exhausting, isn't it :( especially if you're doing so much on your own.

On another note, if it is TT and it's snipped, and you got her to learn to latch well, would that make you feel better about continuing?

I'm more worried that if you stop BFing you'll lose the settling tool that you have and not gain much overall. If you can tackle some of the problems making BFing so tough, maybe that's going to give a better outcome.

Obviously only you know the answer to that. I do understand that whole thing about not wanting to give formula, especially after you've got this far with so much pain. But you do know that she will be fine if that's the right solution for you, too.

What's putting you off talking to your BfN colleagues? Are you worried they'll try to push you to keep BFing?

I certainly don't have things sorted, but my BF baby is the same age as yours, and I've found that structuring his feeds has helped his night time sleep, he now BF 4 hourly in the day and has 3 small meals too. A few weeks ago he had his first bottle of formula which I stressed about, but pursuaded myself it has been 'tested' on millions of babies, and he's over 6 months and on solids anyway. He is still predominantly BF but the occasional FF saves me the pressure of having to express enough if I'm away from him for a few hours. The formula doesn't fill him up for any longer than BF does.

I have also done CC to teach him to self settle which I know isn't for everyone, but PUPD/shush pat/rocking was just disturbing him more so for him it was better to leave him in peace to fall asleep and keep returning to reassure him I'm still here.

One thing to consider if you stop BF completely is you will have to implement a feeding routine as you can't just pop them on the breast every time they are fractious. I have a fairly loose routine and TBH DS is happier and more relaxed for it, it's not from a book but isn't dissimilar to GF because you know what that's just what babies do.

I'm not trying to tell you what to do, but I agree with others that stopping BF is unlikely to be a miracle cure for the other problems. If at all possible try and have a few hours or even a whole night off, it's amazing how perspective changes when you've had some sleep.

Really hope things improve for you, you sound like a lovely nurturing mum.

Pyjama its fab to hear that formula doesnt actually fill him up more than breast milk

i feel more rational now ive had all your advice (and some sleep)

im going to pack her full of food today, and ive bought a tomee tipee sippy cup with water in it, which im offering her - trying to space out her feeding for comfort, i managed to express 3 oz this morning becuase i fed her a crumpet and jam at 11 instead of breast feeding - which ive frozen

dp off work next week - going to get him to occupy her to break the cycle of bored/tired etc = boobs

OWO - have you thought about cranial osteopathy? If you had a fairly traumatic birth with her, it may help her. My son sees one for speech delay and global development delay and it's helping him, I just wish I'd seen someone earlier. He had a pretty traumatic entry into the world and the osteopath can feel it trapped around his neck, throat and back. I have friends who swear by it to help with babies who are unsettled, have trouble sleeping etc... It might be worth a try and if it doesn't help, then it won't do her any harm. Good luck, it sounds very tough. Please don't beat yourself up by switching her to some formula. The last 7 months sound like they've been incredibly hard on you, and now is time to see what you can do to help get yourself back on track. Best of luck.

OWO I've PM you'd please feel free to come and see us and have a chat. I'll be at the Libary grounp in BSE next week it would be lovely to meet you.

Glad your feeling a bit better after some more sleep and some usefull words of advice from MN.