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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Reduced sex drive while breast feeding!

47 replies

fells · 21/11/2005 12:03

I'm surprised there isn't a thread on this (maybe I haven't looked carefully enough!) but is anyone else suffering from a lack of sex-drive while breast feeding?! Don't know if it has something to do with both me and dh seeing my boobs in a different light!

Will it get back to normal?

OP posts:
Mummyvicky · 21/11/2005 12:20

Oh yes!! Its happened to me every time, and only begins to come back after stopping breastfeeding for several weeks! I have zero libido- I feel so awful for poor DH!

dinosaur · 21/11/2005 12:23

Yes, it's normal - perfectly obvious evolutionary reason for it - baby doesn't want another baby coming along while s/he is still so very little! And (all other things being equal) it will pass.

jstbcs · 21/11/2005 12:59

try b/f your dh? spice things up a little??

teabags · 21/11/2005 13:11

my dh and I have had our moments......not many, but a few! and it makes it quite speial when we do!....... but my teabags are out of bounds.......I don't like them being touched......and they leak

rodeo1 · 21/11/2005 17:08

A definite zero libido here too! We do do it but it does seem like a chore at the moment TBH! Hope poor dp doesn't read this! But it is definitely due to hormone levels while BFing. And feeling like a leaky milky machine doesn't do much for feeling sexy!
Littlest dd is only 6 weeks so the lack of sleep doesn't help. I always feel that time doing it would be better spent sleeping!
The handful of times we have done it has bee mid-morning - anytime after 6pm I feel shattered.

mears · 21/11/2005 17:12

I personally think that lack of libido is more down to having a young baby to look after and tiredness rather than B/F itself. I still didn't feel like it much when I stopped, especially after running around toddlers all day.

sweetkitty · 21/11/2005 17:53

Would second mears comments think it's having a baby to look after that does it not breastfeeding!

Although saying that DD2 (due Jan) was conceived whilst I was still BFing DD1 so it can't have been that bad.

rodeo1 · 21/11/2005 18:00

We were talking about this the other day on our post-natal thread. This is my 3rd baby and when I'm bfing I know my sex drive is near to nothing. I always thought that the milk hormone suppressed the testosterone in you body leading to low libido? I suppose all the waking in the night is another major factor though....[nodding off emoticon] zzzzzzzz

frannyandzooey · 21/11/2005 18:28

I also think becoming a mother in itself may have an effect on how we relate sexually. The stereotypical view of a mother is that of a nurturing, but non-sexual woman and I think we subconsciously buy into that when we have children ourselves. Plus I think our view of our own mothers is important - if you see your mum as a sexy woman with an active love life you are probably less likely to have problems along these lines. However most people squirm at the very thought of their mum having sex. Eurgh, did I say my mum having sex? Yuk.

Eaney · 21/11/2005 18:36

Zero libido here too. DP wants me to quit BFing so it's gets back to normal. I am afraid to stop in case it's not the BFing.

I think I will do a google

Eaney · 21/11/2005 18:41

here

frannyandzooey · 21/11/2005 18:42

Eaney, have you read a book called (I think) 'What Mothers Do: Especially When It Looks Like Nothing'? Sorry if I have not got the title quite right. Obviously you must do what you see best to keep your dh happy, but basically there is a section on this in the book and she says men are adults and perfectly able to defer their needs or meet them themselves (by w*nking) until their partners feel more like sex again. The baby, on the other hand, is a vulnerable and helpless person relying on its mother to look after it. She does quite a nice guilt trippy kind of thing, you may like to let him read it if you are in no rush to be swinging from the chandeliers again

mears · 21/11/2005 18:47

Eaney - assure your DP that it is more important that your child gets optimal nutrition than him getting his end away

There have been lots of threads about this over the number of years I have been on mumsnet. I have seen as many women with libido problems who are bottle feeding. I know theoretically breastfeeding is supposed to have a negative effect on libido but I think it is a difficult argument to prove.

I became pregnant with DS3 when breastfeeding (not in realtime!). Sometimes we women have just got to bite the bullet and get on with the nooky. Keeps the men happy and gives you a bit of peace for a while.

My libido has returned now that my youngest is 12 years old LOL

Eaney · 21/11/2005 19:10

Yeah I do bite the bullet , so to speak, but I could just as easily be watching Corrie. I think it bothers DP that I am not enjoying it. It's probably as much to do with the fact that I am on my own all day and DP comes home after kids are in bed. When he does come home I just want to hide away and watch mindless TV. Can't stand another demand on me.

I am too lazy to do all the bottle stuff so I will probably continue BFing and improve my acting skills.

Original poster
fells · 21/11/2005 20:03

What a relief - I'm not on my own then! Yes, I think you do need to just get on and 'do it' sometimes! You are right Frannyandzooey the idea of a mother being nurturing and non-sexual is definitely part of the problem.

OP posts:
HRHQoQ · 21/11/2005 20:07

I found my sex drive vanished when I was breastfeeding - as I was taking the minipill at the same time - stopped taking it and sex drive came back.

fennel · 21/11/2005 20:13

i didn't really have a sex drive while bf. nor while pregnant. very tedious really, to be without it for so long. and certainly not something they're going to tell you about in the breastfeeding clinics.

actually it takes ages for any sensation to emerge in my breasts, it still hasn't come back this time and i stopped bf 5 months ago. they are just numb still, but before all the bf they were a major erogenous zone. not any more.

teabags · 21/11/2005 20:15

it can become a habit to simply not do it. Sometimes you can surprise yourself....the more you do it then the more you do it! I don't wish to sound sx mad. I too can't be bothered a lot of the time, but when it happens, aside from putting a smile on dh's face it is quite a confidence boost for me, because let's face it, I don't exactly feel like a sx kitten these days

skerriesmum · 21/11/2005 20:17

Who was that comedian(ienne?) who said "when the kid's done, that's it, off limits!"

skerriesmum · 21/11/2005 20:18

Not to mention that post-episiotomy it takes months to feel normal down there; we didn't even try until at least 4 months after and it was still a bit sore!

notasheep · 21/11/2005 20:23

Didnt have sex til babe was 9 months old and i had stopped breast feeding-i dont think it ever gets back to normal,how can it really looking at the size of my 9lb 10oz babe and size of boyfriends penis!

Gillian76 · 21/11/2005 20:24

Couldn't face it for ages and forced myself on many occasions.

Just beginning to feel like it now and the youngest is 2. Must be nature's way of telling me it's time for the next one...

That's why I have the IUD

notasheep · 21/11/2005 20:51

Not sure if this is a record,one of the mums at school had babe on 4th January then next on 26th December-YES in the same year!!!!!!!She obviously didnt have any problems with the sex bit!

Em32 · 22/11/2005 12:08

Ditto zero libido - too tired! Don't have sex while I'm pregnant either as we had a scare early on with no1 and neither of us fancy it in the later stages so we've had two goes in oooh about a year! Things are a bit dry when you're b/f too - my friend swears by KY jelly...

mumofwun · 22/11/2005 21:52

just reading this thread, so glad that it is not just me. when i attended my 6 weeek check they asked what contraception methods i had considered and i jokingly said abstention.

ds is now 8 months old and we have only done it twice. dh just about ready to divorce me. mind you, its hard to get in the mood with leaky boobs or whilst wearing a stuffed nursing bra.

i think there is an element of altered self-image (non-sexual, mothering type) and altered body image (boobs are for feeding, oh and look at my baggy, stretch-mark covered belly...really sexy!!)