Rusk Wielding Grannies

[jumblequeen]

Not sure whether I ought to be posting this in the weaning section, but this seemed a better place as I don't actually want to wean! Anyway...

Very keen for this not to turn into a MIL-bashing thread (god knows there's enough of those) but I'm finding myself losing patience with my MIL. The latest is that my son cries because he's hungry and I ought to be crumbling rusks into his bottle. 1 - he's only 15 weeks and 2 - he's breastfed, so why would I bother expressing and bottlefeeding? Of course he cries when he's hungry, but I am meeting his needs... he's huge, so no worries there. I should say that we're not adverse to weaning him a bit short of the 6 month mark if we feel he's ready, but definitely not now.

Any advice on how to counter her "good intentions" very gratefully received!

tell her she's great but she is totally old skool

Tell her you have been give Doctors Advice not to give solids on any account until he is around 6m. And that you haven't time or inclination for expressing...why should you?

Some big 15 week old babies are close to being ready for weaning, so don't discount introducing solids some time in the next few weeks.

Fair enough, rusks in bottles are not the way forward, but your MIL might have a point as to whether he's ready for solids.

Mention the other signs - interest in your food, chewing motions, using his tongue to move milk/medicine to the back of his mouth - so she's not so focussed on crying.

Throw the advances in medical science hoop into the ring

'Rusks in the bottle' is unsafe - it raises the sodium content of the milk and could overload a young baby's kidneys, and because it is easier for the baby to take a larger amount of food than he would otherwise wish (because the rusks make the formula much more calorie dense) it is an obesity risk.

Seriously - how old is your MIL? 'Rusks in the bottle' were known to be a health risk and mothers were told not to do it way back in the 30s and 40s, though the practice was not uncommon through to the 60s and even 70s. I suppose there will be pockets of people doing it even now. But if she had her babies in the 70s she will have been told not to do this, so why is she advising you to do it?

Just explain it's known to be unsafe (prob best not to say 'dangerous') and you don't intend to do it, thanks.

Agree with tiktok, just tell her that its unsafe to put a rusk (or any solid food) in a baby's bottle.

People will always try and give you advice, and although they have good intentions it is not always correct.

Disagree with you alfabetty...bigger babies do not necessarily need weaned early - surely the fact that they are bigger and gaining weight is a sign that they are getting enough?!

Current guidelines are around 6 months. Your baby will thrive on your breastmilk until then.

ALso an "interest in your food" is no sign that a baby needs weaning. Babies are interested in everything. They do not know what food is, that it is for eating, let alone that eating will make them feel full.

Ds is interested in my car keys as I have a bad habbit of holding them in my mouth while i fasten him in.

But I will still be sticking to the guidelines about introducing metal and plastic objects to his diet.

LOL at Moonface!

'Interest in you eating' is not a sign of needing to eat at all....if anything, it's a sign of a happy, sociable baby who loves seeing what other people are doing.

Ditto chewing motions with the mouth - babies just do this. It doesn't mean they want something to chew on.

Thanks all. We've tried mentioning the health-risks of weaning baby too early but she has looked upon this the way she looks on most modern (ie post-war) baby-rearing techniques... with a somewhat scornful look.

Not sure even getting the NHS birth-5 years book out is going to be helpful in this instance... "Unsafe" is a good term, mind you. It sounds a bit more serious than "health-risk" and might just hammer the point home!

Moonface!

My BIL did this with his DS who is now 6, so it's still out there I'm afraid!
You'll probably ge the same kind of response I do when I kindly decline to follow all the completely out of date advice I get given....
"well my mother did it with x y & z and I did it with A B and C and they are all fine, new fangled rules blah blah blah"!!!!

I've just made it very clear to my MIL that I intend to follow all the DOH guidelines if I am happy with the research that informed them them, so there!

Crikey if I started weaning my ds when he showed interest in food, he'd be on curry and lager at the age of 16 weeks lol!

Is is really that big a deal to wait a few more weeks to start weaning? Your child has a whole life time to experience food.

Putting rusks in babies' bottles is also a choking risk.

Our parents did lots of things with respect to introducing solids that we don't do with our babies now - because now we have lots of medical evidence to support why we should wait to wean, which wasn't available back then.

But the war ended 65 years ago!

Is she really saying nothing has been learnt since then about safe and healthy nutrition?

Was she very influenced by her own mother and maybe even her grandmother?

Good point about the choking, Kara.

tiktok - yes, both. I wouldn't say she ignores modern advice as such, it's just what she was taught and sees the hand-me-down methods as law, ie if it ain't broke, don't fix it. She does come from a very traditional background and we used to laugh about her strange and archaic ways before they started being applied to our son!

Tell her that as he is BF you've tried crumbling rusks on your norks but for some reason it didn't seem to work

Or alternatively "Wow did you used to do that? It's amazing how medical advice changes over the years isn't it, and it's seen as unsafe these days, but thank you for your input"

Just suggesting that you should not be too dismissive of what your MIL is saying, She's raised children (as have I) as have others posting here.

I don't believe in a one-size-fits-all approach to parenting (whether that's weaning or otherwise) and so I take NHS and other guidance in to account. Then I look at my own children and decide what their needs are. Then I make my decision on what to do.

I only posted here because there appears to be a slavish adherence to 'no solids until 6 months' - fine for some babies, but suggesting weaning earlier is perfectly acceptable - your MIL is trying to help. Indeed, current guidance says 4-6 months, which is close to your child's age.

Your MIL (and I) don't deserve to be ridiculed or criticised for suggesting that a baby might need or benefit from solids before 6 months. That's all.

Totally agree that 'one size fits all' parenting is no good, alfabetty. The current guidance is not 4-6 mths and has not been so in the UK for 7 years now - it is indeed 6 mths, but this is a public health recommendation that includes, in the small print, the sensible addition that individual babies need individual approaches - all babies are not going to be all equally 'ready' for solids at exactly the same date. Some will be better off a little sooner than 6 mths and some will be better off a little later. It's all there, in the guidance.

I think you'll find this approach is well-reflected on mumsnet - even on this thread.

No one has ridiculed you, I don't think, but we have laughed a little at the idea of a baby taking interest in food = sign of baby ready for food. Now, common sense tells you that can't be right, wouldn't you say?

My MIL turned up with a packet of rusks when dd was 10 weeks announcing that she had dh and bil on rusks from 6 weeks old.
She 'studied' babycare at school and believes herself to be the font of all baby related knowledge. It would have been very late 60's she studied this and it sounds like she learnt some pretty old fashioned things which she has not replaced in her mind at all. It's all a bit Truby King in her world (not one breast feed between her two sons, rusks at 6 weeks and scheduled feeds) and she thinks I'm a bit hopeless for being all going with the flow.

Alfabetty - i weaned dd early for a number of reasons and don't regret it. I was however very careful in what I gave her until 6 months old. Rusks are a sh*t first weaning food, especially if you are going in early. Huge amounts of sugar and gluten are not good for babies under 6 months. fact.

Agree with Moonface, why do some people think that babies are ready for weaning because they seem to show an interest in food, they do not know it's food!

Based on what my baby shows an interest in, I would feed her 1) the tv remote control, 2) my hair, 3) my mobile phone and 4) towels. A varied diet!

My dd was ready to wield knives at 4 months. She was certainly interested in veg preparation!

The guidelines aren't prescriptive anyway. It's a poor argument against research to seize on the necessary use of average ages in guidelines. They use language like 'around 6 months' and 'about 26 weeks' as they recognise standard biology and individual propensity to deviate slightly from the absolute average figure. They also detail the signs to look out for ie sitting up, loss of tongue thrust, able to pick up, chew and swallow etc. So they are encouraging you to look at your baby, around the time that they will exhibit these signs. Nowt prescriptive about that.

GingerGlitterGoddess

alfabetty - definitely not ridiculing. I couldn't agree more that there's no such thing as a one size fits all way of parenting - I"m just trying to find a kind and tacit response to my MIL's hogwash.

My MIL is similar - I overheard her saying to my DD (9 wks old at the time) "when you're 12 pounds we can give you some buttery toast". I'm sure you can imagine my reaction...! DD is now 12 weeks and my MIL has bought a blender in preparation for 'the big day'. She thinks that by Xmas, 'she will be eating what we're eating'. She also suggested putting condensed milk on a dummy when DD won't settle. Not that she has a dummy, but that's another story... Sorry, turned into a MIL bashing there, but just wanted to reassure the op that I feel your pain!

Would your MIL accept an authority greater than you? Next time she suggests it tell her you asked the GP and he said to put nothing in a bottle and wait til closer to 6 months. Or invent some history of allergies in your family that means you have to check with the doctor before introducing any solids?

needaholiday79 "Agree with Moonface, why do some people think that babies are ready for weaning because they seem to show an interest in food, they do not know it's food!

Based on what my baby shows an interest in, I would feed her 1) the tv remote control, 2) my hair, 3) my mobile phone and 4) towels. A varied diet!"

• I love it!

Some older relatives do seem to have a way of getting quite offended if they think for a minute you're not following some of the techniques of 40 or 50 years ago - whether medical knowledge has advanced or not!