Just shouted at my 13 week DD for refusing to take a bottle of EBM

[HollyFP]

I feel so terrible :( We've been trying for almost 2 weeks to get her to take a bottle of EBM, I just tried again tonight and she played around with it in her mouth as per usual but didn't do any sucking.
She started squirming loads and turning away and I just lost it and shouted at her :(

Will it get any easier? Will she take a bottle eventually? We try at roughly the same time each day (between 7 and 8pm). Yesterday she played with the teat but eventully sucked a bit...tonight no such luck. We've tried Medela bottle (came with pump) and now trying MAM as recemmended by a friend.

I just BF her now as she was obviously still hungry, and she was fussing and thrashing around then too.

Anyone got any advice for how to help her take a bottle?
Am still so :( and guilty for shouting...cant believe i did that.

(typing with left hand, sorry)

If your dd is hungry enough she will take a bottle. I never found this point with mine as she constantly refused. However you've started younger so maybe she will be convinced. The closest she got to taking a bottle was Superdrug's own brand bottle with a brown latex teat (not silicone like most of the others). £1.99 for 3 bottles!

My dd2 went mad when we tried bottles especially when she was tired but I had to leave her for a morning at 16 weeks and she just took it. Wouldn't consider it from me or even if I'm in the house. But when I was away she got hungry and got over her scruples :)

Holly -I know your question wasn't addressed to me, but tbh it's hard to think of many emergencies where bf wouldn't be possible. As I've already said, I was as keen as you with DC1 to make a bottle of EBM work. I thought it was what you did. I wanted to take him into work and would have rather died than bf at work. With DC2 & DC3 neither has ever had a bottle of anything (DC3 is now 11 months) and both just had BM up to 6 months. I bf'd DC2 in a large staff cantine aged 6 weeks. No-one batted an eyelid, despite her screaming the place down and drawing as much attention to us as possible .

I guess if I'd been unexpectedly killed then dh would have had to improvise and baby would have capitulated eventually. Either that or maybe one of my friends would have fed the baby at least some of the time. Even if you're hospitalised bf can still continue -yes it's even been done with mums unconscious, yes really.

The thing is, these scenarios where bf is impossible are so rare, there really is no need to plan for them. You can just improvise at the time if necessary. Once they're eating some solids then giving food and water is an option for good few hours as a one off or occasionally. I left DC3 for up to 5 hrs occasionally aged 9 months and she was fine without milk. DC2 managed a 7-8hr day once aged 10 months with no milk, just food and water (though I had to express or would have exploded). Actually, come to think of it I seem to recall going for a spa day when DC1 was a bigger baby and leaving him with food, water and dh. I only remember because I had to hand express in the toilet to avoid leaking!

Sorry, this is longer than I intended. It's just there's so much talk antenatally about expressing and pumps, but it is all such a fuss and a faff, and often not really needed. If it suits the family then that's absolutely fine, but if it's not working and not serving any purpose then it's also fine not to bother if you don't want to.

DD refused to take a bottle and OMG I tried EVERYTHING.

It got to the point where all I had to do was SHOW DD the bottle and she would start to wail! So I gave up.

Then one day when she was about 5 months old and had an awful stomach bug (luckily DD didn't get it) and was vomiting for 24 hours, and as a result my milk temporarily dried up. In desperation I offered DD a bottle of milk and she drank the whole thing! I thought I had cracked it!

But then my milk came back and she completely refused the bottle again.

So just want to say don't worry about the emergency situation scenario as babies aren't stupid and they will drink from a bottle if there's no option and it's either that or go hungry.

Sorry I missed the "I" out - it was me that had the stomach bug

Thanks brolly and Polly (!!) Good to know what's possible.

So if I BF for up to a year for example, DD will be able to go longer without feeds once she's a bit older?

I do wish this was discussed in Antenatal classes, I really thought I had to express as DD would need to take a bottle occasionally...but now I'm thinking its not necessarily the case!

Holly,

Does she ever thrash around on the breast as well (you said she did this time)? Does she ever vomit up whole feeds? How is her weight? Thrashing around can be a pain symptom.

Our son was like that and plunging down the centiles and it turned out to be reflux, which is treatable and the earlier it is treated the better. Otherwise, you end up with food aversion issues which take ages to go away.

She did thrash a bit last night but normally she's ok. She's on 75th centile so weight is fine :)
She has only sicked up food once or twice, she is a very fast eater though, always has been! Average feed now 7 minutes. I used the fast flow teats when I tried the bottle, as that seemed to work better.

Holly,

Ok, completely different scenario. I will leave it to the experts. I always get completely flamed when I post on any feeding boards (as a man) but felt duty bound to bring up the reflux possibility as no one else had mentioned it.

Best of luck with your daughter, sounds as if you are doing fantastically well. The odd shout is par for the course. She is your daughter and knows you love her.

Holly, yes. As she gets older it will be possible for her to manage a bit longer without a feed. Maybe not every time, or every day, but you will be able to leave her without her being unable to cope without milk. Even by 4-5 months you may be able to predict a time where she will be ok for a couple of hours if she's fed immediately before you leave. Loving arms, things to look at, going for a walk, some toys etc can all help to keep a bigger baby happy without mum. For lots as they get bigger milk = mum, so if mum's not around then milk's no biggie. When you get back, they latch on like a dyson!

As I said before, past 6-7 months once they're actually eating some food it gets even easier, as milk's no longer their only form of nutrition.

Expressing and giving a bottle is not compulsary, but it is often talked about antenatally as if it is.

Thanks brolly I feel better about it today following all the advice yesterday.
DD is often following her own feeding schedule which already makes things easier to plan. I'll just keep following her lead and not stress it.
(Too much use of following there, sorry!)

Holly u are in one of the most tiring times! Growth spurts and baby is starting to know what she wants and voicing it! Both my babies 'fought the breast' as I call it, it is a learning curve for baby too - perseverance is key. Neither of mine took to EBM either so just did boob feeds! X

You've been working really hard. Maybe take the weekend off trying the bottle? Then when you do try again, try not having your heart set on a good outcome.

DD never took a bottle, we tried her with a beaker when she was about 4 months and she guzzled it happily!

I know how much you can want to get away by this stage. Could you have a "day off" this weekend, with DH or someone just bringing DD to you when she needs a feed?