Page 2 | Reduced sex drive while breast feeding!

fells · 2005-11-21T12:03:29+00:00

I'm surprised there isn't a thread on this (maybe I haven't looked carefully enough!) but is anyone else suffering from a lack of sex-drive while breast feeding?! Don't know if it has something to do with both me and dh seeing my boobs in a different light! Will it get back to normal?

loulie · 23/11/2005 19:29

I too have a problem with dryness which makes bonking uncomfortable (sorry if TMI). I was recommended a product called Replens, which is designed for post menopausal women who can suffer from dryness due to low oestrogen levels. Apparently BF reduces oestrogen so BF mothers can also have this problem.

It works - sex much better (well, the once that I wasn't too knackered to do it!) I bought it from a website www.blushingbuyer.com. Hope this helps.

loulie · 23/11/2005 19:30

To clarufy - bought the product not the sex of course !!!

oystercatcher · 25/07/2007 15:20

I have been breastfeeding for 13 months now, would like to stop soon as im totally exhausted (baby doesnt slep that well either) my partner has a high sex drive and I used to (even when pregnant) but he is lucky if he gets it once or twice a week......Im feeling the strain of his constant sexual demands and with the thought I may never feel the same again! my dd is allergic to goats and cows milk and I cant offer soya either so I have continued to feed her. Is there a natural sedative out there for over active libido!!!I joke but it is beginning to get me down as I feel I cant satisfy him......we also livel in a small house and having sex when our dd can hear id a worry too.....

tiktok · 25/07/2007 15:46

oyster, I can hear how this is distressing you. But in a good relationship, men don't make 'demands' on women, let alone 'constant' ones, and 1-2 times a week is hardly sexual deprivation....has he got something against the 'w' word???

In this situation, women sometimes shut off from all physical contact, even cuddling, because they don't want it to lead to anything - though they would quite like a kiss and a hug. If this is you, then you need to spell that out to your man.

It doesn't sound to me that stopping bf totally would help with this, to be honest. Though scheduling some time - weekend afternoons are good! - when someone else can look after your baby and you know she is not around to listen, will help.

I hope other people will see this.

temporarynamechange2 · 25/07/2007 16:06

Sorry for hijack, but can I ask a related question? Are norks really off-limits (through leakage and/or sensitivity) throughout the whole time you're bf-ing? I ask as someone who's planning to start bf-ing soon when first baby is born. And I'm a bit worried because norks are quite a big part of the sex 'routine' for both of us. Sorry if tmi!!

Nettee · 25/07/2007 16:13

BF and pregnancy both cut my libdo to nothing. With DS it did come back before I stopped feeding but only once we were down to 3-4 feeds a day I think when he was about 9-10 months old. and for temporary name change - norks certainly don't have to be off limits if you don't want them to be - probably will find milk everywhere if you have enough libido to orgasm and the whole dp brest feeding thing is fairly wide spread I think - not that people admit to it much!!!

Nettee · 25/07/2007 16:14

sensitivity wise it might be an issue for a few weeks but then there is a much more pressing reason not to go there for a while as stitches etc recover

Neuro · 25/07/2007 16:48

hi all

just wandering around Mumsnet and saw the thread subject line and felt nosey!
In my pregnancy book it says breastfeeding, altho not at all 100% sure, can be for some women a natural contraceptive. Ie mother nature isn't going to let you get preggers with another bub when you are still currently nursing one. Which perfectly explains low sex-drive/libido, as one's libido is all about reproduction isn't it?

And for that lady down below who's man wants it more than 1 or 2 times a week, errr can't he please himself too?! Sorry!! You must be pretty tired with the constant feeding. And being tired isn't an aphrodesiac.

Sometimes I wonder if having a baby and a man is like having two babies to keep happy!

Take care X

bigmouthstrikesagain · 25/07/2007 17:03

I am still bf'ing dd at 15m and i think it has affected my sexdrive - not so much hormonally now but because I am tired - I want some physical space after feeding and cuddling etc. dc's. I feel bad for my dh but he has been (mostly) very good about it.

I think he was most pissed off when he wanted toget down and dirty on a (extremely rare) night out without the kids - while I wanted to talk about local govt finance!! Can't really blame that on the hormones - I think I am just missing adult conversation more than I realised!

temporarynamechange2 · 25/07/2007 17:03

Wow, thanks for honest answer Nettee. I had no idea about the whole dp bf-ing thing, and there was I thinking I was terribly open-minded... You live and learn.

bigmouthstrikesagain · 25/07/2007 17:09

At the mo I am going through the motions some nights in the understanding that it is very important that my relatiuonship with dh is not sacrificed as a result of having kids - sometimes it is nice just to put a big smile on his face anyway I always felt very randy when i was preg while dh was a bit put off by that - so i figure it is my turn now

chipmonkey · 25/07/2007 17:16

Personally I found my norks very oversensitive while bfing and didn't really feel like dh touching them, definitely has improved since I stopped!

determination · 25/07/2007 20:55

im still the same too... still not hanky panky in my house! Its a shame really for DP but i think he completely understands and is just accepting it now

*In this situation, women sometimes shut off from all physical contact, even cuddling, because they don't want it to lead to anything - though they would quite like a kiss and a hug. If this is you, then you need to spell that out to your man.

I showed him this comment from tiktok and explained that i think thats what has happened to me too thanx tiktok..

determination · 25/07/2007 20:56

im still the same too... still not hanky panky in my house! Its a shame really for DP but i think he completely understands and is just accepting it now

In this situation, women sometimes shut off from all physical contact, even cuddling, because they don't want it to lead to anything - though they would quite like a kiss and a hug. If this is you, then you need to spell that out to your man. I showed him this comment from tiktok and explained that i think thats what has happened to me too thanx tiktok..

milkmummy1 · 25/07/2007 21:02

hi
have been BF for 6 months and just dont think about sex anymore. its as though it doesnt exist!

oystercatcher · 25/07/2007 22:55

sex just seems such a chore. I am downstairs waiting for DH to fall asleep as dont want to start anything - tiktoc, yes that seems to be me! I desperately need sleep and I will go in a sec. But even a naughty text from him fills me with dread, such a shame, tried to talk to him about it, but he doesn't really understand.....he takes it very personally......
On the other subject of nipples etc. The early days of feeding I felt they were more sensitive and actually the feeling was more arousing....but now I am quite self concious about them. Some mornings I have DH and DD wanting to see them for totally different reasons - can get very demanding all round!!!

AnybodyHomeMcFly · 26/07/2007 16:02

Zero libido here too and DH also doesn't seem that up for it. Think he's put off by milky boobs! I am missing the closeness tho. We haven't dtd since DS was born 6 months ago. Are having a night in a hotel soon tho with the purpose of rekindling a bit of lurve action (although not sure expressing = foreplay!!)

macneil · 26/07/2007 16:38

Absolutely zero for me. Came back perfectly normally when my periods did, very soon afterwards - a month or two? I expressed only, for 4.5 months. It's not a psychological thing' when I was kindly enough to have it off during the expressing months, it was
i extremely
painful.

determination · 26/07/2007 17:00

The thought of it actually scares me purely because i forget how to do it - in a way To initiate is scary. The way i feel now i think i would not miss it if i never had it again in my life!

Jojay · 26/07/2007 17:06

Zero libido while bf-ing - came back within a few weeks of stopping. Definite link OMHO

Neuro · 26/07/2007 18:08

Mumsnet is educational in ways that pregnancy & baby manuals are not!

I'm a single woman who has been helped to concieve and altho on odd occasion i do feel a teeny bit lonely, i certainly won't miss having a man around when i've popped the baby out.

However, i'd really like the next baby to be had within a loving relationship, so i've made a mental note that i'll prob not want any sex for at least 6 months to a year.

I read some quite alarming but very honest article on the Times' online site (is on there now), where one woman said after the birth she suddenly had all this resentment and anger for her husband even though there was no reason for it, it was just hormones and that as she'd fallen in love with her baby, she'd fallen out of love with her hubby. I do wonder if this sort of reaction, and going off sex is nature's way (again) of making sure the baby gets all the attention right at the start of it's life when it's so vulnerable? Relationships can be tough at best of times i guess, i can't imagine what a bombshell, no matter how lovely, a baby is.

I admire all your honesty ladies and wish you lots of luck. I do know that the longer one goes without sex the less likely you are to want it. I guess a cuddle and a kiss is the best place to start!

determination · 26/07/2007 19:58

Neuro,

Where is the article on the site? That just sounds like me with DD1