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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

Breast feeding after a year

42 replies

Beanfrog · 10/10/2005 22:31

From other posts you may well know that I'm still breast feeding ds. I'm begining to feel some social pressure about this, just the usual "you're STILL breast feeding" comments but it has started to get to me. Now I feel maybe I'm B/feeding too much, he still gets 4 feeds a day and sometimes more at night. I don't know if its just because "society" is telling me to stop that I feel this way or if in fact he should have less feeds. What's everyone elses experiences?

OP posts:

PrettyCandles · 10/10/2005 22:37

I bf dd 4/5 times daily until 18m and then began to drop feeds. I continued bfing her until 23m, when she stopped of her own accord.

Don't let 'them' get you down. What you're doing is good for your ds and for you. Extended bfing has a significant effect in reducing the mum's risk of breast cancer. People struggle to accept extended bfing, but, firstly it's none of their business, secondly it's good for both of you, and thirdly, if you're happy and he's happy then that's all that matters.

Go for it!

spidermama · 10/10/2005 22:41

I've bf-ed my oldest three until well into their second and sometimes third years.
It's perfectly healthy, perfectly natural, and very good for the child as long as you and he both enjoy it.

Interneationally the average age a child stops breastfeeding is something like 6 or 7.

Curtailed breastfeeding is a western phenomenon.

You carry on as long as you both want to and ignore and pity anyone who thinks they have a right to have any opinion on this personal matter. It's between you and him and has nothing to do with anyone else.

If it helps, I know two women who are still feeding six year olds!

If you are in any doubt there's a great book on the subject

chatee · 10/10/2005 22:43

i can only second what pretty candles has said but am experiencing exactly the same problem with my family and feeding ds(now 19months, 3 or 4 feeds a day)
so much so had a mini row with dh as he was refusing to let me feed ds when we were out today....poor ds was sat on my knee begging and crying and tugging at my t-shirt......
i felt really cruel, told dh to bu*r o** and fed my precious boy
sucks to anyone that now tries to comment to me

PrettyCandles · 10/10/2005 22:44

Are you happy with the night feeds?

milward · 10/10/2005 22:44

Have bf on demand more than a year - just go with it. Ignore what others say.

morocco · 10/10/2005 22:55

I know some people do feed their toddlers during the day (as chatee describes for example) but I wouldn't think it was necessary if you didn't want to. I bf to around 19 months (just stopped, really) and from about a year on, I only did morning and evening feeds plus some night feeds when he was crying or when he fell over and got upset. That was the routine we fell into, I guess it was what I was aiming for as I cut out other feeds, and the benefit for me was that I didn't 'run the gauntlet' of public opinion unless I wanted to tell anyone I was still bf. ds has never pestered for a feed during the day probably because he didn't expect a feed then. In fact my dh didn't even know I was still bf ds2 by the end of it. It wasn't that I was keeping it a secret, just that the times I fed him didn't coincide with dh being around I suppose.
That's been my experience of it and I was happy with it, it was how I wanted it to be.
What is it that you would like things to be like? If it's just to get on with feeding ds when you feel like it, then go for it!

Original poster

Beanfrog · 10/10/2005 22:56

Prettycandles, I'm happy with night feeding (of course I'd prefer not to have to get up). I gave him some cows milk in a beaker today instead of b/feeding and that just felt wrong, I guess I'm just feeling a bit anoyed with myself about giving it to him. Unfortunately, he REALLY liked it and wouldn't let go of the cup, even when it was empty. Maybe I'm feeling envious of the cows milk!

OP posts:

wysiwyg · 10/10/2005 23:09

Hi. I'm breastfeeding and DS is 11 months. I feed morning and night, and in the middle of the day he has a bottle of formula milk. I t works for us, as I still get to breastfeed, but couldn't manage to find time to express.
To be honest I do feel a bit secretive about it now - I wouldn't offer up the information except with close friends - and I think others have assumed I have stopped. DH asked the other day "how long are you going to do that?" to which I replied "about another 5 minutes"
Don't know the answer, but neither of us is ready to stop yet. Do what you like! It's your body and your baby.

fuzzy · 10/10/2005 23:28

Beanfrog,

Stopped bf my first son at 15.5mths. it was a v. emotional day and I shed a few tears. after a mth though I was glad we had all moved on. He had forgotten and was happy taking a bottle and started sleeping through for the first time since birth , so there were some benefits.
Left my second born with grandparents for a weekend in July and he managed without being bf. Hes now 15mths and Im contemplating giving up .He does feed through the night but not during the day any more.it is really just for comfort now.
I give them both goatsmilk and avoided formula.
I sometimes think its harder for the mum to give up than the baby. Its a very emotional and beautiful time when you bf.
Do what feels right for you and be guided by your son. He will let you know soon enough when he needs to move on!
If its any consolation my 3.5yr old cuddles up with his milk at bedtime and morning and puts his hand up my jumper so he can touch my tummy or 'the belly' as he calls it. he loves the skin to skin contact. Im sure it is the legacy of breastfeeding.
Just remember ...You have done this for a whole year, now how fabulous is THAT!!!

hunkerpumpkin · 10/10/2005 23:31

BF, if you want to feed and DS wants to feed, do it.

If you'd like to cut down, try distracting him for the feeds you'd like to cut out (go out, show him a new toy, etc, etc).

If you'd like to stop feeding at night, do you have anyone else who can help settle him? It can be hard to break night-feeding as if you know it'll get him back to sleep, it's v tempting to just feed.

If you'd like to stop feeding him fullstop, then try never offer, never refuse - can take time, but is often the "kindest" way for mums and babes - after all, remember that he's never known you without you breastfeeding him - it's a big part of his relationship with you.

But if it's just society making you feel this way, arse to it and keep on with what makes you and DS happy

Original poster

Beanfrog · 11/10/2005 08:29

Thanks Girls, I think I just needed a bit of moral support and I know I'll always get it on here!
I'm quite happy to continue b/feeding but like morocco says I sense it's going to become a bit more secretive. It's a real shame we are made to feel wrong when we are doing what is best for ourselves, our LOs and our environment.

Fuzzy, my ds rubs my tummy whilst he's feeding, its very sweet.

OP posts:

bobbybob · 11/10/2005 08:38

If it helps think of it as extended weaning - not extended bfing.

He is "down" to 4 a day - Fantastic.

A farmers wife told me I was clever for bfing ds when he was about 18 months old.

Bfing for the 2nd year is so much easier than the 1st. Your ds will drop feeds when other things interest him more. But it's a 2 way street - if you don't want to feed him in the night then don't.

Some of my friends had a second baby and I was still feeding my first. It was a great thing to do and I'm very proud of myself. I wasn't the least bit sad when it stopped, neither was I relieved, I think we were so in tune that we were both ready.

hunkerpumpkin · 11/10/2005 09:06

That's just how I felt, BB!

bobbybob · 11/10/2005 09:28

HM - We are the same person - you are my (pregnant) parrallel twin.

I am secretely waiting to see how you go with the whole having 2 children thing so I will know how it would be for me.

I'm sure if we met in RL we would find we had nothing in common...

spidermama · 11/10/2005 09:33

My three older kids were all bf-ed until they decided to stop. I can't even remember when it was. It was so gradual, natural, seamless. There was never a day when I had to refuse.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's just so easy.

highlander · 11/10/2005 11:41

sorry, short post beanfrog.

DS is 13 months and still BFing He also gets night feeds - usually 2 big ones, plus comfort boob when he's teething. Now that his molars have cut, he's only waking for his feed and is generally very settled for the rest of the night.

I fully intend to BF on demand until 18 mo and then see how it goes.

I don't feed DS when we're out unless he's close to nap time. Bit that's mostly because he's very easily distracted and it's easier to let him sip water whilst he gawps at everything!

PrettyCandles · 11/10/2005 15:32

That's the trouble with night feeds, unless you bed-share!

Ultimately, do what feels right for you, not what others think. I decided to cut down the middle-of-the-day feeds because dd was getting too interested, I felt, and starting to feed mmore often. Once we dropped them she started doing a lot more during the day and enjoying herself more. I don't mean that we had time for more activities - I've never had any issues with feeding in public, whatever age - but that she became more outward-looking and more interested in what was around her. She set the pace for dropping the other feeds.

It is difficult, when you've fed for so long, to see the enjoyment they get out of a cup. We dropped the bedtime feed because dd desperately wanted to drink her milk out of a beaker like her brother. Her choice .

NotQuiteCockney · 12/10/2005 07:43

My DS2 is 12 months, and I'm struggling a bit, too. Not with public opinion, but with the feeding on demand bit. I really don't like having my top tugged up, a hand stuck down the neck of my top, etc. I don't feel comfortable breastfeeding on a bus, for example (never have really), so would rather not bf there.

I've ended up stopping breastfeeding on demand, nearly. DS2 knows he can get boob on our sofa, in my room, in his room, and at running club. But not anywhere else. This has worked ok, but means we're really feeding on a schedule.

dinny · 12/10/2005 07:52

my ds is 13 months and bfing loads and loads - about 10-12 times in the day and 3-4 at night. he's really increased his bfing as was poorly recently and had to have an op. before, he was probably have 3 a day and 3 at night. he has started to yank top down - I never refuse him though.
I just know fil and his wife will comment if he is still feeding at Christmas - have my retorts ready!

Roxswood · 13/10/2005 20:06

I find it amusing now to get comments and looks from people. I still breastfeed my 15 month old on demand, as I read that they are more likely to stop breastfeeding at a younger age if feeds are scheduled that if they're allowed to control their own intake and I'd like her to continue as long as possible because its the healthiest food she'll ever have.

Tatties · 17/10/2005 17:37

I have read this thread with interest. I bf my 6mth old ds and I am already feeling some kind of social pressure to stop or at least cut down. Don't know exactly where it comes from but I just feel it. However I fully intend to keep on as long as we both want. I bf on demand and have been feeling that we should be in more of a routine by now, especially with the introduction of solids, but I can't really see it happening! So it makes me feel so much better to know that there are others out there who are still giving several BFs day and night at a year old. Out of interest, how did you all integrate solids with bf on demand? My ds doesn't seem too interested in food at the mo, and my instinct tells me he will get what he needs when he's ready. But I have a feeling I may be told he's not interested because he's having too much milk. My HV said we should aim for the equivalent of 3 small jar sized meals a day at 6-7mths and we are nowhere near that..

Blondeinlondon · 17/10/2005 18:29

Tatties - My DS is 8 mths and we don't have a set routine. Started solids around 6 mths and has gradually increased his intake to two meals a day (2 small jars per meal plus finger foods)
He has 5 or more breastfeeds still

I do solids mid morning and mid afternoon approx but it depends on how our day goes

I am also feeling social pressure to quit - lots of "oh are you still breastfeeding?" type comments but I am ignoring them

moondog · 17/10/2005 18:41

I don't get all this 'social pressure' stuff.
I've never been socially pressurised to do anything I didn't want to.

Re b/feeding,did it for ages. In fact dd(4) decided to have a suck last night and then looked horrified when she got some milk lol!

I was amazed myself-stopped b/feeding ds 4 months ago!

spidermama · 17/10/2005 18:46

Tatties my ds3 (8.5 months) started on solids around 6 momths but is only just starting to show a vague interest now. He;s a big healthy bruiser and I have no worries about it.

My ds1 wouldn't take solids until he was about ten months.

I think you should go with your instincts. BM is great stuff. I just nod and smile at the health visitor. She means well.

hunkerpumpkin · 17/10/2005 18:51

LOL! Yes, HVs often mean well. DOesn't stop them being dopey baggages though

NOT all of them, just so many times when a sentence starts "My HV told me to..." I know the rest will be gold-plated shite

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