What would YOU have liked to know about breast-feeding before DC?

[bellygazing]

Been thinking a lot about breastfeeding and how sad it is that people get discouraged/give up for any number of reasons. How do you think it would be better to promote/give information about BF?

I am in no way criticising people who choose/ end up having to FF, and freely admit to having no experience of it, but I think a lot of people give up because they don't get the support they need, have unrealistic expectations, have problems such as thrush, blocked ducts, mastitis, tongue-tie etc that they never dreamed existed.

For me, BF has been a really positive experience but even with no particular problems, I wasn't expecting it to be so physically difficult to get the baby to latch, that it would sometimes hurt quite a lot (even if latch was good), or that you would do it SOO frequently, and for such a long time.

I think if more information was given that actually, it can be difficult and painful to begin with but there are a lot of benefits later on, that would really help a lot of people. I think most people are aware of the health benefits to baby and mother (antibodies, lowering cancer risk etc) but good things that I think should be promoted include:

*once you get the hang of it, you can do it anywhere - it is really convenient and requires NO equipment at all - and unlike a bottle, you can't accidentally drop a boob on the floor and make it unsterile.
*it's free
*you can't 'run out' while out and about
*no sterilising
*(personal experience here) you can eat masses and the weight just mysteriously vanishes - I weigh less than pre-pregnancy
*if the baby wakes crying for food, you can feed her immediately without having to make up a bottle while LO cries
*(possibly the biggest amazement for me) if you BF a baby in the night, the lovely BF hormones mean you drop right off back to sleep - and it tends to have a soporific effect on baby too
*if baby is in pain, upset, teething, has banged head, ill, etc you have an instant source of comfort

Plus it's really lovely

What does anyone else think?

I thought I knew everything. Been to NCT, been to breastfeeding support sessions at hospital, had checked out local Baby Cafe with friends who'd had their babies. I knew everything you've said above. I did, and still do, fully support it.

What no one told me until DS was 8 days old that - some women, a very small percentage, just don't make any milk, and at some point you just have to feed your baby SOMETHING!

I also wish someone had told me that the world would not stop spinning; DS would not die; I would not be discredited and everything would be OK if I did FF.

I am prepared to be flamed, but FF after a week of fruitless bf and pumping (I did not produce a single drop) was the best decision I ever made. It was fully supported by the paediatrician, mw and bf counsellor. In fact, the paed was fully prepared to give DS a bottle himself, although it was the mw who did it in the end.

DS is 2.5, big, strong, bright and alert. He has had no significant health problems and no one could question that we are bonded.

There is more than one way to nurture your child.

Did they find out why you didn't produce any milk?

Rita well my boobs never changed size, leaked, ached, swelled or anything at all when I was pg. Maybe I am just missing something. When I was booking in with mw earlier this week (am 12 weeks pg with DC2) she was going through my notes and we were talking about bf and she did say "Well I am not surprised it didn't work for either of you after such a traumatic birth". I didn;t really think it was that traumatic because it was over very quickly, but DS was undiagnosed footling breech and I had an emcs at 8 cm dilated. He had to be pushed back up birth canal to get him in the right place to get out. So I suppose that was a bit of a shock to us both.

I'm always suprised by how little effort medical staff put into finding out why women don't produce milk. In any other bodily function just didn't happen, then I'm sure they'd investigate it!

I will be interested to see what happens this time. Anyway - if I didn't/don't produce milk what would they do about it? Fill me with drugs to stimulate it somehow? I'd rather FF.

I don't know - guess it would depend what the problem is. If it's a hormonal issue it could cause other health problems too I should think... or something like retained placenta could cause an infection.

I think one of the main reasons that women give up, or do not start, breastfeeding, is a huge lack if support and information. I was told nothing about breastfeeding while I was pregnant, apart from the benefits. In hindsight I would like to have known:

• about cluster feeding. When my dd fed non stop for hours at a time I was convinced I did not have enough milk and that there is no need to top up with expressed milk or formula.
• growth spurts. Again, if I'd known to expect them, not only would I have been able to mentally prepare but I would not have doubted my ability to satisfy my dd. I would have known that my milk was enough and that feeding would help my supply.
• support groups. I wish I'd known about them when I was pregnant so that I had built up support before we started.
• what feeding on demand really meant. I had no idea how often my dd might feed. I panicked when we went through a phase where my dd only fed for 5 minutes. If only I'd known that there were so many variations of normal!
• that it would do my newborn no harm to cry for a few minutes until I found somewhere to feed when we were out and about. I used to get into such a state and sweat!
• that everyone is different. I felt so embarrassed to carry my v shaped pillow with me to start with, but without it I know I would not still be feeding 1 yr on. My advice...do whatever you need to to get through!
• other peoples reactions. What shocked me was how little faith other people have in a women's ability to feed her baby..."how do you know you have enough milk", "i think she is hungry, why don't you give a bottle"...also, "are you still feeding" aaarrggh!

I'm sure there are more things but my brain is suffering from lack of sleep!

Personally I think I knew quite a bit, but I lurked on here through my pregnancy so got a lot of information that way. However I do think that mw / HVs / antenatal classes should prepare you more for is what bf is like in the early days ? how often they feed, how long they feed for, that yes they ARE hungry again, also things like growth spurts etc are never mentioned (of course these will affect ffers as well). Most of what I knew I learned from here, not from any HCPs and I think that is a major problem.

I haven?t had a single issue with BF, have found it ridiculously easy, but I still had wobbles doubting supply in the early days when he seemed to do nothing but feed, so it?s understandable that you would think your baby was unsatisfied if you?ve not had any information about it. There is still so much of the ?babies feed every 3 or 4 hours? culture in this country, whether about ff or bf, that needs to be got rid of, it?s so damaging.

I think one of the main reasons that women give up, or do not start, breastfeeding, is a huge lack if support and information. I was told nothing about breastfeeding while I was pregnant, apart from the benefits. In hindsight I would like to have known:

• about cluster feeding. When my dd fed non stop for hours at a time I was convinced I did not have enough milk and that there is no need to top up with expressed milk or formula.
• growth spurts. Again, if I'd known to expect them, not only would I have been able to mentally prepare but I would not have doubted my ability to satisfy my dd. I would have known that my milk was enough and that feeding would help my supply.
• support groups. I wish I'd known about them when I was pregnant so that I had built up support before we started.
• what feeding on demand really meant. I had no idea how often my dd might feed. I panicked when we went through a phase where my dd only fed for 5 minutes. If only I'd known that there were so many variations of normal!
• that it would do my newborn no harm to cry for a few minutes until I found somewhere to feed when we were out and about. I used to get into such a state and sweat!
• that everyone is different. I felt so embarrassed to carry my v shaped pillow with me to start with, but without it I know I would not still be feeding 1 yr on. My advice...do whatever you need to to get through!
• other peoples reactions. What shocked me was how little faith other people have in a women's ability to feed her baby..."how do you know you have enough milk", "i think she is hungry, why don't you give a bottle"...also, "are you still feeding" aaarrggh!

I'm sure there are more things but my brain is suffering from lack of sleep!

That when people say breastfeeding hurts, it doesn't mean it's a bit sore - it was seriously the worst pain I've ever, ever experienced. I couldn't even begin to describe it - seeing stars, feeling like I was going to vomit with the pain, etc.

That if you can get past that, breastfeeding is lovely :)

That 'when your milk comes in' can mean you can't even move without soaking your clothes, furniture, baby, husband, etc. with gallons of milk for WEEKS on end. All I read about was people apparently not making enough - had no idea you can have too much!

That breastfeeding is seriously convienient - no sterilising, warming up, you can stay out as long as you like without worrying you don't have milk for the baby, etc.

That the world and his wife will comment on it, usually negatively. I actually almost never breastfed in public, certainly never in front of friends and family. Fror some of my friends, it was as if the mere thought of me breastfeeding offended them . DH was also much less supportive than I had thought he would be, given that he comes from a family of prolific breastfeeders - 'when is he moving on bottles then?' 'if you stopped feeding him, we could leave him with your mum' etc. Still pissed off about that...

• that cluster feeding is normal
• that it is so hard to stop (dd now 16m and still fed mornings, evenings and all through the night )

Would have like to know that anyone can phone the NCT Bfing line. At the time I it was the only one I'd heard about and thought, though god knows why, that it was just for NCT members.

Would also have loved to know about NCT, LLL and Baby Cafes.

That you may want to bf for 6 months but LO might have other ideas.

Agree with cosmosis - we seem to have had similar experience - no real problems (I feel almost guilty about it, but I never even had any nipple pain. I'm in the minority, I know, it's just luck of the draw) -

No one told me, and I wish I'd known: -

How much babies feed in the first few weeks.
What cluster feeding is.
That feeding on demand means you might be doing it every 5 minutes/half an hour, and that there's nothing wrong with your baby or you if they feed a lot.
That feeding a newborn is so, so different to BF-ing a few months down the line. At the start, when it's so full on, I was tempted by formula just because it would give me a BREAK, so I could SLEEP while SOMEONE ELSE fed him. When people talked about BF-ing and 'convenience', I honestly thought they were mad.

I totally agree that the 'feed every 3/4 hours' culture, whether it's formula or strict 'routine' parenting guides is horribly, horribly prevalent, and it's the single biggest thing which makes new mums BF-ing feel they are doing something wrong. 'If I was doing it right, he wouldn't be this hungry/he can't be getting enough milk, he never goes 3 hours between feeds...' etc etc. I've heard that so much from friends who started feeding formula in the early weeks. There was nothing else going wrong, they were just tired and felt something wasn't working.

I would have liked to know:

1- that it can hurt!!
2- it makes you grit/grind your teeth
3- it doesn't come naturally for everyone, you have to work at it.
4- that nipple shields are a fantastic aid for those with severely cracked and bleeding nipples.
5- that it's considered normal for your child to have pink vomit - from the bleeding nipples obviously but I was worried sick!!

As others have said I would have liked to know about the negatives of BF as I was phoning counsellors and midwives every day as I was in so much pain. It wasn't until my SIL said it hurt for her too and eventually your nips harden up! All the professionals were telling me I must be doing it wrong, I got one midwife to look at my latch and she said it appears correct but then I was left wondering whether to trust what she said! Also the cluster feeding and feeding every hour and how long it takes to feed. The HCA who helped me to get my son onto my breast following birth said a feed can last from 5 minutes to 45 minutes! My son's first feed lasted 2 hours! And he can nearly go that long still at 4 months!

I would have liked to know how different it can be for subsequent babies

DD would take up to 90 mins to feed and would then often promptly throw some of it back up, cue me surrounding myself with towels before every feed and sitting down prepared for an hour and a half of not moving.
DS arrived and fed for a max of 15 minutes and never brought any up, it was weeks before i finally realised that I didn't need 4 towels to cover myself and the surrounding area anymore and could go shopping without having to sit in mothercare for hours!

But it would have put me off to know that there were very few breastfeeding areas and that I would regularly have to look myself in a loo to feed.

That when your kids are grown up - 2 strapping DSs of 18 and 21 - you can look at them with such pride that you gave them such a great start in life!

That you still occasionally miss the whole bf experience (am I really sad to admit that?). Probably a bit weird of me to be reading this section of MN!

One thing I am amazed and sad to read on here is that women still have issues about bf in public. I did it all those years ago and, yes, I was a little nervous with DS1, but was fine with DS2. I would not have dreamed of bf in the loo!

Very interesting thread. Thanks for sharing your experiences.

Am 16 weeks with first and want to breastfeed. Only met a midwife once so far. She gave us an overview on lots of subjects, and on the subject of breastfeeding was fairly brief but did say that in the first few weeks the baby will want to feed often, and it can be every half hour but not to worry, that's normal.

Pregnancy/motherhood is such a steep learning curve! |grin]

16 weeks pregnant

Wish I'd known that flat-ish nipples don't magically become like teats once the milk arrives - and given advice about devices to prepare my nipples before feeds to make them come out.

That to BF with large breasts it is normal to have to support your breast and aiming to do it 'properly' hands free is not helpful.

Wish I'd known that lack of milk isn't all psychological and due to stress - I had undiagnosed thyroid condition that caused low supply as well as feeling emotionally awful and I blamed myself totally, gave up BF at 4 months and had a very bad time feeling guilty (still do). Thyroid condition was only diagnosed after DC2 and diagnosis changed everything about the way I was able to bond with him.

BF workshop consisted of propaganda video and holding a doll to our chests while fully clothed. Absolute waste of time!

Wish I'd known that the Mirena coil decreases milk supply. It's probably common knowledge among health professionals now, but 6 years ago they were recommending it to bf mothers. Big mistake. Still makes me cross to think of what ds and I went through because of that.

Also GPs and HVs should be educated about thrush in breasts. I had this and was in excruciating pain and no one seemed to know what was wrong with me. I had to investigate using the Internet then go to my GP with information on what to prescribe me. She had never heard of it!

My posts seem very negative; BF was a very negative experience 1st time round BUT with DS2 was wonderful. This makes me feel more upset about DS1 though.

I wish I had known that it can take so long for a newborn to latch, I sometimes spent an hour or so in the middle of the night trying to get DD to latch on.

And that it could sometimes hurt. I am glad I perservered though and I cried when I eventually stopped when DD was 15 months old.

just that the best thing to do when you have a newborn really is to feed feed feed!

i thought i knew i needed to Bf often, but i was in a state after long labour and emcs. my milk was slow to come in, DS had tongue tie which might not have helped. a lovely lovely midwife on day 5ish said feed as often as possible and have a wee lie down and rest when you can! (i was not resting at all)

it was lots better after tongue tie was sorted, still managed to get a crack in just a week though!