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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

Can I ask, if you didn't breast feed at all, not even once, why not?

65 replies

Kendodd · 17/02/2011 14:40

Please girls don't fight

I have a friend (two actually) who didn't BF at all because they didn't want to, one of them didn't because it just turned her stomach. Although I BF mine I can definitely she were she is coming from with that. I never enjoyed Bfeeding myself and would have preferred to be giving them a bottle.

Why did others chose FF and could anything have persuaded you to BF?

OP posts:

tallulahxhunny · 17/02/2011 18:46

I never breastfed any of mine (3)

I didnt want saggy tits lol

coldtits · 17/02/2011 18:48

the only thing thast could have persuaded me to breastfeed would have been an effective antidepressant and full time staff

yogididabooboo · 17/02/2011 18:52

I was young and did not know a single person in my immeidate circle of family or freinds who breastfed.

I simply didn't have the confidence. It wasn't the natural choice for me because no one i knew in my everyday life did it.

I would say that now i am older and it has become much more widely accepted, I would like to think if i were ever to have the chance again i will give it a go.

reddaisy · 17/02/2011 18:52

A friend of mine said she didn't breastfeed because she thought it was disgusting.

roadtrain · 17/02/2011 18:56

Have to agree with coldtits - breastfeeding can in some cases cause/aggravate PND, anxiety etc. I breastfed both mine for a year and I was crippled with anxiety which went away when I stopped. I am not planning another DC, but I won't breastfeed again if one came along. My sanity won't let me!

Before anyone objects to this statement, I am sure that in the majority of cases, bf promotes calmness etc. But it is totally true that in some cases, it can be very detrimental to the mother's mental health. It was for me and also my mum suffered terrible PND wtih me (she was in such a bad state that she wanted to kill me when I was a baby - I will point out that she is an extremely good mother, we don't have any problems and never did have) which lifted, almost like magic when she stopped BF at 9m.

BooyFuckingHoo · 17/02/2011 19:02

i bfed both mine but having just stopped last month with ds2 (21 months) i think i would be a lot more hesitant to do it if i had any more children.

if you had asked me 6 months ago (whilst i was stil bfing) i would have said "yes i absoloutely will bf all future children i have for as long as possible" but now since stopping i really believe the BFing was directly linked to my depression and TBH, as much as BFing is good for the baby, the depression had a far more detrimental effect on both me and my dcs. i also feel like i have spent 2 years of my life breastfeeding children and as though i have gotten the t-shirt so to speak. i may feel differently if i ever do have any more dcs but for now i am thinking i will FF.

Bearskinwoolies · 17/02/2011 19:16

Both were ff due to thrush in my boobs [painful]

Original poster

Kendodd · 17/02/2011 19:27

Coldtits- did you try to bf, because the others who think it aggravated depression, it sounds like they tried, or did do it.

A friend of mine have very severe PND and was in hospital with it (she's better now) has been advised by her doctor to have a EC and not try to breast feed if she has another. Although I think (have heard) that for the most part BF helps combat PND.

Yog - It is very sad that I think you are right sometimes it's just not done, it almost sounds like you just didn't think to try it.

As I said I BF all three of mine but it does seem an odd thing to do in the 21st Century.

OP posts:

Original poster

Kendodd · 17/02/2011 19:28

BTW I am not a militant BFeeder. I did it because it is the best food to give a baby. If FFing was PROVED to be better for them, I would give them that.

OP posts:

BooyFuckingHoo · 17/02/2011 19:38

i think when it is something as devastating as depression, kendodd, you dont need to try BFing. it isn't worth the risk. if you know you are prone to depression and that BFing may exacerbate it then i don't blame anyone for not wanting to even try it. like i said in my post, tehy way i feel now, i probably wont be BFing again, it doesn't matter to me that the depression may not come back. the risk for me is too big to take.

Elsa123 · 17/02/2011 21:30

I BF, but when I was in the maternity ward, many women around me went straight to FF. It seemed cultural. If it wasn't something done amongst their families and friends, they seemed disinclined.

Earwigging · 18/02/2011 18:58

Kendodd - by saying you would only ff if it were proved to be better you sound as if you are brushng off all the good reasons people on this thread have given.

ShowOfHands · 18/02/2011 19:01

I'll fight anybody who calls me a 'girl'.

BF doesn't make your 'tits saggy' btw tallulah. Pregnancy however...

My friend didn't bf because she had a dd and she's not a lesbian. I had no words. She's a professional, erudite woman in all other situations, just v funny about bfing. Her choice entirely but equating bfing a dd to being a lesbian is very odd indeed.

nearlymumofone · 18/02/2011 19:04

ShowofHands- the lesbian comment from your friend has just made my jaw drop. Crazy crazy woman!

asdx2 · 18/02/2011 19:05

I breast fed my first for 6 months and hated it and it made me miserable. With my subsequent babes I FF and was much happier. The midwife only tried to persuade me to BF with number two after that BF wasn't mentined.

DanJARMouse · 18/02/2011 19:09

I know loads of women who have not BF even once, gone straight to bottle in the delivery room, and all of which were of the "boobs are for my man" mentality.

I tried to bf, but didnt last long (DD1 4 days, DD2 2 feeds and DS 4 weeks) I would love to have been able to carry it on, but I just couldnt seem to "get it" at all! I had very little support, and it was so much easier for me to prepare and heat bottles.

DS was the easiest - probably because he wasnt early (so very sleepy) like DD1 or have swollen/split lips like DD2 (she was born face first) so took to the breast a lot easier. I gave up on Christmas eve at 4 weeks because I was exhausted, felt very depressed at the thought of spending Christmas day stuck on my arse on the sofa feeding, when I should have been enjoying the day with the girls. I did express for a week or 2 but I couldnt keep up with his demand, so switched.

I think a lot of it is very much dependant on age of the mother too. The women I refer to at the beginning of this post, all had their first babies at 18/19/20yrs old.

izzybiz · 18/02/2011 19:13

I have never BF any of my Dc, I am not squeamish about anyone else doing it, have no problems seeing anyone else doing it.

I just had absolutely no urge to put my child to my breast, I don't know why, I had 3 natural deliveries, skin to skin etc immediately after birth.

I have never felt any guilt or sadness for choosing not to BF, I have a fantastic bond with all 3 of my children, I don't beleive that feeding them from my breasts would have made us any closer.

ShowOfHands I have never heard anything so ridiculous!
(Apart from a father saying he couldn't change his childs nappy as 'she's a girl' )

headfairy · 18/02/2011 19:19

I have a friend who had years of ivf, lost two babies to quite late mcs (10 week +) and finally after I think her 6th go got pg. I was quite surprised that she didn't once try bfing. She's definitely of the "my boobs are for my man" brigade, but it seemed so odd when we're all repeatedly told that bfing is the best thing to do, that someone who'd struggled for so long, didn't even try.

Original poster

Kendodd · 18/02/2011 19:44

"by saying you would only ff if it were proved to be better you sound as if you are brushng off all the good reasons people on this thread have given."

I didn't say that I would ONLY ff if it were proved better, I said I WOULD ff it it were better.

"my boobs are for my man" In some ways I think that, in that, when I'm bfeeding (for however many months) by boobs belong to the baby and are off limits during sex. I know I am missing out though and shouldn't think this.

OP posts:

AlmightyCitrus · 18/02/2011 19:52

I tried with my first, and I hated it. I wasn't really sure if I wanted to do it anyway, but was persuaded to by the midwives. I said I didn't like it, and they told me to carry on. I said I really didn't want to do it any more, and was told I had to keep going.
I was in hospital for 10 days, the first 7 were the worst days of my life. I banned all visitors except DH. I wouldn't let anyone near DD in case they woke her, because when she woke, she'd need feeding, and I couldn't bear it. I hate to say that some very black thoughts crossed my mind.

Eventually I crossed paths with a different midwife. She gave me a bottle. I was instantly happy, DD gained weight and we were soon sent home.

When DD2 and DS turned up I never even considered breast feeding, and nor will I when my new baby is born.

I honestly think that breast feeding adversely affected my bond with DD1. The hospital staff were on the whole breast feeding fiends, and very unsympathetic to those who had problems with it. I was made to feel like I was failing my baby, and probably damaging her by using formula. Even the cleaners were putting their two-pence in, and critical of me.

I always agree that breast feeding is best for the baby, but ONLY when it is best for the mother. No-one should ever be made to feel bad if they can't or won't breast feed.

newstartnewlife · 18/02/2011 21:09

My reasoning is very similar to yogididabooboo..it was just more "normal" to ff.
I had my first dd in Spain.
I remember looking at a book my mum had given me on babies and it was very 80's..lots of pictures of old women bfeeding..was a very alien concept to take on board and i had only ever seen one person bfeed and she was an older mum.
My mum had Bfed me and siblings apart from my half sis but she was not pro BF at all,looking back now i think it was my dad who knew the importance of it and pushed it....infact she went out and bought me a steriliser and bottles when i had found out i was pregnant.The midwife simply asked my translator how i wanted to feed,i said bottle and it was ticked,no info or anything,i think now it was probably too much hassle as i didnt speak the language.When Lo was born i was given tablets to dry my milk up.
When i was pregnant with DD2 i moved back to the UK mid pregnancy and this time it wasnt even mentioned.I had a feeling that i would like to try after somebody confronted me at a playgroup,asking why i didnt want to.It made me begin to question it...I have always been very insecure with my body,cant even stand to wear a swimsuit around strangers that sort of thing.
I said to my mum i would like to try and she was sort of...oh i wouldnt bother,its so much hassle..why not FF..she FF my half sister.MIL didnt BF,said she didnt want to and even expressed her disgust at a woman on the ward when she had given birth who was tandem feeding,saying it was disgusting...it all seemed perfectly valid not to and that Bfing was a little unusual.
Anyway,something inside of me wanted to try but i didnt know the benefits really and as stupid as it sounds didnt want to do for one what i didnt do for the other.Alot of people cant get their head around that but it was a very valid and real thing for me
Anyway,i did first feed and it went well...but when i tried and tried after i just didnt have a clue and was trying to basically dangle my boob into the babys mouth and she would just scream.When i buzzed and asked for a bottle the midwife asked if i wanted help but that was enough then,i lost all confidence and gave up.

If i could change anything atall in my life i would go back and try hard knowing what i know now.Since being back in the UK breastfeeding has really been normalised for me...everywhere i go people are Bfing and it makes me very very sad.I just hope i get the chance to try one again one day.If i dont get on with it,i will be ok with that but i wouldve given it a good shot.
I dont judge anyone for ffing by choice i have to add...i mean,that would be ridiculously hypocritical but i do sometimes want to say when people dont want to try..please try,feeling like i do is just awful.if you dont try it you wont know

newstartnewlife · 18/02/2011 21:11

sorry should add....sorry for lack of gaps!

and that if people dont want to try either thats fine! i just wish i had thats all

Mammie81 · 18/02/2011 21:15

My friend FF immediately as she doesnt like her breasts being handled, although I think it may have been more that she thinks they are for her DP.

Since seeing me do it she has said she wishes she'd tried at least.

Her DP asked me why I put baby to the breast and dont just express, so I think he def had something to do with her decision

jellybeans · 18/02/2011 21:20

I find it sad that people can not even try bf as 'tits are for men' 'don't want saggy tits' etc...What has happened to our society! I believe behind it all is the sexualisation of the breasts in Western culture (it doesn't happen in many other cultures, some people in tribal cultures actually look bemused and laugh when told some Western women don't feed their babies as they are keeping them for their husband). I know lots of people who ff right away and have saggy tits. Tits sag anyway..big deal, you're not gonna be a pert granny.

I know one person who didn't even try bf as she said she felt 'pervy'. I just feel sorry for her deep down and for her baby as well. It is her choice and good for her but I think she was somewhat brainwashed into making that decision by society. I am not a militant bf, 4 of mine were ff between 10 days and 5 weeks. My youngest I did for 11 months. I am very glad I tried even when i didn't succeed.

jellybeans · 18/02/2011 21:22

I also know of someone who didn't bf as her boyfriend said it would be selfish of her to bf and therefore deny him his chance to feed the baby..

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