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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

7 month old DD will only sleep / be comforted if BF - please help, on verge of quitting

52 replies

SkaterGrrrrl · 06/04/2011 20:50

My DD is 7 months old and will only go down at night if BF. She will only nap if I BF her to sleep in the day too. DH cannot put her down at night and if she cries DH cannot comfort her. Only BF works. I have probably made a rod for my back by BF her on demand for the first 7 months of her life but I went with my instincts and enjoy BF for the most part.

The specific point I need advice on is this: Every night DD goes down like a lamb, she has a bath, a BF and goes in her cot and goes to sleep. And every night she wakes up an hour later crying - invariably when we're about to eat dinner and cries until I go in and BF her.

I find this more disruptive than the 4 am feed - its just when I'm about to have precious quality time with DH. She has gone to sleep beautifully just an hour beforehand, bathed, fed, burped, calpoled if teething - no problem, so why does she wake up again? What can I do?? Please don't suggest controlled crying as I'm not willing to leave her crying for ages. But am contemplating switching to formula feeding.

OP posts:
Original poster
SkaterGrrrrl · 06/04/2011 22:32

Thanks Rita.

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TheSecondComing · 06/04/2011 23:32

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harverina · 06/04/2011 23:47

At 7 months my dd always fed to sleep at night and for naps and early evening was so unpredictable...she went to bed no bother but often woke up screaming. I always gave in...my dh couldn't settle her as he didn't have breasts! What we did find to be really affective was the Pantley pull off method. It's from the no cry sleep solutions book. I don't have the book but found out about it via Google. The premise behind it us that you un latch your baby when they are sleepy but not fully asleep on the breast so that they eventually learn to fall asleep without being latched on. We noticed a huge difference very quickly and my dd started to self settle during the night if she woke. My dd is now 12 months and I still use the technique. She still has a bf before bed but I try and un latch her before she is properly asleep.

Around 8 months we also started offering supper too when reading her story. It made a massive difference.

CountBapula · 07/04/2011 00:06

You can also wean off night feeds by timing the feeds and reducing feed duration over a few nights. We're doing this with DS at the moment. So start off with 10-min feeds, then 7, then 5, then 3, then drop them. (We're keeping a feed at 10/11ish but trying not to feed between 11 and 6.)

Original poster
SkaterGrrrrl · 07/04/2011 07:30

Will try that CountBapula (love the username).

And thanks for explaining the Pantley pull off method, haverina!

Do I keep doing a dream feed when I go to bed at 10/11pm? That usually buys me 5 hours.

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CountBapula · 07/04/2011 08:07

I have, just because DS is only 6 months and I think total night weaning would be a bit harsh at this age, plus I'd want to be reassured that he wasn't crying from hunger.

bonkers20 · 07/04/2011 09:14

TheSecondComing Your situation sounds tough, but your issue isn't really just breastfeeding, it's more than that I think. You say your DP can't look after his own child. That must be really awful for you both.

My DH has had nothing to do with settling DS, not one nap, not one bed time, not a single night wake up. But DS is still quite happy to spend time with him. I can leave them together. Sure, if DS wants to BF then it's me and only me he wants, but he doesn't want that all the time.

How is your DC with solids? How old is your DC? If around 6 7 months then you should be getting some decent gaps between feeding. If you're not then no wonder you are exhausted and frustrated.

Original poster
SkaterGrrrrl · 07/04/2011 10:14

Be interested to hear your reply to bonkers' question. While DH is a devoted dad I did hope when we started weaning it wouldn't be me doing every meal but he hasn't got stuck in as much as I'd hoped. After doing every meal for more than a half a year it would be good to share the load!

Also - DD really not too fussed about food, she prefers the breast Hmm

OP posts:
RitaMorgan · 07/04/2011 10:54

How about assigning your DH a meal? My DP always does breakfast so I can have a bit of a lie-in - I do the early morning feed in bed then DP gets up with DS.

Cosmosis · 07/04/2011 12:59

Hi skates, how are you?

We went through this and I had to stop feeding to sleep. TBH it wasn?t as hard as I expected. What I did was, when he was drifting off, unlatched him, but kept him in pretty much the same hold, just with his head resting on my arm, and then did a firm rhythmic pat on his back to calm him down. Yes, he cried at first, but an angry cry not distressed. I timed it so I could see progress and the first time it took about 15 minutes for him to fall asleep. This got a lot faster very quickly though and within a week he had stopped protesting at all, and just calmly settles himself to sleep in my arms. I do exactly the same for naps as well. He still sometimes wakes crying after the first sleep cycle, but I go in, cuddle him and he?s back to sleep instantly and back down. For middle of the night wakings, I always try settling him first, and only feed if he won?t settle ? I tend to know that if he wakes before 12 he?s not hungry, if after 12 he might be though.

TheSecondComing · 07/04/2011 13:53

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bonkers20 · 07/04/2011 22:18

Yikes TheSecondComing, that sounds pretty intense.
My DS was a little like yours at that age (8 months?). Really wasn't interested in solids and would fill up on milk. I suppose it's much easier and more comforting for them and so hard to refuse when they're howling.
Time will certainly help - he WILL start to eat more. Is he teething?
Have you had someone else try and feed him when you're not around? Does your older DD help?
Even now (at 2) my DS eats much more when I'm not around and he's only BF at bed time and naps now (and in the night...sigh).
I don't really know what to suggest. I think if it were me, I'd focus on sorting out the days as it's so much harder at night (tired, lack of distractions).
Maybe you really do just need to bite the bullet and take yourself off for a day and leave them all to it. Would you DP be supportive of that (mine wouldn't so I'm not making any judgement there)?

What helped us I think was that I returning to work when DS was 9 months old (3 days a week) and he started to eat loads more at nursery. I was quite shocked. Obviously you won't want to put your DS into nursery unless you have a need.
Sorry I can't be more help. And sorry to Skater for hijacking her thread.

harverina · 08/04/2011 20:25

skater I wouldn't worry too much about dropping the dream feed if its working for you just now...but...would you not be interested to see what time your dd would waken without it? Or have you tried that already and it was a disaster?!

Have a look online for the pantley pull off specifics. We found that my dd went longer between night feeds almost immediately...I didn't do it during the day for naps as my dd got upset more, but as my dd has gotten older she can self settle during the day now anyway. A lot of things will get better as the months go by. Although I use the pantley pull off I still let my dd fall asleep, or get very sleepy, in my arms. I found putting her down awake made her mad, scream and waken up!l even more!

Can I just ask...what time are you doing your bedtime routine? Is your dd getting a decent feed at this time?

Albrecht · 08/04/2011 20:26

TheSecondComing, sounds familiar - although we don't have any other dc so its not so bad.

He is now refusing breadsticks but has started eating rice cakes - I believe the least calorific food known to humanity? SO I'm sure that will help us along. Lots of people have said 9 months is a turning point - ds is 9 months and 1 day so hopefully any moment now...

harverina · 08/04/2011 20:30

albrecht you could put thick butter on the rice cakes?!

Original poster
SkaterGrrrrl · 08/04/2011 20:43

Cosmosis, hello! Thank you for the tip, I am really pleased it worked for you and will definitely try it. How is DS? And how are those BESHies?

Haverina - DD has a 15 minute feed after her bath. She is big mind - she's 22lbs and only just turned 7 months. Working backwards she has some food at 5ish (just started weaning) so puree or baby rice. Before that she has a BF at 3 for her afternoon nap.

Usually BF at 7am, 11am, 3pm and then 7pm, 11 pm (dreamfeed) and 3am - or 4am. Solids at 1pm and 5 pm.

Secondcoming please dont apologise, you are not highjacking, you are in the same boat and its good to get advice from people interested in helping with this topic!

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Original poster
SkaterGrrrrl · 08/04/2011 20:45

Good tips here for babies not interested in solids... DD definitely prefers the breast. She eats more when we're hanging out with NCT group and she can see the other babies eating - so peer pressure is alive and well in London!

I'm going out for the day tomorrow and leaving DH to it. There are bottles of formula and some nice puree, Im sure she will eat if the human dairy has left the building!

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pookamoo · 08/04/2011 20:51

Hi skatergrrrl if you're out for the whole day tomorrow, you might want to take a hand pump in your bag or your boobs will probably explode!

Original poster
SkaterGrrrrl · 12/04/2011 11:27

Hmm so I went out all day Saturday and DD cried and didn't nap all day. She took a bit of bottle but DH had a shocker.

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TheSecondComing · 12/04/2011 11:48

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Original poster
SkaterGrrrrl · 18/04/2011 20:39

Just an update - I have read the NCSS and am doing the Pantley Pull Off at the end of each feed.

Am feeding DD lots of solids before her bath; so when she cries an hour after going down, I know for sure she?s not hungry and offer water ? and a twice she has gone back to sleep without needing a BF!

So thank you for your tips. It?s not all plain sailing - last night was a shocker but her first tooth appeared today so she had good reason for throwing an all night paddy.

Tonight when she cried DH managed to rock her to sleep for the first time since she was a month old. He was so proud! :) :) :)

How are you getting on secondcoming?

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Original poster
SkaterGrrrrl · 23/05/2011 13:11

Last update - DD is sleeping through the night from 7 - 7.

Thank you so much for all your help!

OP posts:
Cosmosis · 23/05/2011 13:46

That's a brillant update Saktes :)

Original poster
SkaterGrrrrl · 23/05/2011 19:27

Well I love hearing "how stories end" on MN (probably cos I'm so nosy) so thought I'd share! Hope you and the wean are well. x

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TheSecondComing · 23/05/2011 19:54

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