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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Cant do this anymore! , how do i stop???

32 replies

theratpack · 16/01/2011 21:12

That's it, i bloody give up!!! dd 9 months, bf exclusively, co slept with average 4/5 feeds a night and has been with me pretty much 24 hours a day, 7 days a week for the whole time. I have done this with NO support, I'm going through a majorly stressful time aside from the bf issues. I just CANNOT do it anymore. I have lost so much weight and I'm shattered.

Have tried to express but cant.

Please can someone tell me, how do i stop, without causing dd to much distress???

Really didnt want it to come to this, but im only bloody human!.

OP posts:
bumbums · 16/01/2011 21:21

Firstly, I hear you! adding bf to the mix of a already stressful life can make you feel like it should be the first thing to stop.
I'd say the co-sleeping would be the first thing to stop. She should then sleep for longer stretches with out needing you.

She's old enough for a bit of controlled crying. But I'd do a week of her in her own bed with you feeding her as much as she needs to help her settle in her own room.
Then give her a supper of porridge or oatibix before bed time bf then you know she's full and won't need milk before morning. Take a beaker of water up to bed with her. And do the controlled crying. It'll take a couple of weeks to see results and you will need some emotional support.

Once you've got the nights sorted stopping bf in the day shouldn't be too much of a bother.
Good luck!

Original poster
theratpack · 16/01/2011 21:22

anyone????

OP posts:
littleomar · 16/01/2011 21:24

check out kellymom. lots of stuff on there. good luck.

pointythings · 16/01/2011 21:27

Will she take formula?

If she will, then I suggest dropping one BF every 3 days or so until you are completely FF, otherwise you will get mastitis.

4/5 feeds a night does sound like a lot, I'd focus on dropping the night feeds first. I did pick up/put down with DD w at about 12 months (when I was convinced she didn't need to feed anymore, zonking out when let-down kicked in was a major clue). The first night I had to pick her up and put her down 40+ times, but after 5 days she was going from 8.30 till about 7.

It's possible that once you get the nights sorted, you will be able to continue BF through the day until you want to stop, but if not then don't feel bad.

And I say this as a fairly militant BF-er - you need sleep.

thisisyesterday · 16/01/2011 21:33

you need to cut down slowly to help prevent mastitis, but also to be kind to your dd.

Perhaps cut down on the night feeds to start with? when ds2 was 9 months old he was still feeding every 45-90 minutes all night and it was killing me
we used the no-cry sleep solution with a lot of success. it's not a quick fix, but it did work.

once I had the nights sorteed and was getting more sleep it acyually became so much easier and I ended up feeding him for 16 months.

cutting down gradually also gives you the option of changing your mind. because it's easy to make a decision when you're very stressed, in the heat of the moment and then regret it later

you know, stopping breastfeeding isn't necessarily hgoing to take away all the issues that are making life stressful for you right now. so you may end up with everything the same, but the hassle and expense of formula thrown in!
so take it slow, allow yourself time to go back to breastfeeding if you choose to.
get nights sorted, and then work on the days, cutting out just one feed at a time.

Original poster
theratpack · 16/01/2011 21:56

Thankyou so much!

Dropping the night feeds sounds like a plan. We will have to buy a cot! going to get one next weekend. I feel like im doing the right thing.

Im close to tears with all this ( prob sleep deprivation). When pregnant, i had it in my head i was going to bf till dd self weaned and co sleep for ages. But, i have become a monster. Things have to change.

OP posts:
thisisyesterday · 16/01/2011 21:57

sleep deprivation is a real killer isn't it.

but it doesn't have to be all or nothing. once you've cracked the nights and are getting more sleep you might be happy to continue feeding during the day, so she still gets to self wean!

poppydog10 · 16/01/2011 22:03

I am in exactly the same position! My dd is 9 months old, co sleeps and feeds through the night. I am going to try some of the advice given on here too as I would like to stop. I just wanted you to know you're not the only one going through this!

Original poster
theratpack · 16/01/2011 22:04

Yes it is, im starting to go bloody bonkers tbh!

I going to do some research this week re no cry and controlled crying etc, just to see what may work for us. Hadn't considered it before so this is new ground.

I will re look at things once the nights are sorted. I do LOVE bf but need a break from time to time.

OP posts:
Original poster
theratpack · 16/01/2011 22:07

poppydog Thanks, its good to know. If you want, let me know how you get on. I think im going to start next weekend, trying to get the nights sorted.

OP posts:
thingamajig · 16/01/2011 22:12

Ratpack you are doing what I should have done - be strong and do not feel guilty about it.. Instead I carried on and wound up in mental hospital, so dd had to cope with a sudden stop in BF and barely seeing me for a month. Anything else you do has got to be better than that. Smile and hugs

fishym2b · 16/01/2011 22:18

I was so going to post the same thing! DS is 10 months EBF co sleeps/ feeds to sleep and feeds a lot still.

I have never know him settle him self to sleep and still feed to sleep even in the day.

We only just got a cot this week, I thought i would do controlled crying between 12am>7am wakings but he is still in our room and don't get how it will work. DP is still keen to have him on our room and does genreally settle him back down one of the wakings.

Think he getting used to the cot tho as did 6hours last night then when he did wake he fell back asleep once in our bed without feeding.

Not really sure what I want/ what is reasonable to expect but getting so little sleep now co sleeping due to him wriggling about.

Apologies for spelling, typing one handed.

mamatomany · 16/01/2011 22:27

I have started turning my back on Ds in the bed so my boobs aren't in his face and therefore accessible at all hours, that might work I'll keep you posted.
I like having him in bed with us though, they are only small for such a short time.

Original poster
theratpack · 17/01/2011 11:14

thingamajig Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry to hear that. Thank you for posting. I really feel I'm on a down hill slope.I wouldn't have posted otherwise. Ive got to act soon or may well end up really unwell too.

Ive tried turning my back on dd but she just becomes more unsettled tbh. I really wish that had worked for me.

I have given it my best shot and pushed myself to the limit. I'm no good to anyone like this, especially dd. I would no doubt be able to do it if i had a large family supportive living close by and a wet nurse, but i don't Sad

OP posts:
JenniferCanesten · 17/01/2011 12:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

japhrimel · 17/01/2011 12:06

Fwiw 'the no-cry sleep solution' might help - theres lots of advice for co-sleeping mums who need more sleep.

wonderstuff · 17/01/2011 12:26

I've only skim read, so forgive me if I'm repeating. With my first I lost count of the numbr of times I said, this is it, I'm going to stop. Looking back I needed some space from her bfing 24/7 is exhausting. I started by night-weaning, I started by pushing back the time between feeds, so started not feeding until midnight, then 12.30, then 1am - a few nights for each, iirc by the time we got to 2.30 she started sleeping through. I was still co-sleeping, but would shush-pat rather than feed, for me it was important to not leave her and having her in with me made it easier. She did cry and get distressed at first, but it got easier after a few days. I kept reminding myself I wasn't abandoning her, she wasn't hungry and in the end she started sleeping much better and I felt much better too.
Mine never took a bottle but had formula out of a sippy cup, at 9mo the food intake is going up. By 12mo we were doing a feed in the morning, nap times and bed time. More if she was poorly or upset. Finally weaned her at nearly 2 when I got pregnant - I have now been pregnant or breastfeeding for nearly 4 years! When I was still doing night feeds I did go out from time to time, she would go to sleep without me if I wasn't around.

Good luck, hope you get some good sleep soon

Original poster
theratpack · 17/01/2011 15:48

Thanks, Ive just ordered the no cry sleep solution, so going to try and read it ( if i can stay awake).

I am too, so desperate to go out!! and drink some booze!! We have just moved to a lovely town that has some amazing restaurants. I keep walking past in my sleep deprived hell, fantasising at the window. Cannot wait for the time that dh and i can go for a lovely passion igniting meal, just the two of us! And i can consume a large amount of wine!! The feeling i have of wanting to just let of some steam is immense!

dd also wont take a bottle, we tried some months ago, when i wanted to give up then. She didn't take it and i resigned myself to continuing. However, she was alot younger then. This time i more determined.

OP posts:
wonderstuff · 17/01/2011 17:03

At 9mo I wouldn't bother trying with a bottle, go straight for a cup - does she drink water with meals?

Original poster
theratpack · 17/01/2011 20:15

Yes, she has a 360 cup and drinks water really well from it. I havr had a think, and i dont mind giving her some formula. I have been abit disorganised with solids, but i am getting more on the case. We are doing a slightly lapse blw.

Would LOVE to be just giving a few feeds by 12 months!!!

I thought i could do this on instinct alone, but im totally lost with all this! Is it me, or is this all really confusing??

OP posts:
wonderstuff · 17/01/2011 20:24

Giving up bfing is really difficult, as is weaning imo, my second has just got to six months and couldn't be less interested in food, cue me lovingly preparing then throwing away food 2/3 times a day - I'm sure with dd I just gave up for a bit then tried again after a few weeks, can't really remember. I'm going back to work soon Hmm

Trillian42 · 17/01/2011 20:36

Another one here who feels exactly the same. DD is 7 months, but have gotten to a point where if I don't get sleep I'll go insane. We have managed to get DD to take a bottle though in the last couple of days - it takes 45mins to get 3 oz/80mls into her, but it's a start. It took several weeks though. She's also better at taking solids in the last week -before she wasn't swallowing anything.

I haven't left DD for longer than 3 hours in her short life so can empathise with wanting to get out... even for a visit to the cinema down the road.

It definitely sounds like sleep is your main issue too - if you could get DD to take a bottle so you could get out occasionally & could get her to sleep for say 6 hours, would that be enough for now? Then you could slowly give up BF in your own time.

carve133 · 17/01/2011 20:55

Sorry if I'm repeating anyone, haven't been able to read all posts in detail.

I remember feeling like this when DS was 9 months. Suddenly I realised I wasn't enjoying it anymore. Felt really crap and Sad as I'd intended to feed for as long as we could, and at least a year. I resolved not to make any overnight decisions though. Sleep deprivation was definitely a factor in how I felt so I went back to the NCSS (had bought it earlier but lapsed a bit). I also got my haircut and stopped wearing the two breastfeeding tops I had been rotating for the past 9 months. Sounds daft but these two things made a massive difference to how I felt about myself.

Managed to stop night feeding DS by 10 months, and by that time was only feeding about 3 times a day, and I was back to enjoying it again. Twice a day by 12 months and we did a morning feed up until a couple of weeks ago, when he stopped being that fussed (he's coming up 17 months). Word of warning though; stopping night feeds didn't affect the night waking at all. Separation anxiety, teeth, being a bugger of a sleeper etc etc. We just did something else instead when he woke (he's better now). This doesn't have to be the end of bf for you if you don't want it to be, and you're able to make some other changes to rescue your sanity. Good luck Smile

Trillian42 · 17/01/2011 21:06

Also - re the weight loss - I'm the same & have ruled out medical issues, but have you got your bloods checked? I think the constant weight-loss is making things worse for me - I'm constantly running on empty no matter how much I try to eat which isn't good for energy or general mood.

AngelDog · 17/01/2011 22:13

You may find it's a difficult time to night wean as there's a sleep regression between about 8 and 11 months which makes many babies wake often and be unsettled at night.

That's not to discourage you, but so you know that if it's tough stopping night feeds, it could be a sleep issue rather than a feeding one.

More info here, here and here.