Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Can I ask, if you didn't breast feed at all, not even once, why not?

65 replies

Kendodd · 17/02/2011 14:40

Please girls don't fight

I have a friend (two actually) who didn't BF at all because they didn't want to, one of them didn't because it just turned her stomach. Although I BF mine I can definitely she were she is coming from with that. I never enjoyed Bfeeding myself and would have preferred to be giving them a bottle.

Why did others chose FF and could anything have persuaded you to BF?

OP posts:
MarioandLuigi · 18/02/2011 21:25

I didnt BF my first DS as my MIL is very Pro BF (like militantly so, BF DH and his Brother until they were 5) and so I wanted to do the opposite of her because I dont like her Blush

By the time I had DS2 I was a bit more grown up and tried BF but it didnt work well so expressed instead, and I BF DD for 10 months.

Maryz · 18/02/2011 21:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

flippinggorgeous · 18/02/2011 21:31

I always chuckle at the 'tits are for men' brigade- they have just pushed a baby out of their vagina (mostly).
:)

aob1013 · 18/02/2011 21:31

You don't get 'saggy tits' if you breastfeed yawn .. you get 'saggy tits' from pregnancy.

Quite sad how many people are so uneducated when it comes to breastfeeding.

I find it sad that people don't even bother, when they know the proven health benefits not just for mums for babies.

I'm glad i offered my baby the best start.

girliefriend · 18/02/2011 21:37

I can remember being on the ward after I had my dd with the other new mums and being quite Shock at how many mums were bottle feeding and had not tried bfing at all.

Funnily enough I recently bumped into one of those mums who said and I quote 'my son was nearly 10lbs when he was born there was no way I would have been able to fill up that tummy' I just felt very Sad

I overcame a lot of obstacles to bf my dd and am proud of myself and def feel it helped with bonding and my confidence as a new mum.

MarioandLuigi · 18/02/2011 21:37

Dont let those judgypants give you a wedgie aob1013. I hope none of your sanctamonious attitude passed through your breastmilk too.

MarioandLuigi · 18/02/2011 21:39

Maryz - My MIL wanted to take those hormones so she could feed my DS1 Shock

Original poster
Kendodd · 18/02/2011 21:54

Mario- Did you let her? Grin

OP posts:
wannaBe · 18/02/2011 21:55

why do people care?

Why are people Shock Sad for people who didn't try for whatever reason? What business is it of anyone's?

I wasn't actually able to breastfeed as I didn't produce milk (produced collostrum but milk never came in) but I've seen the things people put themselves through in order to bf and can't help thinking wtf? When my sister tried to bf she had bleeding nipples and her ds was throwing up blood and still the mw told her that giving up would be doing a disservice to her baby Hmm

She eventually stopped and chose not to bf the second one because she felt that as she couldn't do it for her first she didn't want to do it for the second. Ironically I started a thread about it on here at the time asking if others felt the same and the response was almost unanimous that people felt the same.

Ultimately it is a choice. And we all make choices that might not be in ours or our children's best interests, but generally nobody questions this. People drink/smoke/eat a crap diet/feed their children jars as opposed to organic home-prepared meals and nobody questions that. So why is bf so different and so emotive?

MarioandLuigi · 18/02/2011 22:05

No!

newstartnewlife · 18/02/2011 22:06

"Quite sad how many people are so uneducated when it comes to breastfeeding.

I find it sad that people don't even bother, when they know the proven health benefits not just for mums for babies.

I'm glad i offered my baby the best start"

Actually i find it quite sad that some people (eg,me Sad are pouring their hearts out on here but are still being flamed.Got to love mumsnet)

yeovalleyrocks · 18/02/2011 22:13

I didnt breast feed dd1 at all. I didnt want to and didnt feel that is the right thing for me to do (very body concious sp?).

I did breast feed dd2 and loved it! I wish now that I had done it with my 1st but I also know that I had pre natal depression and it was just not an option for me.

I never breast fed in front of anyone and did it for 5 months (she got teeth and it really hurt!!).

I feel now that I made the right choice.

sue52 · 18/02/2011 22:18

I didn't because I plain didn't want to. I also had surgery to remove a tumor when I was 18 weeks pregnant and needed time to recover from the pregnancy and surgery without the additional pressure of breast feeding. I also did not give a damn if people thought me a bad mother because I ff.

maxpower · 18/02/2011 22:19

I had no experience of anyone I knew bfeeding when I was expecting DC1 but I was prepared to give it a go. Got some very negative comments from my MIL about bf but that just made me more determined. Went to bf prep classes run by the hospital etc, didn't buy any bottles/formula in the run up as I was focused on bf. Ended up having an awful and traumatic birth experience ending up with emcs. Had no skin to skin as I reacted to the epidural so couldn't hold the baby coupled with blood loss that was boderline needing a transfusion. DH told me DC1 was suckling straight after birth but they were taken away to recovery while I had to stay in theatre. By the time we were reunited, DC1 was asleep and stayed sleeping for over 24 hrs. I had a lot of input from the staff on the pn ward but DC1 wouldn't wake up enough or long enough to latch on. The staff suggested I express but I couldn't produce anything either manually or with a pump. Matron came to see me day 2 to say they had to put DC1 on a neo-natal feeding chart because at that point, baby hadn't eaten a thing. I was so miserable I just wanted to go home. We had to resort to cup feeding DC1 formula in the hospital to esnure she got something. I was in terrible pain and so distressed by her birth that by the time we got home, I started ff immediately. My milk didn't come in for another week after that but I was having so much difficulty recovering from and dealing with the birth, I couldn't cope with attempting to establish bf then.

With DC2 I think everyone just assumed I'd ff and to be honest, I was so wrapped up in the anxiety of having to go through another birth (went for -and had- a vbac) I didn't really think about how I wanted to feed. I had the flu that was going around before Christmas when DC2 was born 2 months ago. We had skin to skin but DC2 didn't show any interest in feeding. Baby then slept for about 12 hours. TBH depsite being elated from the birth, I was feeling so poorly that when DH said do you want to give DC2 a bottle, I just said yes without really thinking. Once I'd recovered from the flu (which took a month) I did feel really sad that I hadn't tried harder to bf DC2 but that's something I've just got to come to terms with. I do think that if DC2 had latched on and shown an interest, I'd have give it a go but feeling so ill, I didn't have the wherewithall to persevere.

Sorry for the waffley post, basically it was down to the circumstances both times. Incidentally I never regretted ff DC1.

fatlazymummy · 18/02/2011 22:21

I breastfed my 1st child for nearly 3 weeks. I found it painful, massively time consuming and inconvenient. After trying nipple shields and expressing [which I hated and didn't work] I gave him formula. I can still remember the massive sense of relief as he knocked back his 1st bottle in 15 minutes, burped and fell asleep for 3 hours.
I put my 2nd and 3rd babies straight onto formula. I found it a million times easier.

fatlazymummy · 18/02/2011 22:32

Sorry, have reread the OP. My case may not be relevant to your question as I did try breastfeeding my 1st baby. So disregard if you wish!

WoTmania · 19/02/2011 09:14

Just wanted to clarify - BF and anti-depressants are not necessarily contraindicated. Obviously, if the AD that is effective for you isn't compatible with BF that's a different matter. Just wanted to point this out :)

ledkr · 19/02/2011 09:27

not this old chesnut again
Why do you care? If you can and want to breast feed then crack on with it why does it bother you if others dont.
I cant breast feed because i have had a mastectomy at 27 for aggressive cancer,and i WAS breast fed too!!
DD is 3 weeks and is doing very well on the bottle.We adore her and want the best for her like all our children.She also has a cleft palate so if i could feed her i probably coildnt anyway.

ledkr · 19/02/2011 09:31

maryz [shocked] as if you didnt have enough to think about. I work in adoption,i have never heard of this.How silly.Maybe you should have got one of those boob waistcoats to simulate breast feeding Confused

RealityIsKnockedUp · 19/02/2011 09:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

chipmonkey · 19/02/2011 10:13

Yes, maryz, like in "Meet the Fockers"

ledkr, I don't think it is something people in adoption would go on about, more La Leche League and the like. I have seen it on US documentaries, where the adoptive Mum would take hormones and then when the baby was born, she would wear this contraption over her shoulder with formula in it which attached to the breast, the baby would suck on the breast, would be getting formula but eventually the Mum would make milk. It was interesting but looked like a lot of hassle and looked to me like you wouldn't get to go anywhere or do anything for quite a while!

chipmonkey · 19/02/2011 10:15

Oh, and these Mums would have already arranged to privately adopt the baby from the birth mother, so knew exactly when their baby was arriving, which helped, I'm sure!

FunnysInTheGarden · 19/02/2011 10:18

roadtrain interesting that you should say that. BF certainly affected my mental health and made me feel as though I was going loopy. I didn't really start to bond with DS2 until I stopped

ShowOfHands · 19/02/2011 10:18

I don't think we need to yawn at the question. I actually am interested in why other people choose to ff from the off because it's not something I did and part of being on MN is learning about other people's decisions. It's nothing to do with judging people and I would never prod or probe in rl, but if people are happy to talk about it on here, I'm happy to learn. I'm interested in people, I like to hear about their experiences.

The one thing this thread does highlight for me is that while I don't give a nun's chuff how you choose to feed your baby as long as they're fed and cared for, I do worry about those people who wanted to feed and couldn't through lack of support or didn't/couldn't because they'd been given erroneous information. Like believing you can't feed a 10lb baby. Fair enough if she didn't want to bf a 10lb baby but that sort of 'fact' is bandied about willy nilly. And I've seen too many women on here and in rl who are devastated by not being able to bf, especially when they then find out they were given bad information or supported incorrectly. I was very, very lucky that after a long, traumatic labour and emcs, the woman changing the beds on the ward took the time to talk to me about bfing. Because the MWs were pushing formula like they were dealers and I had a baby who had slept for 24hrs and wasn't remotely interested in latching on. That woman enabled me to bf by explaining why dd was sleepy and showing me how to latch her on and encourage her and she did it because she'd bf. That should never have happened, though I'm glad it did.

It's such an emotive subject. Like anything, giving birth, feeding a child, sending them off to school, they're decisions and circumstances that can end up riddled with guilt because you can get into a mindset so easily of having done it 'wrong' or 'failed'. While it may not matter to lots of people why people make the choices they do and they might pepper threads like this with yawns and wtf do you cares, I do think there's a lot to be learnt from trying to listen to what happens when a woman starts to feed her baby. If only to provide each woman with the support she wants and needs.

ledkr · 19/02/2011 10:34

sohi aggree and sorry if the yawn pissed you off,all i yawned about is this constant guilt trip that non bf have to defend.For example.i wanted advice re chosing which formula for dd as had bf the others,no info,advertising or articles in baby mags.Mw reluctant to advise either,actually offered to refer me to a bf counsellor "just in case" Just in case what?they grow back? Also the cost of it and not ever allowed to be on offer,now come on,if you are happily bf,a few quid off apatamil isnt going to make you stop is it?
Was in the childrens ward with dd when she was 5 days old,i had had a section was anaemic and had an infection plus very worried about my baby,I was ten miles from home,could drive or walk far.Bf and pg Mums were given meals but i existed on sandwhiches and kindness of nurses who let me have unwanted meals from the trolly.
You sound balanced and generally not judgy but many are hence the yawn.