left the HV and burst into tears - feel like an utter failure

[OnlyWantsOne]

DD2 was 7.12 at birth - that went right down to about 7.2 in the first 10 days, had lots of problmes, failure to get a good latch, we were using nipple sheilds, then DD wouldnt feed without them - when she was 6 weeks I cut them up and went cold turkey

I thought that now we were fine!!

Had latch checked, we go to a BF group on a Friday morning - went to clinic and weighed her (using the self weigh thing) just out of my own interest, HV pops up - looks at red book

DD was 10.4 last friday (10 weeks)
and today is 10.8 1/2 today

she says she not putting on enough weight and wants me to take her next friday for a weight review - and then she said that formula was probably the way to go

now I feel like a oomnplete an utter failure.

I want to breast feed. If I had wanted to bottle feed - I would not have spent so many hours in the last 10 weeks crying in pain / up every 2 hours during the night etc

oh you poor thing! I had a slow gainer too, am going to get out his red book now, be right back.

Do NOT give up, HVs talk so much bollocks!

Have you spoken to a BF counsellor about this? Did your HV give you any help or advice at all other than 'formula is the way to go'?

Don't give up!

Usual drill: is DD hydrated, happy, weeing, pooing...?

No idea about weight charts anymore (and DS is only 8m but what centile line was/is she on? Are you worried about that?

You are doing a great job by the sounds of things. Don't let this get you down.

What centile is she on? How often is she feeding?

Formula is a last resort, not the first thing to go for if there is a problem because the HV is too lazy to suggest anything else.

4.5 oz in one week?
sounds good to me, fwiw....

I was never watched over by HV's for my DS weight and he never gained more than 2-3oz a week. He was born on 50th and he was between 9-25th centiles until he was 6 months-ish. I cared for a while and then stopped caring, so stopped weighing as he was clearly fine.

What is enough weight exactly? Did you ask what she meant by this? You don't HAVE to do what the HV tells you to do. She cannot MAKE you do anything. Another HV may not have said the same thing. You can listen to what she has to say and you can also ask for another opinion and you can ignore her if you like.

I agree you've worked bloody hard and I admire you for that. Don't let one woman's opinion shake you up or reduce your confidence.

wet nappies yes lots, dirty, a few a week but she has never been a "daily pooer"

shes happy content, sleeps well - smiley lovely :)

Yes, agree Eau, meant to add that BF counsellor/GP might be better source of advice than HV if OP thinks she does need to change anything.

So she put on 4 1/2 oz in a week? I don't understand the problem? Has she dropped through the centiles?

You are not a failure. You have gone through some awful times to get bf sorted and give your DD the best start in life. You are doing a great job.

You will already know that babies don't need weighing more often than 4 weekly as normal fluctuations can cause anxiety... this may be an example?

And even if there is a weight issue, which it doesn't sound like there is, increasing the amount of bm she is taking would be the first line of attack, not formula.

Did she say what weight DD should be putting on? Or just that you need to come back next week? As it is sad that she is making you feel so anxious without giving some advice. I'd try ringing and speak to her or another HV again to find out what the problem actually is so you don't spend a week worrying.

Right.....

My DS:

birth: 8.6
2 wks: 7.8 (huge drop!)
3 wks: 7.13
4 wks: 8.2
5 wks: 8.8
6 wks: 9.1
8 wks: 9.7
13 wks: 11.6
15 wks: 12.2
22 wks: 13.9

Notice how I quit going every week because it just made me feel like shit? I could SEE DS was perfectly happy, gaining weight (albeit not loads), plenty of wet/dirty nappies.

centile wise he was born at 75th and dropped to under the 9th in 6 weeks! Pleased to report at 1 year he was on the 25th and at 17 months was on the 35th.

Please please please do NOT worry. You are doing a fantastic job!

Your HV is the failure here, NOT you. She should not have let you leave without some practical advice for getting DD to put on weight, if that is what is needed, not some bloody useless threat.

Have you seen a BF counsellor? Has anyone with knowledge of BF - discount the HV here - watched you feed? I am sure that you will be able to carry on BF with support...she is putting on weight and that is a very good starting point.

she has put on weight.

she is happy, healthy, weeing, pooing?

there is no problem then. a healthy baby does not need weighing weekly... and this is one reason why. growth can come in fits and starts. it may be that she has been using lots of energy growing lengthwise, or doing other stuff

if she had been losing weight (for more than a week) then you would be right to be concerned. but she isn't, she is gaining and that's fine

i think it's important to remember that HV's get very, very little training in breastfeeding matters... and to suggest formula as her only solution shows that she is um, how to put this politely? not really up on best breastfeeding practise

i would NOT go back next friday. I would carry on as you are, maybe trying to add a few more feeds in IF you think she needs it/will accept it

see the HV in 3 or 4 weeks and see how she is then

Ridiculous HV - 100g in a week sounds fine! FWIW DS was 14 weeks premature, had hv, hospital dietician and v. anti-breastfeeding consultant watching his weight like a hawk, and they would have been happy with 100g a week. I think the answer is to stop going to the HV:) Is there a different weighing clinic you could go to? It's possible you need more advice on latch or encouraging your DD to feed more, or whatever, but NO WAY should the HV's first suggestion be formula. That is just laziness of the first order.

I have great respect for health professionals in general, but HVs ime talk the biggest load of made up twaddle ever

they deeply upset me when ds was born, but after a while I learned to become immune to their ill thought out old wifery suggestions, go "ooh, I know" to everything they say, then just fuck off home and carry on as usual

...have to say I had a really really good one once, who talked me up from hysterical weeping over the phone when I was finding b/fing my twins impossible at about 6 weeks. She was helpful, comforting and encouraging, and I'm sure there are more out there like her. Not the ones I've met, though

mine would put on a max of 3oz a week. It's not weight to judge the absolute amount of weight. Ignore the weight, look at the baby. The advice is to weigh once a month anyway. I'm sure tiktok will be along to explain the details of that one.

Anyway mine was 25th last time was on 0.4th, but has always clearly been a healthy alert baby.

Your HV has let you down. She needs to give you specific reasons why she thinks there is a problem, not just tell you you are doing things wrong and leave you worried out of your mind.

Just for comparison DD was 7lb 6 at birth, and 7lb 4 at 3 weeks. At 12 weeks she was 9lb 13oz (so much smaller than your DD), at 6m she weighed 13lb 11oz and last week at 9m she weighed a whopping 18lb 2oz (she'd been between the 2nd and 9th centile from birth and is now on the 50th).

And we breastfeed on demand and then did baby-led weaning. So I guess the take home message is some babies start small and then get bigger later on, others start small and stay small and others start big and stay big and all of these things are probably fine.

If you feel worried get advice from a breastfeeding counsellor, but there may well be nothing whatever to worry about.

What an awful thing to say to you, you poor thing. Due to medical problems with me, I wasn't able to BF my first child and I still hurt over it and he's 13 now! I'm 25wks with my second now and am determined to BF.

You are an inspiration to me OP. Don't give up. You've had great advice on this thread from lovely mums. Stay strong xx

HV's talk a load of shit. God knows why or where they get it from, but they do.

I was breastfed and weighed 7lb 12 at birth and 18lb something at a year. I was walking at 9 months though and have always been small and perfectly healthy. Not everyone is destined to be a 6 footer.

4 1/2 ounces in a week is perfectly fine. Your HV is a twat.

My bf DD gained just 1-2 oz per week for ages. She's now 1 and perfectly healthy! (21lb)

You're doing very well

Ahh, health visitors, you have to love them!

For starters, your baby is gaining weight. It gets a bit scary when they don't gain any weight at all for several weeks. Secondly, 4.5 ounces is not at all bad. My wife and I would have been turning cartwheels if our first born had a week like that.

There are really three things to look at. What centile is the baby on? Absolutes are not that important until you go below the 2nd. If you are below the 2nd (ours reached the 0.4th) it is a good idea to keep an eye on things. When our baby was on the 0.4th he was certainly more vulnerable to infections etc and we wanted him to put on weight. The second thing is weight change. Assuming she is not desperately thin, weighing once a month is plenty. Finally, and most importantly, how is she in herself?

Changing to "formula" is a bit pointless in itself, anyway. Regular formula contains the same amount of calories as breast milk. We did end up supplementing bf with about 30% high energy formula in the end (from about 3.5 months on) but that was on the advice of a paediatrician and having tried everything else (our son had bad reflux). It is all about compromise, but only when a child is REALLY thin, not just because of a few weeks of slow gain.

do you know, I don't think I've ever seen anyone jump in and support the HV on one of these threads

...does this mean that shite HVs are a pretty universal occurrence, wherever you are in the country?

I identify with your post entirely. l had the same with DD (now 3 years 6 months). Good birth weight of 8.3 but lost quite a bit in first week and then very slow gainer.

As she was my second l went to weight clinic much less but would get the same message you had re formula from the HV when l did. The main problem is you never seem to get the same HV at clinic and they have very limited time to spend much time explaining BFing stuff.

Having now trained as a breast feeding peer supporter l am aware that the obsession with weighing babies and using the red book charts to judge babies health and growth is being discouraged in the medical profession, but it will take some time.

You are not a failure. My advice would be to continue with the BF group, do they have a HV visit there are all ? We have one who is great around Bfing help and support. If you go to clinic do self weigh.

Trust your instincts, if baby is developing normally and is happy you are doing just fine. Some babies are just destined to be smaller people, like my DD, she now weighs 24llbs and is on the bottom centile.

Springheeled,

I actually think that they are OK but they are really there to serve (not sure how to put this politely) the less well educated members of society.

They seem to have a checklist of things, often associated with a baby's weight. And, if this is too low, they tend to (hopefully) refer or make random suggestions.

Having said that, we have seen a real mixed bag over the course of two babies. The best have been well educated and lovely. The worst, on the other hand, rude and bigoted, one congratulating the mother of a formula fed double earinged 3 month old for "jumping through the centiles" (she was clearly obese) whilst castgating my wife who spent every spare moment at a BF cafe or support group with our refluxy first son.

I did go to self weigh - I didnt want to even see / speak to the HV

Thinking on, I dont think she even asked if DD was happy content, nappies etc...

Grrr