7 month old DD will only sleep / be comforted if BF - please help, on verge of quitting

[SkaterGrrrrl]

My DD is 7 months old and will only go down at night if BF. She will only nap if I BF her to sleep in the day too. DH cannot put her down at night and if she cries DH cannot comfort her. Only BF works. I have probably made a rod for my back by BF her on demand for the first 7 months of her life but I went with my instincts and enjoy BF for the most part.

The specific point I need advice on is this: Every night DD goes down like a lamb, she has a bath, a BF and goes in her cot and goes to sleep. And every night she wakes up an hour later crying - invariably when we're about to eat dinner and cries until I go in and BF her.

I find this more disruptive than the 4 am feed - its just when I'm about to have precious quality time with DH. She has gone to sleep beautifully just an hour beforehand, bathed, fed, burped, calpoled if teething - no problem, so why does she wake up again? What can I do?? Please don't suggest controlled crying as I'm not willing to leave her crying for ages. But am contemplating switching to formula feeding.

well, switching to formula may nt help. it may just be that early in the night when she is in a light sleep she just can't settle back down by herself.

you may find you still have the probolem with formula, but you then have to amke up a bottle too

i discovered, after much tearing out of hair and falling into a sobbing heap, that it was actually far easier to change what I did than to try and change what my baby did.
so... eat a bit later? or a bit earlier? get DH to cook while you settle her down and then eat before she wakes?
then jsut feed her back to sleep when she does wake?

I do totally understand how you feel with it interfering with your quiet time with dh... but you know this phase is so short in the grand scheme of things, and she's just a little baby.

i know when ds2 was a real pain it became much easier somehow once i'd just accepted that that was how he was. In my case it was him wanting a feed every 45-90 mins day and night. once i gave in and just went with it it felt more bearable

Firstly I don't think formula will be a quick fix - either she'll cry for the breast or you'll tranfer the feed-to-sleep from breast to bottle.

My ds was the same - fed to sleep, and then after the first sleep cycle (about 45 mins) he'd come into lighter sleep, realise he didn't have a nipple in his mouth and cry for it and every time he woke in the night he needed a breastfeed to get back to sleep.

At 5 months I stopped feeding to sleep - I fed him in the living room before bed and then DP rocked/dummy'ed him to sleep. Yes, he cried - but he cried in his dad's arms so I don't feel too bad about it. After a few tough nights he started settling fine for DP. If you want to avoid all crying though try the No Cry Sleep Solution book - it has some tips for breaking the suck-to-sleep association.

Don't do it! I remember my DD doing this, it was just a phase and she stopped doing it after a while. Its definitely not worth giving up bf for. Just remember that nothing lasts very long at that age - I know it feels like forever, but I bet that in a couple of months you'll have forgotten all about this particular issue (but you'll have a new one to worry about, because that's how it goes ).

If you're still tempted to stop bf just think how much hassle it is sterilising bottles, carting them around, and worst of all, heating them in the middle of the night (speaking as someone who has experienced both, through necessity).

I bfed DD to sleep too...in fact I very often still do and she's 22mo now, but it's perfectly possible to get her to sleep without it these days. My back has no rod attached...

Oh, and for getting to sleep for naps I always used a sling. Worked a treat for me.

Sorry I don't have a solution. But its the same round our house, bf and almost always wakes after an hour and so on into the night.

I alternate between feeling awful and thinking I should DO something about it as the HV suggests and just thinking oh go with the flow, can't be forever.

Agree with thisisyesterday if you can't change the baby's behaviour, changing your behaviour / attitude might make it more bearable.

I really recommend 'the no cry sleep solution' by Elizabeth Pantley. Breaking the suck to sleep association without tears is a big theme of the book.

Thank you so much for your replies, it is good to get some perspective!

yesterday, that's a good point, if she is doing something (infuriating!) like clockwork at least I know when to expect it and can plan around it.

I suppose I feel if I stopped BF at least DH could do some of the settling/ comforting.

Do you chaps think it might be worth biting the bullet and not BF her when she wakes up (even though it will mean 2 hours of yelling in our arms) to try and break the habit?

Thanks for the book recommendation Rita.

Thanks olay how did the sling work? Say she yawns and rubs her eyes, normally I would BF her till asleep or sleepy and then transfer to cot for her nap. Would I pop her in her sling at the first signs of tiredness instead?

I think you have to not breastfeed as she goes to sleep rather than when she wakes up - she needs to have another way to fall asleep so she can settle herself when she wakes. Have you tried a comfort item for her?

She has a comfort blanket which she holds in her cot at night and rubs on her face when she's tired.

What I don't understand is that she goes down at night beautifully - we have a lovely routine, she baths with DH, big feed, lullabies - all works like a charm and then she wakes up an hour later howling. Every. night.

Could she still be hungry?

Does she fall asleep at the breast or does she fall asleep on her own in her cot?

Normally on the breast - I know I should put her in her cot when she's awake but sleepy. But its so tempting to go for the quick fix of, "she's going to sleep now".

An hour sounds like one sleep cycle later, so that's probably the point at which she is most likely to wake up again. It's normal for babies to have light sleep cycles and half-wake in between, but what they need is to be able to resettle themselves if they do wake.

Elizabeth Pantley recommends putting a baby down sleepy but not fully asleep, so bf and then take LO off a little earlier.

Thanks japhrimel - yes that does make sense.

Speaking of sleep cycles, DH has just pointed out that babies are meant to be on a 12 hour sleep cycle and DD often wakes up at 8. So maybe putting her down at 7pm means she's not properly tired yet.

I do take the point that it is easier to adjust my own attitude than change a 7 month old baby!

dh did cuddling / comforting to sleep, when we broke the feed to sleep association. ds2 had always been fed to sleep and was waking 3 times a night or so at 9 months.

so, whenever he woke during the night, dh would sit with him / cuddle him when he was distressed / put him back into the cot as he calmed down. it took about a week, but soon he was sleeping through.

was a bit like cc, as ds2 did cry, quite a bit. BUT, dh was always with him and cuddling / patting him. we made sure dh used a variety of things to get him off, but ds2 was always in the cot by himself when he did drop off.

I doubt it's that she's hungry - it's just she falls asleep with you there and wakes and you're gone and freaks out a bit. The idea with getting them to fall asleep on their own is that when they wake/stir in the night they know they're on their own so all seems well and they go back to sleep.

I didn't do controlled crying exactly to get ds to self-settle - we got to a point where he would fall asleep in his cot with someone patting his bottom and then we would pat til he was almost asleep and then leave the room. If he cries I go back in and pat some more and then leave and repeat until he doesn't complain when I leave. Now sometimes he just plays in his cot a bit then goes to sleep, sometimes he needs some patting, but I always leave before he's asleep.

@ TheSecondComing

OK DH and I after a row frank exchange of ideas are going to try 2 things. I am going to get up earlier and get the baby up earlier (is waking up a baby in the morning madness?) as we currently get up at 8 (in my head this is valuable 'catching up on sleep' sleep - but would rather have undisturbed evenings).

And when he has a week off shortly he is going to do night time comforting / settling and try break the BF to sleep association.

Will try that book you've suggested here. Also, the attitude readjustment.

Do you really need your DH to settle her at night? Are you able to simply accept that this is the way it is for a short period of time and just go with it?
There's actually nothing wrong with a baby BF to sleep at bed time and nap time and whenever they wake. She WILL grow out of it. She's still so, so young.

Will commence patting / soothing with tomorrow night's bed time Rita. I suppose its offering a physical presence/ reassurance without resorting to BF every time. And leaving the room while DD is awake.. well, I'm desperate, Ill try anything!

skatergrrrl - another thing we tried was to extend the time between feeds at night. so ds2 used to wake 10pm, midnightish, 4am ish.

so first, we said, right, no feeding before midnightish. when he woke at 10pm, dh would settle him. again took a few nights, but then he slept through until midnightish. then we said no feeding until 3/4am. so again, after a few nights without feeds, he started sleeping until 4am.

i thought this was gentler for all, than just going from like 3 night feeds, to 0 overnight.

at 13 months tomorrow, ds1 STILL starts the day at anytime between 4 and 5am (agh! another thread needed on that), but he sleeps through until that point.

good luck.

Hi bonkers - DH would really like to be able to comfort DD. He feels sad when he goes to settle her and she continues screaming. Yes I can continue to BF her to sleep round the clock, as I have done for the last 7 months but if there is another way to soothe her that wont distress DD, I'd like to know about it.

I did similar with nightfeeds - first said 11pm and 4am with DP settling in between, then it was 11pm and 6am, then slowly brought the 11pm feed forward to 9pm and last night dropped all feeds between 7pm and 6am

Sheepy that sounds like a gentle way of cutting out feeds... my sister swears by offering a bottle of water in the middle of the night instead of the breast, would anyone recommend this?

We offer water in a sippy cup in the night in between feed times in case he is thirsty.