Could I please have some nun-judgmental support from any extended BFers... it's time to wean DS and I am sad :(

[Jacksmania]

Warning - this is going to be long. Partially so I can get my own thoughts straight.
Thank you to anyone who gets through to the end.

DS is 3.1 and it's time to wean. :(

DH has been wanting me to wean him since he was two, because he feels that it was absurd to nurse a toddler beyond then, since they get most of their nutrition from solids, and that being the case, he felt that DS was using me as a dummy.

To explain, DH is lovely, he really is - I'm trying to ward off cries of "leave the bastard" - he simply has his views and I have mine. I eventually ended up telling him to sod off, it was my choice when to wean, and that if there were anything that he did exclusively for DS that I couldn't do, I wouldn't interfere so would appreciate it if he didn't either. He kept his opinion (mostly) to himself after that :o

Anyway - there is no milk left, only droplets, and yes, I do realize DS has been nursing for comfort only. I really don't see what's wrong with that - if I don't mind, why should anyone else? Besides, breastfeeding (or allowing comfort sucking, whatever) is lovely for both mummy and baby.
However - I have a bit of a hormone imbalance and my breasts are so, so sore for a good ten days every month, and what was lovely for both DS and me has turned into pain and frustration for me. DS is quite strong and when he wants "baba", he really goes after it, and Sunday I decided that enough was enough. I've been telling him for weeks that it was going to be time to stop having baba, so he did have some warning (well, as much as a 3-year-old is capable of processing :(). So Sunday I tried cuddling him to sleep, and told him "no, no baba, you don't need it anymore, and it hurts mummy". He was so upset. His cries of "I need baba to sleep!!" just about broke my heart but also made me realize that it was my fault for creating this situation. :( He did finally go to sleep, however. Last night, again, I told him "no baba", and he put up (for him) very little fuss. I was worried about what to do if he woke in the night, because I'd always nursed him back to sleep, but he did fine with rocking and cuddling (and holding on to my breast).

We'll see what tonight brings. It broke my heart this morning though when he asked "is your baba better?", and "when your baba gets better, can I have it again?"... but he seemed to accept it when I said no.

Gah. I know he'll be fine... maybe more quickly than I think... but I feel sad. I won't miss being pawed and having my other nipple twisted like a volume control knob... but I'm sad nonetheless.

Just wanted to give you an un-Mumsnetty ((( hug ))). Your little boy sounds absolutely gorgeous.

Thanks - he's pretty sweet :o

Tortoise, your post makes a lot of sense to me. Right now I don't even want to get naked in front of JB because I don't want to tease him with what he can't have. Thanks for telling me about you and your DD :) I'm looking forward to feeling like I can have him in the shower with me or in the bath without feeling like I'm tempting him.

It's been six days now and he's doing ok and I'm feeling better. JB still likes to put his hand down my shirt and hold onto my breast, but I don't mind that. He's been having no trouble going to sleep just being rocked and cuddled and being whispered a story, thank goodness. Even at night, just a cuddle gets him back to sleep.
Although last night I slept with him clutched to me most of the night after reading and sobbing through Edgar's thread :(:(:(

Oh and thanks again, all of you. You've helped make this week a lot better than if I'd had to bottle it all up inside... too many people in RL think nursing a three-year-old is ridiculous or weird in some way, although I have one or two I could tell.

Thank-you flowers to all of you lovelies.

I weaned DS2 when he was 2. I found it difficult because DH is adament he only wants two kids and it seemed like the end of an era. I found it helped to change my routine in the evening. For a couple of weeks DH put him to bed and I went off to do something else. Being busy seemed to make it easier.

Ahh, you sound like you handled it all really well.

I was incredibly lucky with DS2 who self-weaned just when I was wondering if he ever would (recently, at 4).

I know how you feel though because I night-weaned DS sometime between age 1 and 2 (it's all a bit hazy now) and it was SO hard having to say NO to feeding at night, I felt like the meanest person in the world.

Also, strangely, I even kind of missed the cuddly night feeds once I was getting a full night's sleep - must be some masochistic tendancies there!

FWIW, I was also worried about DS1 becoming less cuddly as his bf gradually tailed off, but he is still very very affectionate which is lovely.

You poor thing, it's so hard. I know exactly how you feel as I had a very similar situation weaning ds1 (at about 2.9) - I was pg and it had become really too sore for me, I was no longer enjoying it.

I explained to him that I was feeling sore and that it was not pleasant to me to feed any more, but I was still feeding him for a few minutes and then asking him to stop as it was hurting. Then one day he just said 'milk is for the tiny baby now' and didn't ask for it any more (well, until the baby was born and he saw him feeding, but by that point he had forgotten how to latch on so it wasn't an issue any more).

I concur that my relationship did not in any way get less close through stopping feeding, on the contrary I was starting to tense up when he came close for a cuddle at night-time as I was expecting to bf him and for it to hurt. Once that stopped we had the biggest cuddles and he went to sleep just fine like that.

We had a little wobble this morning and last night when he asked for baba and got a little upset. :(
But he seems to be suffering from allergies or something, is sneezing and has swollen eyes, and he always wanted baba more when unwell.