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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

left the HV and burst into tears - feel like an utter failure

75 replies

OnlyWantsOne · 18/02/2011 14:52

DD2 was 7.12 at birth - that went right down to about 7.2 in the first 10 days, had lots of problmes, failure to get a good latch, we were using nipple sheilds, then DD wouldnt feed without them - when she was 6 weeks I cut them up and went cold turkey

I thought that now we were fine!!

Had latch checked, we go to a BF group on a Friday morning - went to clinic and weighed her (using the self weigh thing) just out of my own interest, HV pops up - looks at red book

DD was 10.4 last friday (10 weeks)
and today is 10.8 1/2 today

she says she not putting on enough weight and wants me to take her next friday for a weight review - and then she said that formula was probably the way to go

now I feel like a oomnplete an utter failure.

I want to breast feed. If I had wanted to bottle feed - I would not have spent so many hours in the last 10 weeks crying in pain / up every 2 hours during the night etc

OP posts:

Lucylikeslillies · 18/02/2011 15:59

I had similar weight gain issues with DD1, but thankfully every HV I saw as well as my GP told me to quit worrying as she was still gaining weight, albeit slowly. As others have said, as long as she appears healthy in all other respects then slow weight gain is not an issue. 4.5oz is actually a good weight gain for just one week anyway. DD1 is now 4 and still small for her age, but then DH and I are both short so not surprising.

Hang on in there, it really does get better. I found the fist few months really tough but ended up BFing till she was 3.

breatheslowly · 18/02/2011 16:11

I think your DD may be being weighed too frequently for changes to be meaningful - a wee, poo or feed after weighing one week and before weighing the next could definitely make quite a few oz difference. I didn't get DD weighed between 8 and 20 weeks as I could see that she looked ok. At 20 weeks I got her weighed out of curiosity, but certainly wouldn't have believed anyone if they told me she had a problem.

beanlet · 18/02/2011 16:12

I have a great HV - she even has an MA in public health on top of 30 years practical experience. And she's pro-BF.

But you know what? I haven't seen her once since 6 weeks. You don't have to, you know. DS was weighed at the hospital at 4 months and had dropped in both weight and height (!!) in percentile terms, but still well within normal range. He's the happiest little chap ever.

Is your baby weeing pale wee, pooing (up to once a fortnight is OK), smiling and playing happily? Then you don't need to worry. Keep breastfeeding - you'll be so pleased you did.

japhrimel · 18/02/2011 18:06

SpringHeeledJack - my HV is actually great and was very supportive with DD that as she was happy, healthy and gaining, slower weight gain some weeks meant nothing!

So many aren't like that tho it seems and we had an awful experience with an MCA at the MW clinic!

And fwiw, my HV is very much of the school that after the first month, if things are then going well, weight only needs to be checked every month.

OWO - how's your LO doing on their centile line? If they are roughly following it - and the odd blip doesn't matter - then ignore the HV!

Northernlurker · 18/02/2011 18:14

I like to stand up for health visitors if I possibly can. Mine were all pretty good BUT......

this is nonsense. Don't go next week and don't stop breastfeeding. Your baby sounds lovely and has gianed weight. Frequent weighing does nothing except cause anxiety.

You've done great work breastfeeding till now and don't you dare feel like a failure. There's only one failure in this story and sadly she's the one wearing the HCP hat!

tigermummy35 · 18/02/2011 18:16

My HV says you only need to get a baby weighed once every 4 weeks. Otherwise the parents (although by the sounds of it here, it's the HV's) can get too hung up on an ounce here and an ounce there.

Honestly, if the nappies are wet and frequent, baby is happy and poos regularly (DS goes every 2- days at 14 weeks) tell them to get lost. Plus, I'd stop getting the baby weighed so often if it were me. Your baby might be a slow grower, like my neice. 5lbs 6 at birth and at 17 months, only 19lbs 11.

It sounds like you've had a hellish time and definitely shouldn't quit breastfeeding.

Hugs hun x

charitygirl · 18/02/2011 18:21

And this is why I despair when the Tories go on about 3500 extra HVs with a much wider remit.

They can't even get infant health and feeding right! And the obsession with weight gain is SO unhelpful.

Will never forget the HV who told me I must NEVER give both breasts at a feed (in a tone that suggested I might as well not bother bf-ing if I did as it was just SO WRONG. DS was about 6 weeks by then, thriving, and EBF) Was sorely tempted to say that she didnt need to worry as I couldnt get both nipples in his mouth at the same time.

RedHeels · 18/02/2011 18:26

Sweet bejesus, why you even go there every week? My local HVs are already as busy as it gets so they don't encourage weekly visits, so obviously yours has too much time on her hands. My DD is 12 weeks today and we saw HVs twice - once one of them came here and once I went for the 8 week review. And that was a week later than I was supposed to - seriously it's not like it's visiting the Pope. They told me to come in 4 weeks, I might come, I might not. For now I weigh DD on Wii and only then when I suspect new nappy size is due. Which is twice up till now.

libelulle · 18/02/2011 19:31

My hv is ace too. In the early days after ds came home she came twice a week to listen to me pour my heart out. Since then though I haven't seen her at all, and when I last saw the paediatrician in nov she made the next appt for march, with no suggestion I should get him weighed in the interim unless I was concerned. And I stress, he was 2lbs 4oz at birth!

I think hvs sometimes fixate over weight as a control thing- it is one way they can keep you under their thumb (again not all! Mine was brilliant as I say). Remember she is YOUR baby and the hv is not a probation officer- you won't go to prison if you don't turn up. Hcps like to forget this sometimes- a nurse once ummed and ahhed about whether or not to weigh ds at clinic when he'd already been weighed the day before by hv. She finally agreed not to but said 'well I warn you the consultant might insist on it'. I didn't say anything but thought 'the consultant can insist all she likes; he is my son; he was weighed yesterday and I am not going to let him be weighed again.':)

Pootle78 · 18/02/2011 20:08

Another one here who was in tears whilst the hv was here. DS only 2 weeks old and had lost 40g since Monday, weighed yesterday. I am expressing as he won't latch all the time and he has a max of 100ml formula a day.

She told me to offer breast then offer him 3oz as well and if I haven't got enough milk to top him up with formula.

I think it is too much for him but DH thinks if someone official tells you something, then it must be stuck with! Well he now seems to spend the 3/4 hours between meals being sick so have told dh we are reducing amounts.

I mean, if he was latching on, they would never know how much he was taking.

She's coming back on Monday to weigh again (she didn't want to leave him the 2 weeks they normally do), if he hasn't got back to birth weight (140g off) then i'm concerned what she will suggest next.

MoonUnitAlpha · 18/02/2011 20:12

Are you only breastfeeding every 3 or 4 hours Pootle?

girliefriend · 18/02/2011 20:16

Sounds like you are doing fine op, my dd was a slow weight gainer but now a big healthy 5 yr old!!! Honestly don't worry you know your baby best and don't let the hv bring you down!

JustKeepSwimming · 18/02/2011 20:22

OP - your HV for example is a twat. :)

Can I also point out that the standard red book weight charts are based on standard weight gain for ff babies.

If you find a good HV you can get hold of the bf weight chart and put that in instead, it makes for interesting comparisons.

MoonUnitAlpha · 18/02/2011 20:24

The charts in the red book should all be breastfed ones now I think.

gallicgirl · 18/02/2011 20:25

Pootle

100ml does sound like quite a lot. When we were in hospital at 1 week, I was asked to give DD 50ml every 3 hours and I think the guideline is 90ml? Mind you, at 3 weeks she is now taking 120ml or more at most feeds.

Work out what the percentage between current weight and birth weight is as 10% is the magic number for more direct action.

My sister's first DD was extremely skinny and consistently low weight. however she is now very bright and healthy but still incredibly skinny at 8. As long as a baby isn't losing weight, I wouldn't worry too much.

RubyBuckleberry · 18/02/2011 20:26

What's happening with his latch Pootle? Is he drinking while he is feeding? Do you have any good feeds where is is obviously swallowing milk? Where are you? Can you go and see someone? Losing weight is not so good - and is two weeks old and not at his birthweight? How many expressed feeds are you offering? How many mls?

Like MoonUnitAlpha says, how often are you feeding him?

Is it the formula? Can you give him a different kind if you really need to top up?

RubyBuckleberry · 18/02/2011 20:28

OP your HV a twat - 4.5oz fine, can you fit in extra feed somewhere? Sit down for a day lol feed him on and off, get people to get you drinks, food etc?

bizzieb33 · 18/02/2011 20:29

My HV was great with DD! who dropped from 75st to 2ND centile & said it was because the charts were for FF babies. They obsess about babies being to light for first year & then children are suddenly to fat by 5

bizzieb33 · 18/02/2011 20:31

or 'too'

Pootle78 · 18/02/2011 20:37

Moon I'm expressing and giving a bottle every 3 hours as he has a hissy fit 9 times out of 10 when I offer him my breast. so far today he has had 325ml expressed and 130ml formula - he has today had 5 feeds of 90ml but has been more sick than normal afterwards and is about to have 65ml express.

RubyBuckleberry · 18/02/2011 20:45

Why does he has a hissy fit? Is he in pain? Try a different position? Did he suffer any birth injuries? Have you tried lying back, relaxing, maybe in the bath or in bed, and seeing if he will sort of self attach? like this

How many poos is he doing?

ShouldersBackAndNoBiscuits · 18/02/2011 20:51

My DD2 is the same. 7 lb 11 oz at birth, dropped to 7 and at 12 weeks she weighs 9 lb 10 oz. Contrary to most posters though, my HV is very laid back about it, asked if I was worried, I said not really, she said fine! We'll re-evaluate in a month unless I am worried before then. It helps that DD1 was similar, although a bit heavier by this point! She feeds fine, lots of wet/dirty nappies so I will not be getting concerned as yet!

RubyBuckleberry · 18/02/2011 21:17

this is brilliant

Pootle78 · 18/02/2011 21:19

We had quite a traumatic time in hospital, my milk didn't come in til day 3 and I was cup feeding him in the mean time.

He has only managed to latch 5 times since we have been home but had 15 - 20 minutes. I can only rugby ball him on my right.

I have just read on another post about spending the day in bed with him to see if I can get him to latch. I get worried when he does latch that he isn't getting enough and if he starts to cry/scream when I try to latch him then i offer his bottle instead.

In the hospital I was told we do a good latch on the right

He has 2/3 dirty nappies a day plus wet at every change

Sorry op feel like I'm hijacking your post

RubyBuckleberry · 18/02/2011 21:24

(and I'm sure OP won't mind, unless you want to start another thread).

this might help [latching info]
and this is an great video

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