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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

Bet i'm bf dd forever

65 replies

agalch · 08/11/2005 10:53

I bf ds2 for 2.5 years(he is nearly 10 now).Had dd August 2004 and still bf her although i'd planned to give up when she ws around a year old. haha! Don't mind most of the time but she sleeps with me most nights,feeds at least once in the night and i absolutely can't go out in the evening as she wants me for bedtime.Means no xmas night out for me.Love her to peices and feel so lucky to have a little girl after 2 boys but i'm shattered and need time out!!! Any advice??

OP posts:

Helenemjay · 08/11/2005 11:13

Could you not try and introduce some other kind of other 'comfort' i mean my friend is in exactly the same situation and is currently trying to get her little girl to sleep in her own bed - and has almost managed to get her to have some warm milk out of a little beaker! is this an option for you?

Original poster

agalch · 08/11/2005 18:01

Hi Helen
Have tried dp putting her down with a cup/story etc,but no chance and we both feel we don't want her to cry herself to sleep.If i'm around only mummy will do.It's not worst thing in the world i suppose but i would really like to have xmas nite out with my friends.oh well maybe next year!!

OP posts:

moondog · 08/11/2005 18:17

Gosh agalch,I think you should just go.It won't kill her.
You have to ask yourself honestly if feeding in the night like this is doing either of you any good.
I am the world's biggest b/feeding fan but after about 10 months,I put a firm stop to nightfeeds for the sake of all of us.

NotQuiteCockney · 08/11/2005 18:40

I would move things around a bit, first. Do boob, then book and cuddle (or whatever is normal in your house), then bed. That way, the book/cuddle are the before-sleep thing, but she still has the boob. (Do the boob somewhere lighter/noisier than usual if she generally falls asleep on the boob.)

I have to do this soon, too, I guess, but I feel no real impetus. My DS2 was September 2004, and I've just now got him to the point where he doesn't always demand feeding when we're out and about. (Nothing wrong with feeding in public! I just don't like having my top pulled up all the time!) First thing in the morning, he'd happily spend an hour going back and forth from boob to boob drinking.

agalch · 09/11/2005 08:50

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

harpsichordcarrier · 09/11/2005 08:56

hi there
my dd is 2.5 and yes I still bf her... apart from when I don't IYSWIM. what would happen if you just left her at bedtime? let your dp/dh put her to bed or whatever and she will get used to it. it doesn't mean you have to stop necessarily, just that there are alternatives.
fwiw I have been away from home for 3 or 4 days at a time on more than one occasion (as well as several nights out) and dd has still slept fine ad picked up the bf when I get back!
hth

TracyK · 09/11/2005 08:59

Can you do an experiment and get someone else to do the bedtime routine - maybe if you popped to the shops?
or what about gp's? could she stay overnight at theirs for a night?
I'm sure one night out and her going to bed with no boob wouldn't kill her. Maybe organise her favourite dvd for that evening so that she's sleepy enough not to notice?

Original poster

agalch · 09/11/2005 14:39

I have paid the deposit for the xmas night out!!. Now i feel sick at the thought of my dp having to pacify her all evening,but as moondog says it wont kill her.I mean what if i had to go into hosp or something? So roll on December

OP posts:

moondog · 09/11/2005 14:40

Good on yer agalch!
You deserve a few night time drinkies too you know!

Original poster

agalch · 09/11/2005 14:40

OP posts:

Original poster

agalch · 09/11/2005 14:41

sorry my dd did that lol

OP posts:

Original poster

agalch · 09/11/2005 14:42

Can i have a drink do you think? i'm really gagging for one but havn't up to now.Didn't want dd being hungover

OP posts:

chipmonkey · 09/11/2005 14:55

Of course you can have a drink! won't do your dd any harm, if anything will make her a bit sleepy but where's the harm in that?

Original poster

agalch · 09/11/2005 18:27

Sleepy hmmmm? Could live with that i think. Will be telling dp in about half an hours time,lol wish me luck

OP posts:

aloha · 09/11/2005 18:29

Moondog, please talk me through what you did. DD is nine months old and has gone from sleeping through sometimes to waking twice a night, every night and I'm so tired it's making me emotional and very impatient and short tempered with ds, which isn't fair.

spots · 09/11/2005 18:35

I thought the very words of the title of this thread. But when it cane to it I was surprised at how DD managed without bf, firstly when I withdrew night feeds and then the bedtime one. She certainly likes something special to happen at bedtime; singing lullabies works brilliantly for us and is sonmething DH can (sort of!) do too if he feels the need to.

You might be surprised at her response. I think you need that night out!

moondog · 09/11/2005 19:18

agalch...I I I'm speechless at the realization that on top of all this co sleeping,you haven't had a proper drink for what two years!!??

A mild alcohol fuzz was the only thing that got me through the first weeks of b/feeding tbh. Better people than me (ie Tiktok and Mears)have reiterated on several occasions that even quite a few drinks won't harm a baby.

Gosh,you're so noble.....

Aloha do you b/feed dd at night still?

We moved ds out of our room at 6 months (his sister stayed for a year). I think the separate roommakes a difference as when we are in Turkey,he was/is in with us and sleeps much more lightly.
Until about 9 months,I would offer a boob but not after (not some weird cruel cut off point created in my head,rather that looking at the butterball that he is,it was obvious he wasn't needing more food.)

The rule of thumb I seem to have created is that I will pick him up and give him a cuddle and a rock (in the same darkened room)up to three times.
Also offer a drink of water,check nappy situation and adjust bed clothes. After that,I don't go back in (well may in extremis).

I have never found it difficult to let my kids have a good ole' bawl on occasion,although I know some people find it hard.

I also don't believe in mobiles,dimmer lamps,musical toys and so on. I really believe that many babies are mithered to death.

He simply has to sleep for me as I am on my own with the children so much that unless they slept,I would go quite quite mad.

Good luck Aloha,and keep us posted.

aloha · 09/11/2005 19:25

Yes Moondog. She goest to bed in her cot in her own room, but usually wakes around 2-3ish (don't look at the clock) and she comes in bed with me and I feed her lying down, then she often wakes 5-6ish and I do it again. And some people find all this quite restful but I am really starting to hate it. I think dh will have to do the comforting if we decide to go cold turky on the 2am feed. Atm he goes to spare room then to sleep. But I really don't sleep well wiht dd in bed with me. But we are both being utterly lily-livered about the whole thing.

frannyandzooey · 09/11/2005 19:26

Moondog, just wondered about this post from you:

"You have to ask yourself honestly if feeding in the night like this is doing either of you any good. "

Sounds like you think there is something wrong with nighttime breastfeeding, could you explain why you think that? Or if I have read it wrong, forget it, just interested...

popsycal · 09/11/2005 19:28

moondog - same question as aloha....ds2 is 8 months and dreadful in the night.....

moondog · 09/11/2005 19:38

Hey hey,since when did I become a childcare guru???
Dh will piss himself when I tell him.

fandz,I don't think there is anything wrong with feeding at night. You won't get a bigger yoghurt knitter this side of the equator I'm telling ya!

However,when people are clearly exhausted by it and/or a child of walking age can't be left at night then I think there is a problem. It would be in my house anyway.
But...if it's your thing then hey,go for it!!

Aloha,I never could feed and sleep or sleep well with a small baby in my bed. Also feel it is important for dh and I to have that time and physical space to ourselves (the children have wriggled their way into every other nook and cranny in my life.)

My sister has been very into co sleeping and night feeding. She read 'Three in a bed' (as did I) when pg and was entranced by it.
Four years and two very bad sleepers later she phoned me one night and in tears said

'I want to ring the neck of the fucking bitch who wrote TIAB.'

How we chortled....

frannyandzooey · 09/11/2005 20:19

LOL @ wringing the neck of Deborah Jackson! That woman does have a lot to answer for...

Sorry, it sounded like I was interrogating you, moondog. I wasn't sure if you thought there was something intrinsically wrong with all-night breastfeeding sessions, apart from the obvious fact that it leaves you looking like sh*t the next day, with norks like old socks.

Don't agree there is a problem with small child not wanting to be left at night (when we are all at our most vulnerable) unless it is a problem for the parents. Or even then, really. Just one of those delightful things that makes parenting such a joy.

moondog · 09/11/2005 20:21

I've forgotten what a bloody night out is faz......

aloha · 09/11/2005 21:32

I don't want a night out (oh, alright then, yes I bloody well do but that not the issue OK? ) I want a night in my own bed, just me and dh and able to turn over in the night without being gripped by fear that dd will wake, be able to sleep in half the bed, not the tiny landing strip not occupied by a horizontally sleeping dd, and not having to bloody wake up and feed the blighter in the small hours.

karmamother · 09/11/2005 21:33

Blimey, this thread has brought back so many memories. I was in a identical situation 8 yrs ago with DS. Co-sleeping & night BFs made for a very sleep-deprived mummy. I knew it wasn't doing my health any favours but it wasn't until he slept in his cot all night with no feeds that I realised how tying it had all been. I, too, read Three In A Bed which, at the time, made me feel better about co-sleeping but has anyone else noticed that she only had 1 daughter,IIRC??? I think, in retrospect, I'd have valued her judgements more if she'd had a few kids. Anyway, my problems were solved purely by accident. One night, DS (age 11 months) wanted to play with his toys rather than go to sleep. I wanted to watch a telly programme that was due to start so I plonked him in his cot with said toys, whilst he tired himself out. By the end of the programme, 30 mins later, I realised he was very quiet. Bloody hell, he'd only fallen asleep by himself for the first time in his life. I had the best night's sleep since he'd been born & I vowed he'd not get back in my bed again!! It can be done.

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