Tongue tie. Very upset. Please help me get through the next week

[GoodVibrations]

DD2 5 days old has tongue tie. My nipples looks like they have been slashed with knives and are full of scabs (that fall off and make feeding even more excrutiating). We have an appointment to have it snipped next week but I am going mad with pain and tiredness.

Latch is initially really good (I bf DD1 until 22 months, plus have had lactation consultant helping me this time) but then DD2 slips off/ chews nipple. Taking her off (finger in corner of mouth to release suction) is even more painful.

We are trying & failing to syringe feed. DD obviously hates it and spits it out/ cries. It also gives her terrible wind so she cries most of the time. Cup feeding did not work either. Have now been told I may have to use teats but really worried this will impact breastfeeding.

I have had 10 hours of very broken sleep in 6 nights. I haven't left the house since the birth. I spend all day with my baps out to get air to the nipples to help them heal. I'm using vaseline and rubbing nips with milk after a feed/ express.

Currently expressing every 3 hours and trying to bfeed when I feel brave enough.

Now I've typed all that I'm not sure what help I want . I suppose any advice on cup/ syringe feeding, impact of bottle feeding and some general kind words to help me get through :)

OP - Just wanted to say well done. You are a tough cookie!

Hi. I have a similar story to Goodvibrations. Stupid midwives etc suspected tongue tie right from the beginning, as did I, as my ds couldn't open his mouth and problems latching/pain etc. Thanks to emc, milk didn't come in for 6 days. Was convinced, against my deep-seated better judgement, to give him a bottle after 36 hours, as glucose levels were dropping. That seems to have done the damage. Found out about cup feeding on day 5 at a clinic, but too late! Once the milk cam in he managed to latch, but it quickly became really painful. Eventually, I was convinced to use nipple shields, which he took to really well, but would take 1.5 hours per feed, and often 3 hours at night, every 2.5 to 3 hours. We managed to get him properly on the breast at the clinics, but at home he would just look and not suck, unless he had the shields. On day 13, after several different opinions, he was finally referred for the tongue tie procedure due to a posterior tongue tie. There was no-one available even remotely locally at all, or we would have gone private. They told me to relax and use the shields, and just show him the breast to keep him interested. He had the snip on Monday, day 24. It was really sore for 2 days and he couldn't use the shields or cup. We used a pipette, then my husband gave him a bottle without telling me - argh!!!! Damage done, he had a bottle for 24 hours, as it at least gave him a chance to re-learn the tongue movement. His tongue just keeps travelling to the roof of his mouth instead of underneath.
We went to a bf clinic yesterday, but they were not too encouraging and just said keep trying and trying, that it's a shame he's been confused by the first bottles and the shields - great!
Whenever I try to get him back on the breast he just licks it, maybe does 3 or 4 feeble sucks, but gets really despondent when nothing comes out. We've tried and tried and tried. This is where I need help. I've tried getting him to suck on my finger just before the breast, getting started with pumping just before, getting dh to dribble milk onto the nipple just before he sucks. All the same result - he tries for a few sucks and gets in a state. I even tried a shield with the end cut off, but he wouldn't suck.
There are no clinics today (why should Stoke Mandeville cancel their clinic - do they think babies have weeks off needing help?!). I am totally at the end of my tether. Dh, bless his heart, is trying, but doesn't have a clue. I am turning into a complete cow. I thought the first bit was supposed to be wonderful, but it's been absolute hell from the start. Thanks NHS for not dealing with the TT, and bottle-pushers!
All advice greatly appreciated to try to get ds breastfeeding properly and save mummy's sanity.

hi sesamesmith,

sounds like you have been doing really well in the circumstances.

i think you realise that you need some real life support on this, i would recommend that you phone one of the breastfeeding helplines

nct - 0300 330 0771

la leche - 0845 120 2918

could you try to have a "babymoon" for a day or 2? stay in bed with baby topless and allow him constant access to your breasts

i think when you say you have tried pumping first that you mean you have pumped to get the let down? if not - try this.

sesamesmith you poor thing. It is so crap how long it took for you to get the tongue tie snipped. You are doing amazingly well, and you've been through too much to give up now :)

My lactation consultant told me yesterday that if your milk supply is good the baby WILL eventually breastfeed no matter how long it takes. I don't have much advice other than to get some support from the hospital infant feeding coordinator/ lactation consultant (but please try the numbers above in the meantime). Also I have found lots of skin to skin and taking baths together has really helped (plus it eases the pain).

I have another blocked duct caused again by oversupply. I'm feeling really despondent (sp?) today and very tearful. I am housebound as I can't wear a bra and will literally leak EVERYWHERE if I go out (constantly wrapped in towels in the house, or baring all!).

But we can get through this, and I know it is worth it in the end

I have really tried everything and am getting really depressed. I have spoken to the NCT already and they diagnosed the tongue tie in the first place. I have been to many clinics - average 2 a week. The tongue tie snip really was not the holy grail - this little man is not interested in sucking from the breast, full stop! I've tried swapping from shield to breast and back again - same story - just laps at the real breast, and rarely does the 'open mouth' even enough to get him onto the nipple shield. It took 40 minutes to get that far this morning and I am seriously losing the will to live. Is it possible to get through this? I am seriously doubting it. Husband doesn't understand and just keeps disappearing for longer and longer periods. No feedback from him at all.

My dd who had her TT snipped at 2 weeks never fed from me without some level of pain, the lactation consultants in the end just said I must be too sensitive. I gave up at 4 months as I returned to work and couldn't express and once I managed to get her to take a bottle that was the easy option for her. With my next dc I learnt I could bf with zero pain/discomfort so clearly the latch never got 100% sorted.

I know it seems like a huge deal to you at them moment but bf is only a small part of motherhood.

Take some time out to consider what you want to do - perservere or ff - you could try expressing if you want him to have bm.

My other thought is have you tried feeding him with you both in bed laying down when he is half asleep so he is not resistant to trying? I remember clearly at about 18 days old I start taking dd off every time she wasn't latched properly so she just refused to feed - they have opinions/reactions even at such a young age.