Could I please have some nun-judgmental support from any extended BFers... it's time to wean DS and I am sad :(

[Jacksmania]

Warning - this is going to be long. Partially so I can get my own thoughts straight.
Thank you to anyone who gets through to the end.

DS is 3.1 and it's time to wean. :(

DH has been wanting me to wean him since he was two, because he feels that it was absurd to nurse a toddler beyond then, since they get most of their nutrition from solids, and that being the case, he felt that DS was using me as a dummy.

To explain, DH is lovely, he really is - I'm trying to ward off cries of "leave the bastard" - he simply has his views and I have mine. I eventually ended up telling him to sod off, it was my choice when to wean, and that if there were anything that he did exclusively for DS that I couldn't do, I wouldn't interfere so would appreciate it if he didn't either. He kept his opinion (mostly) to himself after that :o

Anyway - there is no milk left, only droplets, and yes, I do realize DS has been nursing for comfort only. I really don't see what's wrong with that - if I don't mind, why should anyone else? Besides, breastfeeding (or allowing comfort sucking, whatever) is lovely for both mummy and baby.
However - I have a bit of a hormone imbalance and my breasts are so, so sore for a good ten days every month, and what was lovely for both DS and me has turned into pain and frustration for me. DS is quite strong and when he wants "baba", he really goes after it, and Sunday I decided that enough was enough. I've been telling him for weeks that it was going to be time to stop having baba, so he did have some warning (well, as much as a 3-year-old is capable of processing :(). So Sunday I tried cuddling him to sleep, and told him "no, no baba, you don't need it anymore, and it hurts mummy". He was so upset. His cries of "I need baba to sleep!!" just about broke my heart but also made me realize that it was my fault for creating this situation. :( He did finally go to sleep, however. Last night, again, I told him "no baba", and he put up (for him) very little fuss. I was worried about what to do if he woke in the night, because I'd always nursed him back to sleep, but he did fine with rocking and cuddling (and holding on to my breast).

We'll see what tonight brings. It broke my heart this morning though when he asked "is your baba better?", and "when your baba gets better, can I have it again?"... but he seemed to accept it when I said no.

Gah. I know he'll be fine... maybe more quickly than I think... but I feel sad. I won't miss being pawed and having my other nipple twisted like a volume control knob... but I'm sad nonetheless.

Shit - if I could have some judgmental support from a bunch of nuns? Typo!!! :o

You can have support from me - and I'm not an extended bf-er... or even a bf-er (the little monkey had other ideas ). It's totally understandable that you are feeling sad - it's the end of an era. Accept it as such and accept you have the right to feel sad. I hope each day will see you a teensy bit less sad

I'm only 3 months into my bfing journey but I just wanted to say, I think you've done amazingly and I think I'd be in a right state in your situation. Have a very un-MN hug.

Bumping for you as I didn't bf past 8 months

I was an extended Bfer.
It is not a religion. It is not a question of obeying other people rules about what suits your family

Feed as long as you want to and as long as it fits your circumstances.

If you feel that, on balance, the negatives out weigh the positives FOR WHATEVER REASON , then stop.

People can opine, lecture, dismiss or disapprove. It matters not a flying fuck.

Do what you feel suits you.

How was that ?

Oh, that's rough :(
Have you checked out Sears or Dr Jay Gordon for ideas o night-weaning? They are pretty much what youa re doing but Sears involves Dad lots too.
I think sometimes you just have to compromise and 10 days out of 30 of painful nusing is a lot.

good luck

Aw, don't feel 'that it was my fault for creating this situation.' You have done a brilliant job.

When I stopped feeding dd at 2.6 I was horrified how quickly she forgot, literally 10 days and it was like my boobs had never fed her.

She is now 3.1 and when shattered she still likes to pull my top down and put her cheek on own or pop her hand in my bra, but if you ask her is she remembers having milk from the she laughs and says 'no! silly mum, milk drink is from a cow'.

Pagwatch, I think I love you :o

Thank you all for your kindness. I was hoping I wouldn't get "you've had three years, WTF is your problem", or "wanting to keep nursing to keep your child in a baby state is stupid"... I've had all of those in RL. :(

I do feel it is time to stop - my poor boobies have been mauled and toddler-handled quite enough and they are soooooore... I won't miss that.

I think in my heart I'm afraid I won't be as close to my little peanut - he is the cuddliest little boy imaginable, and I don't want him to become less cuddly... not that I think there's a correlation. I suppose I'm being an idiot. Can't help feeling blue, though :(

I'm also a little :( that DH seems to really lack sympathy for how I feel... I think he thinks I should be celebrating a sort of freedom, not mourning an end of something.

To reiterate, he is lovely. And we don't have to see eye-to-eye on everything, that would be boring. I was opposed to him getting a motorcycle but said I wouldn't stop him. He got one. He loves it. I hate that fucking thing. He was opposed to me nursing DS for so long but didn't stop me (not that he could have). Evens, I suppose.

I BF till my DS was 2 and he still wants booby- 6 months on, and will try and latch on.

I just told him, it was all gone, and that he was big now so he could have milk in a cup. He wont drink milk at all, but that is a different whine!

We gave him a new "bedtime big boy bear" as a gift for giving up BF, it has worked, something new for comfort.

Well done for getting this far, and maybe your Dh can go in for any night wakings, and putting him to bed through this transition period?

Stick by your decision and it will all work out.

Just be prepared for him continuing to want to be close to you and ask for milk like I said here

Go easy on yourself for a few days-ready or not you will be feeling delicate. You have given your son a great start in life.

I absolutely understand why you're feeling horrible. But I would bet large amounts that your little boy will adjust very fast. From my experience with dd1, stopping bf does not mean a reduction in cuddliness or closeness. That happens eventually when they get older anyhow, but it doesn't happen as a result of stopping bf.

I'm still going with dd2 at 2.6 and wondering how long it will last. I'm a bit torn really but at the moment the advantages far outweigh the disadvantages. You're not in that place any more and you are absolutely right to stop.

And like theidsalright says, go easy on yourself. You'll be all hormonal.

I think it is fine to feel sad. It's the end of an era. But not just because you are giving up BF but because your DS is growing up too. I have the 1 DC, who is just approaching 6 months and for a variety of reasons I didn't manage to BF and never really enjoyed it when I did. But although I've not been and never will be in your situation, I think I get it from a certain point of view. DD is almost 6 months and is fab and I love watching her grow and develop and do new things. But I also miss the tiny little newborn baby she once was. That will never come again. And even if I have another DC it won't be HER as a newborn. I'll never have HER yummy newborn smell again. She'll never fall asleep on my chest in that gorgeous new baby way that they do. It's different now. And it's still great. But there's bits I miss. And sometimes that makes me sad/nostalgic. And that's OK. And thinking about it a bit more, I think I'll probably miss giving her bottles - hugging her to me, enjoying that physical closeness, staring into her eyes. Yup! XX

Thanks all. Last night was the third night and he again did surprisingly well. I think I really am having a harder time, although I'm almost ashamed to admit the relief of not having him paw at my sore boobies... although they're better today as I'm due on in a week. He didn't ask for baba last night, we cuddled and I whispered a story to him and he fell asleep with minimal fuss. And this morning we had our typical cuddle, he wanted to hold my breast and I told him "you can, but be gentle" and he let go fairly soon. He's asked for it once and I said, "no, remember the milk's all gone and mummy is sore" and he seemed to accept that just fine.

Meh. :(

Ok, time to give my head a shake and get over it before you all get tired of my whining. :)

It's a hard time isn't it? I weaned DD at 2.7 - I was feeling done anyway, & new pregnancy made my nipples super sore. I was amazed at how quickly she accepted that the mummy milk had finished. Within 3 nights, like your DS Jacksmania, she had stopped asking for it. It seemed like it was a bigger deal to me than to her, very odd dealing with those feelings & feeling ridiculous for feeling them if you know what I mean!

My DH was also not terribly supportive over it, frankly I think he wishes I had weaned around 18months so didn't really acknowledge the mixed emotions I felt.

DD still talks about mummy milk - I had a bath with her last night & she talked about having mm in the bath, then suggested she checked if there was any in there still! I said it was all gone & she accepted it. She's been weaned for about 2 months now.

i managed 13 and 12 months with my 2 as i got pregnant so am wondering how long i'll feed for this time as i'm (pretty) sure there will be no more! i really missed it when i stopped but did look forward to wearing 'normal' clothes and bras every day!
i was with a couple last week and the boy who was at least 2 and a bit was feeding which my husband was really un-impressed with so will be interesting to see what happens.

if only i could get my boys to give up their dummy's so easily! does your ds have any other comfort item?

Fourth night last night and again, it was ok. He asked this morning, "is your baba feeling better?" and I said "yes but the milk is still all gone" and he didn't pursue it further. I think this really may be much worse for me but I felt very sad when I was getting dressed (was still naked on top) and he crawled in my lap and oh so gently put his head on my breast for a second. I almost thought he'd try to latch on but he didn't, he just leaned for a second and then turned and gave me a proper hug. :(
Sorry all, I'm really feeling sorry for myself because my little sweetie is growing up, as he should! - but I'm having a hard time with it. Thanks for putting up with my whining. It helps to write it down.

Oh he sounds adorable. What a sweetie. I'm sure it is much worse for you than for him, as you say! But clearly you don't need to worry about losing out on cuddles.

Oh thank you - I'm obviously biased but I do think he's the sweetest thing ever. :)

Jacksmania, he sounds lovely and it is you who feel sad not him. They are very resilient. He may still ask for it though.

DS stopped at around 2.5. Tonight he stroked my breast as I tucked him in and said I love your bosoms they are so soft and he gave me a big cuddle. He can't even remember feeding any more but he is still aware my breasts were a source of comfort for him. He did once tell me off for putting my bra on and indignantly told me to take it off as he could "not see the bososms"

Well done on getting as far as you have, you have done brilliantly.

Well done for everything - the feeding, the stopping which sounds like it is going well. Both mine also forgot fairly quickly (we stopped at 18 months and 30 months), sometimes DS still gives a boob a hug (mine are huuge!) in the morning. The world moves on and there's so much to do that all our years of being milked are forgotten. .

And I promise that you feel better about it in a while, too. You've had a special time between the two of you, despite not having 100% support from your dh, but now you will find so many other ways of having special time. As your DS grows up you will share things that just aren't possible now, and some you will share with your DH too.

You will also have the lovely warm bond and memories. I like to think of it as a loving protection our DC carry with them for life. We give it to them in so many ways, for some it's breastfeeding, others chatting, others holidays. Really for all of us it is a mix of things, we don't do them all but we do do them lots.

You are all just ridiculously lovely, all of you. Thank you. Knowing I have somewhere I can be sad has helped a lot this week. Thank you.

Jacks, I only breastfed for sixteen months, which I don't think really counts as 'extended' but we were certainly getting into toddler territory.

Anyway, I wanted to tell you something that might help. By the time we weaned, one of the things that had started bothering me was that I felt like breastfeeding was getting in the way of my affection with DD. I didn't like to be topless around her unless I was prepared to feed, I couldn't hop in the bath with her because she'd see the breasts and that's all she'd want to do, etc. Also the nipple twiddling and other behaviours drove me insane.

When we weaned, I think I kept covered up for a month or two to be safe, although it really wasn't a drama for her. And after that, I have discovered that our relationship has become far more physically intimate in lots of ways. If she wants to come into our bed in the morning for cuddles, I don't worry about being topless (my preferred way to sleep), I can bath with her again, she gives and asks for more simple cuddles. It's just lovely.

It's obviously very personal, but effectively what I found was that once breastfeeding was out of the equation, we related to each other differently, but far more comfortably.

I'm hesitant to post this in case it comes across that breastfeeding got in the way of our closeness - I don't really mean that, but I did want to say that the space created by its cessation was very quickly filled.