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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

Just shouted at my 13 week DD for refusing to take a bottle of EBM

39 replies

HollyFP · 21/10/2010 20:45

I feel so terrible :( We've been trying for almost 2 weeks to get her to take a bottle of EBM, I just tried again tonight and she played around with it in her mouth as per usual but didn't do any sucking.
She started squirming loads and turning away and I just lost it and shouted at her :(

Will it get any easier? Will she take a bottle eventually? We try at roughly the same time each day (between 7 and 8pm). Yesterday she played with the teat but eventully sucked a bit...tonight no such luck. We've tried Medela bottle (came with pump) and now trying MAM as recemmended by a friend.

I just BF her now as she was obviously still hungry, and she was fussing and thrashing around then too.

Anyone got any advice for how to help her take a bottle?
Am still so :( and guilty for shouting...cant believe i did that.

(typing with left hand, sorry)

OP posts:

SpecterBooAlot · 21/10/2010 20:47

Don't feel guilty - everyone does it at some point, and there will be plenty of bigger sticks to beat yourself with along the way

Have you tried it as a dreamfeed / when she's just woken up from a nap?

ISNT · 21/10/2010 20:49

Is there a reason that she needs to have EBM?

It's probably not what you want to hear but I gave up traumatising myself trying to get DD1 to take a bottle. I just gave up and BF her.

Getting them to take a bottle - advice is to try different teat things and different milk temps and so on. There is one that people always recommend but I can't remember what it's called, sorry, someone will be along soon to say. Also to get someone who isn't you give the bottle, you leave the room and poss house - as they won't take a bottle if they know breast is nearby.

That's all I can think of, sorry prob not much help.

DeborahDeborah · 21/10/2010 20:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheUnmentioned · 21/10/2010 20:51

have you tried offering her it in a bouncy chair?

Original poster

HollyFP · 21/10/2010 20:52

Thanks Specter - havent tried it as dreamfeed as she normally goes from around 10/11pm til 7am, although has been waking much earlier recently (3 month growth spurt?).
Her naps tend to be a bit random atm, normally when she's in the pram or car...not sure how easy that would be!

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SummerHeightsHigh · 21/10/2010 20:56

My 17 wk old is a bottle refusnik also, its a right pain isn't it?

I've got loads of ebm in the freezer, am out tomorrow night (a rare event I can assure you!) and would love to know that if she wakes DH could feed her. But no, if she wakes he'll have to call me and I'll have to drive home.

I love her to pieces but I really wish she'd take a bottle.

Original poster

HollyFP · 21/10/2010 20:56

DH has tried lots of times too (he's working tonight so am trying it alone). DD always cries more when he does it . SHe seemed to be calmer when I tried, and she did suck a little yesterday, so that was a small victory.

I wanted to get her to take a bottle in case I need/want to be away from her for more than a few hours. I really don't want to try formula which is why I'm expressing, only about 2oz per day until she gets used to it.

But as you say, maybe I should just accept she wants the real thing...

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Original poster

HollyFP · 21/10/2010 20:58

TheUnmentioned yes tried bouncy chair, swing etc. Worse than just sitting on my knee!

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ISNT · 21/10/2010 21:02

I was just like you holly. I had a fridgeload of EBM and ideas about going off by myself.

But she just would not have it and I gave up. As they get bigger the frequency of feeds drops right off (they get more efficient at feeding and their stomachs get bigger) and with both of mine their appetite for milk dropped right off as soon as they started solids, and you are halfway there.

It does get easier and easier all the time. And trying all the different teats and things costs time and money, and it's stressful trying to get them to take it if they don't want to.

With DD2 I just accepted that she'd be with me for the first 6 months and actually that was easier IYSWIM.

rubyslippers · 21/10/2010 21:02

My DD never took a bottle

Yes, it was a pain but when she got older and could Go longer without a feed I could leave her

It wasn't worth the aggravation IMHO

Also, I went back to work and was so worried initially about the feeding but it has been fine

DD is 13 months - am still feeding, she has never had a bottle and I have even been away over night

Brollyflower · 21/10/2010 21:02

Have a it sounds like you need it!

I remember going through the same thing with DC1 at about 10 weeks. After a week of very gentle persistence by dh he did take the bottle again. It was all in case I needed to pop into work or go off and do something... but then ironically I never needed to use a bottle. A few weeks later he was able to last for an hour or two without me and be distracted with toys or whatever. He would then feed big style when I came back.

They change so fast, and the beginning is so intense, but at 13 weeks you are not that far away from sitting up and then comes crawling etc. You have done the most intense part already .

Porcelain · 21/10/2010 21:06

Ds had his first bottle in the car. Dh was driving on the motorway and it was ages to the services, so i, sat in the back, pumped and gave the bottle. So it is possible with a driver.

We use closer to nature bottles, the whole range is very good.

MikeFlood · 21/10/2010 21:15

We went through the same thing with DD at 4 months. Breastflow bottles worked for us but I remember Tommee Tippee recommended by lots of people too.

After a few days (weeks!) of trying I think in the end I walked around singing and DD eventually relaxed enough to take the milk.

Original poster

HollyFP · 21/10/2010 21:16

I love BF which is why i feel so :( about the whole thing - i agree, why would she take it when she knows she can have the real thing.
i plan to EBF for as long as possible.

i think i'm just exhausted and shocked at myself...

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Brollyflower · 21/10/2010 21:19

She will not remember you shouting at her. No doubt you are exhausted . Chalk it up to experience, give her a massive cuddle and then could you go to bed and get a bit of kip before she needs feeding again?

rubyslippers · 21/10/2010 21:20

They don't have to take a bottle

If you are all a bit down about it, then don't

She can always cup feed

It is ok - you are doing really well. EBF can be tough at times, ht it is a fabulous thing to do

ballstoit · 21/10/2010 21:22

None of my 3 would take a bottle, expressed or formula, wouldnt even allow the teat to cross their lips. I was really frustrated at first but can honestly say that in the end I managed anyway.

DC1 had to be left at 10 weeks for 1 night as ex's Mum was dying in hospital and I felt I should be with him (was not my ex at the time!). My lovely sister spoon fed him expressed milk the couple of times he woke up, and then brought him to me first thing in the morning, and then sat in the corridor for me to come out and feed him during the day until she passed in the afternoon. (He was not allowed in the room due to the illness that she had, and the risk of infection).

DC2 was left at 9 months for 2 days when I went on a residential for uni. She had expressed milk from cup with a spout. Not much of it but she was happy to fill up on solids and water.

DC3, I had never left for longer than 9-6 until last week when DC1 had an overnight in hospital. She's 16 months, and TBH I know she's my last and I enjoy feeding her. She didnt sleep well for my sister but has been fine all week since then. I was pretty uncomfortable by the time I got home in the afternoon and we were both happy to see each other .

If you plan to breastfeed til she's about a year it is possible not to have bottles, depending on how sympathetic your DH or other babysitters may be.

Having said that, as soft as my sister has been with my DC, she has been much tougher with her own! She continued to push the expressed bottle, although found that daytime worked best, as both she and baby were tired by the evening. All 3 of hers had a bottle a day from about 2 months. Basically, she just persisted for about a week and didnt breastfeed until they had accepted a bottle each day. Harsh but it worked for her.

I guess it comes down to how much you want them to have it.

ballstoit · 21/10/2010 21:23

Apologies for the waffling, have been typing and texting and lost track of how much I'd typed .

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 21/10/2010 21:26

Don't worry about the shouting, honestly I think we have ALL been there.

I would agree with the advice to just not worry about it. We tried for some time to get DS to take EBM and he just wouldn't, certainly not if I was in the house. We left him with my Mum one afternoon to go to the cinema and he had a bottle fine with her, but he knew I was nowhere around.

We just didn't bother for day to day though, I too had plans about being able to go out on my own, go to bed early and leave DH in charge all night etc etc. But once you stop stressing out about it, you may find like I did that actually you don't want to leave your baby. 6 months is such a short time that they are totally dependant on you personally, and once your baby is eating solids and drinking a little water from a cup then you can go out and leave them for a few hours.

Just relax and enjoy your baby, sounds like this EBM business is making you all miserable so just leave it and enjoy feeding :)

Original poster

HollyFP · 21/10/2010 21:26

thanks Brolly - am waiting for DH to come home to help.

OP posts:

Original poster

HollyFP · 21/10/2010 21:31

Thanks all for the replies, will see how i feel about continuing the bottle tomorrow. To be honest, i quite like the idea of me and DD being inseparable for the first 6 months/year of her life .

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Brollyflower · 21/10/2010 21:32

I hope he's home soon for you. It's so hard being on your own with a baby all evening after looking after them all day too. Don't forget the bf helplines are all open in the evening and would be happy to chat to you if you feel you need support.

GingerCursedEeeee · 21/10/2010 21:32

Hi Holly, hope you are ok. Don't feel awful, your DD won't remember being shouted at, you haven't done her any harm.

We use closer to nature bottles - DD was EBF but always took a bottle using these. I have also heard a lot of MNers who swear by Dr Browns Bottles - I have actually seen these in Tescos so they shouldn't be hard to come by if you want to try them. I heard about them on a similar 'refusnik' thread.

Good luck

theidsalright · 21/10/2010 21:47

I know lots of people (including me) who have never even has a bottle in the house-not as a political statement but just because it never really came up-it's not something you HAVE to do.

Original poster

HollyFP · 21/10/2010 22:19

theidsalright what do you do in cases of emergency where you and your DC are separated for whatever reason? Or has this never happened?
Getting DD to take a bottle of EBM was just in case I couldn't be there to feed her...what do people do in these situations if their DC won't take a bottle?

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