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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Help I don't want to breast feed any more

68 replies

OnlyWantsOne · 28/06/2011 22:10

I have no one in real life to talk to. I'm a bfn supporter

Dd2 is nearly 7 months (I think)

Solids are coming along but she doesn't eat much and im exhausted.

We have never had what I think is an effective latch with lots of clicking etc and tbh she's just using me as a dummy most of the time

I feel trapped, undervalued and fucking miserable. Im meant go be going out for the day and DP just said he will "give her formula" easy as that. Iv slogged my guts out for 7 months and now he says that it's like I've just been in some stupid lah lah land breast feeding - like it was easy

It's been hell. Bad latch terrible pain, nipple shields, confusion, reflux

I've had enough. But I feel guilty for even thinking about stopping. Iv come to see formula as evil unnatural.

I co sleep and she's attached to me 24/7

I've never left her for longer than 30mins

I'm tired

OP posts:
TruthSweet · 29/06/2011 13:25

I know it's a bit 'diagnosis du jour' but has anyone ever check your dd's mouth for tongue tie or bubble palate? The clicking, poor latch and constant feeding are all indicators that something might be up. Could you ask your trainer/mentor if they know anyone who could check? It sounds like you are right at the end of your tether at the moment but are still wanting to hang on to bfing in some way.

Would your mentor be able to sort through things with you so you have a plan for the next few weeks be it a weaning plan, up solids and other comfort plan or a way to cope plan?

TruthSweet · 29/06/2011 13:30

I know it's a bit 'diagnosis du jour' but has anyone ever check your dd's mouth for tongue tie or bubble palate? The clicking, poor latch and constant feeding are all indicators that something might be up. Could you ask your trainer/mentor if they know anyone who could check? It sounds like you are right at the end of your tether at the moment but are still wanting to hang on to bfing in some way.

Would your mentor be able to sort through things with you so you have a plan for the next few weeks be it a weaning plan, up solids and other comfort plan or a way to cope plan?

Original poster
OnlyWantsOne · 29/06/2011 13:48

bubble palate? DD1 made the EXACT same noise, and DD2 still makes that noise if being given a bottle (we had to give gaviscon in a bottle for a while)

OP posts:
Original poster
OnlyWantsOne · 29/06/2011 15:33

today shes fed at 6, 9, 11 and 1.30, 2.30 and now :(

OP posts:
TruthSweet · 29/06/2011 16:45

A bubble palate is a palate with a dip in it (a bit like someone has poked their finger into it when it was soft) which can be a cause of clicking whilst feeding.

Bubble palates can also occur with a TT.

kimberlina · 29/06/2011 17:00

Just wanted to add my support only. I truly think that if you wanted to stop now then you have nothing to feel guilty about. You have without a doubt given your daughter the best start possible.
I'm not an expert at all but could you try offering a water at some of the feeds that are very close together - maybe she's thirsty or maybe she's just using you as a dummy and that would put her off? It worked for me when DD was trying to feed very frequently (far more freq than during the day)- although she wasn't impressed the first time she took a massive swig :o

kimberlina · 29/06/2011 17:02

PS my DH never says well done for BFing so long either. It's really annoying isn't it? A little praise would go a long way!

mopsera · 29/06/2011 17:06

hi i totally sympathise..i have stubbornly bf and my girl is now 17 months. that is exclusively.I think it has driven me a bit nuts, but 1. i have a partner around most of the time ( and i know this is rare) 2. i plan to train as a bf counsellor with the nct 3. she loves it and JUST like you ! she only sleeps on the boobie so im stuck for up to 2 hours while she sleeps, and again at night, until she drops off ( also co sleeping ) . i am stumped as to what to do next. I am just too soft to stop/ let her cry/ .i bought an electric pump but havnet used it yet as only one boob has really worked well since i started . the small time i get i want to increase; eg getting space for 2 hours in the morning, i think maybe try small steps like this? if you can afford someone to play with her or swop with a freind.-)

issynoko · 29/06/2011 17:09

I gave up with DS utterly miserable at 7 days so I think you've already earned a life time achievement award. My DH didn't really understand the emotions involved even though he's a very supportive bloke. He was clearly relieved when I stopped. (DC1 I tried for 3 months - was awful.) Formula gets a bad rap, especially on MN, but it's perfectly good stuff prepared correctly - put it this way - my 3 kids have never had antibiotics, have great adventurous tastes in all kinds of food, all bright for their age and no allergies. Their cousins, all BF for 8 months plus have allergies, endless infections and appear to live on antibios and Calpol. Exaggerating a bit of course but basically, formula milk isn't poison and won't condemn your child to a life of ill health and low IQ. Especially not after your fantastic work in persevering with BF so long - all the benefits you've given already - congratulate yourself, move on, PLEASE don't feel guilty and start getting some time for you back again. You are still there - you're clearly a devoted mum but don't get lost in it! If I don't it for as long as you have I'd be out for a night of cocktails to celebrate for sure!

TheRealMBJ · 29/06/2011 17:32

Oh OnlyWantsOne SadSadSad you sound utterly drained. I really wonder whether (in conjunction with something like TT/bubble palate) the problem isn't PND? It doesn't always manifest itself right after birth and canny become apparent months afterwards.

I really think you should go and see your GP.

On the bf front, you sound very conflicted as to whether to continue or to switch to formula and perhaps it would be better to see your GP and explore the PND thing before stopping bf. If when you feel happier in yourself, you decide to stop bf, you will be comfortable with your decision. In terms of bf support, is there another organisation locally who you could go to, like the LLL or NCT? If they don't know you, you may feel more comfortable exploring your feelings and problems with them?

Original poster
OnlyWantsOne · 29/06/2011 17:39

truth Ive just put my finger in her mouth and her roof of her mouth is straight up and very high - where as mine is shallow and wide, does that make sense???

I gave her a bottle of water earlier and she is def making the same noise on a bottle

you know they say that the suction a BF baby has to your boob is really strong - and you should use your finger to break the seal so not to harm your boobs, well we've never had that, she falls off every time she swallows

OP posts:
Original poster
OnlyWantsOne · 29/06/2011 17:45

cant get a dr appt til next friday!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OP posts:
Indith · 29/06/2011 18:08

That's interesting, I've never heard of bubble palate. Good luck!

TruthSweet · 29/06/2011 18:32

If it is straight up and high, it might be a high arched palate (something which also goes hand in hand with TT). Obviously I can't diagnose TT over the internet (or in RL - I just refer to TT Clinic if I suspect and let the experts deal with it). I wonder if you have seen this before - especially the symptoms part? Does any of it ring any bells for you?

Even if it is not TT sometimes we pin all our frustrations on bfing ('If they weren't bf they wouldn't be clingy/needy/at me all the time/not sleeping/eat more solids' etc/etc) even when they are normal behaviours or ones that would be there if you gave bottles/beakers/formula/cows' milk/juice/chocolate (though probably not chocolate if mine 3 are anything to go by).

If you think you would be glad to have finish bfing even if you were still dealing with the same behaviour, then stopping bfing might be the right course of action for you. If you think you'd feel sad or miss it then it might not be.

Can you contact someone, a supportive HV, BFC, mentor, tutor, anonymous helpline to fully go through your options?

Original poster
OnlyWantsOne · 29/06/2011 18:47

DD has 14 of those symptoms Sad

OP posts:
Pesephone · 29/06/2011 18:49

It seems to me that your issues are not automatically going to be solved by stopping bf, from what you've written here it sounds as though the things which are getting to you are lack of sleep and lack of support from your dh. I don't know your history so am only going on what you've said here. But I do know from experience that these two problems are not often solved by stopping bf.
There are many ways to get your DC to sttn without resorting to cc/cio or formula feeding. Have you ever looked at the no cry sleep solution book?

I hope you don't percieve me as being rude. Its just I have come across mothers who think all their problems will be solved by swapping to bottle feeding before and all too often it fails to fix the things which are truelly bothering them.
Introducing a lovey could help you feel less touched out, implementing a sleep routine could help you feel better rested and give you some more time to yourself on an evening, talking with your DH about your feelings and how he can help you to feel more supported and less stressed,stretched and generally alone could really help you. Non of these things have to mean the end to bf though.
Yes 7 months is a fantastic length of time to bf for and she has benefited so much, but I do wonder if in time you may come to regret the switch? after all you are a BFN supporter, you are going to continue to learn more about bf and continue to be there for other mothers. You may come to regret swapping and once this time is over look back and wish you'd done differently.
Not that I am trying to tell you what to do, just that guilt is a strong emotion and if you feel bad for even thinking/longing to stop then how would you feel once you have and the initial euphoria of the "freedom" wares off? Also don't forget that switching to bottles involves lots of hard work, a 7 month old baby is not going to simply happily accept formula and or bottles the amount of work you have to put into switching is probably equal too that you'd need to put in to get her sttn and taking a lovey, hell you could go through the carry on of getting her onto a bottle and still have to work on the lovey and the sttn. As F is no magic potion that fixes everything. I sypathise with you and I hope you get a result that works for both you and your DC.

Pesephone · 29/06/2011 18:55

Oops reading this a bit more indepth, plus the posts that happened whilst composing mine, it does sound quite likely that there could be pallate/tt issues here. Is there a local tt clinic you could get along to and or a specialist bfc or ibclc you could get along to see? seeing a person experienced in these things could make all the difference. Blush

Original poster
OnlyWantsOne · 29/06/2011 19:00

How would I find a local clinic? My HV is useless and told me to put her on formula at about 18 weeks a she was gaining weight slowly I haven't been back since

OP posts:
TruthSweet · 29/06/2011 19:11

Do you refer to a TT clinic in your BFN role or do you know who can with in your organisation or may be a HV?

If there isn't local NHS clinic then perhaps a there might be a IBCLC who could look at DD's mouth that is local to you?

Original poster
OnlyWantsOne · 29/06/2011 19:22

No one near me listed there - I will speak to my supervisor and see if she knows any one.

I feel rubbish. DP has just text me saying he's going for drinks after work Sad

OP posts:
LaVitaBellissima · 29/06/2011 19:52

Owo have you spoken to your DP about support, and how you are feeling?

Sorry you are having a tough time, you have done amazingly well to BF this long! I think my girls are 1 month older than yours, the last week had been a bit of a turning point for me as I've just got them to self settle, this is from months of rocking/singing/BF to sleep. It all got better once they started eating more solids, and a routine is more in place.

Does she sleep in the pram, could your DP/friend walk with her to give you a break?

Original poster
OnlyWantsOne · 29/06/2011 19:55

He knows I'm feeling crap but he says he doesn't know what to say to help.

How did u get your girls to Ss?

OP posts:
thisisyesterday · 29/06/2011 19:56

hiya OWO, have not read the whole thread, so apologies if this has already been suggested

but has she been checked for tongue tie? the clicking, pain etc can be symptoms of that. it's hellish to feed through (had 2 TT babies myself)

thisisyesterday · 29/06/2011 20:05

sorry, yes just seen that i was beaten to the TT suggestion! it does sound very like the experience i had with ds1 and ds2

here is the unicef link of places where tongue ties can be divided

some of them you would need a referral from your GP or HV (which shouldn't be too difficult to get) but some will accept self-referrals... so it might be worth ringing them?

TheRealMBJ · 29/06/2011 20:05

Wow, it's a long time to wait for a doctor's appointment! It sounds like you are feeling (rightly so) very alone in this situation and that you are not receiving the kind of support you need. Do you think that it is because he is not listening to what you need or because he genuinely doesn't know how to do it?

My DH can sometimes be infuriatingly thick when it comes to giving support, instead of listening and empathising, he jumps to conclusions and comes up with solutions (ones I clearly don't want to do). It makes me feel even more upset.

While, trying to find a solution to you and DD's feeding problems, do you think you could find a quiet, unemotional time to sit down and explain what it is you actually need from DP?